What should my Fiancé be involved in???

pinkshorts27 · May 2014

Sugargirl1019 said:

My FI was obsessed with the font on our invites... We went through 3 before he liked a script the best.... He also needed it to be all embossed.

My FI was for our STDs.

mrsRAJAB · May 2014

RosieC18 said:

It drives me a little crazy when the answer to this is "what he's interested in" because that leaves all the boring minutiae to me by default. I'm not interested in the font on our invites, or the flowers in the boutinieres either, but someone has to make a choice. I also don't care about how the Chuppah gets set up or how we're going to orient seating at the ceremony but ultimately these things just have to get done and it bothers me that it's just assumed to be me. When we started planning we split a list of major tasks down the middle, playing to our strengths. We were supposed to each take the lead on the things on "our side" and consult on final choices. I think this is a good system if you're both proactive, but I don't think my FI feels the same pressure I do, because we both know if things go wrong I'll be the one to get judged. I don't think he's slacking off on account of that consciously, but it does make it easier to put things off and now we're a month out with no ceremony music. Sorry for the rant. I really do think splitting things by a mix of strengths and interest is the way to go, if you know you're both going to get it all done.

this is why i started this topic in the first place because your right; i think if every bride had the chance to, finances aside, would love having a planner/arranger listen to their every want and desire and leaving it in their hands. its a stressful time and assuming all the responsibility because my FI has a lack of interest isnt really fair. because trust me, i could really care less who sits next to who at a table or who is going to do the clean up when everything is said and done.

JasperandOpal · May 2014

RosieC18 said:

It drives me a little crazy when the answer to this is "what he's interested in" because that leaves all the boring minutiae to me by default. I'm not interested in the font on our invites, or the flowers in the boutinieres either, but someone has to make a choice. I also don't care about how the Chuppah gets set up or how we're going to orient seating at the ceremony but ultimately these things just have to get done and it bothers me that it's just assumed to be me. When we started planning we split a list of major tasks down the middle, playing to our strengths. We were supposed to each take the lead on the things on "our side" and consult on final choices. I think this is a good system if you're both proactive, but I don't think my FI feels the same pressure I do, because we both know if things go wrong I'll be the one to get judged. I don't think he's slacking off on account of that consciously, but it does make it easier to put things off and now we're a month out with no ceremony music. Sorry for the rant. I really do think splitting things by a mix of strengths and interest is the way to go, if you know you're both going to get it all done.

Thank you! I don't understand why people think that planning is the job of only one of the two people getting married and I definitely don't understand why I should be left doing all the boring stuff (or not even boring, just time consuming or not super interesting). There were somethings I had to do- my Fi works long hours so I did the initial meetings with every vendor- but we talked before each meeting about what was important.

For everything else, if we can't do it together, we split it up evenly, or as close as possible. We decided on our vision, made a list of the things necessary to achieve that goal and are just working our way down the list taking on individual tasks and highlighting the ones we will do together.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

MagicInk said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

My FI was obsessed with the font on our invites... We went through 3 before he liked a script the best.... He also needed it to be all embossed.

I am too! FI just rolls her eyes and tells me just to make sure it's readable and in English. There are just so many font options!!!

I heart fonts!!! I used to work in graphic design and got to play with them all the time...not so much in analytics. Sadpanda.

Sugargirl1019 · May 2014

I am unnaturally excited to do table assignments and escort cards.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

mrsRAJAB said:

RosieC18 said:

It drives me a little crazy when the answer to this is "what he's interested in" because that leaves all the boring minutiae to me by default. I'm not interested in the font on our invites, or the flowers in the boutinieres either, but someone has to make a choice. I also don't care about how the Chuppah gets set up or how we're going to orient seating at the ceremony but ultimately these things just have to get done and it bothers me that it's just assumed to be me. When we started planning we split a list of major tasks down the middle, playing to our strengths. We were supposed to each take the lead on the things on "our side" and consult on final choices. I think this is a good system if you're both proactive, but I don't think my FI feels the same pressure I do, because we both know if things go wrong I'll be the one to get judged. I don't think he's slacking off on account of that consciously, but it does make it easier to put things off and now we're a month out with no ceremony music. Sorry for the rant. I really do think splitting things by a mix of strengths and interest is the way to go, if you know you're both going to get it all done.

this is why i started this topic in the first place because your right; i think if every bride had the chance to, finances aside, would love having a planner/arranger listen to their every want and desire and leaving it in their hands. its a stressful time and assuming all the responsibility because my FI has a lack of interest isnt really fair. because trust me, i could really care less who sits next to who at a table or who is going to do the clean up when everything is said and done.

