Wedding Etiquette Forum

Accidental Bridezilla

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Re: Accidental Bridezilla

  • Look at all the shit that troll stirred up.

    But seriously for lurkers, no one remembers the bridesmaids shoes, hair, or jewelry.  NO ONE.  And to boot, your bridesmaids will probably look a lot more confident and happy in your photos if they aren't wearing shoes that make their feet scream or earrings that aren't for their sensitive ears or a hairdo they just don't feel pretty in.  Hopefully at least that is more important than them looking like clones.

    My bridesmaids wore the dress I picked out, whatever silver shoes they wanted, did their hair/makeup however the pleased, and wore whatever jewelry suited them.  And hot damn did they look FANTASTIC.
  • lizhurtlizhurt member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment 5 Love Its
    I am "newish" as you say because I don't have all day to sit around being an unpaid message board policeman. I stumbled upon this board because of my knot newsletter. I replied not looking for "wisdom" or to be schooled on the traditions of Victorian bridesmaids, but rather to defend this girl who was bullied into apologizing to her bridesmaid for what I perceive as her friend's faux pas (she should have asked about the shoes first before buying them). I have been utterly put off, however, by the extremely aggressive response to my innocuous comment. And I will let the decision of whether I am "wrong" rest on my own adult shoulders, not those of a bunch of faceless internet trolls who I am grateful will not be in attendance at my stunning, selfish, spoiled brat wedding. Shout out to my incredible bridesmaids who accept my slightly OCD nature and love me regardless. You guys are the most fabulous props a girl could ask for ;)
  • ScoutFScoutF member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    @lizhurt You absolutely need to buy your BM's anything that you are requiring, except for the dress. You want them in particular shoes? You need to buy them. You want them wearing the same jewelry and nail polish? Yup, you need to buy those too. Their only responsibility is to wear the chosen dress and show up. I could give a rats ass if you want them in matching dresses. But for god sake, you must buy them anything else you are making them wear...and NOT as their gift.
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    So I'm thinking about my wedding peeps' shoes now. Because I'm usually thinking about shoes cause I love shoes. I gave them zero guidelines with shoes aside from yes wear them and no flip flops please. So six very different people choose 6 pairs of very different shoes. And I'm thinking...this is gonna be awesome!

    They probably aren't going to match, but they will be wonderfully reflective of their personalities. I'm now looking forward to seeing what they wear! I've got two of them texting me pictures of shoes off and on to get my opinion and to let me look at shoes (my friends are nice and feed my shoe love), so I'm getting a vague idea of how the shoes will look for them day of.
  • Always.

    I think I got bingo but..the card has gotten a little blurry now....
  • One of the ladies who actually was in or attended weddings then may be able to correct me, but I was under the impression the matchy matchy bridesmaids were an 80s thing? And it was not a good look.

    image
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    Unless we're talking about the actual original tradition, which for the record is way older than "Victorian." In old school wedding tradition, the bridesmaids matched... but they also matched the bride because they were meant to distract and confuse evil spirits who wanted to mess with her.

    And because it's what I was thinking reading this thread, have another gif.
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  • WE GON STIR SOME SHIT UP IN HERE Y'ALL

    http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110520040521/mayberry/images/b/bd/BarnStirringMoulage.gif
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
  • phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @artbyallie Exactly what I always think: if you're going with legit tradition, then the bridesmaids need to look like the bride. They should be wearing whatever color the bride is wearing! So I guess this special snowflake will be dressing her bridesmaids up in white, floor-length gowns.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image
  • May I then ask how to politely say or decline when the bride states she has certain shoes she wants us to wear? I am a bridesmaid in my FSIL's wedding and she asked us a couple weeks ago to pick between getting our hair done or nails done as our gift, which then she texted that getting our hair done would be our gift; and then sent a picture of a pair of shoes saying that she wants all of us to wear Toms. Which I looked up and besides appearing to be very uncomfortable and not anything I'd ever wear - the price is the issue where I've found Toms from $60-$100+, which I can't justify spending on shoes for one day..... is there a polite way to decline or just not buy the shoes?
  • lizhurt said:
    I was under the impression that your wedding is your day and that your bridesmaids should wear the dress, shoes, hairstyle, and accessories you want if that is your choice. That does NOT make you a bridezilla. I personally am choosing my bridemaids' looks head to toe, and they don't care! They know I have impeccable taste and want a traditional look. I think if you want your bridesmaids to pick their own, they can, and if you don't, you don't have to. Any bridesmaid that puts up a fuss is forgetting the point of being one: to honor and stand next to the bride on HER special day, not to wear an outfit.
    image
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

