How many people did you REALLY invite?

NYCBruin · April 2014

lyndausvi said:

sarahonlife said:

I was a dumbass and invited 150. Not counting the wedding party. So for weeks I was like, oh yeah, we only have 150, but we had a lot more. Then FMIL drama and we ended up much higher. The fact it worked out was pure luck. 0/10 do not recommend over inviting.
My boss invited 150 to his wedding, budgeted for 150, booked venues for 150, etc. It wasn't until RSVPs were coming in that he and his wife realized they had invited 150 COUPLES, not 150 people! Luckily he had the money to make all the needed adjustments, but wow, that must have been stressful!

oops

ETA - I've read of many people doing the opposite with invites. They order 300 invites, then realize they only need a little over half that amount because couples or families getting one invite.

We haven't ordered our invitations yet, but I did this when putting together our initial budget. I remember thinking "holy crap, that's a lot of money on invitations" only to realize we only needed to spend about half of that. And then I felt stupid. Haha.

delujm0 · April 2014

@2leadsingers our venue offers two options: to rent the whole building or to rent the fourth floor only. The fourth floor is the "prime real estate" of this venue. it's what we have currently booked. We asked them about it, and they said that they don't even have an option for "everything but the fourth floor" because no one wants to rent only the larger area (which is on the first floor). This is in the city, so anyone who is going to pay to have an event there wants a skyline view, which is only available from the fourth floor. If we had to expand, we would have paid for the whole building, had the seated dinner on the larger first floor, and then gone to the fourth floor for dancing (with lounge seating set up for those who didn't want to dance). Not ideal, but tolerable on the off-chance that we required it.

That would only be if we exceeded the 176 seated-rounds max on the 4h floor. If we wound up between the 154 "seated with buffet tables and a dance floor" max and the 176 seated-rounds max, we were going to move either the buffet and/or dance floor into the room where the cocktail hour happened (same floor, around the corner).

We asked the venue about the other options for two reasons: one so that we would know we had a contingency plan just in case, and two because we really didn't want to be at a small venue that was having multiple private events going on at once. Another museum we considered told us that unless we rented the full building it was highly likely that they would rent out whatever part we weren't using for another party - and we didn't want to deal with that.

princessleia22 · April 2014

Invited: 75 (100% OOT)

Expected to RSVP "No": 30

- We would have been thrilled if they could come, but didn't expect them to, and most of them had told us they wouldn't be able to make it before we even sent out invites or STD's.

Desired Attendance: less than 50

Venue capacity: 80

Budget Capacity: 80

Currently it looks like attendance will be: 28

A couple of those attending are people we didn't really expect to come, but they decided it would be a great vacation opportunity. So, I agree that you shouldn't count out any of the OOT guests. And I figure that if I budget for all 80, and only get 30, all that saved money means I have more spending money for my honeymoon!

@AlexaF2014, for your situation, if you really can't cut the list more, I would say to go ahead and invite the extra 6 people. That is a fairly small number and there is a decent chance that you will come in under, especially with most people being OOT. And I am only saying this because it sounds like you do have a contingency plan if you get 100% attendance, and would be able to properly host your guests, which is the most important factor. If you don't have a backup plan to properly host 100% of invited (INVITED, not EXPECTED guests), then you should never invite more than you are comfortably able to host. But, since you do have the ability to move into a larger space in your venue and the budget to accommodate those extra 6 people if needed, I think you should be fine to invite them.

a13049 · April 2014

We have sent STD to 60 guests and have had almost all our guests causally mention planing on coming. We are having a destination wedding, and still have almost 100% as of right now. People mentioning casually in conversation and people are begining to book flights and hotels. We have two couples that have recently announced that they were expecting, so while they arent a definite no, there is a pretty good chance vegas in July won't be their cup of tea. I think we would ideally like 30-40 guests, but we would be okay budget wise and venue size if 100 people showed up. I just have no desire to spend my day with 100+ guests and not getting to spend personal time with our guests. I much prefer to shrink our guest list and spend a significant amount of time and money on hosting them. I don't get "curtesy invite" I don't feel like I am that important that people would feel so special to get a curtesy invite from me.

kitty8403 · April 2014

My indoor venue capacity is about 200. Outdoors, with tents/covers, it's almost unlimited; the coordinator just said their largest wedding to date was about 600 guests. We'll just have to bring in more chairs/tables if it gets bigger. Our list is about 325 and still getting last minute changes (dates, etc). All extended family and most guests are OOT. Guess we'll see how this goes.

wrigleyville · April 2014

Be very, VERY careful when people say they won't be able to make it when you give them the date or send an STD. Plans can change.

When I got the STD for my cousin's wedding, I wasn't able to go. In the meantime, however, I managed to swap some shifts at work, which took about a week or two of begging/bribing. I waited... and waited... and waited... for the invitation, but I never got one.

