Just because they are a grad student doesn't mean that they don't have anything to do the next day. Thursday wedding will likely end very early and your upgraded bar will be wasted anyway.
This. Most of my friends are phd students and it is completely lab dependent as to how vacation works.
MY FI was never denied vacation when he asked for it- BUT he hardly ever asked for it in the 7 years he was working on his PhD, and he was only able to take the time off because it didn't ever conflict with the experiments being run in the lab.
His PI was also one of the most accommodating, easy going, kind PI's at that institution. Many were total slave drivers and wouldn't allow anyone a break unless it was a holiday and the university was closing.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I am not really sure if this is etiquette related but thought it fit best here.
So I have been looking at venues and have found a place I would really like to consider for the big day. This venue is available Thursday, Fridays, and Saturdays but the price difference between the days is pretty significant. As a guest would you rather come on a Thursday evening and have everything above and beyond ( premium bar better food etc.) or would you prefer to come on a Saturday and still have a nice bar and nice food but nothing elaborate? Or as a third option Friday evening and something in the middle?
I am having a difficult time deciding since the price difference from Thursday to Friday is 1500 and from Friday to Saturday another 1500. I feel like that possible 3000 could really make a huge difference in the bar and food my guests receive but I also know Thursdays can be more inconvenient for guests.
Background: of the 100 possible people we are thinking to invite only 10 have jobs in the summer they would have to ask off for. Everyone is out of town so they will Have to fly or drive already. Everyone else is either retired or is off for school in the summer with no jobs. I have also talked to my VIPs and all of them have said that a Thursday evening wedding would work for them.
I prefer Thursdays, but if there was traveling involved, it might change my mind, depending on how much traveling there is. Would I need an airplane or can I drive it in a few hours?
I'm not a VIP, though. You said that Thursdays work for them, so it's a good option.
Then again, I have an odd work week and don't usually work on Fridays; I hate giving up my Saturdays since it's my one day off. Another thing to consider might be travel costs. It's usually cheaper to fly out on a Thursday compared to a Friday or Saturday, and the difference might be significant to some guests (especially if they're on limited income, like retirees).
I would go to a Thursday evening wedding if I'm really close to you, if you're close family, or if you lived within 1 hour of me.
Otherwise, my husband would be unavailable as he works weeknights and I'd prefer a Saturday or Sunday for that reason. I'd do a Friday... Saturday is ideal.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you
marry a Muppet Overlord.
@PrettyGirlLost and @QueerFemme - I can not speak for all PhDs programs but in the two years that we have lived here and my Fi has been in the program time off, especially in the summer, has never been a problem. At this university there are no classes offered at all in the summer for PhDs and research unless specifically requested for a deadline is Monday through Thursday (guess the professors like long weekends) it is not unusual for students to take off weeks at a time they just make sure there are no deadlines coming up. Also it probably has to do with the fact that there is no funding in the summer so they can't really say you are falling below minimum expectations for you stipend.
Maybe it's not like that in other places but with this group of students I can promise that they have no problems with middle of the week gatherings. (I get invited bi weekly to something or another that I normally have to decline because I do have a normal work week)
Also thank you everyone for your responses, it is all things I will have to consider when making the final choice. To me it's all the same because let's be real here I get to marry the love of my life and what day or if I have a better bar package or food won't matter in the end to me. (Probably will be to busy to eat anyways) but it's interesting to see people's views and how you all would see it as guests.
@PrettyGirlLost and @QueerFemme - I can not speak for all PhDs programs but in the two years that we have lived here and my Fi has been in the program time off, especially in the summer, has never been a problem. At this university there are no classes offered at all in the summer for PhDs and research unless specifically requested for a deadline is Monday through Thursday (guess the professors like long weekends) it is not unusual for students to take off weeks at a time they just make sure there are no deadlines coming up. Also it probably has to do with the fact that there is no funding in the summer so they can't really say you are falling below minimum expectations for you stipend.
Maybe it's not like that in other places but with this group of students I can promise that they have no problems with middle of the week gatherings. (I get invited bi weekly to something or another that I normally have to decline because I do have a normal work week)
No one does any research over the summer?! I guess these ppl are not in the natural sciences then? What type of program is this?
