Reception Timeline and Toasts

ashleyep · May 2014

My venue's coordinator sent me a timeline suggestion for the reception. I'm not sure how I feel about where the toasts are though. I was going to switch the toasts and the first course so at least guests would have some food in front of them, but then I realized that with my parent's hosting, my dad probably wants to say something. And it probably wouldn't hurt for us to say a few (seriously, just a few) words as well. All of the orders I see online say you do best man, MOH, parents, couple. I'm just worried that would be a lot cram in between toasts. Should I do best man/moh before the salad and then my dad and us between the courses? Thoughts? I don't want to bore everyone, but I'm not going to tell anyone they can't give a toast (though I have re-iterated to them that it should be a toast, not a speech).

Also, it's worth mentioning that I have a photobooth for 3 hours as well. She recommended 7:30-10:30, but I was thinking 8:30-11:30. I think it's netter later in the night. Thoughts?

7:00pm Cocktail Hour

8:00pm Guests are seated & Bridal party are lined up

8:10pm Bridal party introductions

8:15pm First Dance

8:20pm Blessing & Toasts

8:30pm First Course (Salads)

9:00pm Main Course (Entrée)

9:45pm Bride & Groom cut the wedding cake

9:50pm Parent Dances

10:00pm Cake & Coffee Station (DJ will announce)

10:00pm Dance Floor opens

11:30pm Last call at the bar

11:45pm Bar closes

11:45pm Last song is played

12:00am Guests Leave

Maggie0829 · May 2014

Does your Dad want to say something or are you just guessing? Make sure that your Dad wants to say something before you make any definitive decisions.

But if it was me, I think it would be nice if your Dad, as the host), greeted everyone and thanked them for coming (short and sweet) before the salad course. Then once the salad has been served and people are finishing it up, then do the BM/MOH toasts. Finally, after the entree is served and people are almost done then you and your FI can say a few words. But the only down side to this is that it will interfere with table visits if you aren't doing a receiving line after your ceremony.

As for the photobooth, I think you should have it there for cocktail hour so I agree with your coordinator. Heck I would even have it from 7-10 because then most people will get the chance to use it prior to having to sit down for dinner. Because from 8-9:45 it really won't be used because everyone will be sitting and eating.

KGold80 · May 2014

I'll let other people speak to their own experiences as to how much time stuff takes, but I think it is kind of weird to have the first dance before dinner. Toasts could be done while guests are eating and in between courses. There is no sense in making your guests be a captive audience for 10+ minutes while various people speak. If the folks on your list are actually giving toasts (not giving speeches), they should still have plenty of time to eat before and after they speak.

I think we're going to have our photobooth available during cocktail hour to give guests something else to do, especially since we'll have some kids (teenagers) in attendance. Are you going to have the photobooth brought in while the reception is going on or will it be set up and the attendant just arrives later?

CrazyCatLady3 · May 2014

Don't do all the toasts at once. Let the first course be served, and have the first toast while guests are eating that. Then let the main entree be served, and do the remaining toasts.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

First of all, you need to tell people they can't give toasts. The people you've listed -- MOH, BM, your parents, you/FI -- are fine; anything more than that is overkill and unnecessary.

I've never seen the order you're doing this, with the dances being split up like that. Typically, the B/G do their first dance, then the parent dances (if any), then the floor is opened for dancing. The way you're doing it splits that up and is kind of confusing.

I'd do:

7-8: Cocktail hour (photo booth opens)

8-8:10: Guests are seated/BP introductions

8:15-8:25: You and DH welcome people, your parents say a few words, MOH/BM toasts, blessing

8:25: Salad is served

8:45: Main course is served

9:15: B/G cut the cake

9:20: B/G first dance

9:25: Parent dances

9:30: Dance floor opens

10: DJ announces cake/coffee station

11:30 Last call (photo booth closes)

11:45: Bar closes

11;45: Last song is played

12: Guests leave

ashleyep · May 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Does your Dad want to say something or are you just guessing? Make sure that your Dad wants to say something before you make any definitive decisions.

