S/O: Waiting to leave a wedding until after the cake cutting

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

CrazyCatLady3 said:

This came up in my other thread, which doesn't need to be re-hashed, but there was disagreement as to whether it is proper etiquette or merely tradition to wait to leave a wedding until after the cake cutting. I think that, barring unforeseen circumstances such as a medical or childcare issue that arises at the wedding (or the wedding is going on much longer than normal and you need to leave to get to work early the next morning, etc.), it is impolite to leave a wedding until after the cake is cut. I see it similar to going to dinner at someone's house and leaving before the last course is served without telling the host in advance that you needed to leave early for [x] reason (or again, an unforeseen circumstance arises). Other posters said that is merely tradition and not an etiquette issue. Thoughts?

I must have missed your other thread. .. was it the guest vent thread?

I think waiting to leave until after the cake is cut is a tradition. Especially if you view the reception as a thank you for the guests, I don't think it's rude for the guests to decide when they need to leave.

I don't view the cake as being part of the dinner courses, because many times the cake is cut much later in the evening- like an hour or more after dinner.

I think it is more of a growing trend that couples are cutting thie cake earlier in the evening, some as soon as they enter.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

Simply Fated said:

I had never heard of cutting the cake hours before it would be eaten until I came to TK. I don't get the point of that at all. There is no rational or logical reasons for that, unless it has to do with the pictures, maybe?

It's definitely a cue in my circle to start getting your things together to leave. However if an emergency arises and you gotta leave before the cake is cut... then you gotta leave. Life happens. There is no one holding anyone hostage until the cake is cut, it's just a cue that it's almost time to wrap things up.

Actually there is a very logical reason for cutting the cake early on- if you have a large wedding (200+ guests) and/or a large cake (4+ tiers) and you are not serving your guests a sheet cake, you are serving them the actual tired wedding cake, it will take your venue staff time to cut your cake, plate it, and then serve it. . . even if that means just setting the plates out for ppl to grab as they wish.

Many venues in my area suggest cutting the cake prior to dinner or right after dinner so that they can serve and plate everything as quickly as possible, because many guests do like to wait for the cake to be cut and served before leaving and they may not wish to stay until 10pm or later.

sofakingmad · May 2014

I've been to a million weddings and I think one of the reasons a lot of brides and grooms take care of all the tradition elements (first dances, cake cutting, etc) in the beginning is because people leave right after dinner. And also, you have their attention while they are all sitting there.

Simply Fated · May 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

Simply Fated said:

I had never heard of cutting the cake hours before it would be eaten until I came to TK. I don't get the point of that at all. There is no rational or logical reasons for that, unless it has to do with the pictures, maybe?

It's definitely a cue in my circle to start getting your things together to leave. However if an emergency arises and you gotta leave before the cake is cut... then you gotta leave. Life happens. There is no one holding anyone hostage until the cake is cut, it's just a cue that it's almost time to wrap things up.

Actually there is a very logical reason for cutting the cake early on- if you have a large wedding (200+ guests) and/or a large cake (4+ tiers) and you are not serving your guests a sheet cake, you are serving them the actual tired wedding cake, it will take your venue staff time to cut your cake, plate it, and then serve it. . . even if that means just setting the plates out for ppl to grab as they wish.

Many venues in my area suggest cutting the cake prior to dinner or right after dinner so that they can serve and plate everything as quickly as possible, because many guests do like to wait for the cake to be cut and served before leaving and they may not wish to stay until 10pm or later.

*************
I think I said this earlier in the thread... if not, here it is... I've cut and seen cut event cakes, literally hundreds of them, including wedding cakes. It does not take that long. 15 minutes? Maybe 20 for a larger party. A lot has to do with the staff and timing.

I think I also said that the weddings I've attended people are usually too stuffed to even think about cake right after dinner.
So, they work up an appetite on the dance floor and then get cake.

Cookie Pusher · May 2014

Our caterer's timeline has our cake being cut about an hour after dinner is finished. That gives the small staff a chance to clear the buffet and empty plates. The cake cutting/plating/service has a 15 minute window on our schedule. We only have 4 servers and 3 cooking/kitchen staff. If they can do it quickly, I don't see how larger staffs couldn't handle it. For the record, we have a 4-tier cake that will be sized to serve 100-120.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

Does it really matter when the cake is cut? Really? Before dinner, right after dinner, an hour before the reception ends, it really doesn't matter because no matter when you do it pictures will be taken. Honestly if your circle tends to see the cake cutting as a sign that it is okay to leave then I suggest cutting it sooner rather then later or you will have people sticking around even if they don't want to because they don't want to be seen as rude leaving before.

