Devastating..devastated!

Jen4948 · May 2014

I'm so sorry to hear that you don't have any more news.

<<<hugs>>>

pinkcow13 · May 2014

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry to hear all of this. You and your family are in my thoughts.

SmileDamnit · May 2014

Continuing to send peaceful, healing & helpful thoughts your way...

ohannabelle · May 2014

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Prayers for everyone involved.

LAM524 · May 2014

Thank you all for your prayers and kindness. God help us. We had 30+ people searching Saturday and nobody...absolutely nobody has seen her. How does someone just vanish??? I cant sleep..the nightmares are horrible. I cant sit...I feel like I have to search constantly. We have 12 days until wedding and the truth is, I am so numb and devastated that I am so mad! All the joy is gone. We have a new home and that joy is gone! I feel that I am not ready! My fiance seems to be handling this better then me. I have my own pain but seeing his, his sisters, the rest of his families...its killing me. I feel like a zombie...and we are just on auto pilot. I am so behind on wedding stuff...but dont really care. How horrible am I! She is the first thing on my mind when I open my eyes..and the last thing before I fall asleep, if I sleep. I keep visualizing her out in those woods! Or in that murky water! Fiance has been staying with me since she left and I hear him moaning at night. I go check on him and his face...so much pain while he is sleeping. I cant believe this is happening. I keep trying to wake myself up. I have run out of ideas..options to find her. I feel so helpless.

12 days!!! Guest will start to arrive in a week and % of them will be staying with me. How am I going to do this? Im so numb that I cant even feel any good about the wedding. This man that I love so deeply will be marrying me and I feel so detached. I dont know what to do.

tortoisebride · May 2014

It sounds like you're not in a good place right now to enjoy your wedding. You need to discuss postponing it seriously, and even if you feel that's not an option since people are coming in from out of town, you and your fiance need to be talking to a counselor. Separately, together, both, whatever. You need a professional to help you with your grief. Even without the wedding in the mix, this would be a horrible time for you both, and you cannot deal with it just by powering through. It's okay to ask for help. I know you feel like it might be a waste of time you could be looking, but "self-care" is a thing for a reason. You and your FI need to be your best selves in this incredibly horrible time, and that means getting outside emotional support. Please please find a grief counselor to talk to.

OliveOilsMom · May 2014

LAM, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. Is postponing the wedding not an option any longer? I think it would be best for everyone involved. You said earlier that your venue was being understanding to you and the situation. I know your guests would be potentially put off by postponing, but given the circumstances, I'm sure they would be more concerned about you and your FI's plight than their own.

Keeping you and your FI's family in my thoughts and prayers.

MNVegas · May 2014

I have thought about you often since you posted. Thank you for the update. My heart goes out to you and your FI. As I mentioned in my previous post, you really need to find someone you can talk with to help you through this difficult time. Also as hard as it will be for you, I would postpone the wedding. Neither of you are in a good place right. You deserve to start your marriage off on a happy note, not with all this hanging over your head. Your venue said they are willing to work with you so take them up on their offer.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Fran1985 · May 2014

I think you really should postpone. I think that you guys are strong together, and of course you want to be married, but you can wait until the dust of this settles. It is just so close together. And the unknowing probably adds another level of pain. You and your FI need to decide what's right for the both of you, but my thought is if you are ready to commit to spending the rest of your lives together, what's the harm in waiting a few months or a year. You will still be committed in heart and spirit. It sounds like this is way to overwhelming right now to focus on a wedding. I promise you all the guests will understand.

sofakingmad · May 2014

I agree with PPs that the wedding needs to be postponed.

aleighc3 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for what is happening! Prayers are with you and your loved ones. Are there any news articles about this?

mellowmarshmallow · May 2014

I have a family member with a history of suicide attempts and disappearances. The longest only lasted for a few hours before he was found unconscious but alive, and that was heart-wrenching. I can't imagine what you and your fiance are going through or what I would do in your situation. All I can say is I am so sorry.

jdluvr06 · May 2014

I am sorry you and your FI are going through this. I can't imagine how terrified you must be. (((Hugs))))

LAM524 · May 2014

I am so sorry that I am dumping this all on you. I know you are planning your special days and I feel terrible to have burden you all with this. I really do appreciate and am very grateful to you all for your support. I think I am going to readdress postponing it with him. I open am email from venue today that was questioning welcome bags and some "normal" planning questions and I lost it. Been crying for hours. Today is more about grieving the wedding...and what I am no feeling about our day. So sad and depressing.