    image
  • phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    PDKH said: SteinWife15 said:
    May I then ask how to politely say or decline when the bride states she has certain shoes she wants us to wear? I am a bridesmaid in my FSIL's wedding and she asked us a couple weeks ago to pick between getting our hair done or nails done as our gift, which then she texted that getting our hair done would be our gift; and then sent a picture of a pair of shoes saying that she wants all of us to wear Toms. Which I looked up and besides appearing to be very uncomfortable and not anything I'd ever wear - the price is the issue where I've found Toms from $60-$100+, which I can't justify spending on shoes for one day..... is there a polite way to decline or just not buy the shoes? I would reply and say, "Hey bride, I'm sorry, but these Toms are just not in my budget. I can't afford them. Is there a certain color of flats I can get instead?"
    Stand firm. No way in hell would I buy Toms for someone else's wedding.  Totally agree with this. Toms are
    not cheap, and not everyone can wear them comfortably.

    Keep in mind that no matter how polite and within etiquette you are when you decline, the bride will likely still be upset with you. Stick to your decline, but stay as polite and calm as possible.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image
  • edited May 2014
    @lizhurt look, I get you want a certain look for your wedding. My 3 girls all wore the same dress. (Though I wish I would have nudged them for than I had about picking different ones) they then wore their hair however they chose and picked a pair of black or silver shoes. Many here don't agree with the matching dress look, and that's okay. When it comes to your attendants attire the crucial elements are asking each their budget, privately, and then selecting a dress(es) with them that is at or below the lowest budget. Go ahead and ask that they wear their hair up or down and black/nude/silver shoes.but if you want to get more specific than that than you need to pay for all of it. And also think why them matching is so important. Yes, it's your and your FI's wedding so esthetically you choose the elements together. But these are your nearest and dearest, not a table. If it is that important then you pay. Otherwise, let it go. I'm also a bit out off by the fact that you chose your FI's attire. I'm hoping he had a say? It's his wedding too....did he get to choose your dress? I'm going to go out on a limb and say no.

    At the end of the day it's not so much about what you're making your attendants wear. It's about the attitude your spewing on here. No it's not YOUR day. It's your AND your FI's wedding. The ceremony is about you two. The reception is for your guests. This is not your one and only special day where you can order your nearest and dearest around under the guise of it being all about you and only you. No one deserves a princess day. This should be about getting married; sharing your love. Not having an aneurism over the color your bridesmaid where for shoes.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • phira said:
    PDKH said:
    May I then ask how to politely say or decline when the bride states she has certain shoes she wants us to wear? I am a bridesmaid in my FSIL's wedding and she asked us a couple weeks ago to pick between getting our hair done or nails done as our gift, which then she texted that getting our hair done would be our gift; and then sent a picture of a pair of shoes saying that she wants all of us to wear Toms. Which I looked up and besides appearing to be very uncomfortable and not anything I'd ever wear - the price is the issue where I've found Toms from $60-$100+, which I can't justify spending on shoes for one day..... is there a polite way to decline or just not buy the shoes?
    I would reply and say, "Hey bride, I'm sorry, but these Toms are just not in my budget. I can't afford them. Is there a certain color of flats I can get instead?"

    Stand firm. No way in hell would I buy Toms for someone else's wedding. 
    Totally agree with this. Toms are not cheap, and not everyone can wear them comfortably.

    Keep in mind that no matter how polite and within etiquette you are when you decline, the bride will likely still be upset with you. Stick to your decline, but stay as polite and calm as possible.
    Toms? really? Toms are so so so ugly. They make your feet look like they're wrapped in bandages. You know what I do when I want to make sure poor kids get a pair of shoes? I donate kids shoes to the freaking battered women's shelter. (seriously, they take donations of both new and used clothing for women and children).
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
  • lizhurt said:

