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Honeymoon

No one contributing to our honeyfund..??!!

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Re: No one contributing to our honeyfund..??!!

  • I know everyone said it's rude, but I don't think the honeymoon fund itself is rude. As someone stated earlier, it is a pretty popular form of registry. But I think it's how you deal with it that is important. My fiance and I are paying for our wedding with some contributions from our families. We planned a honeymoon that we could afford on our budget so if we get no wedding gifts or money in any form, we are still good to go. We used ourwishingwell.com and included a link to our registry on our wedding website as the very last link. There is a paragraph that explains that if guests wish to give us a wedding gift, a contribution toward our honeymoon would be appreciated but not necessary. If we don't get a single cent, my feelings won't be hurt. However, people have asked where we are registered and said they were relieved they could just give money instead of picking something on a registry. And the website makes it easy for them. It's practical and most people really don't mind. Unless their etiquette freaks. 

    I agree that you did make a mistake by assuming your honeymoon would be paid for. Book something less expensive and if you get some cash, then you can upgrade or do some extra things on your honeymoon. Or, wait until you've gotten all the wedding gifts you're going to get at or after the wedding and plan your honeymoon then based on your post wedding funds. 
    ccarwan42
  • I know everyone said it's rude, but I don't think the honeymoon fund itself is rude. As someone stated earlier, it is a pretty popular form of registry. But I think it's how you deal with it that is important. My fiance and I are paying for our wedding with some contributions from our families. We planned a honeymoon that we could afford on our budget so if we get no wedding gifts or money in any form, we are still good to go. We used ourwishingwell.com and included a link to our registry on our wedding website as the very last link. There is a paragraph that explains that if guests wish to give us a wedding gift, a contribution toward our honeymoon would be appreciated but not necessary. If we don't get a single cent, my feelings won't be hurt. However, people have asked where we are registered and said they were relieved they could just give money instead of picking something on a registry. And the website makes it easy for them. It's practical and most people really don't mind. Unless their etiquette freaks. 

    I agree that you did make a mistake by assuming your honeymoon would be paid for. Book something less expensive and if you get some cash, then you can upgrade or do some extra things on your honeymoon. Or, wait until you've gotten all the wedding gifts you're going to get at or after the wedding and plan your honeymoon then based on your post wedding funds. 

    ???People asked where you were registered and were relieved they could just give you money??? Like, it never occurred to your guests they could give you cash? Strange.
    Didn't you know that becoming a wedding guest automatically makes one stupid and ignorant of the value of cash?
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    chibiyuitabathafayeashley8918
  • Everyone knows honeyfunds are rude and tacky. Yet, I can't say that I am tired of these special snowflakes trying to defend them. Makes for some good entertainment....

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    chibiyuiMNVegasashley8918
  • Cash is always an appropriate gift.   People know that.   Don't register for cash.
  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Ok. I didnt register for anything for the home because we dont need anything. Weve lived together for years, do I want another food processor or vacuum? No. A honeyfund isnt rude. Im not asking for out guests to take us on some spoiled worldwide trip. We actually paid for the wedding ourselves and were going to pay for the honeymoon, but when people started asking about registries, we looked into the honeyfund because we dont need new towels or pots and pans and lord knows how many people told me "cash is rude"...so what the eff am I supposed to do? Judgey women everywhere!
    So you were told cash was rude and went and registered for cash?  Because that is what you did.  As has been explained to you repeatedly Honeyfund will just send you a check to spend on whatever you want.  If your friends and family consider cash to be rude they are going to see the Honeyfund as rude because it is cash.  Therefore they are not going to contribute.  Also if they see giving cash as rude you are going to end up with a whole bunch of random boxed gifts.  
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    chibiyui
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    As an admitted evil bitch - if someone demands a gift at all in their invite, I send a lovely card with my well wishes. If I ask for registry, if told Target, I go to Target. If told not registered, I give cash or a bank check. If told of a honeyfund, I send a basic money management book. Because if you are just handing a random company 7% of your money for no reason, you need that book.

    @PrincessOfHavoc I think I love you.

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    KGold80MNVegasthemuffinman16
  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper

    As an admitted evil bitch - if someone demands a gift at all in their invite, I send a lovely card with my well wishes. If I ask for registry, if told Target, I go to Target. If told not registered, I give cash or a bank check. If told of a honeyfund, I send a basic money management book. Because if you are just handing a random company 7% of your money for no reason, you need that book.

