Accidental Bridezilla

ciferri053015 · May 2014

I may have made a mistake. My MOH bought shoes for my wedding. Every wedding I've heard of or been in, the bride selected the shoes and dresses the bridal party wears. I wondered what I should do in this situation so I posted a discussion on here and apparently it is not custom for the bride to select the shoes the bridal party will be wearing. I honestly thought that was how things are done though. The bride picks out the shoes and dress and the bridal party wears it. Well I explained to her that I would like all the girls shoes to match since the dresses will be short and everyone on here is telling me that unless I am buying the shoes I don't have a right to say what she wears. Any opinions or help? I feel really bad now.

misshart00 · May 2014

ciferri053015 said:
I may have made a mistake. My MOH bought shoes for my wedding. Every wedding I've heard of or been in, the bride selected the shoes and dresses the bridal party wears. I wondered what I should do in this situation so I posted a discussion on here and apparently it is not custom for the bride to select the shoes the bridal party will be wearing. I honestly thought that was how things are done though. The bride picks out the shoes and dress and the bridal party wears it. Well I explained to her that I would like all the girls shoes to match since the dresses will be short and everyone on here is telling me that unless I am buying the shoes I don't have a right to say what she wears. Any opinions or help? I feel really bad now.

Just FYI, the same people go on different boards. And the answers won't change from what you posted on CC.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

You can't pick a specific shoe but you can pick a neutral color (like nude which would go well with your coral and mint color scheme) and ask them to purchase a pair of shoes in that color.

Like others have said, shoes are a very personal decision. Everyone has different feet and certain shoes feel better then others. For example, I love heels but my feet don't. I wear them anyways and just deal with the pain. Others can't and/or won't deal with it.

At this point I would just apologize to your friend and tell her that if she loves the shoes then you do too. I just don't think it would be the best thing to keep harping on the shoes. The last thing you want is to lose a friend over a pair of shoes.

catfiona · May 2014

i would say each bride is different , when i was a brides made i was allowed to pick my own shoes i did have a long dress, you want your girls to be comfortable can i suggest you agree a colour ie silver or a netural shade and a heel height comfortable for everone . i wore silver sandels with a pale blue dress. i would agree unless you pay for all the shoes they can wear more or less what they want

MNVegas · May 2014

You get a say in the dress after you have discussed budget with your WP. If you want other matchy/matchy things like shoes, jewelry, hair, makeup, nails, etc. you have to pay for those yourself. You should not expect your maids shell out all kinds of money on silly stuff that no one will notice except you.

You need to apologize to your friend and let her use the shoes she originally bought or get out your credit card to start buying shoes for all your attendants.

ciferri053015 · May 2014

misshart00 said:

show previous quotes
ciferri053015 said:
I may have made a mistake. My MOH bought shoes for my wedding. Every wedding I've heard of or been in, the bride selected the shoes and dresses the bridal party wears. I wondered what I should do in this situation so I posted a discussion on here and apparently it is not custom for the bride to select the shoes the bridal party will be wearing. I honestly thought that was how things are done though. The bride picks out the shoes and dress and the bridal party wears it. Well I explained to her that I would like all the girls shoes to match since the dresses will be short and everyone on here is telling me that unless I am buying the shoes I don't have a right to say what she wears. Any opinions or help? I feel really bad now.
Just FYI, the same people go on different boards. And the answers won't change from what you posted on CC.

Yeah I wasn't asking for different answers as this is a different issue. I'm trying to make things right. So unless you have something helpful to say maybe just don't post negative things.

climbingsingle · May 2014

Why are you posting this on multiple boards? A lot of us frequent the same ones.

What's done is done. Let your MOH wear the shoes she purchased.

ciferri053015 · May 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:
Why are you posting this on multiple boards? A lot of us frequent the same ones.

What's done is done. Let your MOH wear the shoes she purchased.

This is the only board I posted this on

NYCBruin · May 2014

ciferri053015 said:

I may have made a mistake. My MOH bought shoes for my wedding. Every wedding I've heard of or been in, the bride selected the shoes and dresses the bridal party wears. I wondered what I should do in this situation so I posted a discussion on here and apparently it is not custom for the bride to select the shoes the bridal party will be wearing. I honestly thought that was how things are done though. The bride picks out the shoes and dress and the bridal party wears it. Well I explained to her that I would like all the girls shoes to match since the dresses will be short and everyone on here is telling me that unless I am buying the shoes I don't have a right to say what she wears. Any opinions or help? I feel really bad now.