Maybe the lack of interest in wedding planning is because this man is your husband since we now know you married him 5 years ago.

mrsRAJAB · May 2014

mrsRAJAB · May 2014

lolo883 said:

mrsRAJAB said:

RosieC18 said:

It drives me a little crazy when the answer to this is "what he's interested in" because that leaves all the boring minutiae to me by default. I'm not interested in the font on our invites, or the flowers in the boutinieres either, but someone has to make a choice. I also don't care about how the Chuppah gets set up or how we're going to orient seating at the ceremony but ultimately these things just have to get done and it bothers me that it's just assumed to be me. When we started planning we split a list of major tasks down the middle, playing to our strengths. We were supposed to each take the lead on the things on "our side" and consult on final choices. I think this is a good system if you're both proactive, but I don't think my FI feels the same pressure I do, because we both know if things go wrong I'll be the one to get judged. I don't think he's slacking off on account of that consciously, but it does make it easier to put things off and now we're a month out with no ceremony music. Sorry for the rant. I really do think splitting things by a mix of strengths and interest is the way to go, if you know you're both going to get it all done.

this is why i started this topic in the first place because your right; i think if every bride had the chance to, finances aside, would love having a planner/arranger listen to their every want and desire and leaving it in their hands. its a stressful time and assuming all the responsibility because my FI has a lack of interest isnt really fair. because trust me, i could really care less who sits next to who at a table or who is going to do the clean up when everything is said and done.

Maybe the lack of interest in wedding planning is because this man is your husband since we now know you married him 5 years ago.

LOL!! before you go through all my discussions and add your little snide remarks, maybe you should read things more than once. I'm not going to copy and paste anything in this feed because one topic has nothing to do with the other.. I'll let you go back to the original post and RE READ!.. enjoy your day ma'am!

climbingsingle · May 2014

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

I don't appreciate being lied to. #sorrynotsorry

arrippa · May 2014

mrsRAJAB said:

lolo883 said:

mrsRAJAB said:

RosieC18 said:

It drives me a little crazy when the answer to this is "what he's interested in" because that leaves all the boring minutiae to me by default. I'm not interested in the font on our invites, or the flowers in the boutinieres either, but someone has to make a choice. I also don't care about how the Chuppah gets set up or how we're going to orient seating at the ceremony but ultimately these things just have to get done and it bothers me that it's just assumed to be me. When we started planning we split a list of major tasks down the middle, playing to our strengths. We were supposed to each take the lead on the things on "our side" and consult on final choices. I think this is a good system if you're both proactive, but I don't think my FI feels the same pressure I do, because we both know if things go wrong I'll be the one to get judged. I don't think he's slacking off on account of that consciously, but it does make it easier to put things off and now we're a month out with no ceremony music. Sorry for the rant. I really do think splitting things by a mix of strengths and interest is the way to go, if you know you're both going to get it all done.

this is why i started this topic in the first place because your right; i think if every bride had the chance to, finances aside, would love having a planner/arranger listen to their every want and desire and leaving it in their hands. its a stressful time and assuming all the responsibility because my FI has a lack of interest isnt really fair. because trust me, i could really care less who sits next to who at a table or who is going to do the clean up when everything is said and done.

Maybe the lack of interest in wedding planning is because this man is your husband since we now know you married him 5 years ago.

LOL!! before you go through all my discussions and add your little snide remarks, maybe you should read things more than once. I'm not going to copy and paste anything in this feed because one topic has nothing to do with the other.. I'll let you go back to the original post and RE READ!.. enjoy your day ma'am!