    @PrincessOfHavoc I think I love you.
    I'm gonna second that.
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    themuffinman16
  •  Im wondering how I can flag it for people or basically say "Hey, we have a honeymoon fund...!! Dont forget about it!" Help!

    -Honeymoonlesss Bride
    Do you really think anyone forgot about it? 
    Blue_Bird

  • they were relieved they could just give money instead of picking something on a registry.


    Why would anyone think that just because a registry exists, you can no longer just write a check?  This doesn't even make sense. 
    AddieCake
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    OP, you fucked up.

    1.  You should never, ever, ever put anything about gifts or registries in your wedding invitations.  Ever.  It is incredibly rude and tacky.

    2.  Honeymoon registries are the same as asking for cash, only with the added bonus of being deceptive.  Asking for cash is always rude, no exceptions.  Traditional registries get a pass because they are there to give guests who seek out the information ideas about what colors you like, what size bed you have, what kinds of dishes you like, etc.  It's a reference for the gift giver to use if they want to and seek it out.  Nobody needs a reference for giving cash. 



    wajohnson09
  • MorgPieMorgPie member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I agree, these people were really rude to you and there was no need for THEIR tactless remarks. If they don't agree with your choice to register for honeymoon specific gifts they could have phrased it a little less bitchy. Sometimes people forget there is a human being on the other end of a computer. Hope you didn't take their snooty comments to heart.
    aleighbakersmsterner94
  • MorgPie said:
    I agree, these people were really rude to you and there was no need for THEIR tactless remarks. If they don't agree with your choice to register for honeymoon specific gifts they could have phrased it a little less bitchy. Sometimes people forget there is a human being on the other end of a computer. Hope you didn't take their snooty comments to heart.
    No. The problem is people want validation for their shitty ideas. They don't want to hear what they are doing is rude, tacky, and classless. When they do have to hear it, they want it to first be triple coated in sugar and have their head patted so they might not feel guilty that they are being selfish, entitled spoiled brats. It's never okay to mention gifts period. Yes, most people will give you a gift. But the reception is a thank you for your guests attending your wedding, not a cash-grab opportunity. Plan the vacation you can afford and if people give you checks/cash that you can use for extras or upgrades or whatever, then great. If not, you were still an adult and planned and paid for what you could afford. This is the real world, you might want to check it out.

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    OliveOilsMomwajohnson09aleighc3
  • Hi everyone,

    We are getting married in a month, have a honeyfund set up, put the info on cards ioncluded in our invite with the directions to the venue and NADA. One person has donated. Whuuuuuu? We didnt do a website (we SHOULD have) because we were both too busy and now Im wondering how I can flag it for people or basically say "Hey, we have a honeymoon fund...!! Dont forget about it!" Help!

    -Honeymoonlesss Bride
     I think what seems the worst, isn't the fact that you have a honeyfund, but that you're basically panicking a month before your wedding, because basically no one has contributed to your honeymoon. 
     
     
    Ok. I didnt register for anything for the home because we dont need anything. Weve lived together for years, do I want another food processor or vacuum? No. A honeyfund isnt rude. Im not asking for out guests to take us on some spoiled worldwide trip. We actually paid for the wedding ourselves and were going to pay for the honeymoon, but when people started asking about registries, we looked into the honeyfund because we dont need new towels or pots and pans and lord knows how many people told me "cash is rude"...so what the eff am I supposed to do? Judgey women everywhere!
     You also mentioned that you paid for your wedding yourself, and was planning to pay for your honeymoon, but decided you would have a honeyfund in replacement of a registry. So why panic? It's not like you can rely on a registry to fully set up a house, so why rely on a honeyfund--and if you're not relying on it, then who cares?? 

     Whether or not I personally find a honeyfund rude, the way you come off in your original post is what I would find offensive. "Hey, we have a honeymoon fund..!! Don't forget about it..!!" You should call your guests and tell them that exactly..!

     *J
    tabathafaye
  • Ok. I didnt register for anything for the home because we dont need anything. Weve lived together for years, do I want another food processor or vacuum? No. A honeyfund isnt rude. Im not asking for out guests to take us on some spoiled worldwide trip. We actually paid for the wedding ourselves and were going to pay for the honeymoon, but when people started asking about registries, we looked into the honeyfund because we dont need new towels or pots and pans and lord knows how many people told me "cash is rude"...so what the eff am I supposed to do? Judgey women everywhere!