Call up your MOH and say "hey MOH, how's it going? You know, I was thinking about it and I realized I was being a bit silly about the shoes. Please wear the shoes you already purchased, I'm sorry for saying earlier that I got to pick out your shoes. I think I need a break from wedding planning, wanna go see a movie later?"

This isn't that complicated. Apologize and move on.

blabla89 · May 2014

In the grand scheme of things, absolutely no one will care what shoes your BMs are wearing (unless you've made them mad by demanding that they buy your shoes of choice) so don't worry about it. But yes, if you insist on a particular pair of shoes then you must buy them. If you request a specific color (but not a crazy one) then you don't have to provide them.

tammym1001 · May 2014

Every wedding I have ever been in the bride has told us exactly what shoes to wear. In one of the weddings the bride purchased the shoes for us as part of our gift. It never bothered me and I thought that was how it was done too because that's all I've ever known.

I told my BM's to wear any shoe they wanted as long as they weren't silver. I have girls of all different ages and tastes so I couldn't see trying to find something that they would all like so I didn't bother to put that stress on myself. One of my girls has gold shoes, one has black, and I don't even know about the other two. I don't think it will make a bit of difference.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

ciferri053015 said:

show previous quotes
Why are you posting this on multiple boards? A lot of us frequent the same ones.

What's done is done. Let your MOH wear the shoes she purchased.
This is the only board I posted this on

Let's be real for a minute. This post is pretty much exactly like your other posts. You will get the same answers. And those answers are, deal with her pink shoes and move on.

climbingsingle · May 2014

Maggie0829 said:

show previous quotes

ciferri053015 said:

Why are you posting this on multiple boards? A lot of us frequent the same ones.

What's done is done. Let your MOH wear the shoes she purchased.
This is the only board I posted this on

Let's be real for a minute. This post is pretty much exactly like your other posts. You will get the same answers. And those answers are, deal with her pink shoes and move on.

Stupid box
EXACTLY!

phira · May 2014

So basically on Chit Chat, you were all, "Can you believe she did this? What do you think?" and we told you what we thought. Now, you're all, "Okay, so I posted about this on a different board and they thought I was wrong. What do you think?"

Please stop digging yourself deeper.

Emmy1493 · May 2014

Honestly, if you want them all in the same shoe, you should pay for it. I agree with the PP when they say not everyone handles the same shoes in the same way. I let my BM pretty much pick everything they are wearing, aside from the dress. Which they still had say in of course.

I wouldn't stress over something so small such as this.

Inkdancer · May 2014

I would be super grumpy if somebody told me I had to wear a specific pair of shoes. I have severe tendonitis in both of my knees from dancing, and I can only handle standing for long periods of time in certain kinds of shoes. Sure those Louboutins are cute, but I sure as hell am not standing in them for hours.

ciferri053015 · May 2014

Maggie0829 said:
show previous quotes

ciferri053015 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:
Why are you posting this on multiple boards? A lot of us frequent the same ones.

What's done is done. Let your MOH wear the shoes she purchased.
This is the only board I posted this on

Let's be real for a minute. This post is pretty much exactly like your other posts. You will get the same answers. And those answers are, deal with her pink shoes and move on.

I understand that. The point of my OP was to see how to deal with her buying the "wrong" shoes. Once I realized my error, the point of this post was for suggestions on how to handle my mess up. All I'm trying to do is be a polite bride to my friends and make things right.

phira · May 2014

ciferri053015 said:

show previous quotes

ciferri053015 said:

Why are you posting this on multiple boards? A lot of us frequent the same ones.

What's done is done. Let your MOH wear the shoes she purchased.
This is the only board I posted this on

Let's be real for a minute. This post is pretty much exactly like your other posts. You will get the same answers. And those answers are, deal with her pink shoes and move on.
I understand that. The point of my OP was to see how to deal with her buying the "wrong" shoes. Once I realized my error, the point of this post was for suggestions on how to handle my mess up. All I'm trying to do is be a polite bride to my friends and make things right.

You could have asked that in your original post on the original board you posted on.

MNVegas · May 2014

ciferri053015 said:

show previous quotes

ciferri053015 said:

Why are you posting this on multiple boards? A lot of us frequent the same ones.

What's done is done. Let your MOH wear the shoes she purchased.
This is the only board I posted this on

Let's be real for a minute. This post is pretty much exactly like your other posts. You will get the same answers. And those answers are, deal with her pink shoes and move on.
I understand that. The point of my OP was to see how to deal with her buying the "wrong" shoes. Once I realized my error, the point of this post was for suggestions on how to handle my mess up. All I'm trying to do is be a polite bride to my friends and make things right.