Simply Fated · May 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Does it really matter when the cake is cut? Really? Before dinner, right after dinner, an hour before the reception ends, it really doesn't matter because no matter when you do it pictures will be taken. Honestly if your circle tends to see the cake cutting as a sign that it is okay to leave then I suggest cutting it sooner rather then later or you will have people sticking around even if they don't want to because they don't want to be seen as rude leaving before.

Nono, it's a sign the hosts are going to be ready to call it a night. At least, that's how it's viewed where I'm at. Cutting the cake signifies that cake and other desserts will be served. Since dessert is served at the end of the evening (or daytime event) then after dessert is the hint for everyone that the night is winding down. People eat their cake, drink their coffee, say their good byes and the venue starts to wrap it up.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

Simply Fated said:

Maggie0829 said:

Does it really matter when the cake is cut? Really? Before dinner, right after dinner, an hour before the reception ends, it really doesn't matter because no matter when you do it pictures will be taken. Honestly if your circle tends to see the cake cutting as a sign that it is okay to leave then I suggest cutting it sooner rather then later or you will have people sticking around even if they don't want to because they don't want to be seen as rude leaving before.

Nono, it's a sign the hosts are going to be ready to call it a night. At least, that's how it's viewed where I'm at. Cutting the cake signifies that cake and other desserts will be served. Since dessert is served at the end of the evening (or daytime event) then after dessert is the hint for everyone that the night is winding down. People eat their cake, drink their coffee, say their good byes and the venue starts to wrap it up.

Like I said, if your circle takes the sign of the cake cutting as the time where they can leave. I only said for that circle. Not for all circles. If your circle sees it as something different then cut the cake according to what they see it as, so for you it would be towards the end of the night. For others people don't see the cake being cut as signifying anything. Just go by what is normal in your area and circle. Again, there really is no right or wrong here, it is just what is normal/traditional in your area.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

Simply Fated said:

Maggie0829 said:

Does it really matter when the cake is cut? Really? Before dinner, right after dinner, an hour before the reception ends, it really doesn't matter because no matter when you do it pictures will be taken. Honestly if your circle tends to see the cake cutting as a sign that it is okay to leave then I suggest cutting it sooner rather then later or you will have people sticking around even if they don't want to because they don't want to be seen as rude leaving before.

Nono, it's a sign the hosts are going to be ready to call it a night. At least, that's how it's viewed where I'm at. Cutting the cake signifies that cake and other desserts will be served. Since dessert is served at the end of the evening (or daytime event) then after dessert is the hint for everyone that the night is winding down. People eat their cake, drink their coffee, say their good byes and the venue starts to wrap it up.

This must be a regional thing because I've never heard of the cake cutting as being a final curtain call before you GTFO. Even at international weddings I've attended.

tammym1001 · May 2014

I want cake; therefore, I stay until cake is served. If it's cut early then great I will probably stay until I'm ready to leave. If it's cut late then great I will probably stay until I'm ready to leave. If a couple waits until people have been dancing and partying for several hours then I will probably sadly leave without eating cake and I will bitch about not getting cake.

To sum that up, it never occurred to care when people cut the cake or how I should react to that. I just want to eat cake.

KatieinBkln · May 2014

I think it must be tradition. We aren't even going to have a cake cutting (we're doing pie, and probably mini pies at a pie bar) so guests waiting to make an appropriate exit would be waiting a long time!

My sister didn't have a public cake cutting. The cake was displayed on the way into the reception hall so people could appreciate it, but it magically appeared on all our plates later on after dinner without fanfare. (She really didn't want anyone insisting on the "mash the cake in her face" thing).

Simply Fated · May 2014

lolo883 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Does it really matter when the cake is cut? Really? Before dinner, right after dinner, an hour before the reception ends, it really doesn't matter because no matter when you do it pictures will be taken. Honestly if your circle tends to see the cake cutting as a sign that it is okay to leave then I suggest cutting it sooner rather then later or you will have people sticking around even if they don't want to because they don't want to be seen as rude leaving before.

