Is This Weird?? (NWR)

manateehugger · April 2014

@Maggie0829 - yeah, I just added in an edit to say basically the same thing. While certain units care a stupid amount what a spouse does, so do many civilian companies.

rajahmd · April 2014

Think of this from the other women's point of view: I would be really creeped out to know that some guy was staring at me long enough to make note of my outfit and imaging his FI in it.

manateehugger · April 2014

RajahBMFD said:

Think of this from the other women's point of view: I would be really creeped out to know that some guy was staring at me long enough to make note of my outfit and imaging his FI in it.

I get this to a certain extent - FI will see some other chick in a sexy sundress and say to me, "You should wear something like that soon." I wouldn't be creeped out by that if I overheard it.

But I agree that taking specific notes is a step into creeper territory. Honestly, I find this odd even if a woman was doing it to determine her own clothing choices.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

I agree with April's first post and the many posts after that voicing concern about your FI's obsession or emphasis on your superficial, physical appearance.

He also sounds like he is exhibiting the beginnings of controlling behavior.

And I agree with @RajahBMFD but as a woman on the other end of this leering, I'd be creeped out.

JaxInBlue · April 2014

Agree with PPs. I find this incredibly weird and more than a little controlling that he'd go so far as to keep a list of clothes for you to try. It seems inauthentic, in a way, to be so into how you look and dress that he's spending all this time looking at how other women look and dress. It's almost like saying you're great... but not quite.

I get that partners may have preferences how how each other dresses. I know DH likes more modest necklines, looser fit to pants, natural make-up and hair. And I'm happy to dress like that since I prefer the same style. At the same time, I love how it looks when he puts on a suit and tie and really dresses up. But I'm not constantly picking up dress shirts and ties for him - because his work attire is much more casual and he doesn't need more than a couple of things for special occasions. Instead, I enjoy when he does get to dress to impress.

There should be a conversation between you about this. Even if you're okay with his taste and wearing the clothes he picks out, it's okay to be uncomfortable with the method he's using and how he's choosing to gather his ideas. I think when it becomes an active venture - rather than an I saw this and thought of you - it goes too far.

jenna8984 · April 2014

Sorry, I also think it's incredibly strange. The only one piece of clothing FI has ever bought me was a flourescent/ reflective jacket for running outside so I wouldn't get run over!

We are both 100% comfortable being ourselves all the time. Does he also tell you to straighten your hair or wear it down because it looks "hotter"? I am lazy, lazy, lazy so I wear my hair in a bun probably 27 days a month and FI couldn't care less. Sure he likes when we go out to a wedding or something special and I style it but he NEVER requests it. I wear nice dress clothes to the office all week, so on weekends I'm in baggy jeans and a Red Sox t-shirt and he doesn't care one bit. He's never asked me to put on something else or something that shows off my body. I think he actually prefers other men NOT checking me out. It's very odd to me that he would want you showing yourself off to other men to make him feel good about having you. It's very high school mentality.

jdluvr06 · April 2014

I think it is odd. That would make me very ucomfortable.

Sammyantha13 · April 2014

@bellaluna290, I think I said in one of my earlier posts that this was going on before my surgery. The last piece of clothing he bought for me was before my surgery. So no, the type of clothes that he likes hasn't changed, he has just been more excited about it lately. I didn't get ginormous boobs...I got full C's and to me it just balances the upper half of my body out with my hips. It's nothing outrageous or even super noticeable when I'm wearing clothes.

@jenna8984, no he doesn't tell me to do anything with my hair. He has said that he prefers me better with no makeup on, and some days I wear my hair straight and some days naturally wavy and he likes it equally both ways. I think I might have given the wrong impression. He doesn't force me to do any of this, he suggests, gives his opinion, and is accepting and complimentary whether I wear what he suggests or not.

I'm not working right now (working on my master's) and so everyday when he comes home I'm lounging around in sweats, t-shirts, workout clothes, what have you. He thinks I'm attractive no matter what. Sorry if this is tmi, but we do sleep naked a lot, shower together a few times a week, etc, so I know that he doesn't only find me attractive when he dresses me up. I don't see this as controlling behavior. I don't like the fact that he was taking notes, as many of you have echoed, and now I'm just trying to figure out how to talk to him about that without him feeling like I'm attacking him. I don't want him to think I'm completely discouraging him from making suggestions about clothing and such because we both enjoy it, but I am going to let him know that this makes me feel weird.

Sammyantha13 · April 2014

JaclyneD said:

Agree with PPs. I find this incredibly weird and more than a little controlling that he'd go so far as to keep a list of clothes for you to try. It seems inauthentic, in a way, to be so into how you look and dress that he's spending all this time looking at how other women look and dress. It's almost like saying you're great... but not quite.

I agree, and that thought is what makes me feel like it's gone just a bit too far. I've been fine with it up until the 'list' started.

