How long do I actually have?

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

I'm working on thank-you notes. In fact, I've been keeping them coming since the gifts began arriving. Obviously there was a lapse right around the time of the wedding and a while after the honeymoon. We were married last month. I've gotten a snarky email from my husband's grandma (she sent it to him, actually) that some of the ladies in the family have not yet received thank-you notes and they are "very upset" at this breach of etiquette. Okay, so how long do I actually have? I thought I had until like 5-6 months after the wedding. I'm working on sending another wave of notes out right now, but it bothers me that some people are already upset with me. My sunburn from the HM hasn't even finished peeling off yet. Am I a bad bride, or is she way offbase?

My dad said that the old rule was a year, and was shocked that anyone would be upset with me a mere month after the wedding, especially since these people also sent shower gifts that of course I already got the notes out for well before the wedding. Now apparently I have to email a thank-you right when I get something and send a note right after that. My grandmother expects an initial call call and/or a facebook message and a card. The internet has ruined everything...

Jessie42613 · May 2014

I think grandma needs to cool it and stop being a trouble maker. Minus the time you were away for your HM, you've been married and home for 3 weeks. Keep plugging along and don't stress about her.

RebeccaFlower · May 2014

mrshutzler said:

I'm working on thank-you notes. In fact, I've been keeping them coming since the gifts began arriving. Obviously there was a lapse right around the time of the wedding and a while after the honeymoon. We were married last month. I've gotten a snarky email from my husband's grandma (she sent it to him, actually) that some of the ladies in the family have not yet received thank-you notes and they are "very upset" at this breach of etiquette. Okay, so how long do I actually have? I thought I had until like 5-6 months after the wedding. I'm working on sending another wave of notes out right now, but it bothers me that some people are already upset with me. My sunburn from the HM hasn't even finished peeling off yet. Am I a bad bride, or is she way offbase?

My dad said that the old rule was a year, and was shocked that anyone would be upset with me a mere month after the wedding, especially since these people also sent shower gifts that of course I already got the notes out for well before the wedding. Now apparently I have to email a thank-you right when I get something and send a note right after that. My grandmother expects an initial call call and/or a facebook message and a card. The internet has ruined everything...

I think you need to get moving and get them out by this weekend. Your husband can certainly help you. There is no way you get 5-6 months and you absolutely don't get a year. I start side-eyeing people after a month or six weeks and it sounds like you're approaching this and I'm 24 years old, so it isn't an older generation thing.

Inkdancer · May 2014

I think it depends on how many guests there were. If you had 300 people at your wedding then yeah, I'd give you a couple of months. But if it was fairly small, those things need to be in the mailbox.

KGold80 · May 2014

Writing thank you notes isn't that hard or time consuming and honestly, 3 weeks is more than enough time to get them done. Write them a few at a time and you can probably get them out more quickly than if you tried to write them all in one sitting. People have different standards as to how quickly thank you notes should go out, but you do not have a year. You also don't have 5-6 months. You really only have a month - 2 months tops before some people start getting antsy (obviously).

climbingsingle · May 2014

I think 5-6 months is way too much time. However, if you're saying your wedding was just last month, Grandma needs to chill the eff out. The longest I'd personally wait in getting them out is 1.5 months tops.

banana468 · May 2014

mrshutzler said:
I'm working on thank-you notes. In fact, I've been keeping them coming since the gifts began arriving. Obviously there was a lapse right around the time of the wedding and a while after the honeymoon. We were married last month. I've gotten a snarky email from my husband's grandma (she sent it to him, actually) that some of the ladies in the family have not yet received thank-you notes and they are "very upset" at this breach of etiquette. Okay, so how long do I actually have? I thought I had until like 5-6 months after the wedding. I'm working on sending another wave of notes out right now, but it bothers me that some people are already upset with me. My sunburn from the HM hasn't even finished peeling off yet. Am I a bad bride, or is she way offbase?

My dad said that the old rule was a year, and was shocked that anyone would be upset with me a mere month after the wedding, especially since these people also sent shower gifts that of course I already got the notes out for well before the wedding. Now apparently I have to email a thank-you right when I get something and send a note right after that. My grandmother expects an initial call call and/or a facebook message and a card. The internet has ruined everything...

Did you get any gifts before the wedding? TY notes for those gifts should have been sent long ago.