JCbride2015 · May 2014

I'm so sorry you and Fi are going through this. How completely tragic.

Yes, grieve the wedding. Postpone it. Everyone will understand. Then later, when this situation has been resolved and/or there has been time to heal, you and your families will be able to really celebrate the wedding.

Inkdancer · May 2014

LAM524 said:

I am so sorry that I am dumping this all on you. I know you are planning your special days and I feel terrible to have burden you all with this. I really do appreciate and am very grateful to you all for your support. I think I am going to readdress postponing it with him. I open am email from venue today that was questioning welcome bags and some "normal" planning questions and I lost it. Been crying for hours. Today is more about grieving the wedding...and what I am no feeling about our day. So sad and depressing.

Sweetie, you are not dumping this on us. You are sharing your grief with a neutral party... and that is OKAY and HEALTHY.

This is a terrible time for you, and we understand. I really hope that you can find some peace and closure soon.

I am praying for you, and sending you love. If I could bring you hugs and chocolate, I would. Please, please, please do not feel guilty about talking to us about this stuff. You need to let it out.

arrippa · May 2014

Still praying for you LAM. Don't worry about dumping anything on us; you are grieving. <hugs>

flyingfoxes · May 2014

I'm so sorry for all of this heartache for your FI and you. I hope you find peace and closure.

kitty8403 · May 2014

LAM524 said:

Thank you all for your prayers and kindness. God help us. We had 30+ people searching Saturday and nobody...absolutely nobody has seen her. How does someone just vanish??? I cant sleep..the nightmares are horrible. I cant sit...I feel like I have to search constantly. We have 12 days until wedding and the truth is, I am so numb and devastated that I am so mad! All the joy is gone. We have a new home and that joy is gone! I feel that I am not ready! My fiance seems to be handling this better then me. I have my own pain but seeing his, his sisters, the rest of his families...its killing me. I feel like a zombie...and we are just on auto pilot. I am so behind on wedding stuff...but dont really care. How horrible am I! She is the first thing on my mind when I open my eyes..and the last thing before I fall asleep, if I sleep. I keep visualizing her out in those woods! Or in that murky water! Fiance has been staying with me since she left and I hear him moaning at night. I go check on him and his face...so much pain while he is sleeping. I cant believe this is happening. I keep trying to wake myself up. I have run out of ideas..options to find her. I feel so helpless.

12 days!!! Guest will start to arrive in a week and % of them will be staying with me. How am I going to do this? Im so numb that I cant even feel any good about the wedding. This man that I love so deeply will be marrying me and I feel so detached. I dont know what to do.

Thank you for keeping us updated. I am so sorry you're still searching for answers.
Right now it sounds like neither of you has your hearts in dealing with the wedding. You are all grieving deeply, and the last thing you need to be worried about is hosting company and worrying about little party details. PPs gave good advice about postponement and seeking counsel.
Our hearts, prayers, and best wishes go out to you both.

dramamonkey · June 2014

@LAM524....

I just heard a story about a missing 74 y.o. Florida woman found after about a month, surviving on granola bars and discarded sodas and thought about you.

Is this your FMIL? Was she found?

photokitty · June 2014

Pretty sure, sadly, that's not her MIL. That woman is in Leesburg, and that's not where Lam is located

offensivekitten2 · June 2014

I am sorry this is happening to you, it is truely awful.

Right now, I know it's hard to keep perspective, but don't look at the long term. Just because he doesn't want to get married right this moment doesn't mean he never wants to. He only meant that he needs time, not that he was cancelling.

The same goes for the house situation.I know you had plans on having a marriage home, but I don't recommend throwing the whole idea out because the situation isn't ideal. You can still move in there, and then wait for him to grieve and be ready for marriage.

Hang in there, I feel for you.

slothiegal · June 2014

Sending all the good vibes, thoughts and prayers your way. I admire your strength, and don't ever feel bad to coming here for some kind of comfort! *hugs*

Devastating..devastated!

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