This is very odd to me.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
@PrettyGirlLost not offering classes over the summer is not the same as there is no research being done, per my post they do research Monday to Thursday typically with extended hours or days if there is a deadline for something (like for a conference of a paper deadline) Currently I have not seen my fiancé in a week since they have a huge conference coming up and a paper due, he has been leaving at six in the morning and coming back ten or later at night, however during the summer they typically have a lighter work load and the norm is Monday to Thursday eight to six.
@PrettyGirlLost and @QueerFemme - I can not speak for all PhDs programs but in the two years that we have lived here and my Fi has been in the program time off, especially in the summer, has never been a problem. At this university there are no classes offered at all in the summer for PhDs and research unless specifically requested for a deadline is Monday through Thursday (guess the professors like long weekends) it is not unusual for students to take off weeks at a time they just make sure there are no deadlines coming up. Also it probably has to do with the fact that there is no funding in the summer so they can't really say you are falling below minimum expectations for you stipend.
Maybe it's not like that in other places but with this group of students I can promise that they have no problems with middle of the week gatherings. (I get invited bi weekly to something or another that I normally have to decline because I do have a normal work week)
No one does any research over the summer?! I guess these ppl are not in the natural sciences then? What type of program is this?
This is very odd to me.
I work in a college of education and most of my faculty members are off contract during the summer as are the RAs. The faculty members still do research, but because it is not usually funded by external sources they don't have official hours and usually work from home. For those who have externally funded projects they "officially" work for a month or more in the summer. I'm guessing your hard science faculty members have externally funded projects that pay them to run the labs during the summer. Social science is a whole other ball game.
@PrettyGirlLost and @QueerFemme - I can not speak for all PhDs programs but in the two years that we have lived here and my Fi has been in the program time off, especially in the summer, has never been a problem. At this university there are no classes offered at all in the summer for PhDs and research unless specifically requested for a deadline is Monday through Thursday (guess the professors like long weekends) it is not unusual for students to take off weeks at a time they just make sure there are no deadlines coming up. Also it probably has to do with the fact that there is no funding in the summer so they can't really say you are falling below minimum expectations for you stipend.
Maybe it's not like that in other places but with this group of students I can promise that they have no problems with middle of the week gatherings. (I get invited bi weekly to something or another that I normally have to decline because I do have a normal work week)
No one does any research over the summer?! I guess these ppl are not in the natural sciences then? What type of program is this?
This is very odd to me.
I work in a college of education and most of my faculty members are off contract during the summer as are the RAs. The faculty members still do research, but because it is not usually funded by external sources they don't have official hours and usually work from home. For those who have externally funded projects they "officially" work for a month or more in the summer. I'm guessing your hard science faculty members have externally funded projects that pay them to run the labs during the summer. Social science is a whole other ball game.
Yes, in the natural sciences the PI's, the heads of the labs, have grants, usually multiple multi year grants, that fund research year round. However, IIRC PhD students don't typically receive funding via these grants. . .Their tuition is paid in full by the university itself, I believe, and they also receive a stipend to live off of, usually by teaching classes or TAing labs for at least the 1st two years of their programs. Then they are expected to work full time on their research.
Grant money is used for hiring Post Docs and research staff, plus to cover equipment and reagent costs, rental of lab and office space, etc.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
@PrettyGirlLost not offering classes over the summer is not the same as there is no research being done, per my post they do research Monday to Thursday typically with extended hours or days if there is a deadline for something (like for a conference of a paper deadline) Currently I have not seen my fiancé in a week since they have a huge conference coming up and a paper due, he has been leaving at six in the morning and coming back ten or later at night, however during the summer they typically have a lighter work load and the norm is Monday to Thursday eight to six.
Oh i read that line wrong because you were missing a comma before the phrase "and research". So I thought you were saying that there were no classes or research done over the summer.
