Head table - not including SOs?

VulgarGirl · May 2014

lilkatykins said:

I've been seeing all of the other posts here saying that it's very rude to have the WP sit separately from their dates; however, someone on another site suggested seating just the WP at the head table for dinner, but leaving extra seats at the tables with their SO. That way, once the meal and all of the other "obligations" are done, they are free to sit where they are comfortable. What are your opinions?

Please don't do this. FI was a GM in a friend's wedding where there was a head table, and I was put at a table with a bunch of the other guy friends that were not included in the wedding party. One of them ended up eating my steak because he thought I was done with it when I got up to get another drink
FI and I were sad that we could not have dinner together, and this particular bride sent strong emails before the wedding saying "please inform your dates that you will not be seeing them the day of the wedding until after dinner". It really wasn't nice. The snarky bitch in me is tempted to send an email before our wedding (her H is one of FI's GM) saying "don't worry, you WILL be able to see and sit with your SO during the day of the wedding"
But I won't do that.
*AHH!! It's a box!!!*

Why the fuck would someone eat another person's food off their plate? That's just so fucking mean.

You're nicer then me. I'd send the the email.

loves2shop4shoes · May 2014

Maybe it's JMO, but I think head tables are passé and rude to the WP's SOs.

What's the point anyway? Everyone knows who your WP is, regardless of whether or not they're sitting next to you.

phira · May 2014

I totally do not get the point of head tables. I'd love it if someone could explain them to me.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

phira said:

I totally do not get the point of head tables. I'd love it if someone could explain them to me.

I wanna know too! They seem so weird. Look at us! Look at us while we dine on food!!!

KatieinBkln · May 2014

I was the MOH for my sister's wedding (and, incidentally, the only one in the WP who had a significant other). My SO sat with my cousins and had a decent enough time because he is amenable and friendly, but it was not the best. Even my sister thought the head table was awkward, but felt like she had to do it for some reason. I don't hold it against her but it was definitely odd.

In a completely expected turn of events, now that my then-SO is my FI, he is insisting on not having a head table at all.

manateehugger · May 2014

phira said:

I totally do not get the point of head tables. I'd love it if someone could explain them to me.

I think it's just one of those oddball leftover traditions. Honestly, what's the point of a sweetheart table too then? Everyone knows who the marrying couple is.

Jen4948 · May 2014

phira said:

I totally do not get the point of head tables. I'd love it if someone could explain them to me.

It probably goes back to treating the couple like royalty, where the king and queen would sit in the middle surrounded by their closest advisers. But yeah, it doesn't make sense for most weddings-99.9999% or more of the human race isn't royalty!

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

My lil sis is my MOH... and her BF was just a GM at a wedding last weekend (enough acronyms for ya?), where sis had to sit with all the other girlfriends, whom she didn't know. We were talking about my seating chart and the perils that come along with it. IM conversation went something like this:

sis: soooo... where's J going to have to sit? I mean I know he can't sit with me...

me: why the hell not?

sis: well I'll be at the head table, right?

me: no, it'll be a king's table. and he'll be right there next to you.

sis: really?! like... really, with me? at the same table?

me: yes dear. I'm not a heathen. you're a couple, why would I split you up at a dinner? we don't have room for the whole WP, but it'll be me and FI, you and J, best man and his wife. and K (other sister) will sit with her hubby and both kids, and other BM and her hubs, etc.

sis: oh. my. well I mean I never... (crying smiley face) you're so considerate, Lo that's awesome.

So do yourself a favor, don't split people up and force them to have awkward conversations with people they don't know, and do get a teary smiley from your sister who's just so grateful.

grumbledore · May 2014

phira said:

I totally do not get the point of head tables. I'd love it if someone could explain them to me.

Pictures.

grumbledore · May 2014

PDKH said:

phira said:

I totally do not get the point of head tables. I'd love it if someone could explain them to me.

I think it's just one of those oddball leftover traditions. Honestly, what's the point of a sweetheart table too then? Everyone knows who the marrying couple is.

I think this makes way more sense than a head table - in theory, a couple could be worried about looking to prefer certain guests over others by sitting with them, so they can avoid it by sitting at their own table. That said, I would have no desire to do this. We will probably do a king's table.

phira · May 2014

grumbledore said:

PDKH said:

phira said:

I totally do not get the point of head tables. I'd love it if someone could explain them to me.

