Nope, it's still tacky, but fewer people may find out about it. Your hosting what you're hosting. Why on earth should your guests feel they are entitled to have things at your wedding that you aren't hosting? Why are you giving your guests the option to be rude?
Nope, it's still tacky, but fewer people may find out about it. Your hosting what you're hosting. Why on earth should your guests feel they are entitled to have things at your wedding that you aren't hosting? Why are you giving your guests the option to be rude?
What if they insist and make a point to do so?
Then they are being rude and you still do not need to acquiesce to their demands. Why should their rudeness be rewarded?
Nope, it's still tacky, but fewer people may find out about it. Your hosting what you're hosting. Why on earth should your guests feel they are entitled to have things at your wedding that you aren't hosting? Why are you giving your guests the option to be rude?
What if they insist and make a point to do so?
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Why are you letting your guests "insist" on anything about your wedding? If they insisted you serve food you hate or not wear the dress you love, I imagine you wouldn't give in. If you are hosting/planning, you get to choose these things. Don't blame your guests for you planning something rude. Choose to do the polite thing.
Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
Nope, it's still tacky, but fewer people may find out about it. Your hosting what you're hosting. Why on earth should your guests feel they are entitled to have things at your wedding that you aren't hosting? Why are you giving your guests the option to be rude?
What if they insist and make a point to do so?
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Why are you letting your guests "insist" on anything about your wedding? If they insisted you serve food you hate or not wear the dress you love, I imagine you wouldn't give in. If you are hosting/planning, you get to choose these things. Don't blame your guests for you planning something rude. Choose to do the polite thing.
Is what I am planning rude?? I would prefer they not go get hard liquor but short of tackling them down the stairs I don't think I can stop them. Is it required to provide hard liquor if offering other alcohol? I am confusing myself, as on another thread I posted here folks agreed it was okay not to provide hard liquor.
And come to think of it, I am letting my guests influence a lot of the decisions I am making. I am choosing food I don't like and I did purchase a dress I thought others would approve of.
Nope, it's still tacky, but fewer people may find out about it. Your hosting what you're hosting. Why on earth should your guests feel they are entitled to have things at your wedding that you aren't hosting? Why are you giving your guests the option to be rude?
What if they insist and make a point to do so?
------------
Why are you letting your guests "insist" on anything about your wedding? If they insisted you serve food you hate or not wear the dress you love, I imagine you wouldn't give in. If you are hosting/planning, you get to choose these things. Don't blame your guests for you planning something rude. Choose to do the polite thing.
Is what I am planning rude?? I would prefer they not go get hard liquor but short of tackling them down the stairs I don't think I can stop them. Is it required to provide hard liquor if offering other alcohol? I am confusing myself, as on another thread I posted here folks agreed it was okay not to provide hard liquor.
And come to think of it, I am letting my guests influence a lot of the decisions I am making. I am choosing food I don't like and I did purchase a dress I thought others would approve of.
Maybe I am trying too hard to please others.
It is fine to not offer hard liquor. You could offer beer and wine. Or beer and wine and a signature drink. Or you could offer a full hosted bar to include hard liquor. Or you could offer no alcohol at all. All are perfectly fine options.
I think it is horrible that you are letting your guests influence you that much. When planning a wedding or any other big event you have to take your guests into consideration but to let them influence you to the point where you don't even pick a dress that you may other wise would have loved is ridiculous.
You need to remember that no matter what you will never please everyone. You can try as hard as you can but there will always be something that isn't to someone's liking. So maybe take a moment and rethink a few things. When is your wedding?
Is what I am planning rude?? I would prefer they not go get hard liquor but short of tackling them down the stairs I don't think I can stop them. Is it required to provide hard liquor if offering other alcohol? I am confusing myself, as on another thread I posted here folks agreed it was okay not to provide hard liquor.
And come to think of it, I am letting my guests influence a lot of the decisions I am making. I am choosing food I don't like and I did purchase a dress I thought others would approve of.
Maybe I am trying too hard to please others.
If your venue has a bar elsewhere outside of where you are having your hosted reception, that is one of the situations where you can't control what guests are going to do. Don't TELL them there's an alternate bar with additional beverage choices, but if they figure it out and go buy something you aren't offering, that's out of your hands.
