Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

What say you?

lvgirl1000lvgirl1000 member
5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I no longer have the ability to make any judgments regarding anything wedding-related without the express written consent of the ladies of TK.  So what do we think about this?

FI & I are going to FI's co-worker's wedding tomorrow.  FI told me about a month ago that the ceremony was this Thursday @ 3:00 p.m.  Was a little peeved about having to take time off work to go but that's between me & FI.  

Wedding starts @ 3 p.m. @ Catholic church with reception @ 6:30 p.m. Okay, Catholic weddings can run long?

Last week I asked FI to ask groom about gift registery.  Groom told FI they did not have registery, guests can give cash gifts.  Can, not must.  Okay.

Yesterday FI asked what he should wear to the wedding.  I told him business casual-ish would probably work but I should look at the invitation to see what it looked like, info on it, etc.  FI said invite was by e-mail  

& it was in Spanish.  

I asked why they would send an invitation to their wedding in Spanish.  FI said he guessed most of the guests were Mexican.  I said, you're not.  & What about Tom, Dick & Harry (other co-workers)?  They are also not Mexican.  FI said he didn't believe Tom Dick & Harry were invited.  

Bad form? or just cultural differences?
Report Reply to Post
«13

Re: What say you?

  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    lvgirl1000 said:
    I no longer have the ability to make any judgments regarding anything wedding-related without the express written consent of the ladies of TK.  So what do we think about this?

    FI & I are going to FI's co-worker's wedding tomorrow.  FI told me about a month ago that the ceremony was this Thursday @ 3:00 p.m.  Was a little peeved about having to take time off work to go but that's between me & FI.  

    Wedding starts @ 3 p.m. @ Catholic church with reception @ 6:30 p.m. Okay, Catholic weddings can run long?

    Last week I asked FI to ask groom about gift registery.  Groom told FI they did not have registery, guests can give cash gifts.  Can, not must.  Okay.

    Yesterday FI asked what he should wear to the wedding.  I told him business casual-ish would probably work but I should look at the invitation to see what it looked like, info on it, etc.  FI said invite was by e-mail  

    & it was in Spanish.  

    I asked why they would send an invitation to their wedding in Spanish.  FI said he guessed most of the guests were Mexican.  I said, you're not.  & What about Tom, Dick & Harry (other co-workers)?  They are also not Mexican.  FI said he didn't believe Tom Dick & Harry were invited.  

    Bad form? or just cultural differences?
    Not that long. Catholic Mass weddings typically take an hour, and hour and a quarter. So a 3 p.m. wedding would let out at 4.15 at the latest, leaving you with 2.25 hours between the end of ceremony and beginning of reception. That's a gap, and that's bad form.

    The no registry but groom says people can give cash is OK -- he spread by word of mouth that they would prefer cash to physical gifts, which is what we tell people to do. He should probably have been a little more cultured about it -- i.e., 'We didn't register anywhere, but we are saving up to buy a house/redecorate/buy a new living room set/etc.' -- but that doesn't bother me enormously.

    The invite being in Spanish....well, if that's their native language and that's going to be the language of the wedding, that's fair. I would probably have provided a translation for non-Spanish-speaking guests, but that's me. I do think it's rude to invite people to witness something they won't actually understand. Catholic Masses are hard enough for non-Catholics, let alone with a language barrier.

    The e-mailing of the invite is, yes, rude. And way too casual. (But if you're curious, for your FI, nice pants and a button-front shirt (no tie or jacket) would be appropriate for an afternoon Mass; skirt and cute top or casual dress for you.)

    Not inviting other co-workers is totally fine. That's something we say all the time -- 'invite the co-workers you're closest to.'

    I'd say some of them are cultural differences, and some of them are bad form.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Report Reply
  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I say bad form.  A number of hubby's family members speak Spanish exclusively, so they received invitations in Spanish, but the English-speaking guests received invitations in English.  Guests should receive an invitation in the language they're fluent in. 
    The Thursday 3pm ceremony is annoying, I guess it's up to guests to accept or decline depending on whether or not it's convenient.  The gap is horribly rude, Catholic ceremonies do not go that long.
    Most people with internet access are able to find registries online- if an individual is unable to do this, and they ask a couple what to give, they should be ready for an answer like the one you received.  That's just me though.  The invite in Spanish and long gap would bother me too.
    Report Reply
  • crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    lvgirl1000 said:
    I no longer have the ability to make any judgments regarding anything wedding-related without the express written consent of the ladies of TK.  So what do we think about this?

    FI & I are going to FI's co-worker's wedding tomorrow.  FI told me about a month ago that the ceremony was this Thursday @ 3:00 p.m.  Was a little peeved about having to take time off work to go but that's between me & FI.  

    Wedding starts @ 3 p.m. @ Catholic church with reception @ 6:30 p.m. Okay, Catholic weddings can run long?