I think it's just one of those oddball leftover traditions. Honestly, what's the point of a sweetheart table too then? Everyone knows who the marrying couple is.

I think this makes way more sense than a head table - in theory, a couple could be worried about looking to prefer certain guests over others by sitting with them, so they can avoid it by sitting at their own table. That said, I would have no desire to do this. We will probably do a king's table.

Yeah, I was going to say, we picked sweetheart because we didn't want to have to pick who we'd sit with. Wedding party seems like an easy choice, and honestly, I'd be fine sitting with the wedding party for the most part. But I wouldn't want a head table, where we're facing the rest of the guests and we're on display and whhhaaaattt.

Inkdancer · May 2014

PDKH said:

phira said:

I totally do not get the point of head tables. I'd love it if someone could explain them to me.

I think it's just one of those oddball leftover traditions. Honestly, what's the point of a sweetheart table too then? Everyone knows who the marrying couple is.

Sweetheart table is so I don't have to piss anybody off by sitting with one group and not another. We sit by ourselves, nobody gets upset that we played favorites.

smalfrie19 · May 2014

Inkdancer said:

PDKH said:

phira said:

I totally do not get the point of head tables. I'd love it if someone could explain them to me.

I think it's just one of those oddball leftover traditions. Honestly, what's the point of a sweetheart table too then? Everyone knows who the marrying couple is.

Sweetheart table is so I don't have to piss anybody off by sitting with one group and not another. We sit by ourselves, nobody gets upset that we played favorites.

this

AddieCake · May 2014

We chose a sweetheart table so we could get a few minutes just to sit and talk alone together.

NYCBruin · May 2014

PDKH said:

phira said:

I totally do not get the point of head tables. I'd love it if someone could explain them to me.

I think it's just one of those oddball leftover traditions. Honestly, what's the point of a sweetheart table too then? Everyone knows who the marrying couple is.

Are sweetheart tables "traditional"? I had no idea.

We are doing one because we don't want to pick who to sit with and it'll be the one part of the day to have a few moments to ourselves.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

Head tables scream 80s or 90s to me. I hate the way they look, and who wants pictures of themselves as they eat.

As an adult I've only been to 1 wedding that had a head table. The vast majority are sweetheart tables.

Jen4948 · May 2014

phira said:

I totally do not get the point of head tables. I'd love it if someone could explain them to me.

I think it's just one of those oddball leftover traditions. Honestly, what's the point of a sweetheart table too then? Everyone knows who the marrying couple is.

Forced in the box:

I would prefer a sweetheart table if only to keep my parents separated from my BF's mother (his father is deceased). The parents are just too different from each other and I think they wouldn't be comfortable sitting together. Nor would our WP want to sit all together, even with us.

Bubblegum5586 · May 2014

AddieCake said:

We chose a sweetheart table so we could get a few minutes just to sit and talk alone together.

This is why we did a sweetheart table and it was awesome! We spent all day getting ready separately, then pictures and then the rest of the night mingling and dancing. To have that moment of just me and hubby was so awesome!

annathy03 · May 2014

AddieCake said:

We chose a sweetheart table so we could get a few minutes just to sit and talk alone together.

This isn't why we chose a sweetheart table, but I agree it's a great reason! Being able to sit and chat with H for a few minutes alone was really nice.

KPBM89 · May 2014

We were just discussing our table options last night and it made me think of the last three weddings we've been to and what we didn't like about them:

1) Head Table of only the bridal party. They stayed up there almost the entire time, it was on a stage higher than the other guests, under these terrible bright lights. My brother was a GM and his FI sat at our table. She was obviously not happy about not being with her FI, especially since the bride/ groom constantly had stupid activities to interrupt everything with (i.e.: dollar dance).

2) Head Table of only the bridal party, with ghost seats at tables (essentially the idea of OP and an idea we honestly considered but have since nixed). I was in this wedding as a BM. Our head table was pretty far from the other guests, including my FI (then BF of 5 years) who was given the job of videotaping everything -_- I didn't really know the other BMs well and it was pretty awkward for both me and FI to not be able to eat together or chat or anything.

3) Everyone was scattered. BP sat at their tables with whomever, B and G sat at a table with B's parent's and her MOH and her parents/ date and one other BM and date. This was a little awk because they were just kinda blended into the entirety of guests and I can imagine the other BMs feeling left out, as well as G's mom.