And I agree with @Maggie0829 that you shouldn't let your guests influence your decisions this much. At the end of the day, it is your wedding and there are things you can choose to have/do that your guests have no right to dictate. That includes your dress and what type of food you choose to serve (so long as there is enough of it for all your guests and it is appropriate for that time of day). No matter what, not everyone will be happy, but you don't want to look back on your wedding day and be disappointed in the things you chose just because you wanted to please people who likely won't remember your wedding anyway.
@perdonami for a third time I'm going to suggest halting wedding planning right now. You seem like a ball of stress and unhappy with how things are going. You are also thinking too hard about many things. As long as the bar that is in your area (the specific room the reception will take place in) is fully hosted you're in the clear. Guests choosing to leave the room are the ones being rude and there's not much, if anything, you can do about it besides ignore it and have a good time. I know we all gag at the "it's your day" line but in this case that's very true. You seem to be planning someone else's wedding. Take a step back and start choosing what YOU and your FI want. Otherwise you'll end up regretting your own wedding.
After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!
@perdonami - then you have plenty of time to make some changes to things that you and your FI would prefer. Change the food if you aren't happy with it. Change the decor around if you want to. There isn't a lot to do about your dress unless you are willing to possibly do a rush order and sell what you already have. But you have time to make changes to make this wedding more to you and your FI liking rather then what your guests want.
Is what I am planning rude?? I would prefer they not go get hard liquor but short of tackling them down the stairs I don't think I can stop them. Is it required to provide hard liquor if offering other alcohol? I am confusing myself, as on another thread I posted here folks agreed it was okay not to provide hard liquor.
And come to think of it, I am letting my guests influence a lot of the decisions I am making. I am choosing food I don't like and I did purchase a dress I thought others would approve of.
Maybe I am trying too hard to please others.
If your venue has a bar elsewhere outside of where you are having your hosted reception, that is one of the situations where you can't control what guests are going to do. Don't TELL them there's an alternate bar with additional beverage choices, but if they figure it out and go buy something you aren't offering, that's out of your hands.
And I agree with @Maggie0829 that you shouldn't let your guests influence your decisions this much. At the end of the day, it is your wedding and there are things you can choose to have/do that your guests have no right to dictate. That includes your dress and what type of food you choose to serve (so long as there is enough of it for all your guests and it is appropriate for that time of day). No matter what, not everyone will be happy, but you don't want to look back on your wedding day and be disappointed in the things you chose just because you wanted to please people who likely won't remember your wedding anyway.
The bolded statement - Agree 100%! The venue that FH and I have decided on has a lounge/bar area where they serve liquor of all kinds. It has nothing to do with our wedding, and we do not pay for it, it's a cash bar.
We will not be advertising about the bar ourselves, but it's there. If our guests don't want the beer and wine we are paying for and they go and buy something at the bar, there's nothing we can do about that. It's their choice. We are paying for what we can to properly hosts our guests.
Yeah, I am going to select different menu items and I'm going to be firm with no hard alcohol situation. I literally just politely told my aunt I'd prefer flower centerpieces to seashells and rose petals.
As for the ceremony itself, I don't talk about it too much anymore with anyone. They can all be surprised when they get there. I wonder what my family members will think of my officiant banging drums..? Better keep that one to myself.
Oh geez, I'm glad I made it all the way through to page 25! I am, like others apparently, having a reception at a restaurant and hosting beer and wine in our private room where we will be and I've been freaking out about guests going to the bar in the front of the restaurant to buy other stuff. I'm glad to hear I can stop freaking out.
Thank you! Thank you ! and thank you for addressing this question in the correct context! It is NEVER ok to charge people to come to your wedding! There is not an etiquette book out there that would tell you otherwise.
What really ticks me off is attending a wedding across the country, the flight , hotel, babysitters, gift, shower gifts and further expenses to travel to find out AT THE RECEPTION (not on invite) that we are being charged!
I have a question about this issue and am specifically interested an anyone with some familiarity with current customs in Ireland and/or the UK
We're having a intimate wedding that is destination by default because no one lives in the same place. My FI's family is coming from the UK and I fully intend on hosting them properly for every second of the trip.
My question is about bar issues. My family and friends would be perfectly happy with beer and wine, however his family favors hard alcohol. He has repeatedly told me that his family would EXPECT to pay for drinks and be able to go to the bar and buy whatever they want. He would like a cash bar on top of the beer and wine. I think it is totally absurd from them to fly 3500 miles and then pay for drinks. I thought offering a signature drink might be a good compromise but then there's the issue of what if it's a vodka drink and someone wants whiskey etc...