Nono, it's a sign the hosts are going to be ready to call it a night. At least, that's how it's viewed where I'm at. Cutting the cake signifies that cake and other desserts will be served. Since dessert is served at the end of the evening (or daytime event) then after dessert is the hint for everyone that the night is winding down. People eat their cake, drink their coffee, say their good byes and the venue starts to wrap it up.
This must be a regional thing because I've never heard of the cake cutting as being a final curtain call before you GTFO. Even at international weddings I've attended.

Not the cake cutting, so much as the cake serving. This is why the cake is never served immediately following the dinner. That, plus people are usually to full for dessert right away. And the cake wouldn't be cut before dinner because there is no reason for it. When you cut a cake, it means the cake would be served. And if the cake wouldn't be served until a couple of hours later, then it shouldn't have been cut, yet.
It's like when you go to someone's house and they start cutting up the desserts before the meal is given. It just doesn't really make sense, ya know?

The usual order of events of the reception is... The wedding party and bride and groom all enter. The bride and groom has the first dance. Everyone dances. The appetizers/salads are served while people are dancing. This is a way to get everyone's butt into a seat so the waiters can finish taking their dinner orders. (They would have started while the guests were waiting for the wedding party to enter) Then there are toasts. Then some more dancing. Then dinner. More dancing. Then it's a mix of cake cutting, spotlight dances, garter/bouquet tosses and more dancing. Then dessert and coffee and the band/dj plays the last song and we out.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

Simply Fated said:

lolo883 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Does it really matter when the cake is cut? Really? Before dinner, right after dinner, an hour before the reception ends, it really doesn't matter because no matter when you do it pictures will be taken. Honestly if your circle tends to see the cake cutting as a sign that it is okay to leave then I suggest cutting it sooner rather then later or you will have people sticking around even if they don't want to because they don't want to be seen as rude leaving before.

Nono, it's a sign the hosts are going to be ready to call it a night. At least, that's how it's viewed where I'm at. Cutting the cake signifies that cake and other desserts will be served. Since dessert is served at the end of the evening (or daytime event) then after dessert is the hint for everyone that the night is winding down. People eat their cake, drink their coffee, say their good byes and the venue starts to wrap it up.
This must be a regional thing because I've never heard of the cake cutting as being a final curtain call before you GTFO. Even at international weddings I've attended.

Not the cake cutting, so much as the cake serving. This is why the cake is never served immediately following the dinner. That, plus people are usually to full for dessert right away. And the cake wouldn't be cut before dinner because there is no reason for it. When you cut a cake, it means the cake would be served. And if the cake wouldn't be served until a couple of hours later, then it shouldn't have been cut, yet.
It's like when you go to someone's house and they start cutting up the desserts before the meal is given. It just doesn't really make sense, ya know?

The usual order of events of the reception is... The wedding party and bride and groom all enter. The bride and groom has the first dance. Everyone dances. The appetizers/salads are served while people are dancing. This is a way to get everyone's butt into a seat so the waiters can finish taking their dinner orders. (They would have started while the guests were waiting for the wedding party to enter) Then there are toasts. Then some more dancing. Then dinner. More dancing. Then it's a mix of cake cutting, spotlight dances, garter/bouquet tosses and more dancing. Then dessert and coffee and the band/dj plays the last song and we out.

Awesome that that schedule works for you and your circle, but that is not how all schedules are for weddings.

For crying out loud it is just cake. Cut it whenever the hell you want to cut it. It really, in the grand scheme of things, is not that big of a deal.

kmmssg · May 2014

DD getting married next month is doing the same thing 2 of her sisters did - dessert/cake will be available with dinner. We never have a problem with leftovers because people are too full. I seriously prefer this.

Like Maggie said - it is cake. Cut it when you want, but this is seriously no big deal. I go to plenty of weddings where it is served like this and it hasn't appeared to be a problem so far.

blabla89 · May 2014

lolo883 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Does it really matter when the cake is cut? Really? Before dinner, right after dinner, an hour before the reception ends, it really doesn't matter because no matter when you do it pictures will be taken. Honestly if your circle tends to see the cake cutting as a sign that it is okay to leave then I suggest cutting it sooner rather then later or you will have people sticking around even if they don't want to because they don't want to be seen as rude leaving before.

Nono, it's a sign the hosts are going to be ready to call it a night. At least, that's how it's viewed where I'm at. Cutting the cake signifies that cake and other desserts will be served. Since dessert is served at the end of the evening (or daytime event) then after dessert is the hint for everyone that the night is winding down. People eat their cake, drink their coffee, say their good byes and the venue starts to wrap it up.
This must be a regional thing because I've never heard of the cake cutting as being a final curtain call before you GTFO. Even at international weddings I've attended.

