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Snarky Brides

Why do people do invites so gd early?

FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
I was talking to my mom last night. She asked if I sent out invites yet and I said no, I'll get them out soon though. She then lectured me on how I better hurry up and I explained well, you aren't really supposed to send them til 6-8 weeks and I'm sitting at 7. Even if I get them out a touch late, I don't really care because we pretty much know exactly who's coming and everyone knows all about it anyway. But in any case, I'm still in the clear anyway.

Then i see this facebook post from someone else that's getting married: "Two months from today!! Please keep sending in the RSVP cards! Thanks!"

Bitch, you are just making things more difficult for yourself because no one knows if they can attend an event two months ahead of time. And don't nag your guests over it. 

But apparently between my mom and this girl and zillions of newbs around here, I am the only person that doesn't think they need to go out months in advance. 
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Re: Why do people do invites so gd early?

  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My wedding is a week after yours, I think? My invitations are sitting in a box under my desk right now. I might get around to assembling them sometime this week if I don't have anything else to do.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • I went for the 8 weeks rule, but got a little excited and I think sent them 8 1/2 weeks out lol

    I did get an invitation that same summer from a friend 16 weeks out?!!?!?!? When I asked her about it (while talking wedding) she said she was going to be traveling to Asia for 3 weeks in the middle of the summer for work so she had to get them out early since she wouldn't be here. But she still sent them out like 5 weeks before her trip... anyways that is the earleist I have ever seen!
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    Anniversary
  • Last week I received an invite for a wedding that's in the last week of July. That's pretty early but I guess it gives me enough time to find and reserve a dress from Rent the Runway.


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    Kauristhisismynickname2
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2014
    There are a couple reasons some people fall into this trap:

    1) They are B-listing, which is rude.

    2) They have people coming from out of town and want them to have enough notice to make plans. (I see this on the Vegas board all the time.) Well, that's what STDs and phone calls are for. You can still send invitations 6-8 weeks ahead of time, even for a DW.

    STDs are a very new thing to my family. Back in the day, invitations would go out 3-6 months ahead of time, but the RSVP deadline was still just a week or two before the wedding. My mom would put it in with the bills or clip it to her planner so she wouldn't forget to send the RSVP.

    My mom still thinks an STD is an invitation (which, in a way, it is, but I mean a literal invitation), so she gets really mad and confused when all of the venue information and such isn't on there. I've had to explain it a million times. She keeps asking, "Why don't people just send an invitation? This is a waste of paper and money." Heh. :)

  • My friend is having her invitations made and the company told her to send them out 90 days before the wedding so she keeps asking me when im sending mine but I am waiting for the 6-8 weeks before my wedding. I already sent save the dates with our website that has all of the details anyway.
  • There are a couple reasons some people fall into this trap:

    1) They are B-listing, which is rude.

    2) They have people coming from out of town and want them to have enough notice to make plans. (I see this on the Vegas board all the time.) Well, that's what STDs and phone calls are for. You can still send invitations 6-8 weeks ahead of time, even for a DW.

    STDs are a very new thing to my family. Back in the day, invitations would go out 3-6 months ahead of time, but the RSVP deadline was still just a week or two before the wedding. My mom would put it in with the bills or clip it to her planner so she wouldn't forget to send the RSVP.

    My mom still thinks an STD is an invitation (which, in a way, it is, but I mean a literal invitation), so she gets really mad and confused when all of the venue information and such isn't on there. I've had to explain it a million times. She keeps asking, "Why don't people just send an invitation? This is a waste of paper and money." Heh. :)
    I share the same sentiments as your mother, haha. I find STDs kind of confusing, even though they are not a new concept to me. 


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  • A friend of mine sent out invitations to her October wedding in MARCH.  I didn't know she was planning on doing this ahead of time or I would have warned her against it (we've been comparing wedding notes).  I sincerely wish her luck corralling her RSVPs.
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I share the same sentiments as your mother, haha. I find STDs kind of confusing, even though they are not a new concept to me. 
    I like them, but only if they're helpful. Knowing the date is great, but it's even better if I know the city.