I'm tempted to just offer beer and wine and let them wander off to the hotel bar which I know they would do but I feel totally bad about it. So I keep ending back up at the answer of sucking it up and working extra shifts to pay for it.
I have a question about this issue and am specifically interested an anyone with some familiarity with current customs in Ireland and/or the UK
We're having a intimate wedding that is destination by default because no one lives in the same place. My FI's family is coming from the UK and I fully intend on hosting them properly for every second of the trip.
My question is about bar issues. My family and friends would be perfectly happy with beer and wine, however his family favors hard alcohol. He has repeatedly told me that his family would EXPECT to pay for drinks and be able to go to the bar and buy whatever they want. He would like a cash bar on top of the beer and wine. I think it is totally absurd from them to fly 3500 miles and then pay for drinks. I thought offering a signature drink might be a good compromise but then there's the issue of what if it's a vodka drink and someone wants whiskey etc...
I'm tempted to just offer beer and wine and let them wander off to the hotel bar which I know they would do but I feel totally bad about it. So I keep ending back up at the answer of sucking it up and working extra shifts to pay for it.
Any thoughts?
Do not offer a cash bar, that's rude. It's too bad if his family "expects" hard alcohol. If you aren't providing it, they don't get it. It doesn't matter that they are flying over the ocean to see you. They should be happy with what you are hosting. It's rude to expect to pay for things that the host isn't providing.
I have a question about this issue and am specifically interested an anyone with some familiarity with current customs in Ireland and/or the UK
We're having a intimate wedding that is destination by default because no one lives in the same place. My FI's family is coming from the UK and I fully intend on hosting them properly for every second of the trip.
My question is about bar issues. My family and friends would be perfectly happy with beer and wine, however his family favors hard alcohol. He has repeatedly told me that his family would EXPECT to pay for drinks and be able to go to the bar and buy whatever they want. He would like a cash bar on top of the beer and wine. I think it is totally absurd from them to fly 3500 miles and then pay for drinks. I thought offering a signature drink might be a good compromise but then there's the issue of what if it's a vodka drink and someone wants whiskey etc...
I'm tempted to just offer beer and wine and let them wander off to the hotel bar which I know they would do but I feel totally bad about it. So I keep ending back up at the answer of sucking it up and working extra shifts to pay for it.
Any thoughts?
Do not offer a cash bar, that's rude. It's too bad if his family "expects" hard alcohol. If you aren't providing it, they don't get it. It doesn't matter that they are flying over the ocean to see you. They should be happy with what you are hosting. It's rude to expect to pay for things that the host isn't providing.
Think about it this way: imagine you are from the UK, you favor hard alcohol, and every wedding you've ever been to has a cash bar. You travel 3500 miles to your nephew's wedding, totally expecting to pay for liquor and feeling fine with that. Then you get there-- and the liquor is free! Wow! Maybe it's a top shelf open bar, maybe it's just house liquor, but whatever the choices are-- it's free!
Wouldn't you be pleasantly surprised? Wouldn't you think that's the best wedding you've ever been to? Wouldn't you feel like you were graciously thanked for traveling so far to attend the wedding of someone you love?
I have a question about this issue and am specifically interested an anyone with some familiarity with current customs in Ireland and/or the UK
We're having a intimate wedding that is destination by default because no one lives in the same place. My FI's family is coming from the UK and I fully intend on hosting them properly for every second of the trip.
My question is about bar issues. My family and friends would be perfectly happy with beer and wine, however his family favors hard alcohol. He has repeatedly told me that his family would EXPECT to pay for drinks and be able to go to the bar and buy whatever they want. He would like a cash bar on top of the beer and wine. I think it is totally absurd from them to fly 3500 miles and then pay for drinks. I thought offering a signature drink might be a good compromise but then there's the issue of what if it's a vodka drink and someone wants whiskey etc...
I'm tempted to just offer beer and wine and let them wander off to the hotel bar which I know they would do but I feel totally bad about it. So I keep ending back up at the answer of sucking it up and working extra shifts to pay for it.
Any thoughts?
Do not offer a cash bar, that's rude. It's too bad if his family "expects" hard alcohol. If you aren't providing it, they don't get it. It doesn't matter that they are flying over the ocean to see you. They should be happy with what you are hosting. It's rude to expect to pay for things that the host isn't providing.
