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You're getting married?!? So the kids must be coming next year right?!?

iloveotters2014iloveotters2014 member
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in Chit Chat
Does anyone else get bothered by people assuming that because you are getting married you must be planning to pop one out right away?

I just had a woman that I barely even know tell me that she thinks Ill have "honeymoon babies." It is SOOOO frustrating. I don't even know how I feel about having children so thanks for that.

Oh and when I told this same woman that children were not in my plans for the even remotely near future....she said "Oh you young people think that you have control over everything!." UM WHAT! UGH

(I am not getting on anyone for wanting to have children right away! I just really hate that this is the assumption that people find ok to bother you about because you have a ring.)
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Re: You're getting married?!? So the kids must be coming next year right?!?

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    CMGragainCMGragain member
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    When I married my DH, he had a cousin with the same last name, and a similar, but not identical, first name.  Cousin's wife shared my first name.
    Our wedding was planned in two months, and I know there was speculation.  A few months after our wedding, cousin's wife gave birth to their first child.  Yup!  Lots of people thought it was me.  We were living 1100 miles away, so nobody saw me.  I got two congratulation cards. 
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    pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
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    edited April 2014
    Yup, it annoys me to no end. FMIL keeps saying how she can't wait for grand babies. FI's younger cousin and his gf just realized they're expecting and everyone is all "We thought you guys were next. Well, now you definitely are." It's like, can I get married first? Can we stop talking about babies?
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    iloveotters2014iloveotters2014 member
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    oh jeez. I'm glad to know that it's happening to everyone.

    I think what made me a little more livid than I should have been, was that she insinuated that it's not necessarily my choice whether or not to get pregnant. Well sorry to tell ya lady....I've been with him for 5 years without being pregnant. I think I can continue that decision.

    Also I was at my doctors office a few days ago and she was asking about the wedding (next weekend! yay!)....and then she was asking me how my acid reflux was going...I told her pretty crappy lately....and she said "Oh just wait until you guys start having kids soon. It'll get awful." BARF
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    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    edited April 2014
    I get it all the time. I'm annoyed when it's coworkers and acquaintances, but don't mind so much when it's family. FBIL often makes comments like "we should all get together and rent that lake house next summer; will that be hard to plan around the baby?" and I sort of just take it as a sign of acceptance. We do plan on trying to have kids pretty soon so that helps (though I don't talk about that at work at all). I was most annoyed right when we got engaged and people assumed I was preggers.
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    sarahuflsarahufl member
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    It seems so old fashioned to thing that once you get married, you can't control your chances of a pregnancy....we will be dating 3.5 years by the time we get married and have managed to not get knocked up yet. What the hell is going to change now that we are wearing rings?!
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    NavyBlue143NavyBlue143 member
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    My mom is an office manager at an elementary school, and shortly before we got married ALL of her office ladies were about to become grandmas. Mom commented that she was jealous, and a coworker told her "oh your time will come, your daughter is getting pregnant on the beach!" This despite saying multiple times in front of her coworkers that we wanted to enjoy being married for awhile.

    Well we got married on the beach, but did no fucking there lady. And a year and a half later, no baby. So this is the longest gestation ever, or you're a moron. Clearly you knew better than I did what we wanted. I was so damn offended. Who are you to think you know what my reproductive plans are? That as soon as I am a wife, I will have no aspirations beyond breeding?
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Yup. We're not having kids so I find this especially annoying. I actually had someone tell me that my parents must be very upset that I'm not giving them grand kids.
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    blabla89blabla89 member
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    FMIL is already nagging us about it and it's super annoying. I know my grandma wants at least one great-grandchild before she dies so I'm sure she'll be talking about it a lot too. But I don't want to bear children at all, and ideally I'd like to have 5 years of "just us" time before we start the process of adopting.

    FSIL got married in November, and apparently she nagged her H about wanting a baby every single day until he relented. Less than two months after their wedding she got pregnant with twins. All I can think is I'm glad that's not me!
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    mysticlmysticl member
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    We wanted children and sorta started trying as soon as we got married.  Basically I finished the pack of pills I was on and that was it for BC.  However, DH was scheduled to deploy less than 3 months after the wedding.  The work schedule leading up to that is absolutely crazy (24+ hour work days) and between getting back from our honeymoon and deploying then went out for a week of training.  So the timing just wasn't there.  

    Two weeks after he got home we were at a family event and one of his aunts started asking about babies.  I was like he's been home 2 weeks, it's going to take a little time.  So even when you want them and are trying for them the questions can get annoying.  
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    LadyMillilLadyMillil member
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    We've been married for 3 weeks now (yay!). Yesterday at work one of my PIs indirectly asked me if we were trying to have a baby now that we were married.

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    blabla89blabla89 member
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    I'm planning to get an IUD as soon as we get back from the honeymoon. I'll stay on the pill until then to ensure that I don't get my period during the wedding/HM.
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    jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
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    FI and I are used to it. We've been getting the kids questions for years. It used to bug me, then after FI and I actually tried and found out we couldn't it was a bit painful (we only told close family and friends our issues), now we just ignore it. We're starting the adoption process when we get back from the honeymoon.
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    JennyColadaJennyColada member
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    lalalaurita I got Mirena, which is hormonal (progesterone), so my periods should stop completely! The copper one tends to give you a regular cycle, and I knew I didn't want that (with BC pills I only got my period once every few months).