We were going to do a sweetheart table, but we realized the layout of our venue lends itself to a Kings Table in the most perfect way. We have party members with SO's that we know would not be comfortable with other guests that they do not know, but we would definitely love to have our BP sit with us. We're doing three long rows of four tables each, and at one end, our row of tables for the King's Table will face the other tables (if that makes sense!).

CamiSelene · May 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

Head tables scream 80s or 90s to me. I hate the way they look, and who wants pictures of themselves as they eat.

As an adult I've only been to 1 wedding that had a head table. The vast majority are sweetheart tables.

I agree. Head tables scream 80s and 90s to me. I, unfortunately have never been to a wedding without a head table but they are hideous! I was super surprised with my BP member's reactions when I told them I was not having a head table. They all told me to do it and that they didn't care bout being split from their SO's. Whaaaaaaat? This crazy backwater province has brainwashed these people!!! I told them no, that I wanted people to sit with their SO's. So weird!

Blergbot · May 2014

Head tables are stupid. That is all.

KGold80 · May 2014

I hate head tables. We are going to be sitting at a regular table like everyone else. At our table will be our three kids, my MOH, and her husband. Our kids are Best Man, bridesmaid, and groomsman.

LadyMillil · May 2014

I wanted to do a sweetheart table but DH wanted a head table without SOs because "that is what everyone does". When I sat down with him and talked about our WP and their SOs I was able to convince him that everyone needed to sit with their social unit. BIL was coming in from overseas with his GF that doesn't speak very much English. The only people that speak the same language as her fluently are BIL, DH and FIL. So, if she wasn't seated with BIL she would have to sit with FIL and a bunch of people that don't speak her language, so she could only talk to FIL. BM had a 3 week old baby at our wedding. If she was at a head table and her husband and son were at another table it makes it very difficult for both her and her husband to care for the baby.

We only had 4 people in our WP so it was very easy to seat all WP members with their social unit at the head table. I found it very awkward sitting at a head table because I was basically on display while eating.

FiancB · May 2014

LadyMillil said:

I wanted to do a sweetheart table but DH wanted a head table without SOs because "that is what everyone does". When I sat down with him and talked about our WP and their SOs I was able to convince him that everyone needed to sit with their social unit. BIL was coming in from overseas with his GF that doesn't speak very much English. The only people that speak the same language as her fluently are BIL, DH and FIL. So, if she wasn't seated with BIL she would have to sit with FIL and a bunch of people that don't speak her language, so she could only talk to FIL. BM had a 3 week old baby at our wedding. If she was at a head table and her husband and son were at another table it makes it very difficult for both her and her husband to care for the baby.

We only had 4 people in our WP so it was very easy to seat all WP members with their social unit at the head table. I found it very awkward sitting at a head table because I was basically on display while eating.

That's kind of where I'm at as well. All of the weddings in our circle have separated head tables. It was awkward for me at the first wedding we went to because I didn't know anyone, but now I know them and it's not really a huge deal- it's a group of girls that all hang out together without the guys anyway. I still don't want to do it though.

My ideal would be a big table with everyone included, but I think that will be kind of impossible because I'm pretty sure that not only do most people in our WP have SOs, but many have kids too. My sister has her husband and 5 kids. Obviously I can't seat the kids on their own, and if I seat them there too than like 20% of our guest list is going to be at the "head table" and it just gets the point of ridiculousness.

So I think a sweetheart table's probably the only way it's going to work. We'll see though.

itslizzyC · May 2014

FiancB said:

LadyMillil said:

I wanted to do a sweetheart table but DH wanted a head table without SOs because "that is what everyone does". When I sat down with him and talked about our WP and their SOs I was able to convince him that everyone needed to sit with their social unit. BIL was coming in from overseas with his GF that doesn't speak very much English. The only people that speak the same language as her fluently are BIL, DH and FIL. So, if she wasn't seated with BIL she would have to sit with FIL and a bunch of people that don't speak her language, so she could only talk to FIL. BM had a 3 week old baby at our wedding. If she was at a head table and her husband and son were at another table it makes it very difficult for both her and her husband to care for the baby.

We only had 4 people in our WP so it was very easy to seat all WP members with their social unit at the head table. I found it very awkward sitting at a head table because I was basically on display while eating.

That's kind of where I'm at as well. All of the weddings in our circle have separated head tables. It was awkward for me at the first wedding we went to because I didn't know anyone, but now I know them and it's not really a huge deal- it's a group of girls that all hang out together without the guys anyway. I still don't want to do it though.