    Don't register and people will most likely give you money at your wedding. Then you can use it for whatever you want. The main thing that sucks about the honeyfunds and those like it is your grandma thinks she is buying you a moonlit dinner on a beach for $100. When what you get is a check sent to you after the wedding (presumably while you are on the honeymoon) for $93 because they take a cut. When if she just wrote you a check for $100 or gave you cash, then you would have the money to spend on your honeymoon and you get the actual full value of the gift she wanted you to have. Those companies lie to people.

     *Formerly ctexasgurl26 and mrsridings061513*

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  • MorgPieMorgPie member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    @countrygirl061513 has given the only constructive and useful criticism regarding this post. *applause*
  • Yep I just responded before I read the 2nd page. I just didn't add that asking for money is rude which is another big turn off about those stupid honeymoon fund ripoff companies.

     *Formerly ctexasgurl26 and mrsridings061513*

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      Anniversary
    Baby William born June 11, 2014 Weighing 6 lbs 5 oz and 17.5 inches long

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  • AddieCake said:
    MorgPie said:
    @countrygirl061513 has given the only constructive and useful criticism regarding this post. *applause*

    So you've appointed yourself determiner of what comments are the right ones on TK? Congrats on your new position! Someone should get you a waffle.
    ..or at least a cookie..something..!
  • >>What exactly is inappropriate about a honeyfund in lieu of gifts? No one has explained why that's inappropriate.

    Explanation:

    Wedding guests expect to give wonderful, long-lasting gifts that mirror their hope for your marriage to be wonderful and long-lasting. Like china, bedding, and other nest-building stuff. When you see these gifts in your home, you will be reminded of the giver, and you will be reminded that you have a whole connected web of marriage mentors to whom you can turn for advice, counsel, new ideas or help when things go from better to worse.

    A short-term donation to your honeymoon sexfest does not match what wedding gifts are supposed to represent.
    chibiyuitabathafayewajohnson09
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    JMalettas said:
    AddieCake said:
    MorgPie said:
    @countrygirl061513 has given the only constructive and useful criticism regarding this post. *applause*

    So you've appointed yourself determiner of what comments are the right ones on TK? Congrats on your new position! Someone should get you a waffle.
    ..or at least a cookie..something..!

    Nope. A waffle is the only thing I would suggest in this situation.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    manateehuggerMaggie0829countrygirl061513
  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    >>What exactly is inappropriate about a honeyfund in lieu of gifts? No one has explained why that's inappropriate.

    Explanation:

    Wedding guests expect to give wonderful, long-lasting gifts that mirror their hope for your marriage to be wonderful and long-lasting. Like china, bedding, and other nest-building stuff. When you see these gifts in your home, you will be reminded of the giver, and you will be reminded that you have a whole connected web of marriage mentors to whom you can turn for advice, counsel, new ideas or help when things go from better to worse.

    A short-term donation to your honeymoon sexfest does not match what wedding gifts are supposed to represent.
    Sorry, that is not a good explanation.  I have no emotional attachment to any of the gifts given to us.  I don't think of the giver when I use the gifts, heck, three years later I don't even remember who gave us some of them. And of all the people who attended our wedding there are only two couples who I would even consider to be "marriage mentors" in that they built a marriage that lasted but I would never ever go to them or any of our other guests for marriage advice.  

    As the gift giver I'm not giving them a symbol of my hope for their marriage.  I'm giving the an object to use.  

    A honeyfund is rude for the simple reason that it is just a disguised way of asking for cash and additionally it misleads the gift giver into thinking they are purchasing something specific when in fact the recipient is just getting a check minus the service charge.  
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    Maggie0829CrazyCatLady3
  • @littlemissnico I know your new but let me school you. Some of these females haven't mastered the art of telling the truth without being completely rude. Then again the more rude and humiliating your response the more likes you get, so most just dont care lol ALTHOUGH I do agree a honeyfund or asking for money is a little tacky. I dont see it any different from a registry. I think where you went wrong is that you're complaining about the fact nobody has put money towards your fund. There is not one person who is obligated to buy you anything or give you anything because you got married. Its done out of the kindness of someone's heart. Are you wrong for setting up the fund? nope. Are you wrong for complaining about said fund being empty? Yes indeedy. All you can do is hope someone contributes, if not oh well and keep it moving. Good luck!
    itslizzzzCrazyCatLady3aleighbaker
  • I still can't believe that this is a real post...
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    tabbicakes 

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