    If it's a local wedding, awesome. No worries. If you're getting married in another state, I'm going to want to know pronto so I can start checking flights and hotels and make sure I have that Friday off for traveling.

    So, STDs with date but no city = meh. Your picture is cute. I'll put you on my fridge and text you for details.

    STDs with date and city = better. Now I don't have to bug you.

    STDs with date, city, and/or a wedding website full of helpful information = AWESOME. YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND.

    hellohkb
  • I'm getting married August 30th, and I sent my invites out at the 4 month mark. Then again, literally EVERY SINGLE PERSON on our list is coming from out of town, its the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend, and flights get super expensive, super fast. We did send STDs, in January, but we only had the venue and no other information. I should also add that pretty much all of my friends are active duty military, and this summer is transfer season for many of them. Which means that the sooner they had an invite in hand with determined information, the better for them. We weren't trying to be rude, and we DEFINITELY aren't B-listing people, but rather thinking that it is cheaper for all of our guests to provide them 4 months notice. As for whether we'll get RSVPs in a timely fashion, I have no idea, but I'm hoping that sending them out early gave everyone enough time to make travel plans, and that's all I really wanted.
    tortoisebride
  • We mailed invited Aug. 13 for our Oct. 13 wedding, and we had people who had gotten STDates calling my parents and asking, 'Where is HisGirl's invitation?'

    I blame the new trend in wedding planning that is the hybrid STDate/Invite -- too late and with too much information to be a true STDate, but too early to be a legit wedding invite.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    casey8784



  • I share the same sentiments as your mother, haha. I find STDs kind of confusing, even though they are not a new concept to me. 

    I like them, but only if they're helpful. Knowing the date is great, but it's even better if I know the city.

    If it's a local wedding, awesome. No worries. If you're getting married in another state, I'm going to want to know pronto so I can start checking flights and hotels and make sure I have that Friday off for traveling.

    So, STDs with date but no city = meh. Your picture is cute. I'll put you on my fridge and text you for details.

    STDs with date and city = better. Now I don't have to bug you.

    STDs with date, city, and/or a wedding website full of helpful information = AWESOME. YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND.



    My brother has a std from his coworker (young'uns at Target so...) and it has the month and city. That's it. A save the date with no date.


    Oh and I have my own young'un coworker who is barely done getting his own STD's out for his August wedding. Better late than never?
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    Megalega14
  • Wait... So it's a Save the DATE with no actual date on it??


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  • The only thing I can think of that would be beneficial to sending out invites a bit on the early side *as aside from having several out of town guests) would be if it's a big holiday weekend. People's calendars book up quickly for those long holiday weekends...OR they may receive another wedding invite for the same day and RSVP to that wedding first because they got that invitation first.
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    My wedding isn't until September. Save the dates went out in February. People ask CONSTANTLY if I've sent the invitations yet and are shocked when I haven't. I think the early senders have changed a lot of expectations.

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    Marzipan13FiancB
  • vh2014vh2014 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    rmkuffel said:
    I'm getting married August 30th, and I sent my invites out at the 4 month mark. Then again, literally EVERY SINGLE PERSON on our list is coming from out of town, its the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend, and flights get super expensive, super fast. We did send STDs, in January, but we only had the venue and no other information. I should also add that pretty much all of my friends are active duty military, and this summer is transfer season for many of them. Which means that the sooner they had an invite in hand with determined information, the better for them. We weren't trying to be rude, and we DEFINITELY aren't B-listing people, but rather thinking that it is cheaper for all of our guests to provide them 4 months notice. As for whether we'll get RSVPs in a timely fashion, I have no idea, but I'm hoping that sending them out early gave everyone enough time to make travel plans, and that's all I really wanted.
    We're getting married the same day!  I haven't sent mine out yet... not ready for the RSVPs but we did STD and had the wedding website on them so they could book hotel rooms and such just because it IS a holiday weekend.  I'm ordering my invitations this week and we'll see if they will sit in my hot little hands until the end of June or if I get them out early (they only take 2 weeks to arrive and the addresses are done)
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yeah, I get why people send them out early if it's a holiday or something. As long as the RSVP date is still within the normal timeframe, it doesn't seem too sketchy. If the RVSP date is a few weeks or more before the wedding, though, there's a good chance they have a B-list.