I figured maybe they'd cut their guest list (rude, since STDs had gone out).

Imagine my surprise (and sadness), when my brother and a ton of other relatives uploaded pictures to FB. I would have LOVED to have gone to that wedding, but I didn't want to be rude and call to ask where my invitation was.

Later, I found out they hadn't invited me because I told them I had to work that weekend.

Please, do not EVER use a casual response as an official RSVP.

APDSS22 · April 2014

NYCBruin said:

AlexaF2014 said:

Maggie0829 said:

AlexaF2014 said:

Okay, this is a bit why I wanted to ask; I was really worried about getting 100% attendance, but mom/others kept brushing it off as "not everyone will come." I tend to have unwarranted anxiety and wasn't sure if I was panicking over nothing or not. I brought up the "you have more friends invited than I do" point, and mom agreed that we will look over the list again to get within capacity! Thank you everyone for giving me courage to put my foot down on this, I really hate confrontation of any form, but I'm glad I did this time.

This did bring up another point about vendors and officiants; do the photographers and DJ get a table seat at a along with the meal? If so, who in the world would I seat them with (sorry if a rude or obvious question, I obviously have no idea what the norm is)? Also, do you send an invite to your officiant, or give them a +plus one if they are a Catholic priest?

For your DJ and photographer, I would look at your contract and also ask them where they would like to be seated for dinner. Many times the DJ likes to stay at their booth since they will be playing music during dinner. The photographer, well that is on a case by case basis, but mine sat at one of our high top tables that we had out for cocktail hour. They didn't eat for very long because they were up and taking pictures while we did our table visits.

As for your officiant, if this you are close to them or they have been your priest for years then you can certainly invite them. You do not have to give them a plus one. But if you do not know them very well and are mainly just using them to marry you (like you picked a church you like and then met the priest once or twice and that is it) then you do not have to invite them. At that point they are just another vendor like, say, your ceremony musicians.

By the time we're married, I will have been a parishioner at my church for a year (just long enough to be allowed to get married there. Yay!), and while I've only spoken to the priest a handful of times for less than 30 each, he really is a great guy. I think it would be polite to invite him anyway, but like @NYCBruin said, priests generally have constraints on their time and I don't want to come off as presumptuous. Thoughts?

I don't think it comes off as presumptuous at all! An invitation is not a summons. He is free to decline the invitation just like anyone else you're inviting. FWIW I think this is fairly common--I don't know anyone who didn't invite their priest to the reception.

My husband and I did not invite our priest to the reception. Since we weren't even sure he would be well enough to perform the ceremony after his horse accident (broke multiple ribs and had a hard time standing for any long period of time) it was up in the air and since we also didn't know him excessively well and were moving to a different part of the state, it just made sense to treat him more as a vendor. However, it is fairly common to invite the priest to the reception, especially if you plan to continue attending that church and being a part of the congregation.

KittyKaty20 · April 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

NYCBruin said:

AlexaF2014 said:

Okay, this is a bit why I wanted to ask; I was really worried about getting 100% attendance, but mom/others kept brushing it off as "not everyone will come." I tend to have unwarranted anxiety and wasn't sure if I was panicking over nothing or not. I brought up the "you have more friends invited than I do" point, and mom agreed that we will look over the list again to get within capacity! Thank you everyone for giving me courage to put my foot down on this, I really hate confrontation of any form, but I'm glad I did this time.

This did bring up another point about vendors and officiants; do the photographers and DJ get a table seat at a along with the meal? If so, who in the world would I seat them with (sorry if a rude or obvious question, I obviously have no idea what the norm is)? Also, do you send an invite to your officiant, or give them a +plus one if they are a Catholic priest?

On photographers/DJs, check your contract and also speak with your venue. Our venue has a separate room with tables for our vendors so they have a place to take breaks away from guests and can eat at separate times (our band for example, staggers their meals so that at least some of the band is playing throughout the entire meal).

We are inviting our priest. No plus-one. Don't be surprised if he doesn't come though as priests have a lot of demands on their time.

Once nice thing about Catholic priests, right? ;-)

I'm kidding!

Not in our case...our Catholic priest is married, and quite a few of his family members will be at the wedding, too...because he's FI's uncle.

vulpiepop · April 2014

We've not invited people yet, but we would be inviting around 65 people and are budgeting for 70 even though I know most of them would not be able to come (most of the guest list is made up of my large family who are in another country that I would be surprised if more than just a few of them, if any, show up)

kgd7357 · April 2014

We sent 216. Our venue can hold up to 220, but is more comfortable at 200, so we are hoping for 200 or less. We can afford 216, but would be happy saving that money for the honeymoon.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

KittyKaty20 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

NYCBruin said:

AlexaF2014 said:

Okay, this is a bit why I wanted to ask; I was really worried about getting 100% attendance, but mom/others kept brushing it off as "not everyone will come." I tend to have unwarranted anxiety and wasn't sure if I was panicking over nothing or not. I brought up the "you have more friends invited than I do" point, and mom agreed that we will look over the list again to get within capacity! Thank you everyone for giving me courage to put my foot down on this, I really hate confrontation of any form, but I'm glad I did this time.