What?

mrsRAJAB · May 2014

arrippa said:

mrsRAJAB said:

lolo883 said:

mrsRAJAB said:

RosieC18 said:

It drives me a little crazy when the answer to this is "what he's interested in" because that leaves all the boring minutiae to me by default. I'm not interested in the font on our invites, or the flowers in the boutinieres either, but someone has to make a choice. I also don't care about how the Chuppah gets set up or how we're going to orient seating at the ceremony but ultimately these things just have to get done and it bothers me that it's just assumed to be me. When we started planning we split a list of major tasks down the middle, playing to our strengths. We were supposed to each take the lead on the things on "our side" and consult on final choices. I think this is a good system if you're both proactive, but I don't think my FI feels the same pressure I do, because we both know if things go wrong I'll be the one to get judged. I don't think he's slacking off on account of that consciously, but it does make it easier to put things off and now we're a month out with no ceremony music. Sorry for the rant. I really do think splitting things by a mix of strengths and interest is the way to go, if you know you're both going to get it all done.

this is why i started this topic in the first place because your right; i think if every bride had the chance to, finances aside, would love having a planner/arranger listen to their every want and desire and leaving it in their hands. its a stressful time and assuming all the responsibility because my FI has a lack of interest isnt really fair. because trust me, i could really care less who sits next to who at a table or who is going to do the clean up when everything is said and done.

Maybe the lack of interest in wedding planning is because this man is your husband since we now know you married him 5 years ago.

LOL!! before you go through all my discussions and add your little snide remarks, maybe you should read things more than once. I'm not going to copy and paste anything in this feed because one topic has nothing to do with the other.. I'll let you go back to the original post and RE READ!.. enjoy your day ma'am!

What?

gotta love the trollers! that was my same reaction when I got this comment in a completely different topic! LOL!

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

It's completely relevant to a post about why your fiance husband doesn't want to be actively involved in planning your pretty princess day. And whether you've been married for 2 months, 5 years, or a year and a half by the time this wedding reenactment occurs, it doesn't change the fact that you're lying about what it is and what he is.

ETA and I didn't dig anything up, this post is 3 days fresh.

mrsRAJAB · May 2014

lolo883 said:

It's completely relevant to a post about why your fiance husband doesn't want to be actively involved in planning your pretty princess day. And whether you've been married for 2 months, 5 years, or a year and a half by the time this wedding reenactment occurs, it doesn't change the fact that you're lying about what it is and what he is.

ETA and I didn't dig anything up, this post is 3 days fresh.

I refer to him as my FI on the site solely to not have to go into depth into PERSONAL things unnecessarily on an INTERNET SITE. this site is to plan weddings and get advice on planning them and everything in between. its not a place I choose to post every little detail on my life unless I feel I'd like to. And the fact still remains, you went into my discussion list to reply to this one with a remark that holds no validity. Your statement was that my HUSBAND held little interest wedding planning, when I didn't say that. I stated that, in general, I shouldn't have to plan things or get things done on my own, that he had little or no interest in. My original post was about how tasks should be handled or delegated. LOL again, making comments that hold no water... keep it moving.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

mrsRAJAB said:

lolo883 said:

It's completely relevant to a post about why your fiance husband doesn't want to be actively involved in planning your pretty princess day. And whether you've been married for 2 months, 5 years, or a year and a half by the time this wedding reenactment occurs, it doesn't change the fact that you're lying about what it is and what he is.

ETA and I didn't dig anything up, this post is 3 days fresh.

I refer to him as my FI on the site solely to not have to go into depth into PERSONAL things unnecessarily on an INTERNET SITE. this site is to plan weddings and get advice on planning them and everything in between. its not a place I choose to post every little detail on my life unless I feel I'd like to. And the fact still remains, you went into my discussion list to reply to this one with a remark that holds no validity. Your statement was that my HUSBAND held little interest wedding planning, when I didn't say that. I stated that, in general, I shouldn't have to plan things or get things done on my own, that he had little or no interest in. My original post was about how tasks should be handled or delegated. LOL again, making comments that hold no water... keep it moving.

I did no such thing. I was perusing the Chit Chat board, which I do regularly. This was a thread I had been involved in, and came back to add additional, relevant context to the conversation. That is the point of online forums.