Think about it this way: imagine you are from the UK, you favor hard alcohol, and every wedding you've ever been to has a cash bar. You travel 3500 miles to your nephew's wedding, totally expecting to pay for liquor and feeling fine with that. Then you get there-- and the liquor is free! Wow! Maybe it's a top shelf open bar, maybe it's just house liquor, but whatever the choices are-- it's free!
Wouldn't you be pleasantly surprised? Wouldn't you think that's the best wedding you've ever been to? Wouldn't you feel like you were graciously thanked for traveling so far to attend the wedding of someone you love?
I have a question about this issue and am specifically interested an anyone with some familiarity with current customs in Ireland and/or the UK
We're having a intimate wedding that is destination by default because no one lives in the same place. My FI's family is coming from the UK and I fully intend on hosting them properly for every second of the trip.
My question is about bar issues. My family and friends would be perfectly happy with beer and wine, however his family favors hard alcohol. He has repeatedly told me that his family would EXPECT to pay for drinks and be able to go to the bar and buy whatever they want. He would like a cash bar on top of the beer and wine. I think it is totally absurd from them to fly 3500 miles and then pay for drinks. I thought offering a signature drink might be a good compromise but then there's the issue of what if it's a vodka drink and someone wants whiskey etc...
I'm tempted to just offer beer and wine and let them wander off to the hotel bar which I know they would do but I feel totally bad about it. So I keep ending back up at the answer of sucking it up and working extra shifts to pay for it.
Any thoughts?
I am in almost exactly the same position you are in. Family wants hard liquor, I can't afford to host it but am feeling like I should. Thought about offering a signature drink as well but that in itself is kind of stupid because of the preference for different types of liquors.
My brother asked me if I could host a cash bar for those who want hard liquor.. I just explained that I would not technically be "hosting" it as guests need to pay for it and its rude. He explained he didn't know that was rude.
After everything is said and done, I think what I am offering is just fine and if some of my family members wanna wonder off to the bar downstairs than so be it.
We had an open bar and only served two kinds of beer, red wine, white wine, and champagne. We did not serve hard liquor since there were too many people on both sides that have a tendency to get sloppy. Everyone had a fantastic time! When alcohol is free, people are not going to try to pay for something that is unavailable. They will drink whatever is free. You do not have to have a paid bar option. I would actually feel pretty rude to pay for something when the hosts had something arranged for guests. It would be like I was telling them their drinks weren't good enough.
We paid for the alcohol ourselves, and the store bought back any bottles that had not been put on ice. It was not overly expensive, even on a teacher's salary. Definitely talk to the seller about the buy back option. In fact, I wouldn't buy from a seller unless they did this. We got $350 back in the end, and that was after the groomsmen made off with a couple bottles of champagne and a couple cases of beer.
The wedding I went to this past weekend had hosted wine and beer, and all other alcohol was cash.
My FMIL decided to buy her friends some shots of tequila during cocktail hour to celebrate.
When the buffet ran out of food, FMIL and her friends had not eaten because they were doing shots when the line began to form. They all ended up sloppy drunk and really sick.
I've read a lot of these but haven't seen one thing... I've been to one open bar ever at a wedding. In my area most places wont let you have them reason being someone has to much and drinks, drives and kills someone the vendor as well as host in this case wedding couple can be held responsible. Same reason they ended the bars running special nights 10 bucks buys you whatever. Anyway just something I wanted to share.
I've read a lot of these but haven't seen one thing... I've been to one open bar ever at a wedding. In my area most places wont let you have them reason being someone has to much and drinks, drives and kills someone the vendor as well as host in this case wedding couple can be held responsible. Same reason they ended the bars running special nights 10 bucks buys you whatever. Anyway just something I wanted to share.
Where is your area? There is nothing wrong with a dry wedding, but I highly doubt your entire area doesn't allow cash bars.
I've read a lot of these but haven't seen one thing... I've been to one open bar ever at a wedding. In my area most places wont let you have them reason being someone has to much and drinks, drives and kills someone the vendor as well as host in this case wedding couple can be held responsible. Same reason they ended the bars running special nights 10 bucks buys you whatever. Anyway just something I wanted to share.
It makes no sense at all. Paying for drinks doesn't discourage drunks, or drunk drivers. They do it all the time. If this were true, there wouldn't be drunks driving around, except after weddings or other social occasions.