What field are they in though? You never answered that question. I'm just curious.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
@PrettyGirlLost not offering classes over the summer is not the same as there is no research being done, per my post they do research Monday to Thursday typically with extended hours or days if there is a deadline for something (like for a conference of a paper deadline) Currently I have not seen my fiancé in a week since they have a huge conference coming up and a paper due, he has been leaving at six in the morning and coming back ten or later at night, however during the summer they typically have a lighter work load and the norm is Monday to Thursday eight to six.
Oh i read that line wrong because you were missing a comma before the phrase "and research". So I thought you were saying that there were no classes or research done over the summer.
What field are they in though? You never answered that question. I'm just curious.
He is in a psychology program with an emphasis in neuroscience. In the program it is about fifty fifty for bio and developmental. I think probably one of the biggest differences between this program and the one you are familiar with is just that this program just doesn't have the same required papers and research studies. I think my fiancé has said before that a lot of universities are performance based where professors are "graded" by how many publications they have done.
Saturday is obviously the most convenient for most people, but if it's not doable, I'd definitely go with Friday over Thursday. I would not go to a Thursday wedding unless I was very close with the couple. It's one thing for most people to leave work early on a Friday, but it's a whole other thing for them to leave early on Thursday and then have to be concerned about getting to work at a reasonable hour on Friday morning.
I agree with @zobird- you would have to be REALLY close to me (like a sister) to go to a non-weekend wedding. I fully understand different priorities for different people, and they shouldn't have to cater to me, but a Thursday wedding, or even a Friday wedding (unless it is local) is really, really inconvenient.
I know someone who kept bragging that they were saving so much because they got married on a Tuesday that they were going to have all these bells and whistles at their wedding. They had about a 80% decline rate so it all went to waste.
I would prefer a Saturday afternoon casual cake and punch non-meal reception 100 times more than a friday night wedding where I had to race home from work (or even leave early), get ready fast and race back to the wedding venue.
Also, when I was a postgrad student, I couldn't take m-f evenings off because of various committments (I actually have more flexibility and free time now that I am finished and working then when I was in my PhD programme). My fridays were blocked with teaching and seminars that I couldn't just take a day off from.
I sort of prefer weekday weddings, then it doesn't intrude on my weekend. I have a job with a lot of flexibility so taking time of wouldn't be a problem however.
My wedding is on a Monday. The small Disney wedding package is only available Mon-Thurs. It's immediate family only, however and both sets of parents are retired. My sister doesn't work and her husband works for the same company I do and is only an hour way. The only people we were concerned with was FI's brother.He said he's more than happy to take time off and come, but if he hadn't been we would have changed our plans.
@PrettyGirlLost not offering classes over the summer is not the same as there is no research being done, per my post they do research Monday to Thursday typically with extended hours or days if there is a deadline for something (like for a conference of a paper deadline) Currently I have not seen my fiancé in a week since they have a huge conference coming up and a paper due, he has been leaving at six in the morning and coming back ten or later at night, however during the summer they typically have a lighter work load and the norm is Monday to Thursday eight to six.
Oh i read that line wrong because you were missing a comma before the phrase "and research". So I thought you were saying that there were no classes or research done over the summer.
What field are they in though? You never answered that question. I'm just curious.
He is in a psychology program with an emphasis in neuroscience. In the program it is about fifty fifty for bio and developmental. I think probably one of the biggest differences between this program and the one you are familiar with is just that this program just doesn't have the same required papers and research studies. I think my fiancé has said before that a lot of universities are performance based where professors are "graded" by how many publications they have done.
I figured your FI was in a social science field. . . I love psycology though!
It's not so much they are graded on how many publications they have, it's that they are required to bring in grants in order to supply the universities with money via indirects, and in order to get grants you need to be doing research and publishing papers. So your grad students are your slave labor and they need to be advancing the projects, generating the data, and writing papers. . . 5-6 days a week, 365. If the PI's don't bring in enough money to the university via indirects each year, they are replaced.