  • What about the people who are not sending out save-the-dates?  We are not planning on sending them out because we need to cut costs even further than we already have.  We will be sending out our invited somewhere around 3 months before the wedding to accommodate out-of-town guests, and others who will need to make hotel arrangements or take off of work.
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  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    What about the people who are not sending out save-the-dates?  We are not planning on sending them out because we need to cut costs even further than we already have.  We will be sending out our invited somewhere around 3 months before the wedding to accommodate out-of-town guests, and others who will need to make hotel arrangements or take off of work.
    Instead of sending formal save-the-dates, you can call, write, or email these people in advance. Simply say something like "Our invitations will be going out in a few months, but we wanted to make sure that you had all the information you need for scheduling. The wedding will be on X day at Y o'clock, at Z." Done and done.
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    Megalega14
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Both my sister and FI think we need to send invites over 2 months ahead of time.  I told them both no, and reminded them that Save the Dates went out in January for our September wedding. 

    I must be Wrigleyville's best friend, because I did date, city, and wedding website (with addresses and hotel blocks)! Woo!

    Our catering numbers aren't due until 3 days before the wedding. It's all good. 
    ________________________________


  • We sent out invites 3 months in advance - we have LOTS of out-of-town-ers and have to have final numbers to the caterer 2 weeks before the wedding!! Not sure why we need final numbers 2 weeks before - super early in my opinion but it's an off-site caterer so I am just going with it... plus my family is absolutely terrible at RSVP-ing so we wanted some extra time for all the confirmation calls we will have to make! Follow directions folks... just follow directions!!!  
  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    We are sending a group of invitations out early, since FI is from Spain, any of his family that wants to come for the wedding will need the invitation to help get the proper visa to visit the US. But all in country will go out at the normal time.

    JennyColada
  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    We sent STDs with the date, city, and website. We're getting married on a HUGE weekend for tourists (noticed a bit too late) so we were hoping that this would give people the notice they needed to book rooms on our hotel block. The hotel won't give us more rooms until we've booked at least 75% but they also can't guarantee that any more rooms will be available at that point.

    No dice. The only room booked on our hotel block is ours.

    We were planning on sending the invitations 6-7 weeks in advance but we're now a bit concerned about rooms. Everyone on his side is local but I have lots of out-of-town family. Most will stay with local family but I'm a bit concerned that people won't find a place to stay. I don't plan to send out invitations any earlier - but I have told my mom to start reminding people when she talks to them (and she knows the guest list well so no worries about missteps).

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  • Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see how sending invitations 3 or 4 months out is a crime. I get that if they're B-listing, then yeah, that's tacky as hell. But I bet most people are acting on the assumption that more notice = better. Yeah, I know "that's what save the dates are for!" But I often here on here that STDs aren't even necessary unless you're having a lot of OOT guests or a DW. So, why not? I'm not saying they should go out a year before; that's silly. But saying that anything more than 8 weeks is unacceptable is a little insane IMO. Assuming the RSVP date is still close enough to the wedding to be reasonable, and assuming you're willing to be flexible with the people who don't know their work schedules until two or three weeks out (or less), what's the harm?
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  • I was so confused when people on the July board were mentioning getting RSVPs back and I was like, um I haven't even assembled mine yet. 
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My wedding is in 51 days. Invitations just went out this week since the wedding is over a holiday weekend. If it wasn't, I would have most likely just squeaked in at the 6 week mark with invitations.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I'm getting married in October and will probably send invites out in August. But my guests don't really have to make any travel plans, they literally just have to show up and we've got them covered from there.