But if it was me, I think it would be nice if your Dad, as the host), greeted everyone and thanked them for coming (short and sweet) before the salad course. Then once the salad has been served and people are finishing it up, then do the BM/MOH toasts. Finally, after the entree is served and people are almost done then you and your FI can say a few words. But the only down side to this is that it will interfere with table visits if you aren't doing a receiving line after your ceremony.

As for the photobooth, I think you should have it there for cocktail hour so I agree with your coordinator. Heck I would even have it from 7-10 because then most people will get the chance to use it prior to having to sit down for dinner. Because from 8-9:45 it really won't be used because everyone will be sitting and eating.

No I'm not 100% positive about my dad. I'm not making any definite plans right now, just throwing ideas around. I thought to have my dad speak before salad too (if he wants to), but for some reason all of the websites say parents speak after BM/MOH (not that that really matters). Thanks for the suggestions.

So in either case with the photobooth, it's not getting used during dinner. It's just a matter of whether it will get more use during cocktail hour or during dancing. I've always used them later in the night after a few drinks and to get a break from dancing. But I'm not a big dancer.

ashleyep · May 2014

@Kgold80 - that's why I wanted to move the toasts as well. I didn't want to make everyone want to get their salad. The photobooth is outside the reception room - where the cocktail hour was. I'm not sure when exactly they'll set it up.

@HisGirlFriday13 - Sorry, I meant I'm not going to tell any of those people they can't give a toast. No one else will be. I've almost always seen the First Dance done right after the couple is introduced and before dinner. We can't do parent dances then for a number of reasons having to do with FI's mom that I won't get in to. We figured the parent dances would open the dance floor (and again this wasn't just me with this schedule).

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

ashleyep said:

@Kgold80 - that's why I wanted to move the toasts as well. I didn't want to make everyone want to get their salad. The photobooth is outside the reception room - where the cocktail hour was. I'm not sure when exactly they'll set it up.

@HisGirlFriday13 - Sorry, I meant I'm not going to tell any of those people they can't give a toast. No one else will be. I've almost always seen the First Dance done right after the couple is introduced and before dinner. We can't do parent dances then for a number of reasons having to do with FI's mom that I won't get in to. We figured the parent dances would open the dance floor (and again this wasn't just me with this schedule).

Ah, OK. I thought you meant you weren't going to tell people period they couldn't give toasts, and I had visions of long-winded speeches and additional speech-givers and whatnot. That makes sense.

I've never seen first dances before dinner, which isn't to say you can't do it, and if that's normal for you, go for it. I've just never seen it, so it would surprise me and probably throw me for a loop.

If there are reasons to split up the dances the way you are, then go for it.

As a guest, I hate, hate, HATE the stop-and-start nature of speeches-eating-more speeches-eating-dancing-eating. I want you to put all of the things that demand my attention and force me to stop socialising together in one place so I can pay attention to you and then get back to my dinner/socialising.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

Have you considered having the salad already at the guests seat when they sit down? That way if people want to eat their salad while you have your first dance or a toast is being given then they can. And I agree with HGF, I didn't notice the dances being split when I first read your post, but they should all be done back to back instead of splitting them up.

@Kgold80 - I have seen a lot of people have their spotlight dances prior to dinner. We did it that way because once dinner was over we wanted the party to get started and not have to interrupt it with dances, or garter/bouquet toss crap (we didn't do this anyway) or a special "everyone look this way as we cut the cake" thing. I have been a good number of weddings that split everything up so you would have 10 minutes of dancing and then the party would have to stop to watch a spotlight dance, then the dancing would try to get started again only to be stopped for another spotlight thing. It really kills the party mood when you have to stop having fun to watch something.

ashleyep · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

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As a guest, I hate, hate, HATE the stop-and-start nature of speeches-eating-more speeches-eating-dancing-eating. I want you to put all of the things that demand my attention and force me to stop socialising together in one place so I can pay attention to you and then get back to my dinner/socialising.