    The insertion was a little stingy, and I feel like my uterus hasn't really gotten used to the feeling yet (it feels like a tightness in my abdomen) (and wow TMI, sorry, lol). But I'm not getting married until Oct so I have plenty of time to sort things out.

    Plus it was awesome that my insurance paid for it 100% (with my BC pills I had to still pay my co-pay).
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    iloveotters2014iloveotters2014 member
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    I've been wondering about the IUD! I'm 25 and kids arent in my plans for at least the next 5 years, and even then I'm more interested in adoption than anything. So @Jennycolada not TMI at all :) It's good to know!

    I'm sure I'll get used to all of the "baby" talk, but man it just really sets me off that people just assume that after marriage a woman's only aspirations are children.
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    Rebl90Rebl90 member
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    I hate how people feel like it's their business whether or not a young married couple wants to have kids.  I'm a full time college student and will be for the next 4 to 5 years since I'm moving straight on to a graduate degree.  A few people have asked about kids after the wedding and I have looked them straight in the eye and said having children was not my priority and would not be until I am settled in my career.  Of course they love to judge that too... some people!
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    Peaseblossom55Peaseblossom55 mod
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    My mom keeps nagging me for a grand child, she has one from my sister but wants another.   We are waiting a few months after the wedding to try probably in the fall, she was asking me to start trying before the wedding... wtf.... I told her every time she brings it up we will delay trying another month....

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    silver0319silver0319 member
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    H got a call at work from his dad asking what our "family plans" are. We've only been married for 4 weeks! 

    They just sold their house and want to move out of the area, but MIL is worried that she'll miss out of grandkids if they move right away. H told him that, "it's not happening for anytime soon.  We're only a plane ride away."
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    iloveotters2014iloveotters2014 member
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    Ok.....So.....that same woman that made me start this crazy rant THAT I BARELY KNOW just facebooked me this....

    "There is an old saying - if you want to make God laugh, make a decision. Be careful about tempting fate.'

    ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME
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    Rebl90Rebl90 member
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    magee2011 said:
    Ok.....So.....that same woman that made me start this crazy rant THAT I BARELY KNOW just facebooked me this....

    "There is an old saying - if you want to make God laugh, make a decision. Be careful about tempting fate.'

    ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME
    Now it's time to call her out on it.  Well that's what I would do because I'm feeling especially stabby today. 
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    iloveotters2014iloveotters2014 member
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    Rebl90 said:
    magee2011 said:
    Ok.....So.....that same woman that made me start this crazy rant THAT I BARELY KNOW just facebooked me this....

    "There is an old saying - if you want to make God laugh, make a decision. Be careful about tempting fate.'

    ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME
    Now it's time to call her out on it.  Well that's what I would do because I'm feeling especially stabby today. 
    If she wasn't "technically" family....I would. She is one of my mother's distant cousins that I met once when I was very young. I just dont want to start crazy family drama a week before the wedding. My sis just had a baby, and she has been really touchy lately. So if I started fighting about children she would somehow think that it's about her (common theme with her).

    Which is why I complain on here :)
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    misscoffeepleasemisscoffeeplease member
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    I attended a wedding last night and the MOH's speech to her little sister was that it was time for them to have babies. I couldn't help but face palm at the MOH. 
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    ShallowSeasShallowSeas member
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    We are planning to TTC within the first year of marriage but we haven't told anyone this yet.  We are constantly getting asked about when we're having babies, and even though it's definitely in the near future, its still annoying. We always blow off that question; its really no ones business but ours right now.
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    sarahuflsarahufl member
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    We are planning to TTC within the first year of marriage but we haven't told anyone this yet.  We are constantly getting asked about when we're having babies, and even though it's definitely in the near future, its still annoying. We always blow off that question; its really no ones business but ours right now.

    *stuck*

    We are too, but the only person who knows is my sister and that is because she knows everything.

    Nobody else needs to know. I love kids. So much. Always have. The other day at Easter dinner, FBIL asked when we were going to start having kids. I just looked at him and said "we aren't. I don't like kids". Anyone who knows me AT ALL knows that isn't even remotely true. But you know what- rude questions lead to rude answers.
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    flyingfoxesflyingfoxes member
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    I'm sure I'm going to get the opposite, because we are older (I'll be 38 when we get married, he will be 43), but we haven't really told anybody our plans.  I'm excited because he's meeting the doctor tomorrow to get a referral for his vasectomy reversal!   I want to start trying shortly before the wedding because time's not really on our side any more.  But we haven't told anybody because I don't want to have to explain it if things don't work out due to the vasectomy reversal and/or our ages. 
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    FMIL does this all the time. I kind of take it with a grain of salt because FI is an only child and was her miracle baby to begin with whereas I have an older sister.Nevertheless, I still cringe when I get asked.. She asked me on Easter if she would have a grandbaby by next year - we're not getting married until August and have no plans to start talking about children until at LEAST a year after our wedding by mutual choice so no...but yeesh.

    SN: What is TTC?
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    ShallowSeasShallowSeas member
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    @texasbride2014

    TTC = Trying To Conceive
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    @severmilli12- Thanks! I can usually figure those out but for some reason that one didn't click.
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    ShallowSeasShallowSeas member
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    @texasbride2014 no problem!
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    smgold6smgold6 member
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    This question drives me crazy my FI and I have decided that we want to wait at least 5 years before we start TTC. We want to be able to be spontaneous and spend time with each other and be able to travel.  Apparently this is unheard of these days.
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