You A P O L O G I Z E to your friend for being a bitch to her. It isn't that complicated!

Maggie0829 · May 2014

ciferri053015 said:

show previous quotes

ciferri053015 said:

Why are you posting this on multiple boards? A lot of us frequent the same ones.

What's done is done. Let your MOH wear the shoes she purchased.
This is the only board I posted this on

Let's be real for a minute. This post is pretty much exactly like your other posts. You will get the same answers. And those answers are, deal with her pink shoes and move on.
I understand that. The point of my OP was to see how to deal with her buying the "wrong" shoes. Once I realized my error, the point of this post was for suggestions on how to handle my mess up. All I'm trying to do is be a polite bride to my friends and make things right.

Again, it is really easy to figure out what you should do. You apologize to your friend and tell her to wear the shoes that she likes. This is not rocket science!

ciferri053015 · May 2014

phira said:
show previous quotes

ciferri053015 said:

Maggie0829 said:

ciferri053015 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:
Why are you posting this on multiple boards? A lot of us frequent the same ones.

What's done is done. Let your MOH wear the shoes she purchased.
This is the only board I posted this on

Let's be real for a minute. This post is pretty much exactly like your other posts. You will get the same answers. And those answers are, deal with her pink shoes and move on.
I understand that. The point of my OP was to see how to deal with her buying the "wrong" shoes. Once I realized my error, the point of this post was for suggestions on how to handle my mess up. All I'm trying to do is be a polite bride to my friends and make things right.

You could have asked that in your original post on the original board you posted on.

Does it bother you that much that I started a new thread? Just ignore it!

ScoutF · May 2014

Does it really matter that she started a different thread on a different board? Not so much. At least @ciferri053015 realized she was wrong. Do exactly what @NYCBruin suggested. Call her up, apologize, and ask her to do something non-wedding related.

ciferri053015 · May 2014

phira said:
So basically on Chit Chat, you were all, "Can you believe she did this? What do you think?" and we told you what we thought. Now, you're all, "Okay, so I posted about this on a different board and they thought I was wrong. What do you think?"

Please stop digging yourself deeper.

Well I am sorry it is coming across this way but honestly that's not what I'm doing. I realize I'm wrong.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

ciferri053015 I think you just need to apologize to your MOH and let her wear the pink shoes. It's not that big a deal, and no one is going to remember what type of shoes the bridesmaids wore. Bridesmaids are not unlimited ATMs that can just buy whatever the bride wants.

It seems that the OP is trying to fix her mistake. I think a lot of people see what their friends have done for their weddings, think certain things are normal that are actually rude. You don't know, what you don't know.

Now, in the future don't delete your posts, and you can just respond in the thread, or update your original post.

ciferri053015 · May 2014

Thank you everyone who had constructive criticism and helpful advice! I appreciate it! @huskypuppy14‌ and @NYCBruin‌ thank you for your help and supportive words. I will take your advice

ciferri053015 · May 2014

I apologized and she quickly forgave me!

grumbledore · May 2014

dupe

grumbledore · May 2014

ciferri053015 said:

I may have made a mistake. My MOH bought shoes for my wedding. Every wedding I've heard of or been in, the bride selected the shoes and dresses the bridal party wears. I wondered what I should do in this situation so I posted a discussion on here and apparently it is not custom for the bride to select the shoes the bridal party will be wearing. I honestly thought that was how things are done though. The bride picks out the shoes and dress and the bridal party wears it. Well I explained to her that I would like all the girls shoes to match since the dresses will be short and everyone on here is telling me that unless I am buying the shoes I don't have a right to say what she wears. Any opinions or help? I feel really bad now.

Like I said before, let her wear her own shoes and cross this concern off of your to-do list. I don't remember the BM's shoes from any wedding I've ever attended.

grumbledore · May 2014

ciferri053015 said:

I apologized and she quickly forgave me!

Awesome

Crisis averted!

APDSS22 · May 2014

I'm glad she forgave you @ciferri053015 . Trust me when I say what any of your guests are wearing (even your bridal party) will not be what you remember from your wedding day.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

APDSS22 said:

I'm glad she forgave you @ciferri053015 . Trust me when I say what any of your guests are wearing (even your bridal party) will not be what you remember from your wedding day.

I actually remember what one of my guests wore at my wedding. And that is only because it was beyond hideous and so short that her ass (thanks to her wearing a thong) showed every time she slightly bent over. But I will say I only remember it in a funny way and joke about it with my Mom. The horrible short dress didn't ruin my wedding, but rather it allowed for another hilarious memory from our day. So really, bad wardrobe choices by your guests end up being a great thing

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