@Grumbledore - Another good point! Maybe I'll start them all as the salad is served. I need to be able to do table visits during dinner (about 20 tables). So I don't want to be doing anything then.

The dance actually works out quite well. Everyone is around the dance floor for introductions, and as soon as you're introduced, you kind of segue into the first dance and everyone is already around the dance floor from introductions. No one has to come up to the dance floor for parent dances later in the night. But then of course it's another thing standing between guests and their food.

STARMOON44 · May 2014

Have the salads pre-set on the tables. People can eat during the first round of toasts.

Once you have your first dance, the floor is open. People can and likely will dance between courses. Once the mains are served you can do any remaining toasts.

NYCMercedes · May 2014

Apart from the toasts, I would never expect my guests to be seated at 8:00 and have to wait an hour for dinner. They'll be hungry. Have the salads on the table and serve dinner no later than 8:30. Do the introduction and then the blessing and move everything else after your guests have been served dinner.

ashleyep · May 2014

STARMOON44 said:

Have the salads pre-set on the tables. People can eat during the first round of toasts. Once you have your first dance, the floor is open. People can and likely will dance between courses. Once the mains are served you can do any remaining toasts.

That hasn't been the case at any of the weddings I've been to. The DJ isn't really playing dance music during dinner.

ashleyep · May 2014

Thanks everyone, I hadn't thought about asking for the salad to already be on the table.

KGold80 · May 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Have you considered having the salad already at the guests seat when they sit down? That way if people want to eat their salad while you have your first dance or a toast is being given then they can. And I agree with HGF, I didn't notice the dances being split when I first read your post, but they should all be done back to back instead of splitting them up.

@Kgold80 - I have seen a lot of people have their spotlight dances prior to dinner. We did it that way because once dinner was over we wanted the party to get started and not have to interrupt it with dances, or garter/bouquet toss crap (we didn't do this anyway) or a special "everyone look this way as we cut the cake" thing. I have been a good number of weddings that split everything up so you would have 10 minutes of dancing and then the party would have to stop to watch a spotlight dance, then the dancing would try to get started again only to be stopped for another spotlight thing. It really kills the party mood when you have to stop having fun to watch something.

That makes sense. I was thinking we'd go from dinner to cake cutting to first dance (while cake is being cut and placed on the table) to parent dances (although we may not have any) or reversed anniversary dance. Our cake isn't being passed. Instead, we're going to have it cut and placed on a table so people can choose their preferred flavor. Guests would then have a choice as to whether or not they eat it immediately or wait a little while. We'll also have a coffee station set up next to the cake table.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

STARMOON44 said:

Have the salads pre-set on the tables. People can eat during the first round of toasts. Once you have your first dance, the floor is open. People can and likely will dance between courses. Once the mains are served you can do any remaining toasts.

That hasn't been the case at any of the weddings I've been to. The DJ isn't really playing dance music during dinner.

I am with you on this. I have never been to a wedding where people danced in between courses. The music that is always played is nice background dinner music and there really isn't a whole lot of time in between the salad and the entree for people to get up and groove.

RebeccaFlower · May 2014

Maggie0829 said:

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STARMOON44 said:

Have the salads pre-set on the tables. People can eat during the first round of toasts. Once you have your first dance, the floor is open. People can and likely will dance between courses. Once the mains are served you can do any remaining toasts.

That hasn't been the case at any of the weddings I've been to. The DJ isn't really playing dance music during dinner.
I am with you on this. I have never been to a wedding where people danced in between courses. The music that is always played is nice background dinner music and there really isn't a whole lot of time in between the salad and the entree for people to get up and groove.

I've never seen this and I would think it was totally weird to dance between courses. I would and have, however, used a photo booth between courses.

STARMOON44 · May 2014

Every single wedding I have been to has had dancing in between courses! The DJ/band just switches between back ground and dancing music. If you're not going to have dancing during courses I would def do the toasts while people eat.

phira · May 2014

I would ALWAYS do toasts while people eat, and I'd request that the person to do the first toast explicitly (and, of course, politely) let guests know that they can/should keep eating during the toasts.