VulgarGirl · April 2014

I find the taking notes odd. But that's kind of the only part I find odd. FI and I pick out clothes for each other, if we see a girl in a cute outfit we'll "That'd look hot on you" to one another. Recently I started actually working out and developed some nice muscles and some kick ass abs. FI is trying to make sure I alone bring back the crop top. And now that it's warming up, she's suggesting a lot of shorts for me. She'll tell me flat out "You've got a nice ass, let's show that off". And just this morning I told her her shirt made her rack look great. Yeah, yeah, I love FI for who she is. Inner beauty is important. Blah, blah, blah, my FI is hot. And I love showing that off. I love encouraging her to show it off. And vice versa.

doeydo · April 2014

I wonder if this is a fetish of some sort? Finding clothing for you and dressing you up like a doll, or maybe to dress like the women he sees?

vulpiepop · April 2014

I agree with PPs, it's really strange for him to be doing this and it's obviously making you at least a little uncomfortable since you've made a post about it. You should really talk to him about it and maybe ask him to tone it down. His obsession may seem mostly harmless now, but what if that obsession gets worse? Not to mention that it could be a sign of a serious issue that can strain your relationship later.

HaileyDancingbear · April 2014

I think it's extremely weird, but I'm hesitant to call it harmful. Everyone does weird shit. FI and I will talk gibberish at each other and make up words for no reason other than it's entertaining. It's weird and ridiculous, but not harmful, Dort.

I think taking notes is taking it way too far, but Im also hesitant to call that behavior harmful because I know I've done that a million times- See a cute outfit that would look good on me, take a mental note that I should buy something similar (And don't a lot of girls do the exact same thing your FI does when they pin stuff on Pinterest anyway? Maybe he would like to have an account on that site instead of taking notes IRL.) I don't think it's quite as creepy as PP's are saying because he's just looking at the outfit. I don't think it's creepy when a heterosexual female or homosexual male thinks my outfit is adorable and wants to buy something similar, so I don't think it's creepy when a heterosexual male or homosexual female thinks my outfit is cute and wants to buy something similar. Just because someone is attracted to a certain gender doesn't mean they can't look at a member of that gender in a non-sexual way.

Honestly, given that you feel just as comfortable wearing clothes he DIDN'T suggest as you do wearing clothes he DID suggest (I feel that if he was truly controlling you would feel pressured into only wearing what he suggests) I just think he really likes women's clothes- maybe he would be a great fashion designer or personal stylist. I'm hesitant to say his behavior is harmful because you know what, shopping is fun. I'm hesitant to say "Well I like shopping for women's clothes and that's ok because I'm a girl, but your FI is a boy so it's bad." Maybe he has fun dressing you because he is just very interested in fashion and buying you clothes kinda combines him enjoying women's fashion, and him enjoying giving you gifts. Maybe he's overly fixated on your appearance, or maybe you're a sort of muse. That one is totally up to you to decide, as I don't know you or your FI.

I think it's weird, but weird doesn't mean bad. It's up to you wether or not this behavior really disturbs you, and I think it's ok for you to ask him to stop taking notes about other girls. But honestly in your shoes I'd totally be asking him if he's ever thought about being a stylist or designing clothes, because it sounds like your FI would have fun with that.

Sugargirl1019 · April 2014

The only thing I find wrong is that he is looking at other women and taking notes. Personally I'd be like why the hell are you taking notes about other women?? Stop Staring at other girls! I would express your concern about that part.

My FI loves to take me shopping and picks things out for me, so we are a lot alike in that area. I wish I could get a boob job...

ohannabelle · April 2014

What I find most disturbing about this is that you haven't discussed it with him.

Sammyantha13 · April 2014

@ohannabelle, this note-taking thing just started on Saturday, so it's not like I've been putting the conversation off for a really long time...

I did talk to him about it earlier. He explained that what he was making note of was color combinations that he liked...for instance he saw a pink tank that had bows on the back, paired with black shorts and he liked that. He clarified that it doesn't have anything to do with the people in the clothes, he's not trying to make me look like them, he loves me the way I am and is happy with whatever I choose to do. He said he does it because he has really bad fashion sense so he looks to other people for inspiration, and he does the same thing for himself. He looks at what other guys are wearing to figure out what he should buy for himself.

I appreciate everyone's responses! I don't think this is a fetish or he's being controlling or any of that. I think @HaileyDancingbear hit the nail on the head...although I KNOW he will never be a stylist or designer...as he stated he doesn't believe he has fashion sense. Lol.

Rebl90 · April 2014

I'm not sure if anyone else has said this (my brain is on finals right now), but the fact that you've asked us if it's weird, completely out of the blue (to us), proves to me that it's weird.

My FI loves to go shopping with me, and buys me things as well, based off of what we see in the store and what I choose to try on. Every once in a while he will suggest something and I'll try it and I'll decide if I like it or not. However, he has never pointed out some girl's outfit and suggested it. The note taking behavior exhibited by your FI makes me think that this has become an obsession and/or fetish which can very easily escalate.

It would weird me the fuck out.

Just my $0.02

Edited: Brain cells dying.

RebeccaB88 · April 2014

I would be incredibly weirded out by his behavior.

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