You don't want to call him your husband because you know the majority here find your plan of a do-over wedding offensive. Well, the cat's out of the bag.

arrippa · May 2014

mrsRAJAB said:

arrippa said:

mrsRAJAB said:

lolo883 said:

mrsRAJAB said:

RosieC18 said:

It drives me a little crazy when the answer to this is "what he's interested in" because that leaves all the boring minutiae to me by default. I'm not interested in the font on our invites, or the flowers in the boutinieres either, but someone has to make a choice. I also don't care about how the Chuppah gets set up or how we're going to orient seating at the ceremony but ultimately these things just have to get done and it bothers me that it's just assumed to be me. When we started planning we split a list of major tasks down the middle, playing to our strengths. We were supposed to each take the lead on the things on "our side" and consult on final choices. I think this is a good system if you're both proactive, but I don't think my FI feels the same pressure I do, because we both know if things go wrong I'll be the one to get judged. I don't think he's slacking off on account of that consciously, but it does make it easier to put things off and now we're a month out with no ceremony music. Sorry for the rant. I really do think splitting things by a mix of strengths and interest is the way to go, if you know you're both going to get it all done.

this is why i started this topic in the first place because your right; i think if every bride had the chance to, finances aside, would love having a planner/arranger listen to their every want and desire and leaving it in their hands. its a stressful time and assuming all the responsibility because my FI has a lack of interest isnt really fair. because trust me, i could really care less who sits next to who at a table or who is going to do the clean up when everything is said and done.

Maybe the lack of interest in wedding planning is because this man is your husband since we now know you married him 5 years ago.

LOL!! before you go through all my discussions and add your little snide remarks, maybe you should read things more than once. I'm not going to copy and paste anything in this feed because one topic has nothing to do with the other.. I'll let you go back to the original post and RE READ!.. enjoy your day ma'am!

What?

gotta love the trollers! that was my same reaction when I got this comment in a completely different topic! LOL!

I understand when Lolo's point. Your DH doesnt' want to plan a PPD. That's why he isn't helping. Your post made no sense to me.

climbingsingle · May 2014

So are you married or not?

JCbride2015 · May 2014

She is married. No wonder her husband doesn't want to be involved!

mrsRAJAB · May 2014

OK @lolo883 - if that's the case in why you came back to add your comment, that's fine.

Really and truly though, I'm on this site to get advice on planning a wedding (or as you women would like to call it my PPD), not to take into consideration who I may or not be offending because I decided I needed to get married by law first. I'm sure not every BRIDE here or MARRIED WOMAN has clean hands but some how are sitting behind a computer, pointing fingers at me and other women like me who had to make this decision. Lets not go tit for tat here ladies, it cant be all of you that had a "WHITE WEDDING"...

don't throw stones when you live in a glass house....

climbingsingle · May 2014

mrsRAJAB said:

OK @lolo883 - if that's the case in why you came back to add your comment, that's fine.
Really and truly though, I'm on this site to get advice on planning a wedding (or as you women would like to call it my PPD), not to take into consideration who I may or not be offending because I decided I needed to get married by law first. I'm sure not every BRIDE here or MARRIED WOMAN has clean hands but some how are sitting behind a computer, pointing fingers at me and other women like me who had to make this decision. Lets not go tit for tat here ladies, it cant be all of you that had a "WHITE WEDDING"...
don't throw stones when you live in a glass house....

What the actual fuck?

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

mrsRAJAB said:

OK @lolo883 - if that's the case in why you came back to add your comment, that's fine.
Really and truly though, I'm on this site to get advice on planning a wedding (or as you women would like to call it my PPD), not to take into consideration who I may or not be offending because I decided I needed to get married by law first. I'm sure not every BRIDE here or MARRIED WOMAN has clean hands but some how are sitting behind a computer, pointing fingers at me and other women like me who had to make this decision. Lets not go tit for tat here ladies, it cant be all of you that had a "WHITE WEDDING"...
don't throw stones when you live in a glass house....

If you're planning any event though, you truly do need to take into consideration who you may be offending. That's the definition of etiquette. The people here represent a sample of the world and all walks of life, so there's a very good chance the opinions here will be shared by your guests. Your guests could be horribly offended if they learn that what they are witnessing is actually a reenactment and not a wedding, and you were dishonest with them for the sake of medical benefits and a fancy party with the spotlight on you. This is why we're telling you that your plan is considered rude while you have the chance to reevaluate your plans. I don't cast judgement at all PPDs... hell, I was a BM in one. I was fully aware of what I was participating in, and the bride did not cast such disparagement at the legal ritual she was legally able to participate in while so many others are not. Don't talk so lightly about something that was obviously so important to you, otherwise you wouldn't have done it.