Weddings I've been to didn't have dancing during courses ... but they did all have the first dance and parent dances immediately after the introductions/grand entrance. We're planning on doing the first dance right after the grand entrance, but we're also 1) not doing wedding party introductions, and 2) combining the grand entrance and first dance (using one song and not dancing all the way through to the end). So it should be shorter than doing an intro THEN a first dance.

doeydo · May 2014

Dear lord, I would be starving by the time dinner happened.

ashleyep · May 2014

doeydo said:

Dear lord, I would be starving by the time dinner happened.

Really? This timeline doesn't seem that off from what I've seen at weddings and it's never been an issue. There's plenty of food during the cocktail hour, I'm going to move up the salad so they'll have that at 8:15 or so, hopefully we can move up the dinner course as well. I know eating at 8:45 is really late for some people, but it's not a major issue for us.

Inkdancer · May 2014

doeydo said:

Dear lord, I would be starving by the time dinner happened.

Me too. I would have thoroughly embarrassed myself eating ALL THE APPS at cocktail hour because dinner at 9:00 is way too late for me.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

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ashleyep said:

@Kgold80 - that's why I wanted to move the toasts as well. I didn't want to make everyone want to get their salad. The photobooth is outside the reception room - where the cocktail hour was. I'm not sure when exactly they'll set it up.

@HisGirlFriday13 - Sorry, I meant I'm not going to tell any of those people they can't give a toast. No one else will be. I've almost always seen the First Dance done right after the couple is introduced and before dinner. We can't do parent dances then for a number of reasons having to do with FI's mom that I won't get in to. We figured the parent dances would open the dance floor (and again this wasn't just me with this schedule).

Ah, OK. I thought you meant you weren't going to tell people period they couldn't give toasts, and I had visions of long-winded speeches and additional speech-givers and whatnot. That makes sense.

I've never seen first dances before dinner, which isn't to say you can't do it, and if that's normal for you, go for it. I've just never seen it, so it would surprise me and probably throw me for a loop.

If there are reasons to split up the dances the way you are, then go for it.

As a guest, I hate, hate, HATE the stop-and-start nature of speeches-eating-more speeches-eating-dancing-eating. I want you to put all of the things that demand my attention and force me to stop socialising together in one place so I can pay attention to you and then get back to my dinner/socialising.

It's so interesting to see everyone's perspectives. I've always seen the bride and grooms first dance right after they are introduced. Never seen it after dinner. OP I think your timeline is fine. It's pretty standard for what I'm used to.

doeydo · May 2014

Yeah, I usually eat around 5:00 or so. I also have Celiac disease; if there were appetizers I could have, I would eat a heck of a lot of them.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

Oh, and I've been to one wedding that did dancing in between courses and I loved it. I don't think it's going to work with the way our venue has things organized, but it's not a bad idea.

Also, what about doing the bride and groom toasts at the end of the night. My sister made a little speech at the end of the night (MOH and BM toasts were before dinner), and I think I'm going to do the same.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

NYCMercedes said:

Apart from the toasts, I would never expect my guests to be seated at 8:00 and have to wait an hour for dinner. They'll be hungry. Have the salads on the table and serve dinner no later than 8:30. Do the introduction and then the blessing and move everything else after your guests have been served dinner.

This.

Have everyone's salads pre-plated and at their seats, then do the blessing, followed by all of the toasts while people are eating. That's the way all of the weddings I have been to (30+) have done things. And make sure main course is served no later than 8:30pm.

And personally I'd skip the bridal party entrance/introductions, especially if you have a large wedding party. Your guests honestly don't care who is in your bridal party- they want to see you and your FI announced and entered, and then they want to eat and dance.

HisGirlFriday13 said:

As a guest, I hate, hate, HATE the stop-and-start nature of speeches-eating-more speeches-eating-dancing-eating. I want you to put all of the things that demand my attention and force me to stop socializing together in one place so I can pay attention to you and then get back to my dinner/socializing.