    Last week I asked FI to ask groom about gift registery.  Groom told FI they did not have registery, guests can give cash gifts.  Can, not must.  Okay.

    Yesterday FI asked what he should wear to the wedding.  I told him business casual-ish would probably work but I should look at the invitation to see what it looked like, info on it, etc.  FI said invite was by e-mail  

    & it was in Spanish.  

    I asked why they would send an invitation to their wedding in Spanish.  FI said he guessed most of the guests were Mexican.  I said, you're not.  & What about Tom, Dick & Harry (other co-workers)?  They are also not Mexican.  FI said he didn't believe Tom Dick & Harry were invited.  

    Bad form? or just cultural differences?

    They've committed a few etiquette wrongs. The gap is one. The ceremony, if a full mass, should be 60-90 minutes. At minimum you'll be left with a 1.5 hour gap, unless the actual cocktail hour starts before 6 though I find that unlikely. So prepare for that. Second, it wasn't rude of them not to register but telling you flat out that cash was acceptable was rude. Everyone knows cash is always an option.

    as for the invitation language! I don't think it was very considerate of them but I don't know if it was against etiquette. They could have easily printed a handful of English invites or had the invites contain both languages. The email invite also wasn't the best choice but what are you gonna do, you know?

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

    Report Reply
  • lvgirl1000lvgirl1000 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    grumbledore said:

    The invite in Spanish is weird ground - if that's the couple's native language, then I guess it's fine, but if they invited a lot of non-Spanish speakers, they should have either had two different invites or a translation.  Since it was by email, this would have cost exactly nothing.
    I thought this too. 
    Report Reply
  • lvgirl1000lvgirl1000 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    STARMOON44 said:
    It's not rude to send a social invite in your native language. Just like it wouldn't be rude for you to send an English language invite to people who speak Spanish at home.
    I don't see that as being the same.  FI doesn't speak Spanish at all.  FI had to call groom to ask what he sent, & Then again to RSVP, & again to ask about gifts.  I don't believe I would send anything, invite or anything else, to someone when I know they can't read it.  
    Report Reply
  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I just think it seems really entitled to be demanding English from people who socially speak Spanish. He could have just plugged it into google translate. People who don't speak English put up with this all the time.
    Report Reply
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I think I'd also expect the ceremony to be in Spanish as well. Hopefully they will translate during the ceremony, or provide translation in the program for non-Spanish speakers.

    The no registry thing is fine, he asked, and was told there wasn't a registry. I probably woudn't have put it as bluntly as to say 'gimme money', but apparently they're saving for something or want to see what kind of honeymoon they can afford to plan with the cash gifts. No biggie.

    The gap, especially if you have to miss work for the ceremony...bad form. If I went at all, it would be just to the reception. I'd only miss work for someone really special.
    Report Reply
  • lvgirl1000lvgirl1000 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    STARMOON44 said:
    I just think it seems really entitled to be demanding English from people who socially speak Spanish. He could have just plugged it into google translate. People who don't speak English put up with this all the time.
    Entitled? Where exactly are you coming from with this?  No one is demanding anything.  FYI, People who speak ENGLISH put up with this all the time.  When I travel to Japan, I don't expect people to speak to me in English, just because I speak it socially.  THAT would be entitled.
    Report Reply
  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    If you aren't demanding anything, then apparently you don't think it's rude for them to use their own language right? Except you do think it is rude. Hence, feeling entitled to receive invitations only in your language.
    Report Reply
  • lvgirl1000lvgirl1000 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    RebeccaB88 said:

    The gap, especially if you have to miss work for the ceremony...bad form. If I went at all, it would be just to the reception. I'd only miss work for someone really special.
    Yeah, I'm going because it's important to FI that I go.  & he's special . . . sort of.  :)
    Report Reply
  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Also you clearly just don't want to go to this wedding. Maybe practice saying no in the future.
    Report Reply
  • lvgirl1000lvgirl1000 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    PrettyGirlLost said:


    And Google translate doesn't work very well.
    Reddit users have discovered a funny easter egg in Google translate: If you translate "Lady Gaga" from Malayan into any other language, it pops up as "Britney Spears."  

    True story!
    Report Reply
  • thesummerskythesummersky member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I was invited to a Catholic wedding once that was done entirely in Spanish (huh - forgot about that wedding until now). My invitation was in English, but their ceremony and program were in Spanish. Since I'd never been to a mass before (and didn't speak Spanish back then), I was completely lost at what to do. I just did what everyone else did - when they sat, I sat. When they stood, I stood. I had no idea what was going on, which sucked because I really liked the couple. 

    While writing an English invitation was very considerate of them, it wasn't that helpful, as it led me to believe the ceremony would be in English as well. It seems like the ceremony you're attending will be in Spanish as well. It might be helpful to look up the format and schedule of a Catholic wedding so that you know what's going on.