This did bring up another point about vendors and officiants; do the photographers and DJ get a table seat at a along with the meal? If so, who in the world would I seat them with (sorry if a rude or obvious question, I obviously have no idea what the norm is)? Also, do you send an invite to your officiant, or give them a +plus one if they are a Catholic priest?

On photographers/DJs, check your contract and also speak with your venue. Our venue has a separate room with tables for our vendors so they have a place to take breaks away from guests and can eat at separate times (our band for example, staggers their meals so that at least some of the band is playing throughout the entire meal).

We are inviting our priest. No plus-one. Don't be surprised if he doesn't come though as priests have a lot of demands on their time.

Once nice thing about Catholic priests, right? ;-)

I'm kidding!

Not in our case...our Catholic priest is married, and quite a few of his family members will be at the wedding, too...because he's FI's uncle.

That's really rare though. He was a pastor of a different faith and became a Catholic priest?

twitterbird · April 2014

KittyKaty20 said:

Not in our case...our Catholic priest is married, and quite a few of his family members will be at the wedding, too...because he's FI's uncle.

How is your Catholic priest married?

sarahufl · April 2014

Laurie Roche said:

KittyKaty20 said:

Not in our case...our Catholic priest is married, and quite a few of his family members will be at the wedding, too...because he's FI's uncle.

How is your Catholic priest married?

Is he a Deacon?

nmsa · April 2014

Laurie Roche said:

KittyKaty20 said:

Not in our case...our Catholic priest is married, and quite a few of his family members will be at the wedding, too...because he's FI's uncle.

How is your Catholic priest married?

Priests and reverends from other faiths who are married and then later want to convert to Catholicism are able to become Roman Catholic priests and stay married. I think conversions from Episcopal backgrounds are the most common since it's pretty similar. Also, there are non-Roman branches of Catholicism that have always allowed married priests.

Like PrettyGirl said, though, it's not terribly common.

a13049 · April 2014

wrigleyville said:

Be very, VERY careful when people say they won't be able to make it when you give them the date or send an STD. Plans can change.

When I got the STD for my cousin's wedding, I wasn't able to go. In the meantime, however, I managed to swap some shifts at work, which took about a week or two of begging/bribing. I waited... and waited... and waited... for the invitation, but I never got one.

I figured maybe they'd cut their guest list (rude, since STDs had gone out).

Imagine my surprise (and sadness), when my brother and a ton of other relatives uploaded pictures to FB. I would have LOVED to have gone to that wedding, but I didn't want to be rude and call to ask where my invitation was.

Later, I found out they hadn't invited me because I told them I had to work that weekend.

Please, do not EVER use a casual response as an official RSVP.

Was this in response to my coment? Just asking because I mentioned people discussing it in casual response. I never took that as an RSVP more of a general indicator or estimate. Plus, all of our casual responses have been yes. The only two people who I think may be a no, are the two people who are expecting that month or the next. I can't imagine being 8-9 mo pregnant and traveling across the country and waling everywhere in the hot vegas sun would be enjoyable so we are guessing they wont come. Thats just our guess, we won't make any full on assumptions until we get our RSVPs. We do have alot of guests who have already started booking rooms and flights, but of course, plans and things can always change. My comment was more directed at OP that even as a DW across the country we are still at almost 100%. We planned for 100% and could reasonably host way more with out a problem. We just choose not to.

wrigleyville · April 2014

a13049 said:

wrigleyville said:

Be very, VERY careful when people say they won't be able to make it when you give them the date or send an STD. Plans can change.

When I got the STD for my cousin's wedding, I wasn't able to go. In the meantime, however, I managed to swap some shifts at work, which took about a week or two of begging/bribing. I waited... and waited... and waited... for the invitation, but I never got one.

I figured maybe they'd cut their guest list (rude, since STDs had gone out).

Imagine my surprise (and sadness), when my brother and a ton of other relatives uploaded pictures to FB. I would have LOVED to have gone to that wedding, but I didn't want to be rude and call to ask where my invitation was.

Later, I found out they hadn't invited me because I told them I had to work that weekend.

Please, do not EVER use a casual response as an official RSVP.
Was this in response to my coment? Just asking because I mentioned people discussing it in casual response. I never took that as an RSVP more of a general indicator or estimate.

Oh, no. Not at all. Sorry!

Your response simply reminded me of all the brides I see on this board and other boards who say things like, "I'm sending out STDs to gauge how many guests we might have," or, "I didn't send them an invitation because they said they couldn't make it."

So, my response was just sort of a blanket, "Please don't do this!"

How many people did you REALLY invite?

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