You should have everything sent no later than 2 mo after the big day. Grandma sounds like she's stirring up trouble and unless you married someone lacking hands or the ability to write, your spouse is equally to blame. That said, get started and don't stop!

grumbledore · May 2014

You do NOT have 5-6 months, and you certainly do NOT have a year. Get them out now. More than 8 weeks is unacceptable, but really I think that is already way too long. LURKERS - There's no reason thank yous can't go out within a week of returning from your honeymoon. You do not need to send an email or a FB message, just a thank you note.

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

Inkdancer said:

I think it depends on how many guests there were. If you had 300 people at your wedding then yeah, I'd give you a couple of months. But if it was fairly small, those things need to be in the mailbox.

It was a large wedding, and I have been writing the notes as I receive gifts. In addition, lots of people sent gifts that were not at the wedding, bringing the total up to about 200 (actually 230... I just checked). I still have about 50 to send out, and I've been working on it this week. I just finished 10 today. It ruins my good feelings that someone is already snarking on me and it's not been that long. These people already got thank-you's for shower gifts, so it's not like they think I've forgotten. I'm not a jerk.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

You definitely don't have a year. You also don't have 5 to 6 months.

I side-eye anything longer than a month, unless you had a large (300+ person) wedding, and then I side-eye anything more than six weeks.

I don't think you're a jerk, but I do think you're on the outside edge of acceptable. Get your DH to write them to his family tonight.

artbyallie · May 2014

I'd say 2-3 weeks, and that's including whatever time was spent on the honeymoon. There doesn't seem to be an exact time frame, but really, it doesn't take that long to write thank you notes.

ETA: You say you had around 200 total; I think (granted, it's been nearly three years now so I'm not positive) I was writing at least 20 a day after we got back from our week-long honeymoon, so I would still expect them to take no more than about 2 and a half weeks, tops.

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I think 5-6 months is way too much time. However, if you're saying your wedding was just last month, Grandma needs to chill the eff out. The longest I'd personally wait in getting them out is 1.5 months tops.

I'm not waiting. I'm just sending out around 10 a day about 1 month after the wedding. I'll be done this week. I just finished writing 10 as in right this minute. I guess I'll try getting them all out today, but I'll have to go get more stamps.

Inkdancer · May 2014

mrshutzler said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I think 5-6 months is way too much time. However, if you're saying your wedding was just last month, Grandma needs to chill the eff out. The longest I'd personally wait in getting them out is 1.5 months tops.

I'm not waiting. I'm just sending out around 10 a day about 1 month after the wedding. I'll be done this week. I just finished writing 10 as in right this minute. I guess I'll try getting them all out today, but I'll have to go get more stamps.

You can do it! I believe in you!

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

Inkdancer said:

mrshutzler said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I think 5-6 months is way too much time. However, if you're saying your wedding was just last month, Grandma needs to chill the eff out. The longest I'd personally wait in getting them out is 1.5 months tops.

I'm not waiting. I'm just sending out around 10 a day about 1 month after the wedding. I'll be done this week. I just finished writing 10 as in right this minute. I guess I'll try getting them all out today, but I'll have to go get more stamps.

You can do it! I believe in you!

LOL I don't mind writing them. I knew they needed to get out asap, it just killed my good-feeling vibe that someone's already mad at me. I actually enjoyed writing the notes until my husband forwarded me that email... and I actually got a note out for her a few days ago, she just hasn't received it yet. She's going to feel silly when she and all her sisters (they live in a cul-de-sac) get their notes today...

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

OKay, ladies, you've made me feel bad, so I'm going to get them all out today. I'm a terrible bride. I knew it.

*sobs* T T

KGold80 · May 2014

Don't feel bad. Just get to writing! Either way, you will feel soooooooooooo much better once those notes are in the mail. Dark cloud gone...just sunshine!

sarals24 · May 2014

Why isn't your husband helping you write these?

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

sarals24 said:

Why isn't your husband helping you write these?

Because even he can't read his handwriting. I'm a calligrapher/illustrator/designer, so naturally it falls in my court. If I don't respond it's because I'm going to be AFK for a while.

climbingsingle · May 2014

You're not a terrible bride! Again, you wedding was just last month. I personally think you're fine. I would just try to get them all done today.

And yes, she probably will feel silly when hers arrives today.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

Your husband should have told his granny to chill out. He should NOT have forwarded that email to you. He needs to be having your back here.

DH also has utterly illegible handwriting. Whenever BSC granny made a comment about TYs, he told her, 'HisGirl has this handled, you need to.back off.'

(BSC granny wanted to proof-read my TYs before they went out to her family. Hell no.)