    I am "newish" as you say because I don't have all day to sit around being an unpaid message board policeman. I stumbled upon this board because of my knot newsletter. I replied not looking for "wisdom" or to be schooled on the traditions of Victorian bridesmaids, but rather to defend this girl who was bullied into apologizing to her bridesmaid for what I perceive as her friend's faux pas (she should have asked about the shoes first before buying them). I have been utterly put off, however, by the extremely aggressive response to my innocuous comment. And I will let the decision of whether I am "wrong" rest on my own adult shoulders, not those of a bunch of faceless internet trolls who I am grateful will not be in attendance at my stunning, selfish, spoiled brat wedding. Shout out to my incredible bridesmaids who accept my slightly OCD nature and love me regardless. You guys are the most fabulous props a girl could ask for ;)

    For the record, I am @lizhurt‌ sister and bridesmaid, and I am appalled at the cattiness and down right bitchiness that the brides on this forum have displayed in response to her opinions. To call another bride a "troll" because she desires a certain look for HER wedding is a display of rudeness and ignorance, and quite frankly, I'm embarrassed for all of you. I am honored to stand up next to her on the happy occasion of her wedding, and I will gladly wear whatever she wants me do because her wedding is NOT ABOUT ME! If she wants to dress me up according to her taste, go for it! I know that she is a thoughtful and considerate bride who will take all her BMs into consideration when picking our look. And for the record, she does have impeccable taste! I'm getting married in 17 days and she is my MOH. I have consulted her on every decision I've made since Day 1 and I am so grateful to have had her here throughout this whole process! She is far from a bridezilla, and I WOULD KNOW! So before you judge my beautiful sister too harshly, consider that each bride is different, as is each wedding. I hope in the future you will recognize that everyone's opinion is valuable, even if it is different from yours! That's why this is a forum not an advice column.
  • This thread needs more CAPS LOCK!!!!!!!!
  • Every single time V sees all caps words he thinks people are just randomly shouting for no reason. For instance he will HAVE some time to get ICECREAM
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  • I am "newish" as you say because I don't have all day to sit around being an unpaid message board policeman. I stumbled upon this board because of my knot newsletter. I replied not looking for "wisdom" or to be schooled on the traditions of Victorian bridesmaids, but rather to defend this girl who was bullied into apologizing to her bridesmaid for what I perceive as her friend's faux pas (she should have asked about the shoes first before buying them). I have been utterly put off, however, by the extremely aggressive response to my innocuous comment. And I will let the decision of whether I am "wrong" rest on my own adult shoulders, not those of a bunch of faceless internet trolls who I am grateful will not be in attendance at my stunning, selfish, spoiled brat wedding. Shout out to my incredible bridesmaids who accept my slightly OCD nature and love me regardless. You guys are the most fabulous props a girl could ask for ;)
    For the record, I am @lizhurt‌ sister and bridesmaid, and I am appalled at the cattiness and down right bitchiness that the brides on this forum have displayed in response to her opinions. To call another bride a "troll" because she desires a certain look for HER wedding is a display of rudeness and ignorance, and quite frankly, I'm embarrassed for all of you. I am honored to stand up next to her on the happy occasion of her wedding, and I will gladly wear whatever she wants me do because her wedding is NOT ABOUT ME! If she wants to dress me up according to her taste, go for it! I know that she is a thoughtful and considerate bride who will take all her BMs into consideration when picking our look. And for the record, she does have impeccable taste! I'm getting married in 17 days and she is my MOH. I have consulted her on every decision I've made since Day 1 and I am so grateful to have had her here throughout this whole process! She is far from a bridezilla, and I WOULD KNOW! So before you judge my beautiful sister too harshly, consider that each bride is different, as is each wedding. I hope in the future you will recognize that everyone's opinion is valuable, even if it is different from yours! That's why this is a forum not an advice column.
    No one has a problem with the same dress, but it is unreasonable to expect bridesmaids to purchase shoes and jewelry the bride picks out, and frankly with comfort of shoes varying from person to person it's just silly to put girls in the same shoes.

    Outside of the two weddings you are about to be in, can you honestly describe the shoes and jewelry of the bridesmaids in the last few weddings you've attended?

    I've been a bridesmaid in 3 weddings and the only one anyone remembered my shoes were when the bride bought us matching heels for her beach wedding, and we sank into the sand with every step looking like goobers trying to get down the aisle.

    Just because YOU are ok with your sister picking out every detail of your outfit doesn't mean everyone is, even within her bridal party (of course the other girls won't tell you that b/c they don't want to hurt her feelings), but certainly not as a general rule.
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