I don't see it that way, but (at least around here) it's traditionally the last of the ceremonial things (like toasts, spotlight dances, etc.) so that's the signal that one can leave without missing any of that.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

Simply Fated said:

lolo883 said:

Simply Fated said:

Maggie0829 said:

Does it really matter when the cake is cut? Really? Before dinner, right after dinner, an hour before the reception ends, it really doesn't matter because no matter when you do it pictures will be taken. Honestly if your circle tends to see the cake cutting as a sign that it is okay to leave then I suggest cutting it sooner rather then later or you will have people sticking around even if they don't want to because they don't want to be seen as rude leaving before.

Nono, it's a sign the hosts are going to be ready to call it a night. At least, that's how it's viewed where I'm at. Cutting the cake signifies that cake and other desserts will be served. Since dessert is served at the end of the evening (or daytime event) then after dessert is the hint for everyone that the night is winding down. People eat their cake, drink their coffee, say their good byes and the venue starts to wrap it up.
This must be a regional thing because I've never heard of the cake cutting as being a final curtain call before you GTFO. Even at international weddings I've attended.

Not the cake cutting, so much as the cake serving. This is why the cake is never served immediately following the dinner. That, plus people are usually to full for dessert right away. And the cake wouldn't be cut before dinner because there is no reason for it. When you cut a cake, it means the cake would be served. And if the cake wouldn't be served until a couple of hours later, then it shouldn't have been cut, yet.
It's like when you go to someone's house and they start cutting up the desserts before the meal is given. It just doesn't really make sense, ya know?

The usual order of events of the reception is... The wedding party and bride and groom all enter. The bride and groom has the first dance. Everyone dances. The appetizers/salads are served while people are dancing. This is a way to get everyone's butt into a seat so the waiters can finish taking their dinner orders. (They would have started while the guests were waiting for the wedding party to enter) Then there are toasts. Then some more dancing. Then dinner. More dancing. Then it's a mix of cake cutting, spotlight dances, garter/bouquet tosses and more dancing. Then dessert and coffee and the band/dj plays the last song and we out.

No, whether cutting or eating I've never seen it treated as the period at the end of a sentence. It's just dessert. If you're comparing to a dinner party, dessert IS usually eaten right after dinner. And I've seen weddings that way. There's no correlation, in my experience, between the cake getting eaten and the party being over. The party's over when the bar closes and the dj packs up.

And you know just because a cake is cut doesn't mean it's plated, right? Pieces won't dry out when they're still all stuck next to each other on a sheet. If they're plated, they're covered with plastic wrap.

And in my experience, doing the first dance before dinner is a new phenomenon too. Neither dancing nor serving cake nor when anyone leaves the reception has to do with etiquette. It's tradition and preference.

KittyKaty20 · May 2014

We had our BP and grand entrance, first dance with a transition to a faster song and got people to dance with us. Dinner was served within 30 minutes of BP entrance. It was buffet, and the people who were doing toasts did those towards the end of the dinner. We did parent/spotlight dances about 15 minutes after we gave a short thank you to our guests.

THEN we did the cake cutting. It seemed to go by very quickly as the B/G, but I don't know how the guests felt. We had a sheet cake that the caterers had cut already, so once we cut the cake, they brought the sheet cake out and then cut the rest in the back and brought it out-it was pretty quick, because there were 4 different flavors & all the guests had their picks.

Some of our guests had to leave before dinner-which was served by 4:30pm-because they had an event at 6pm. Oh, well...more cake for the rest of us!

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

Simply Fated said:

Simply Fated said:

I had never heard of cutting the cake hours before it would be eaten until I came to TK. I don't get the point of that at all. There is no rational or logical reasons for that, unless it has to do with the pictures, maybe?

It's definitely a cue in my circle to start getting your things together to leave. However if an emergency arises and you gotta leave before the cake is cut... then you gotta leave. Life happens. There is no one holding anyone hostage until the cake is cut, it's just a cue that it's almost time to wrap things up.

Actually there is a very logical reason for cutting the cake early on- if you have a large wedding (200+ guests) and/or a large cake (4+ tiers) and you are not serving your guests a sheet cake, you are serving them the actual tired wedding cake, it will take your venue staff time to cut your cake, plate it, and then serve it. . . even if that means just setting the plates out for ppl to grab as they wish.