You can have a vow renewal celebration, repeat your vows, even have the dress and cake and whatever else, IMO. But you can't call it a wedding.

mrsRAJAB · May 2014

lolo883 said:

mrsRAJAB said:

OK @lolo883 - if that's the case in why you came back to add your comment, that's fine.
Really and truly though, I'm on this site to get advice on planning a wedding (or as you women would like to call it my PPD), not to take into consideration who I may or not be offending because I decided I needed to get married by law first. I'm sure not every BRIDE here or MARRIED WOMAN has clean hands but some how are sitting behind a computer, pointing fingers at me and other women like me who had to make this decision. Lets not go tit for tat here ladies, it cant be all of you that had a "WHITE WEDDING"...
don't throw stones when you live in a glass house....

If you're planning any event though, you truly do need to take into consideration who you may be offending. That's the definition of etiquette. The people here represent a sample of the world and all walks of life, so there's a very good chance the opinions here will be shared by your guests. Your guests could be horribly offended if they learn that what they are witnessing is actually a reenactment and not a wedding, and you were dishonest with them for the sake of medical benefits and a fancy party with the spotlight on you. This is why we're telling you that your plan is considered rude while you have the chance to reevaluate your plans. I don't cast judgement at all PPDs... hell, I was a BM in one. I was fully aware of what I was participating in, and the bride did not cast such disparagement at the legal ritual she was legally able to participate in while so many others are not. Don't talk so lightly about something that was obviously so important to you, otherwise you wouldn't have done it.

You can have a vow renewal celebration, repeat your vows, even have the dress and cake and whatever else, IMO. But you can't call it a wedding.

Got it!

JCbride2015 · May 2014

mrsRAJAB said:

OK @lolo883 - if that's the case in why you came back to add your comment, that's fine.
Really and truly though, I'm on this site to get advice on planning a wedding (or as you women would like to call it my PPD), not to take into consideration who I may or not be offending because I decided I needed to get married by law first. I'm sure not every BRIDE here or MARRIED WOMAN has clean hands but some how are sitting behind a computer, pointing fingers at me and other women like me who had to make this decision. Lets not go tit for tat here ladies, it cant be all of you that had a "WHITE WEDDING"...
don't throw stones when you live in a glass house....

What the fuck is THIS supposed to mean?

VulgarGirl · May 2014

mrsRAJAB you brought up your private and personal information on an internet forum. What did you think we all only stuck to one board?

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/comment/7229205/#Comment_7229205

Ya wanna know why this pisses me off? Just me, not anyone else, I'm speaking for me and me alone. I can't get married in my state. I want to. I'd love to have my state acknowledge my marriage. But they won't. Because I'm marrying another woman. And until recently my own federal government won't recognize it. Because of DOMA, which is protection the hetero marriages from the homo marriages, but now we've realized that apparently that's not a real thing to worry about. So yay finally the federal government says my relationship is as valid as hetero ones. But my state, they still disagree. They say I'm not.

So after we have our beautiful wonderful wedding in front of our friends and family we've got to hop off to another state so that they can recognize our marriage and so the federal government can recognize our marriage. So that we can have the same protection you and your husband got 5 years ago because it was convenient for you to have then.

I have spent 10 years with my FI. We have been through hell together. And for most of those years, part of me I had to live with the fact that no matter what, we weren't as protected as another couple. That we couldn't be as protected as another couple. If she got sick, I might not be able to visit her in the hospital. If I died, she wouldn't have rights as my next of kin. Not to mention not a single fucking tax break was given. And in order to get those rights, I still have to jump through more hoops.

And you fucking princess heteros want to stand around and say that part doesn't matter. The legal part doesn't matter?! Well fuck then why do it? Just have a fucking commitment ceremony like us queers got to have for years and call it good enough. Don't have benefits and protection. Just have a big ceremony and never get legally married. I have fought tooth and nail. I have marched. I have rallied. I have signed petitions. All to have the same goddamn right you want to just throw away and say it doesn't matter!

Gays aren't fucking up marriage. Princesses are.

What should my Fiancé be involved in???

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