This also! So I would have you and your FI announced and enter, you could even cut the cake at this time so that the venue staff has time to cut and plate it for dessert, then do the blessing, then toasts- MOH, Best Man, FOB- while people are eating their salads. Encourage ppl to keep things short- these are toasts not speeches, and to keep all the inside jokes out of it.

Main course served by 8:30pm. After dinner, do all of the spotlight dances and then open up the dance floor for everyone. That gives people plenty of time to dance. The DJ can announce dessert is available at 9:30pm in case people want to get going early.

I have never seen the spotlight dances done before dinner nor split up as you described, and I think splitting them up would be awkward and disrupt the flow of the evening.

I'd have the photo booth open during cocktail hour, closed during dinner, and then opened again during dancing.

At the end of the night you and your FI should thank everyone for coming, yadda yadda.

TheGrimReaper · May 2014

We had our first dance immediately after being introduced. We did our parent dances right after cake. It wasn't weird or awkward to have it broken up that way. As a guest, I'd rather it be broken up than watching three spotlight dances in a row.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

TheGrimReaper said:

We had our first dance immediately after being introduced. We did our parent dances right after cake. It wasn't weird or awkward to have it broken up that way. As a guest, I'd rather it be broken up than watching three spotlight dances in a row.

As a guest I'd rather get them all out of the way together so that open dancing can begin.

ashleyep · May 2014

@TheGrimRepear - that's my thought. Doing the first dance right after introductions isn't *that* weird. And I'd rather not make our guests sit through parent dances before getting to the toasts and eating.

I *think* what I'm going to do is have the servers start serving the salad during the introductions/first dance. We don't have a very big bridal party - 3 for each of us, and if they're announced in pairs it will move quickly. Hopefully that means we can move the entree up to 8:45 if not earlier. Toasts will happen while guests are eating their salad. Then we can do table visits during dinner, and we'll thank our guests towards the end of the night.

Cake will stay where it is. It's not being served to the table, it's being set up on the side of the room with coffee. I've never been a big fan of cutting the cake before dinner.

I'll see if I can split up the photobooth, but if not I think I'll leave it 8:45-11:45. I've always had much more fun with them towards the end of the night after a few drinks. I've never had a problem keeping myself entertained during cocktail hour.

ashleyep · May 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

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TheGrimReaper said:

We had our first dance immediately after being introduced. We did our parent dances right after cake. It wasn't weird or awkward to have it broken up that way. As a guest, I'd rather it be broken up than watching three spotlight dances in a row.

As a guest I'd rather get them all out of the way together so that open dancing can begin.

But what's the difference? Either the first dance is right after introductions, and then the parent dances are after cake, or all 3 are after the cake cutting. Open dancing still starts at the same time. The dance floor will not be open during dinner.

TheGrimReaper · May 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

show previous quotes

TheGrimReaper said:

We had our first dance immediately after being introduced. We did our parent dances right after cake. It wasn't weird or awkward to have it broken up that way. As a guest, I'd rather it be broken up than watching three spotlight dances in a row.
As a guest I'd rather get them all out of the way together so that open dancing can begin.

Yeah, I guess my thought on that is open dancing isn't starting anyway. We're dancing immediately after introductions (no one's doing to start dancing while salads are being set down) and then while people are eating cake. Most of the adults at our reception didn't start invading the dance floor until a good hour after dinner.

Although our first dance felt like it lasted an eternity. H and I don't have any serious moves, we mostly just swayed back and forth. Everyone else said it was quick (really, I think it was a 3 minute song), but by 2 minutes in we were looking at each other laughing asking if the song would ever end.

ETA: Actually, now that I think about it, if wanting the 'open dance floor' is your issue, doing all three in a row after dinner is actually the WORSE idea. Breaking them into two times when people definitely aren't running onto the dance floor (Who watches introductions and then barrels onto the dance floor before dinner starts?) actually impinges on people's opportunity to boogie less than all three at once.

Reception Timeline and Toasts

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