A responsible bartender should cut off any guest who might endanger themselves or anyone else.
A responsible human being doesn't drink and drive. Ever.
I've read a lot of these but haven't seen one thing... I've been to one open bar ever at a wedding. In my area most places wont let you have them reason being someone has to much and drinks, drives and kills someone the vendor as well as host in this case wedding couple can be held responsible. Same reason they ended the bars running special nights 10 bucks buys you whatever. Anyway just something I wanted to share.
I am also wondering where you're from. The bartender's job is to make sure guests don't get over-served by cutting off people who have had too much. They should also be calling cabs for those too drunk to drive. Making people buy their own alcohol has never stopped people from drinking. It's never stopped people from getting wasted and driving, it just makes them do things like pawn jewelry and steal tvs from relatives to pay for their addiction, but it doesn't stop them from drinking.
I've read a lot of these but haven't seen one thing... I've been to one open bar ever at a wedding. In my area most places wont let you have them reason being someone has to much and drinks, drives and kills someone the vendor as well as host in this case wedding couple can be held responsible. Same reason they ended the bars running special nights 10 bucks buys you whatever. Anyway just something I wanted to share.
I am also wondering where you're from. The bartender's job is to make sure guests don't get over-served by cutting off people who have had too much. They should also be calling cabs for those too drunk to drive. Making people buy their own alcohol has never stopped people from drinking. It's never stopped people from getting wasted and driving, it just makes them do things like pawn jewelry and steal tvs from relatives to pay for their addiction, but it doesn't stop them from drinking.
I'm not sure where she's from, but in BC they have some sort of weird liquor law that the host of the event is liable for the guests, so if some one were to drink and drive and cause an accident the host would be responsible. I don't understand it, I just have heard that is why we no longer have alcohol at our departmental events.
I would actually feel pretty rude to pay for something when the hosts had something arranged for guests. It would be like I was telling them their drinks weren't good enough.
No but paying makes them responsible. Just something to think about and check also read this.
While many people may think that liquor liability does not apply to them unless they own a business such as a liquor store, tavern, bar, or restaurant, there are circumstances in which people outside the alcohol business need liquor liability coverage. For example, a wedding reception at which alcohol is served could create a situation in which the host would be liable for the actions of someone who become drunk. Some venues have liability policies which cover private events, and in other cases, it's necessary to purchase what is known as a host liquor policy, a type of policy tailored to someone who is not in the business of alcohol sales, production, or service, but who needs liability coverage.
Re: Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place
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Why are you letting your guests "insist" on anything about your wedding? If they insisted you serve food you hate or not wear the dress you love, I imagine you wouldn't give in. If you are hosting/planning, you get to choose these things. Don't blame your guests for you planning something rude. Choose to do the polite thing.
After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!
We're having a intimate wedding that is destination by default because no one lives in the same place. My FI's family is coming from the UK and I fully intend on hosting them properly for every second of the trip.
My question is about bar issues. My family and friends would be perfectly happy with beer and wine, however his family favors hard alcohol. He has repeatedly told me that his family would EXPECT to pay for drinks and be able to go to the bar and buy whatever they want. He would like a cash bar on top of the beer and wine. I think it is totally absurd from them to fly 3500 miles and then pay for drinks. I thought offering a signature drink might be a good compromise but then there's the issue of what if it's a vodka drink and someone wants whiskey etc...
I'm tempted to just offer beer and wine and let them wander off to the hotel bar which I know they would do but I feel totally bad about it. So I keep ending back up at the answer of sucking it up and working extra shifts to pay for it.
Any thoughts?
We paid for the alcohol ourselves, and the store bought back any bottles that had not been put on ice. It was not overly expensive, even on a teacher's salary. Definitely talk to the seller about the buy back option. In fact, I wouldn't buy from a seller unless they did this. We got $350 back in the end, and that was after the groomsmen made off with a couple bottles of champagne and a couple cases of beer.
My FMIL decided to buy her friends some shots of tequila during cocktail hour to celebrate.
When the buffet ran out of food, FMIL and her friends had not eaten because they were doing shots when the line began to form. They all ended up sloppy drunk and really sick.
I'm not sure where she's from, but in BC they have some sort of weird liquor law that the host of the event is liable for the guests, so if some one were to drink and drive and cause an accident the host would be responsible. I don't understand it, I just have heard that is why we no longer have alcohol at our departmental events.