My ideal would be a big table with everyone included, but I think that will be kind of impossible because I'm pretty sure that not only do most people in our WP have SOs, but many have kids too. My sister has her husband and 5 kids. Obviously I can't seat the kids on their own, and if I seat them there too than like 20% of our guest list is going to be at the "head table" and it just gets the point of ridiculousness.

So I think a sweetheart table's probably the only way it's going to work. We'll see though.

This is our same issue. We decided to do a sweetheart table. However I just told my FMIL and she seems upset we're not doing a head table. I explained that it was too much and too many people with SOs. However she suggested to not include SOs. So I explained it is rude and against etiquette but she got all upset and said "well it's your wedding party and their SOs aren't part of the wedding party like it or not. No one wants to see all the SOs sitting at the head table just the bridal party." To which I explained its a social event and should be enjoyed together. To which she responded well it's just dinner they wouldn't be sitting together for. (But she's being VERY particular about where HER aunts and uncles are seated that I've never met and my FI hardly knows)
But she and my FFIL also totally expect us to do a dollar dance. (Totally not happening!)

Sorry for the rant! I just had to get it off my chest! I just hope they can all be happy and this doesn't all ruin our relationship.

itslizzyC · May 2014

Sorry phone problems! It posted four times!

itslizzyC · May 2014

Sorry phone problems! It posted four times!

itslizzyC · May 2014

Sorry phone problems! It posted four times!

Simply Fated · May 2014

itslizzyC said:

LadyMillil said:

I wanted to do a sweetheart table but DH wanted a head table without SOs because "that is what everyone does". When I sat down with him and talked about our WP and their SOs I was able to convince him that everyone needed to sit with their social unit. BIL was coming in from overseas with his GF that doesn't speak very much English. The only people that speak the same language as her fluently are BIL, DH and FIL. So, if she wasn't seated with BIL she would have to sit with FIL and a bunch of people that don't speak her language, so she could only talk to FIL. BM had a 3 week old baby at our wedding. If she was at a head table and her husband and son were at another table it makes it very difficult for both her and her husband to care for the baby.

We only had 4 people in our WP so it was very easy to seat all WP members with their social unit at the head table. I found it very awkward sitting at a head table because I was basically on display while eating.

That's kind of where I'm at as well. All of the weddings in our circle have separated head tables. It was awkward for me at the first wedding we went to because I didn't know anyone, but now I know them and it's not really a huge deal- it's a group of girls that all hang out together without the guys anyway. I still don't want to do it though.

My ideal would be a big table with everyone included, but I think that will be kind of impossible because I'm pretty sure that not only do most people in our WP have SOs, but many have kids too. My sister has her husband and 5 kids. Obviously I can't seat the kids on their own, and if I seat them there too than like 20% of our guest list is going to be at the "head table" and it just gets the point of ridiculousness.

So I think a sweetheart table's probably the only way it's going to work. We'll see though.
This is our same issue. We decided to do a sweetheart table. However I just told my FMIL and she seems upset we're not doing a head table. I explained that it was too much and too many people with SOs. However she suggested to not include SOs. So I explained it is rude and against etiquette but she got all upset and said "well it's your wedding party and their SOs aren't part of the wedding party like it or not. No one wants to see all the SOs sitting at the head table just the bridal party." To which I explained its a social event and should be enjoyed together. To which she responded well it's just dinner they wouldn't be sitting together for. (But she's being VERY particular about where HER aunts and uncles are seated that I've never met and my FI hardly knows) But she and my FFIL also totally expect us to do a dollar dance. (Totally not happening!) Sorry for the rant! I just had to get it off my chest! I just hope they can all be happy and this doesn't all ruin our relationship.

Her logic is completely flawed...
First bolded part... no one really wants to see anyone but the bride and groom. Furthermore, we're not talking about show ponies here. We're talking about human beings. And apparently FMIL likes to watch people eat, which is weird in it's own way. But what ever.

Second bolded part... Dinner is the precise time couples should be sitting together. And it's not JUST dinner. It's the whole time before the ceremony, the actual ceremony, usually the cocktail hour, the toasts (if there are any) the first dance, the appetizers, sometimes the cake cutting... That's not JUST dinner they are apart for. Also, what about dessert?
And, what if they just want to sit while everyone else is dancing, but so does everyone else at the SO's table? Do they awkwardly move to another table that has open seats? Should they just sit up at the Head table or would the SO get shooed away by the FMIL?

Head table - not including SOs?

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