Many venues in my area suggest cutting the cake prior to dinner or right after dinner so that they can serve and plate everything as quickly as possible, because many guests do like to wait for the cake to be cut and served before leaving and they may not wish to stay until 10pm or later.
************* I think I said this earlier in the thread... if not, here it is... I've cut and seen cut event cakes, literally hundreds of them, including wedding cakes. It does not take that long. 15 minutes? Maybe 20 for a larger party. A lot has to do with the staff and timing. I think I also said that the weddings I've attended people are usually too stuffed to even think about cake right after dinner. So, they work up an appetite on the dance floor and then get cake.

I hadn't seen that post when I wrote my reply, sorry!

It can take longer than 15mins to cut up and plate a large cake for a large group of people, though.

Simply Fated · May 2014

lolo883 said:

lolo883 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Does it really matter when the cake is cut? Really? Before dinner, right after dinner, an hour before the reception ends, it really doesn't matter because no matter when you do it pictures will be taken. Honestly if your circle tends to see the cake cutting as a sign that it is okay to leave then I suggest cutting it sooner rather then later or you will have people sticking around even if they don't want to because they don't want to be seen as rude leaving before.

Nono, it's a sign the hosts are going to be ready to call it a night. At least, that's how it's viewed where I'm at. Cutting the cake signifies that cake and other desserts will be served. Since dessert is served at the end of the evening (or daytime event) then after dessert is the hint for everyone that the night is winding down. People eat their cake, drink their coffee, say their good byes and the venue starts to wrap it up.
This must be a regional thing because I've never heard of the cake cutting as being a final curtain call before you GTFO. Even at international weddings I've attended.

Not the cake cutting, so much as the cake serving. This is why the cake is never served immediately following the dinner. That, plus people are usually to full for dessert right away. And the cake wouldn't be cut before dinner because there is no reason for it. When you cut a cake, it means the cake would be served. And if the cake wouldn't be served until a couple of hours later, then it shouldn't have been cut, yet.
It's like when you go to someone's house and they start cutting up the desserts before the meal is given. It just doesn't really make sense, ya know?

The usual order of events of the reception is... The wedding party and bride and groom all enter. The bride and groom has the first dance. Everyone dances. The appetizers/salads are served while people are dancing. This is a way to get everyone's butt into a seat so the waiters can finish taking their dinner orders. (They would have started while the guests were waiting for the wedding party to enter) Then there are toasts. Then some more dancing. Then dinner. More dancing. Then it's a mix of cake cutting, spotlight dances, garter/bouquet tosses and more dancing. Then dessert and coffee and the band/dj plays the last song and we out.
No, whether cutting or eating I've never seen it treated as the period at the end of a sentence. It's just dessert. If you're comparing to a dinner party, dessert IS usually eaten right after dinner. And I've seen weddings that way. There's no correlation, in my experience, between the cake getting eaten and the party being over. The party's over when the bar closes and the dj packs up. And you know just because a cake is cut doesn't mean it's plated, right? Pieces won't dry out when they're still all stuck next to each other on a sheet. If they're plated, they're covered with plastic wrap. And in my experience, doing the first dance before dinner is a new phenomenon too. Neither dancing nor serving cake nor when anyone leaves the reception has to do with etiquette. It's tradition and preference.

To the first bolded part... nope, not in my circle/area/whatever. There is usually a break in between dinner and dessert. This gives the host time to clean up dinner and the guests a chance to digest and make room for more food. Guests usually sit and talk, offer to help make coffee, clean up what ever. If there is a game on (like on Thanksgiving) people go run back to the den to watch that. That sort of thing.

Second bolded part.... I'm not arguing for etiquette. If guests need to leave or just want to leave, they should be able to without fear of persecution. No one is holding anyone hostage. I'm speaking from my experiences.

On a side note, from my experience, the first dance wouldn't be after dinner, since there is dancing held before dinner, too. So the "first dance" wouldn't be their first dance so it wouldn't make sense to call it a "first" dance. Of course, this wouldn't be true if there was no dancing before dinner.

KatieinBkln · May 2014

On a side note, from my experience, the first dance wouldn't be after dinner, since there is dancing held before dinner, too. So the "first dance" wouldn't be their first dance so it wouldn't make sense to call it a "first" dance. Of course, this wouldn't be true if there was no dancing before dinner.

That is fascinating to me. I have never been at a wedding where this is the case. It's always been: ceremony, cocktails, B/G entrance, toasting/eating, cake, first dances, bouquet toss, general dancing. I guess this really varies with regions/individuals--all the more reason I'm 100% sure the "don't leave till the cake is cut" thing is just a tradition and not an etiquette rule.

csuave · May 2014

I consider it a tradition. However, as is evident in all of the posts, nowadays there are a lot of different possibilities for timing of events.

I don't think it is an etiquette matter. How long people stay at an event is up to them and different strokes for different folks.

Given a reasonable timeline for an event, my personal etiquette is to stay for a significant amount of time -- usually the entire event. If I have no other obligations I feel rude leaving an event early. I think most of my circle feels this way because we have all had the "how long do you think we should stay?" types of conversations at the boring events.

At our reception we had the cookie bar open as soon as the reception started so one dessert was available right away. Then we did the ceremonial cake cutting right after we entered. Printed menus listed the three different desserts and that take home boxes would be available via buffet at 9pm (time called out to show dessert did not immediately follow dinner). We chose to do this because we had a lot of food and didn't want dessert wasted if people weren't hungry after having had appetizers and 5 courses. We also didn't want to break the action later in the evening to do the cutting.

The oldest couple that attended constituted 2 out of a 5 person family unit (they were the grandparents). They were close to 80. Close to 9:30 my friend, a younger member of this family told me they had a great time and were leaving. She said she was sorry they couldn't stay longer but the grandparents were influencing their leaving at that time. I think the younger 3 in the family would have stayed later if the grandparents weren't with them and that the dessert serving time gave them an "appropriate" and compromise time to leave.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

Simply Fated said:

lolo883 said:

No, whether cutting or eating I've never seen it treated as the period at the end of a sentence. It's just dessert. If you're comparing to a dinner party, dessert IS usually eaten right after dinner. And I've seen weddings that way. There's no correlation, in my experience, between the cake getting eaten and the party being over. The party's over when the bar closes and the dj packs up. And you know just because a cake is cut doesn't mean it's plated, right? Pieces won't dry out when they're still all stuck next to each other on a sheet. If they're plated, they're covered with plastic wrap. And in my experience, doing the first dance before dinner is a new phenomenon too. Neither dancing nor serving cake nor when anyone leaves the reception has to do with etiquette. It's tradition and preference.

To the first bolded part... nope, not in my circle/area/whatever. There is usually a break in between dinner and dessert. This gives the host time to clean up dinner and the guests a chance to digest and make room for more food. Guests usually sit and talk, offer to help make coffee, clean up what ever. If there is a game on (like on Thanksgiving) people go run back to the den to watch that. That sort of thing.

Second bolded part.... I'm not arguing for etiquette. If guests need to leave or just want to leave, they should be able to without fear of persecution. No one is holding anyone hostage. I'm speaking from my experiences.

On a side note, from my experience, the first dance wouldn't be after dinner, since there is dancing held before dinner, too. So the "first dance" wouldn't be their first dance so it wouldn't make sense to call it a "first" dance. Of course, this wouldn't be true if there was no dancing before dinner.

Yeah we kind of talked about this in the other thread- the one having to do with reception timeline- and out of the 30+ weddings I have been to, none have had dancing prior to dinner, save for the spotlight dances. The dance floor doesn't open up until after dinner. Mood music is played during cocktail hour and dinner, and all the toasts are done right before dinner or during the salad course.

As to when dessert is served, most weddings served it about 30mins-1hr after dinner, even the weddings in which the cake was cut prior to dinner. And all the wedding cakes I have ever had were dry, no matter when the cake was cut. . . except for the ones my mom made ;-)

kitty8403 · May 2014

I think it's an unrealistic expectation. Cake cutting could be done an hour post ceremony, or 5 hours. How exactly do you expect a guest with time conflicts to plan accordingly?
Lots of weddings have no dinner. It's also not unusual to cut cake before dinner or before dancing, meaning it is in no way a reliable signal that the event is drawing to a close. If you have somewhere else to be, that's how it is. Especially if people are on call, which happens a lot with medical professionals or law enforcement, emergency services, etc.

kitty8403 · May 2014

Simply Fated said:
I had never heard of cutting the cake hours before it would be eaten until I came to TK. I don't get the point of that at all. There is no rational or logical reasons for that, unless it has to do with the pictures, maybe?

It's definitely a cue in my circle to start getting your things together to leave. However if an emergency arises and you gotta leave before the cake is cut... then you gotta leave. Life happens. There is no one holding anyone hostage until the cake is cut, it's just a cue that it's almost time to wrap things up.

I see it a lot at dry weddings or afternoon events. People cut cake and take photos, like instead of a cocktail hour. Then you do dinner, if there is one, or move on to spotlight dances. It may or may not be served before the dance floor opens.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

I have never seen open dance floor dancing before dinner at a wedding, and only maybe 2 couples' first dance done then. I would probably take a bite out of someone's arm if they tried to dance rather than eat. Feed me!

ejpentecost · May 2014

We purposely planned our timeline so that none of my guests, many of whom are elderly and will tire early, will feel obligated to stay past dinner.

I can't imagine cutting the cake before dinner. I also can't imagine waiting till almost the end to cut the cake. It should flow in a natural manner.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

moonridingfences said:

We purposely planned our timeline so that none of my guests, many of whom are elderly and will tire early, will feel obligated to stay past dinner.

I can't imagine cutting the cake before dinner. I also can't imagine waiting till almost the end to cut the cake. It should flow in a natural manner.

No matter when the cake is cut- before dinner, after, etc- it always seems natural to me.

thisismynickname2 · May 2014

Simply Fated said:

lolo883 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Does it really matter when the cake is cut? Really? Before dinner, right after dinner, an hour before the reception ends, it really doesn't matter because no matter when you do it pictures will be taken. Honestly if your circle tends to see the cake cutting as a sign that it is okay to leave then I suggest cutting it sooner rather then later or you will have people sticking around even if they don't want to because they don't want to be seen as rude leaving before.

Nono, it's a sign the hosts are going to be ready to call it a night. At least, that's how it's viewed where I'm at. Cutting the cake signifies that cake and other desserts will be served. Since dessert is served at the end of the evening (or daytime event) then after dessert is the hint for everyone that the night is winding down. People eat their cake, drink their coffee, say their good byes and the venue starts to wrap it up.
This must be a regional thing because I've never heard of the cake cutting as being a final curtain call before you GTFO. Even at international weddings I've attended.

Not the cake cutting, so much as the cake serving. This is why the cake is never served immediately following the dinner. That, plus people are usually to full for dessert right away. And the cake wouldn't be cut before dinner because there is no reason for it. When you cut a cake, it means the cake would be served. And if the cake wouldn't be served until a couple of hours later, then it shouldn't have been cut, yet.
It's like when you go to someone's house and they start cutting up the desserts before the meal is given. It just doesn't really make sense, ya know?

The usual order of events of the reception is... The wedding party and bride and groom all enter. The bride and groom has the first dance. Everyone dances. The appetizers/salads are served while people are dancing. This is a way to get everyone's butt into a seat so the waiters can finish taking their dinner orders. (They would have started while the guests were waiting for the wedding party to enter) Then there are toasts. Then some more dancing. Then dinner. More dancing. Then it's a mix of cake cutting, spotlight dances, garter/bouquet tosses and more dancing. Then dessert and coffee and the band/dj plays the last song and we out.

Honestly, I've never seen this order of events. I can't say I'd want to dance, eat, dance, eat, dance, eat....

Weddings I've attended have the happy couple enter, cut the cake, dinner gets served, then partying. Woo!

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

I wanted to cut the cake after dinner, but our venue is having us cut it during/after the salad course. That way they can cut it and have it ready for after dinner (we are doing stations). We also have an additional dessert that they need to put out, so it's probably a timing thing.

We are doing our first dance right after our introductions, then toasts, then dinner, then parent dances (both together). Then dancing the rest of the night.

I've seen the first dance done right after introductions the majority of the time. Cake has been cut at all different times, so in my area there really isn't a norm.

I think once you've started the dancing portion, people don't want you to break into it with a dance here, or a cake cutting there. Just get it all out of the way.

Cookie Pusher · May 2014

We have dancing between cocktail hour and dinner. The caterer needs time to clear the cocktail hour food out and put out the dinner buffet. (Plus, I need time in order to change into my cultural dress to do the tea ceremony and parent dances.) That seems to be the standard timeline for weddings held at our venue.

S/O: Waiting to leave a wedding until after the cake cutting

Re: S/O: Waiting to leave a wedding until after the cake cutting

Choose Another Board

Search Boards