    Report Reply
  • lvgirl1000lvgirl1000 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    thesummersky said:
    It might be helpful to look up the format and schedule of a Catholic wedding so that you know what's going on.

    @ thesummersky That's a pretty swell idea.  Thanks.
    Report Reply
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I once attended a wedding that was entirely in Spanish - the ceremony, the reception, everything. I had no idea what was going. Only the bride and her family spoke Spanish. They also had a gap, the reception was a 1.5 hour drive from the church, it was a Sunday night and we weren't served dinner until 9pm. 

    Anyway, there's no way I'd attend a Thursday wedding with a gap. Nope. 
    Report Reply
  • lvgirl1000lvgirl1000 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    I once attended a wedding that was entirely in Spanish - the ceremony, the reception, everything. I had no idea what was going. Only the bride and her family spoke Spanish. They also had a gap, the reception was a 1.5 hour drive from the church, it was a Sunday night and we weren't served dinner until 9pm. 

    Anyway, there's no way I'd attend a Thursday wedding with a gap. Nope. 
    :( That kinda sounds that a special type of hell, hungry AND lost.  Was the reception very boring for you?   
    Report Reply
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If you invite people to your wedding that speak different languages I believe that the invitation should be in the language that the receiver speaks.  I also think that when you have people who speak different languages come to your wedding then you should at least have a translator or a program that states what is going on and what is being said.

    But like PP said I wouldn't be going to a Thursday afternoon wedding with a 2.5 hour gap anyways so all of this would be moot.

    Report Reply
  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    lvgirl1000 said:
    thesummersky said:
    It might be helpful to look up the format and schedule of a Catholic wedding so that you know what's going on.

    @ thesummersky That's a pretty swell idea.  Thanks.
    If you need help or want an idea of what's going, let me know! I can PM you my wedding programme, which will give you a general idea of what's happening.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Report Reply
  • lvgirl1000lvgirl1000 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    HisGirlFriday13 said:

    If you need help or want an idea of what's going, let me know! I can PM you my wedding programme, which will give you a general idea of what's happening.
    Thanks.  So, pardon my ignorance of other faiths, the ceremony is @ a roman catholic church.  Does this make a difference as far as ceremony?
    Report Reply
  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    lvgirl1000 said:
    HisGirlFriday13 said:

    If you need help or want an idea of what's going, let me know! I can PM you my wedding programme, which will give you a general idea of what's happening.
    Thanks.  So, pardon my ignorance of other faiths, the ceremony is @ a roman catholic church.  Does this make a difference as far as ceremony?
    If the couple is Catholic, it would HAVE to be in a Roman Catholic Church -- Catholic Masses can't be held outside of physical Catholic church buildings.

    The ceremony will be a fairly standard Roman Catholic Mass -- the Church doesn't allow for a lot of wiggle-room or personalisation in the ceremony. :)
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    Maggie0829 said:
    If you invite people to your wedding that speak different languages I believe that the invitation should be in the language that the receiver speaks.  I also think that when you have people who speak different languages come to your wedding then you should at least have a translator or a program that states what is going on and what is being said.

    But like PP said I wouldn't be going to a Thursday afternoon wedding with a 2.5 hour gap anyways so all of this would be moot.
    So this brings up a really great point now that I think about it- FI is Italian and while most of his family won't be able to make it, we will still send them invitations of course. So then, should we order say, 10-15 of our invitations in Italian? Most of them don't speak English because they live in rural parts of Italy where English is not very commonly spoken but there are a few English speakers that can translate...
    Report Reply
  • lvgirl1000lvgirl1000 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    If the couple is Catholic, it would HAVE to be in a Roman Catholic Church -- Catholic Masses can't be held outside of physical Catholic church buildings.

    The ceremony will be a fairly standard Roman Catholic Mass -- the Church doesn't allow for a lot of wiggle-room or personalisation in the ceremony. :)
    K, going waaay off topic here.  I mentioned Roman, as opposed to other(?) Catholic churches (Eastern Orthodox, etc.) that I am aware of.  Is it safe to assume that American Catholics are Roman Catholic?
    Report Reply
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    lvgirl1000 said:
    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    If the couple is Catholic, it would HAVE to be in a Roman Catholic Church -- Catholic Masses can't be held outside of physical Catholic church buildings.

    The ceremony will be a fairly standard Roman Catholic Mass -- the Church doesn't allow for a lot of wiggle-room or personalisation in the ceremony. :)
    K, going waaay off topic here.  I mentioned Roman, as opposed to other(?) Catholic churches (Eastern Orthodox, etc.) that I am aware of.  Is it safe to assume that American Catholics are Roman Catholic?
    No.  There are many Americans who are Eastern Orthodox, Greek Orthodox, etc.

    Usually when people refer to themselves as Catholic they mean Roman Catholic.  Typically the Orthodox Catholics refer to themselves as X Orthodox.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards