Chit Chat

Thursday randoms

2

Re: Thursday randoms

  • Just under 5 months until I tie the knot!

    Aside from that:
    -Dropped my car off at the dealership today to get my "perma-plate" installed (it's supposed to keep the paint all purdy and shiny). So I am car-less for a few hours. :(
    -I have a 3-5 page essay due for my Sociology class that I'm slacking on, and today is my only day off from work this week, so I really should do it today.

    Other than that, just hanging around the house today (due to said car being MIA). Good thing we have all sorts of leftovers for me to gorge on!
  • The semester is over so FI is moving into the new place with me tonight.  The last week has been stressful for him (Studying for finals, one of which is for his Chinese language course, and the usb with his entire English portfolio on it broke, so he had to scramble to re-type a whole semester of essays, thankfully he still had hard copies or rough drafts of most.) so I made a huge batch of "Sorry finals sucked so bad" cookies.
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  • - I was sick the entire time I was away.  Now I'm still sick and trying to play catch-up at work.  Sometimes taking time off is not worth it.

    - Which brings me to my next random. my boss/owner decided to try out a new program to generate more business. That in itself is a good thing, but he started the program on my first day out of the office. He decided NOT to have someone cover me while I was gone and he doesn't know how to work the reservation system.  So I was getting emergency calls to make reservations the entire time I was gone.  And he setup the program with the wrong rates.   He does this crap all the time.  







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I have more!

    Yesterday FI and I cleaned off our sinful stack of papers kitchen table. You could not see the table cloth :( but now it's clean yay!

    Well, last night it was really hot, and we still have on the large winter comforter. So I pull it off the bed at around 1:30 in the morning and am looking for a place to put it... Not on the ground because our fur baby sheds a lot.. Not on top of the hamper..... Kitchen table. I put it on our clean kitchen table! Oops.

    It will be dealt with and a home will be found.

    image   image   image

  • The semester is over so FI is moving into the new place with me tonight.  The last week has been stressful for him (Studying for finals, one of which is for his Chinese language course, and the usb with his entire English portfolio on it broke, so he had to scramble to re-type a whole semester of essays, thankfully he still had hard copies or rough drafts of most.) so I made a huge batch of "Sorry finals sucked so bad" cookies.
    My reply would be "wife her", but he already is. ;)
  • FiancBFiancB member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm done with classes so I'm going into work today after working only very sporadically the last few months. Dunwanna. Waahhhh. At least we don't have anymore clients with physical behaviors though! We are supposed to get one in soon that is a lot like our wheelchair client. 

    I've been trying to figure out how to make bread. I had a couple not so satisfactory attempts at whole wheat so I thought maybe I should do baby steps and make white, even though I try to avoid white flour. It turned out pretty good. Different taste from store bread for sure. 

    FI has another phone interview tomorrow. They called very unexpectedly last night at 7 pm (who does that?), and this was after an email that said the position had been filled so he was confused. They didn't say whether they're calling for the middle or high school for that district and he forgot to ask. There's another job he somewhat begrudgingly applied for because it's only a .6, but a friend of his that works there just told him it's actually a .8 which is much better. Disorganized HR, yay...
    image
  • FiancB said:
    I'm done with classes so I'm going into work today after working only very sporadically the last few months. Dunwanna. Waahhhh. At least we don't have anymore clients with physical behaviors though! We are supposed to get one in soon that is a lot like our wheelchair client. 

    I've been trying to figure out how to make bread. I had a couple not so satisfactory attempts at whole wheat so I thought maybe I should do baby steps and make white, even though I try to avoid white flour. It turned out pretty good. Different taste from store bread for sure. 

    FI has another phone interview tomorrow. They called very unexpectedly last night at 7 pm (who does that?), and this was after an email that said the position had been filled so he was confused. They didn't say whether they're calling for the middle or high school for that district and he forgot to ask. There's another job he somewhat begrudgingly applied for because it's only a .6, but a friend of his that works there just told him it's actually a .8 which is much better. Disorganized HR, yay...
    Good luck to your FI! What kind of position is he going for with the schools? I have a phone interview this afternoon as well.
    image
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    How in the world did I double post like half an hour later? I think I need another cup of coffee.
                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

  • - TK says I have 58 days until the wedding. The closer it gets, the less I want to go through with it. Not the getting married part, the reception part. I look at the money we've already thrown at it, and I want to vomit. I'd much rather have spent the money on a car that doesn't shake when I drive faster than 55. But FI cries every time I tell him I just want to have a quiet civil ceremony, saying that this is what his deceased mother would have insisted on. Which I get, but she isn't paying for it - I am. Ugh.
    - We have blown our wedding budget. Not by a ton (less than 2k), but still. Because FI could not keep his mouth shut and gave verbal invites to random extended family members and people at his work even though we agreed on our guest list almost a year ago. I had to make some hard cuts with my own friends in order to keep us relatively close to our ideal guest list of 100. We are at 116 right now and I am nearing the point of throat-punching him if he keeps saying "Oh, we should invite..."
    - One of my coworkers is such a weirdo. He moved 2 months ago, and every 2 weeks since then, I have been reminding him that he needs to give me his new address so I can update the employee database. He has not done so. I sent him an email on Monday reiterating that I needed his updated address for our database and also because I am addressing my wedding invitations - and if I didn't receive his information by the end of the week, I would be unable to send him an invitation. Nothing yet, and he took vacation days the rest of the week. Since the guy is pretty much just Sheldon Cooper with fewer social skills, I sort of want to not invite him. However, I sent a STDate and not following up with an invitation would be against etiquette.
    - I am psyched to go out for tacos and margaritas tonight. I did nothing for Cinco de Mayo since I was busy pouring peroxide in my ear to kill an infection, so I need to make up for it tonight. This rain better stop before I have to leave.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • SmileDamnitSmileDamnit member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    lyndausvi said:
    - I was sick the entire time I was away.  Now I'm still sick and trying to play catch-up at work.  Sometimes taking time off is not worth it.

    Boo! So the 'big city' visit was no fun? Hope you feel better soon!

    **edited to ask how the dogs did in your absence??**
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • - TK says I have 58 days until the wedding. The closer it gets, the less I want to go through with it. Not the getting married part, the reception part. I look at the money we've already thrown at it, and I want to vomit. I'd much rather have spent the money on a car that doesn't shake when I drive faster than 55. But FI cries every time I tell him I just want to have a quiet civil ceremony, saying that this is what his deceased mother would have insisted on. Which I get, but she isn't paying for it - I am. Ugh.

    - We have blown our wedding budget. Not by a ton (less than 2k), but still. Because FI could not keep his mouth shut and gave verbal invites to random extended family members and people at his work even though we agreed on our guest list almost a year ago. I had to make some hard cuts with my own friends in order to keep us relatively close to our ideal guest list of 100. We are at 116 right now and I am nearing the point of throat-punching him if he keeps saying "Oh, we should invite..."
    - One of my coworkers is such a weirdo. He moved 2 months ago, and every 2 weeks since then, I have been reminding him that he needs to give me his new address so I can update the employee database. He has not done so. I sent him an email on Monday reiterating that I needed his updated address for our database and also because I am addressing my wedding invitations - and if I didn't receive his information by the end of the week, I would be unable to send him an invitation. Nothing yet, and he took vacation days the rest of the week. Since the guy is pretty much just Sheldon Cooper with fewer social skills, I sort of want to not invite him. However, I sent a STDate and not following up with an invitation would be against etiquette.
    - I am psyched to go out for tacos and margaritas tonight. I did nothing for Cinco de Mayo since I was busy pouring peroxide in my ear to kill an infection, so I need to make up for it tonight. This rain better stop before I have to leave.
    People who don't give you their address don't get wedding invites. Etiquette can only go so far.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • - TK says I have 58 days until the wedding. The closer it gets, the less I want to go through with it. Not the getting married part, the reception part. I look at the money we've already thrown at it, and I want to vomit. I'd much rather have spent the money on a car that doesn't shake when I drive faster than 55. But FI cries every time I tell him I just want to have a quiet civil ceremony, saying that this is what his deceased mother would have insisted on. Which I get, but she isn't paying for it - I am. Ugh.
    - We have blown our wedding budget. Not by a ton (less than 2k), but still. Because FI could not keep his mouth shut and gave verbal invites to random extended family members and people at his work even though we agreed on our guest list almost a year ago. I had to make some hard cuts with my own friends in order to keep us relatively close to our ideal guest list of 100. We are at 116 right now and I am nearing the point of throat-punching him if he keeps saying "Oh, we should invite..."
    - One of my coworkers is such a weirdo. He moved 2 months ago, and every 2 weeks since then, I have been reminding him that he needs to give me his new address so I can update the employee database. He has not done so. I sent him an email on Monday reiterating that I needed his updated address for our database and also because I am addressing my wedding invitations - and if I didn't receive his information by the end of the week, I would be unable to send him an invitation. Nothing yet, and he took vacation days the rest of the week. Since the guy is pretty much just Sheldon Cooper with fewer social skills, I sort of want to not invite him. However, I sent a STDate and not following up with an invitation would be against etiquette.
    - I am psyched to go out for tacos and margaritas tonight. I did nothing for Cinco de Mayo since I was busy pouring peroxide in my ear to kill an infection, so I need to make up for it tonight. This rain better stop before I have to leave.
    I definitely had those moments too when I wanted to cry about all the money we were spending on the wedding. You aren't alone. It's sweet you are going through with this to honor your FI's wishes though. Tacos and Margaritas sound good!
    image
  • FiancBFiancB member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    - TK says I have 58 days until the wedding. The closer it gets, the less I want to go through with it. Not the getting married part, the reception part. I look at the money we've already thrown at it, and I want to vomit. I'd much rather have spent the money on a car that doesn't shake when I drive faster than 55. But FI cries every time I tell him I just want to have a quiet civil ceremony, saying that this is what his deceased mother would have insisted on. Which I get, but she isn't paying for it - I am. Ugh.
    I feel you there. We're 51 days away and I am so over this wedding crap. I had another nightmare last night. I don't even really remember what it was about other than being WR but I get them all the time. I want it to be over. I just really hope it's all worth it..

    @SapphireCounselor he's an English teacher. He's taught high school, not middle school so we're really hoping the interview is for the high school. Maybe middle school would be fun but personally the idea of working with middle schoolers gives me a mini heart attack lol. Good luck with your interview!
    image
  • cupcait927cupcait927 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2014

     @CookiePusher I spent an entire evening in bed crying one night because the stress over the cost of this wedding pushed me over the edge. I'm beyond excited to be married to FI and there are more days than not that I just want to bring him down to the court house and just get married. I see all this money we're spending (and will be going over budget as well, not by a ton but we will be) and think of what it could be used for and I freak out. FI keeps telling me it will be okay but I'm not convinced. So you are certainly not alone, at all.

  • Niccirf said:
    lyndausvi said:
    - I was sick the entire time I was away.  Now I'm still sick and trying to play catch-up at work.  Sometimes taking time off is not worth it.

    Boo! So the 'big city' visit was no fun? Hope you feel better soon!

    **edited to ask how the dogs did in your absence??**
    I liked Denver.  I liked Rockies Stadium.  We went up to the roof top.   Best views in baseball as far as I'm concerned. Ate some good food.   Saw where DH lived and worked up in Boulder many moons ago

    Mack stayed with one of the foster families through the rescue.   They are snobs and would not take Chef because he is not a rescue.   So Chef stayed with a friend who has 2 dogs.  He had a blast over there.    The friend joked they didn't want to give him up.

    They are both passed out right now.  Must of been an active few days.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • FiancB said:
    - TK says I have 58 days until the wedding. The closer it gets, the less I want to go through with it. Not the getting married part, the reception part. I look at the money we've already thrown at it, and I want to vomit. I'd much rather have spent the money on a car that doesn't shake when I drive faster than 55. But FI cries every time I tell him I just want to have a quiet civil ceremony, saying that this is what his deceased mother would have insisted on. Which I get, but she isn't paying for it - I am. Ugh.
    I feel you there. We're 51 days away and I am so over this wedding crap. I had another nightmare last night. I don't even really remember what it was about other than being WR but I get them all the time. I want it to be over. I just really hope it's all worth it..

    @SapphireCounselor he's an English teacher. He's taught high school, not middle school so we're really hoping the interview is for the high school. Maybe middle school would be fun but personally the idea of working with middle schoolers gives me a mini heart attack lol. Good luck with your interview!
    Awesome! good luck to you both. I actually love middle school but I totally understand why it doesn't appeal to everyone. HS is so much more fun though! You really do get to see the students become their own people. It is awesome.
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  • A couple of more randoms:

    -There is a woman who works in my office area and she is the quietest pooper in the world. Our bathroom has two stalls and you can walk in there, do your business, and when you open the door to leave the bathroom that's when she let's it all out so you don't know she's there until AFTER you're done. It's a little weird.

    -I also bought a cookie because I'm having the day from hell at work.

     Wedding Countdown Ticker




    image 59 Invited
    image 36 Yes
    image 2 No
    image 21 Unknown
  • People who don't give you their address don't get wedding invites. Etiquette can only go so far.
    I'm afraid that he's either 1) trying to call my bluff (because he's a crazy weirdo like that) or 2) assumes I will just hand him an invitation at work. He's the type that would make a big deal out of not getting an invitation even though it's his own damn fault, much like Sheldon Cooper would. Because he's a big, giant, socially awkward baby.
    I definitely had those moments too when I wanted to cry about all the money we were spending on the wedding. You aren't alone. It's sweet you are going through with this to honor your FI's wishes though. Tacos and Margaritas sound good!
    This has been an ongoing battle for the entire length of our engagement. Actually, it's been going on for longer than that. I've been engaged twice before, and called off both weddings because the whole idea of the big, puffy white wedding does not appeal to me in any way, shape, or form. FI said it doesn't matter how I feel about it, this is what he wants. For his dead mother. Who royally fucked up our finances. But none of that gets through to FI, and I gave in because I was just really, really tired of seeing the Ugly Dawson Crying Face. *sigh*
    FiancB said:
    I feel you there. We're 51 days away and I am so over this wedding crap. I had another nightmare last night. I don't even really remember what it was about other than being WR but I get them all the time. I want it to be over. I just really hope it's all worth it..

    I haven't had any dreams or nightmares that I can remember. Of course, I sleep like a rock and never remember any dream that isn't a premonition, so this is probably a good thing!
    ckel24 said:

     @CookiePusher I spent an entire evening in bed crying one night because the stress over the cost of this wedding pushed me over the edge. I'm beyond excited to be married to FI and there are more days than not that I just want to bring him down to the court house and just get married. I see all this money we're spending (and will be going over budget as well, not by a ton but we will be) and think of what it could be used for and I freak out. FI keeps telling me it will be okay but I'm not convinced. So you are certainly not alone, at all.

    Yea, like, I definitely want to marry FI. I mean, we've waited long enough (almost 12.5 years). However, the whole "having a wedding" thing is literally giving me anxiety attacks. FI is less than sympathetic because everyone has convinced him that I will change my mind once the wedding actually happens and that I don't mean it when I say I don't want a "wedding" anyway because every little girl has dreamed of her floofy, fancy wedding since she was 4 years old. (Much the way people tell me that I should just have a kid and see if I change my mind about not wanting one because I can't possibly be female if mommyhood isn't my ultimate goal in life.)
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • (Much the way people tell me that I should just have a kid and see if I change my mind about not wanting one because I can't possibly be female if mommyhood isn't my ultimate goal in life.)
    I just have to ditto this one.
  • People who don't give you their address don't get wedding invites. Etiquette can only go so far.
    I'm afraid that he's either 1) trying to call my bluff (because he's a crazy weirdo like that) or 2) assumes I will just hand him an invitation at work. He's the type that would make a big deal out of not getting an invitation even though it's his own damn fault, much like Sheldon Cooper would. Because he's a big, giant, socially awkward baby.
    I definitely had those moments too when I wanted to cry about all the money we were spending on the wedding. You aren't alone. It's sweet you are going through with this to honor your FI's wishes though. Tacos and Margaritas sound good!
    This has been an ongoing battle for the entire length of our engagement. Actually, it's been going on for longer than that. I've been engaged twice before, and called off both weddings because the whole idea of the big, puffy white wedding does not appeal to me in any way, shape, or form. FI said it doesn't matter how I feel about it, this is what he wants. For his dead mother. Who royally fucked up our finances. But none of that gets through to FI, and I gave in because I was just really, really tired of seeing the Ugly Dawson Crying Face. *sigh*
    FiancB said:
    I feel you there. We're 51 days away and I am so over this wedding crap. I had another nightmare last night. I don't even really remember what it was about other than being WR but I get them all the time. I want it to be over. I just really hope it's all worth it..

    I haven't had any dreams or nightmares that I can remember. Of course, I sleep like a rock and never remember any dream that isn't a premonition, so this is probably a good thing!
    ckel24 said:

     @CookiePusher I spent an entire evening in bed crying one night because the stress over the cost of this wedding pushed me over the edge. I'm beyond excited to be married to FI and there are more days than not that I just want to bring him down to the court house and just get married. I see all this money we're spending (and will be going over budget as well, not by a ton but we will be) and think of what it could be used for and I freak out. FI keeps telling me it will be okay but I'm not convinced. So you are certainly not alone, at all.

    Yea, like, I definitely want to marry FI. I mean, we've waited long enough (almost 12.5 years). However, the whole "having a wedding" thing is literally giving me anxiety attacks. FI is less than sympathetic because everyone has convinced him that I will change my mind once the wedding actually happens and that I don't mean it when I say I don't want a "wedding" anyway because every little girl has dreamed of her floofy, fancy wedding since she was 4 years old. (Much the way people tell me that I should just have a kid and see if I change my mind about not wanting one because I can't possibly be female if mommyhood isn't my ultimate goal in life.)
    That is really tough. Now that I know a bit more of the back story, I'm actually angry for you that your FI isn't being more respectful of what your wishes are when you seem to be bending over backwards for him. The statement that stood out to me in your response was, "FI said it doesn't matter how I feel about it..." It would depend on the context obviously, but that honestly might have been a deal breaker for me if my DH had said those exact words to me during our engagement. I feel for you, because that message from him completely invalidates and disrespects any opinions/preferences that you have. Sure we all get a little selfish about things on occassion, especially big things that are emotionally charged for us, so maybe this is a just a tough moment, but it would make me worry that this wouldn't be just a wedding issue. Anyway, sorry you are dealing with this.
    image
  • phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @buddysmom80 That would be great! I'm going to look into finding a salon, I think. The problem is that our pictures are going to be on a Sunday, and my hair salon is closed Sundays. But there might be an affordable place near our e-pics where I can at least get my make-up done. Hair might be fine on my own.

    Another random:

    - I got my data back last night, and just spent a good hour reorganizing it. My computer fell last month and the hard drive was nearly destroyed, and idiot that I am, I hadn't backed up in almost 9 months. I had to send my hard drive to a clean room for very expensive data recovery. I'm pleased to say that nearly all the data was recovered, and everything that was lost forever happened to be stuff from forever ago that was on my last back-up.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image
  • Le sigh.  I feel like tonight we ALL need margaritas and tacos.

    --I'm annoyed and upset about my delayed start date for my post-grad job.
    --I want to just be happy and excited about graduation.  Instead I'm worried.
    --It's raining.
    --I really need to call my doctor and follow up about this joint pain saga I've got going on, but I just really don't want to find out there's anything else wrong with me.
    --On a happy note, I'm dog-sitting for my sister so I get doggie cuddles today!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • @phira I just sent you a PM!

     Wedding Countdown Ticker




    image 59 Invited
    image 36 Yes
    image 2 No
    image 21 Unknown
  • @phira I love cell culture because I can get results so much faster than my in vivo stuff, but the cells are a PITA when they don't grow fast enough


    Anniversary
  • That is really tough. Now that I know a bit more of the back story, I'm actually angry for you that your FI isn't being more respectful of what your wishes are when you seem to be bending over backwards for him. The statement that stood out to me in your response was, "FI said it doesn't matter how I feel about it..." It would depend on the context obviously, but that honestly might have been a deal breaker for me if my DH had said those exact words to me during our engagement. I feel for you, because that message from him completely invalidates and disrespects any opinions/preferences that you have. Sure we all get a little selfish about things on occassion, especially big things that are emotionally charged for us, so maybe this is a just a tough moment, but it would make me worry that this wouldn't be just a wedding issue. Anyway, sorry you are dealing with this.
    FI is pretty laid back (I'm the alpha in our relationship) and mostly goes with the flow. The wedding is seriously the first thing he's ever put his foot down about. And I get it, it's hard to argue with a dead relative. I'm pretty sure my deceased dad would be thrilled to bits that I'm having a white wedding because that was very important to the Italian side of the family. However, I don't let someone else's wishes over-ride my own when my feelings are so strong (hence why I called off my two previous attempts at getting married). He just doesn't see it that way because he feels some sort of obligation to fulfill a dead woman's supposed wish (I say supposed because I'm pretty sure she didn't like me very much and would never have wanted FI and I to get married in any, way, shape, or form).

    FI's point was that it doesn't matter how I feel, I agreed to this and we've already put down 10k (of my hard-earned money), so I'm stuck with it - he doesn't believe cancelling is an option at this point. 
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • That is really tough. Now that I know a bit more of the back story, I'm actually angry for you that your FI isn't being more respectful of what your wishes are when you seem to be bending over backwards for him. The statement that stood out to me in your response was, "FI said it doesn't matter how I feel about it..." It would depend on the context obviously, but that honestly might have been a deal breaker for me if my DH had said those exact words to me during our engagement. I feel for you, because that message from him completely invalidates and disrespects any opinions/preferences that you have. Sure we all get a little selfish about things on occassion, especially big things that are emotionally charged for us, so maybe this is a just a tough moment, but it would make me worry that this wouldn't be just a wedding issue. Anyway, sorry you are dealing with this.
    FI is pretty laid back (I'm the alpha in our relationship) and mostly goes with the flow. The wedding is seriously the first thing he's ever put his foot down about. And I get it, it's hard to argue with a dead relative. I'm pretty sure my deceased dad would be thrilled to bits that I'm having a white wedding because that was very important to the Italian side of the family. However, I don't let someone else's wishes over-ride my own when my feelings are so strong (hence why I called off my two previous attempts at getting married). He just doesn't see it that way because he feels some sort of obligation to fulfill a dead woman's supposed wish (I say supposed because I'm pretty sure she didn't like me very much and would never have wanted FI and I to get married in any, way, shape, or form).

    FI's point was that it doesn't matter how I feel, I agreed to this and we've already put down 10k (of my hard-earned money), so I'm stuck with it - he doesn't believe cancelling is an option at this point. 
    I'm so sorry. You've posted about this a lot, and I can't help but feel like your FI is really, really disregarding your wants and needs and feelings on this wedding.

    Also, it concerns me that you say 'my hard-earned money.' Is he not contributing?
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @phira I love cell culture because I can get results so much faster than my in vivo stuff, but the cells are a PITA when they don't grow fast enough

    Yeah, I MUCH prefer cell culture to animal work!
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image
  • I'm so sorry. You've posted about this a lot, and I can't help but feel like your FI is really, really disregarding your wants and needs and feelings on this wedding.

    Also, it concerns me that you say 'my hard-earned money.' Is he not contributing?
    He's been really insistent on having the wedding, which I've begrudged him because I pushed really hard to live where we do now (we can just barely afford it, so have cut back on a lot of "fun" stuff to make sure we can pay our bills). In the long run, I probably won't give a crap whether we have the fluffy wedding or not, but it has been really chapping my ass the last few months when decisions have had to be made and he hasn't stepped up to the plate at all, mostly looking at me like I have 3 heads when I ask him what he wants.

    And so far, I've paid the first half of the wedding. He has money in savings as well, which is going to start being disbursed during the 2nd half of paying for the wedding. I had a bunch of money in my savings to begin with, which is how we ended up using the money I had first. He was paying off the last little bit on my e-ring when we booked the venue and caterer (and lay down the deposits) so had nothing tangible to contribute. I'm sending out the last check (to cover the 2nd payment on the caterer and the final payment on the venue) this month, then his savings will pay the balance of the caterer, hotel, transportation, rehearsal dinner, photographer, and incidentals. It's actually an equitable split, but my money got paid out first. I'm just a little bitter that I've put all the money out AND had to make all the decisions so far.

    I realize I could have pushed harder for my happy little elopement or small destination wedding. Heck, I'd have been willing to have a small backyard wedding. But yea, spending more for one day than I did on my car is... yea... I'd much rather have taken the money and put it towards a house.

    And I know at the end of the day, our guests will be well-fed and well-boozed, FI will be happy, and we'll be married. I'm just a cheapass bastard sometimes, and it's hard to justify this kind of expense!
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • I'm so sorry. You've posted about this a lot, and I can't help but feel like your FI is really, really disregarding your wants and needs and feelings on this wedding.

    Also, it concerns me that you say 'my hard-earned money.' Is he not contributing?
    He's been really insistent on having the wedding, which I've begrudged him because I pushed really hard to live where we do now (we can just barely afford it, so have cut back on a lot of "fun" stuff to make sure we can pay our bills). In the long run, I probably won't give a crap whether we have the fluffy wedding or not, but it has been really chapping my ass the last few months when decisions have had to be made and he hasn't stepped up to the plate at all, mostly looking at me like I have 3 heads when I ask him what he wants.

    And so far, I've paid the first half of the wedding. He has money in savings as well, which is going to start being disbursed during the 2nd half of paying for the wedding. I had a bunch of money in my savings to begin with, which is how we ended up using the money I had first. He was paying off the last little bit on my e-ring when we booked the venue and caterer (and lay down the deposits) so had nothing tangible to contribute. I'm sending out the last check (to cover the 2nd payment on the caterer and the final payment on the venue) this month, then his savings will pay the balance of the caterer, hotel, transportation, rehearsal dinner, photographer, and incidentals. It's actually an equitable split, but my money got paid out first. I'm just a little bitter that I've put all the money out AND had to make all the decisions so far.

    I realize I could have pushed harder for my happy little elopement or small destination wedding. Heck, I'd have been willing to have a small backyard wedding. But yea, spending more for one day than I did on my car is... yea... I'd much rather have taken the money and put it towards a house.

    And I know at the end of the day, our guests will be well-fed and well-boozed, FI will be happy, and we'll be married. I'm just a cheapass bastard sometimes, and it's hard to justify this kind of expense!
    We have a less rigid situation like this going on too, and our wedding is going to be even larger and more money than Cookie's (I think).  I would love to have a small wedding at a really swanky restaurant, less than 100 people, lots of friends.  Fi's family is so huge that it's just not an option to keep it that small.  He also really wants the big poofy dress, evening reception, the works.

    So far, it's been mostly "my" money paid out in deposits.  I had a lucrative job last summer, which I'm going back to in the fall (unfortunately later than anticipated), so we have paid our deposits out of my summer extra money.  But everything is really sort of one pot, because Fi pays more household expenses than I do while I'm in school.  When I start working, yeah I will be the one bring home more bacon, but we will work from one household budget.

    But I do sometimes feel resentful that Fi is the one who wants the really big wedding, yet it's mostly my income that will enable us to pay for it.   It's probably not "right," but I do feel that way sometimes.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • edited May 2014
    That is really tough. Now that I know a bit more of the back story, I'm actually angry for you that your FI isn't being more respectful of what your wishes are when you seem to be bending over backwards for him. The statement that stood out to me in your response was, "FI said it doesn't matter how I feel about it..." It would depend on the context obviously, but that honestly might have been a deal breaker for me if my DH had said those exact words to me during our engagement. I feel for you, because that message from him completely invalidates and disrespects any opinions/preferences that you have. Sure we all get a little selfish about things on occassion, especially big things that are emotionally charged for us, so maybe this is a just a tough moment, but it would make me worry that this wouldn't be just a wedding issue. Anyway, sorry you are dealing with this.
    FI is pretty laid back (I'm the alpha in our relationship) and mostly goes with the flow. The wedding is seriously the first thing he's ever put his foot down about. And I get it, it's hard to argue with a dead relative. I'm pretty sure my deceased dad would be thrilled to bits that I'm having a white wedding because that was very important to the Italian side of the family. However, I don't let someone else's wishes over-ride my own when my feelings are so strong (hence why I called off my two previous attempts at getting married). He just doesn't see it that way because he feels some sort of obligation to fulfill a dead woman's supposed wish (I say supposed because I'm pretty sure she didn't like me very much and would never have wanted FI and I to get married in any, way, shape, or form).

    FI's point was that it doesn't matter how I feel, I agreed to this and we've already put down 10k (of my hard-earned money), so I'm stuck with it - he doesn't believe cancelling is an option at this point. 
    If this is the only thing that he has put his foot down on in this way, then I get it - especially if he has compromised in other aspects of life. This sounds like it is a really emotionally charged thing for him that is really connected to his mother. I can understand it. I can't imagine how hard it is for him to know that his mother won't be there. That is always going to sting, no matter how good/bad their relationship was.  It doesn't make how he is treating you in regards to this right, but you seem like a tough cookie that can take care of yourself anyway. (Pun intended.)

    ETA: Remove double posts.

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