KGold80 · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Your husband should have told his granny to chill out. He should NOT have forwarded that email to you. He needs to be having your back here. DH also has utterly illegible handwriting. Whenever BSC granny made a comment about TYs, he told her, 'HisGirl has this handled, you need to.back off.' (BSC granny wanted to proof-read my TYs before they went out to her family. Hell no.)

HOLY SHIT. I have never seen someone try to micromanage thank you notes!

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

KGold80 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Your husband should have told his granny to chill out. He should NOT have forwarded that email to you. He needs to be having your back here.

DH also has utterly illegible handwriting. Whenever BSC granny made a comment about TYs, he told her, 'HisGirl has this handled, you need to.back off.'

(BSC granny wanted to proof-read my TYs before they went out to her family. Hell no.)

HOLY SHIT. I have never seen someone try to micromanage thank you notes!

She's a ginormous PITA. And her ulterior motive was because she wanted to know what everyone got us, and DH refused to tell her.

annathy03 · May 2014

My understanding is you have 6 weeks, ideally a month. My wedding was 4/19 and I'll have all mine out by this weekend, and I told H he has until the end of the month tops.

Your H's grandma is just stirring up shit at this point, but if it was a month from now she'd be right, it's definitely not 5-6 months, and the 1 year rule is for guests not thank you notes.

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

OKAY GUYS I'M DONE

I need a drink.

lyndausvi · May 2014

For lurkers, EVERYONE wants a timely TY. 5-6 months is not timely in my opinion. That said I find the older generation wants their TY pretty close after the wedding. I also know people within a group will talk about getting or not getting a TY.

Knowing the above I sent out TY notes the same or next day as a gifts came in. Scored major brownie points.

Then when it came to gifts that we got at the wedding itself. I sent out the "old" people's ones first. Some of them were sent out on the HM itself (I had long haul flights and needed to kill some time). I tried to group them also. I.E. I sent out MIL, her sister,and cousin's TY at the same time. They talk all the time. It was better to send them out together so they all can brag how timely they got their TY.

Seems silly, but we all have those guests who like to talk (aka BITCH) about stuff like that. You know who they are. Send out their TY note first so you get brownie points and they can't bitch.

iloveotters2014 · May 2014

The wedding was at the beginning of this month. I'm having my photographer finish up one photo this week of the two of us and getting prints made of that and sending out the thank you's before we leave for the honeymoon at the end of the month. I'm really excited to have that off my plate before we leave for the honeymoon!

grumbledore · May 2014

mrshutzler said:

OKay, ladies, you've made me feel bad, so I'm going to get them all out today. I'm a terrible bride. I knew it.

*sobs* T T

Lol you're not terrible! Just get them out as fast as you can. Gma was being a bit of a bitch really. But this is why it's so important to do them right away - because people seriously really do care about this.

phira · May 2014

I have to ask, don't you have, like ... a spouse who could help you write them and send them out?

CrazyCatLady3 · May 2014

I prefer to receive TY notes within 1 month, but I don't start side-eyeing until after 2 months. As PPs have said I give a little more leeway for a very large wedding.

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

grumbledore said:

mrshutzler said:

OKay, ladies, you've made me feel bad, so I'm going to get them all out today. I'm a terrible bride. I knew it.

*sobs* T T

Lol you're not terrible! Just get them out as fast as you can. Gma was being a bit of a bitch really. But this is why it's so important to do them right away - because people seriously really do care about this.

I'm glad you don't think I'm terrible. Gma is being a snark... that's like a shark, except instead of attacking you, they just seethe with resentment and chip away at your mood by making belittleing comments. I'm so glad I'm done. I've got a big illustration job I need to finish, and it was just one more thing making me stress. Thanks for making me get my butt in gear, and I am glad that I'm not technically being hugely rude because I've worked really hard at making sure I was a good bride.

Inkdancer · May 2014

mrshutzler said:

grumbledore said:

mrshutzler said:

OKay, ladies, you've made me feel bad, so I'm going to get them all out today. I'm a terrible bride. I knew it.

*sobs* T T

Lol you're not terrible! Just get them out as fast as you can. Gma was being a bit of a bitch really. But this is why it's so important to do them right away - because people seriously really do care about this.

I'm glad you don't think I'm terrible. Gma is being a snark... that's like a shark, except instead of attacking you, they just seethe with resentment and chip away at your mood by making belittleing comments. I'm so glad I'm done. I've got a big illustration job I need to finish, and it was just one more thing making me stress. Thanks for making me get my butt in gear, and I am glad that I'm not technically being hugely rude because I've worked really hard at making sure I was a good bride.

Stealing this.

How long do I actually have?

Re: How long do I actually have?

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