That's just the way things work in the natural science fields at large universities. The psych dept at my university is heavily research based because there is a medical school associated with the university, so it is actually run like a natural science dept as described above.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I'm sure you know your program and your crowd, but if there are any lurkers thinking of the same, that during the week should be fine for grad school students or teachers because they get summers off: I just finished graduate school within the fine arts (planning to teach), my fiance is entering grad school for politics/ administration. I have a teaching job during the summer, and if possible I will continue to teach or get other work during summers. Adjunct positions pay peanuts, so this is a necessity for many, and I would imagine that there are some (many?) k-12 teachers that also look for work in the summer. My fiance also plans to work during the summer in order to take out less student loans/ supplement our sad little income. In sum, any weekday wedding would be difficult, despite the common assumption that teachers and students are free during the summer.
FWIW - unless you were family that I was close to or a close friend - I wouldn't be going to a Thursday night wedding - work day starts at 5 a.m. and taking time off is a bear. Friday out of town wedding - once again unless you are a close family member or friend - I probably won't be making it if it is more than an hour away. Saturday - all in! An extended family member of mine is getting married on a Friday afternoon/evening. We will be trying our hardest to get up there for the ceremony - however, I-95 DC - PHL corridor...not sure if we will be making it on time...
Re: As-guest would you rather....
MY FI was never denied vacation when he asked for it- BUT he hardly ever asked for it in the 7 years he was working on his PhD, and he was only able to take the time off because it didn't ever conflict with the experiments being run in the lab.
His PI was also one of the most accommodating, easy going, kind PI's at that institution. Many were total slave drivers and wouldn't allow anyone a break unless it was a holiday and the university was closing.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I'm not a VIP, though. You said that Thursdays work for them, so it's a good option.
Otherwise, my husband would be unavailable as he works weeknights and I'd prefer a Saturday or Sunday for that reason. I'd do a Friday... Saturday is ideal.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
This is very odd to me.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
This is very odd to me.
I work in a college of education and most of my faculty members are off contract during the summer as are the RAs. The faculty members still do research, but because it is not usually funded by external sources they don't have official hours and usually work from home. For those who have externally funded projects they "officially" work for a month or more in the summer. I'm guessing your hard science faculty members have externally funded projects that pay them to run the labs during the summer. Social science is a whole other ball game.
Yes, in the natural sciences the PI's, the heads of the labs, have grants, usually multiple multi year grants, that fund research year round. However, IIRC PhD students don't typically receive funding via these grants. . .Their tuition is paid in full by the university itself, I believe, and they also receive a stipend to live off of, usually by teaching classes or TAing labs for at least the 1st two years of their programs. Then they are expected to work full time on their research.
Grant money is used for hiring Post Docs and research staff, plus to cover equipment and reagent costs, rental of lab and office space, etc.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
What field are they in though? You never answered that question. I'm just curious.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I agree with @zobird- you would have to be REALLY close to me (like a sister) to go to a non-weekend wedding. I fully understand different priorities for different people, and they shouldn't have to cater to me, but a Thursday wedding, or even a Friday wedding (unless it is local) is really, really inconvenient.
I know someone who kept bragging that they were saving so much because they got married on a Tuesday that they were going to have all these bells and whistles at their wedding. They had about a 80% decline rate so it all went to waste.
I would prefer a Saturday afternoon casual cake and punch non-meal reception 100 times more than a friday night wedding where I had to race home from work (or even leave early), get ready fast and race back to the wedding venue.
Also, when I was a postgrad student, I couldn't take m-f evenings off because of various committments (I actually have more flexibility and free time now that I am finished and working then when I was in my PhD programme). My fridays were blocked with teaching and seminars that I couldn't just take a day off from.
I figured your FI was in a social science field. . . I love psycology though!
It's not so much they are graded on how many publications they have, it's that they are required to bring in grants in order to supply the universities with money via indirects, and in order to get grants you need to be doing research and publishing papers. So your grad students are your slave labor and they need to be advancing the projects, generating the data, and writing papers. . . 5-6 days a week, 365. If the PI's don't bring in enough money to the university via indirects each year, they are replaced.
That's just the way things work in the natural science fields at large universities. The psych dept at my university is heavily research based because there is a medical school associated with the university, so it is actually run like a natural science dept as described above.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Thursday
Friday
Saturday would be a decline.
I work in hardware retail. Summer is a swamped zoo all the time and weekends are vile. I can't take a Saturday off and Friday is pushing it.