    We did send out STDs in, um...feb? Mar? I don't remember.
  • vh2014 said:
    rmkuffel said:
    I'm getting married August 30th, and I sent my invites out at the 4 month mark. Then again, literally EVERY SINGLE PERSON on our list is coming from out of town, its the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend, and flights get super expensive, super fast. We did send STDs, in January, but we only had the venue and no other information. I should also add that pretty much all of my friends are active duty military, and this summer is transfer season for many of them. Which means that the sooner they had an invite in hand with determined information, the better for them. We weren't trying to be rude, and we DEFINITELY aren't B-listing people, but rather thinking that it is cheaper for all of our guests to provide them 4 months notice. As for whether we'll get RSVPs in a timely fashion, I have no idea, but I'm hoping that sending them out early gave everyone enough time to make travel plans, and that's all I really wanted.
    We're getting married the same day!  I haven't sent mine out yet... not ready for the RSVPs but we did STD and had the wedding website on them so they could book hotel rooms and such just because it IS a holiday weekend.  I'm ordering my invitations this week and we'll see if they will sit in my hot little hands until the end of June or if I get them out early (they only take 2 weeks to arrive and the addresses are done)
    Hi wedding date buddy! :D I think its totally fine that you haven't sent yours out yet ... I would have liked to be on a more normal timeline, but with 300 guests and being deployed for the better parts of June and July, I sent them out early, and am hoping to have replies in early as well. I'm behind on everything else (still haven't chosen a florist, and I didnt buy my dress until February, which is apparently SUPER late), so I guess I figure it evens out? :D Hope your planning is going better than mine is!
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see how sending invitations 3 or 4 months out is a crime. I get that if they're B-listing, then yeah, that's tacky as hell. But I bet most people are acting on the assumption that more notice = better. Yeah, I know "that's what save the dates are for!" But I often here on here that STDs aren't even necessary unless you're having a lot of OOT guests or a DW. So, why not? I'm not saying they should go out a year before; that's silly. But saying that anything more than 8 weeks is unacceptable is a little insane IMO. Assuming the RSVP date is still close enough to the wedding to be reasonable, and assuming you're willing to be flexible with the people who don't know their work schedules until two or three weeks out (or less), what's the harm?
    Right. Exactly. That's why the RSVP date is the real clue. 

    If the RSVP date is 2-3 weeks before the wedding, then it's just advanced notice and no biggie. 

    If the RSVP date is, say, 6-8 weeks before the wedding, though, that's when I know people are B-listing.

  • Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see how sending invitations 3 or 4 months out is a crime. I get that if they're B-listing, then yeah, that's tacky as hell. But I bet most people are acting on the assumption that more notice = better. Yeah, I know "that's what save the dates are for!" But I often here on here that STDs aren't even necessary unless you're having a lot of OOT guests or a DW. So, why not? I'm not saying they should go out a year before; that's silly. But saying that anything more than 8 weeks is unacceptable is a little insane IMO. Assuming the RSVP date is still close enough to the wedding to be reasonable, and assuming you're willing to be flexible with the people who don't know their work schedules until two or three weeks out (or less), what's the harm?
    Right. Exactly. That's why the RSVP date is the real clue. 

    If the RSVP date is 2-3 weeks before the wedding, then it's just advanced notice and no biggie. 

    If the RSVP date is, say, 6-8 weeks before the wedding, though, that's when I know people are B-listing.
    Maybe I'm being a special snowflake and hoping it doesn't count for me. My RSVP date is 5 weeks out and I am definitely not B-listing. I'm just the kind of person who overestimates the time it takes to get somewhere for an appointment and shows up 45 minutes early, and that habit ended up on my RSVPs. By the time I realized that's considered too early, I had them printed already. Oh well. There will always be people who don't RSVP on time whether it's 5 weeks before or 2 weeks before.

    I guess I'd hope for the best and assume people aren't B-listing. If you assume the worst about people all the time life is pretty sad.
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I guess I'd hope for the best and assume people aren't B-listing. If you assume the worst about people all the time life is pretty sad.
    I know some people just like to get responses super early. My big issue with that is I never know my work schedule five weeks in advance. So it's more of an irritant than anything. 

    Also, even though they may not be B-listing, like in your case, it always appears that way to me simply because 6-8 weeks out is really early.

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