Wedding Etiquette Forum

Just want to adddress a few things

I've seen some things said and I feel that they should be addressed.

1. Women helping women: this has fuck all to do with everyone agreeing with you and patting you on the back no matter your stupid idea. You may have a bad idea. Most humans do. When you ask for other human's opinions, they'll probably point out the bad idea. That is actually helpful. There are two types of people in this world, the kind that will tell you you've got spinach in your teeth and the kind that won't. We aim to be the former not the latter. And that is helpful.

2. Bullying/Bullies: being bullied is a terrible horrible experience. Trust me, I've been there. But being told that having a gap/cash bar/honeyfund is rude is not bullying. Being told that someone doesn't like something you're doing, isn't bullying. It's simply etiquette and/or a difference of opinion. Some people will not have the YMCA played at their wedding. They hate it. I will totally have it played at my wedding and will lead everyone in the dance. I love. They are not bullying me simply because they don't like it. 

3. Bashing: very similar to bullying, but generally towards a single idea. For instance, a cash bar. Telling you that having a cash bar is rude is not bashing. It is rude. I'm wearing a red dress. If someone said "Wearing a dress is terrible and it's disgusting you're doing that" that would be bashing. Because there is nothing rude about wearing a red dress. Nontraditional, yes, but not rude.

4. It'd rude to tell me I'm rude: what the fuck? That hurts my head to even type it. Look, sometime something is rude. You're asking about it here to find out if it's rude. If we tell you it's rude, that's feedback, not rudeness.

5. I thought this was about lovingly supporting me: I dunno what the fuck gave you that idea. We're supportive. Of good ideas. Not shitty ones. Not rude ones.

6. This is my special day!: No it's not. The Wedding Industrial Complex is lying to you. This is not a day where you get to do whatever the fuck you want without concesquences. You are now a grown up and those days no longer exist.

7. I'm being offbeat!: No you aren't. You're being rude. That's not offbeat/aternative/ect. I'm having the guys in my wedding wear red shirts. That'd odd and offbeat (which I did not know until I came to TK). It's not rude.

8: You're all so mean!!!: You sound like a 5 year old, stop it. If someone says something to you that is actually offensive, call them on it. If you're just bad no one is kissing your ass, grow up.

9. Everyone I know is fine with it: Everyone you know is too nice to tell you it's a bad idea. That's what asking strangers on the internet is actually helpful, we're going to be more honest with you then your best friend is because we aren't your best friend.

10. We don't need stuff so we can ask for someone to fund our honeymoon: No one needs stuff. Not really. Food, shelter, clothing, those are needs. No one needs a Kitchen Aid stand mixer. No one needs to be told money makes a great gift. That isn't new information. You'll probably get cash anyways. But asking for it is rude. Also, you aren't the only people to be together for a long time and set up a household before getting married. This is no longer a new thing. It's actually the norm now. Forgo any kind of registry and decline shower invites. If people ask (IF IF THEY ASK) tell them "We don't need anything specific but we are saving up for a trip to the moon" and they'll get the hint that cash would be kick ass.

I feel better now that I got that all out. Less ragey. 
countrygirl061513emmaaaashley8918SmileDamnitJCbride2015theartistformerlyknownasloveisloudercupcait927miaawallacePrettyGirlLostjdluvr06catlady14lyndausvibeetheryHisGirlFriday13climbingsinglephiraShallowSeasOliveOilsMomsinginchick13RebeccaB88pinkcow13AprilH81CMGragainmelbensoInkdancerMairePoppymollyringwald15NYCBruinCamiSelenegladyscfwrigleyvillerjamison721NYCMercedesMarzipan13KeepMovingOnymc85[Deleted User]artbyallieMNVegasjules3964rsbloomkitty8403rajahmdluckysnorkelKeptInStitchesCookie PusherKPBM89ViczaesarKGold80LadyMillilAzAnniegg&ld14Rebl90SeaCaptainOtterchibiyuiStrawberry211chicagoKaurisJen4948doeydoerinr26NeverEnoughCoffeeAPDSS22LDay2014nebullamaejpentecostLabLove86LakeR2014SKPMaleighc3smichekmellyD2014pinkshorts27kitsunegari89sarawifenowwandajune6GuitarSlayerMinnieLovesMikishamrock789ashleyepcrunchymamaof2 SP29ohmrs2014ladybird29
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Re: Just want to adddress a few things

  • Lately number 5 has been bothering me the most lately...
    "5. I thought this was about lovingly supporting me: I dunno what the fuck gave you that idea. We're supportive. Of good ideas. Not shitty ones. Not rude ones."


    Being supportive doesn't mean validating every idea you have. We want to ensure you have the best day possible and that people will be talking positively about your wedding for years to come.



    image
    PrettyGirlLostRebeccaB88
  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper

    I also want to add to the "lovingly supporting" thing. We will lovingly support you, when you fall on hard times or you FI is being a douchenozzle or you have to push out your wedding ETC. Telling you that your guest won't appreciate being treated like an ATM is not "not supporting you"

    Anniversary
    image
    PrettyGirlLostVulgarGirlKauriskitsunegari89
  • windiewindie member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    jneen101 said:

    Re:  "I didn't ask if you think these robes are a bad idea, I asked what color robes!"

     

    I don't understand this.  If someone says to me, "Listen, I'm thinking of vandalizing my exboyfriend's car and home.  Do you think I should use spraypaint or eggs?"  I'm not going to say, "Oh use both!!"  A normal, sane person will say, "Hey I think that's a bad idea, don't do it at all!"  The same goes for any other bad idea, like robes, shitty gifts, matching earrings, cash bars, gaps between ceremony and reception, head tables, not inviting significant others, fake weddings because you are already married, etc.  Why don't people understand this?

    wait... what's wrong with matching earrings??
    kitsunegari89
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lyndausvi said:
    you are my new girl crush.
    I'll share her with you since we are sharing the same brain in the FBIL/DW wedding thread.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    VulgarGirllyndausvi
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Word!

    The amount of girls here that want sunshine blown up their asses is astounding. 

    Marzipan13[Deleted User]
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    MagicInk you are seriously like my favorite person ever.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
    image
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    lyndausvi said:
    you are my new girl crush.
    I'm ok with that.

    lyndausvi said:
    you are my new girl crush.
    I'll share her with you since we are sharing the same brain in the FBIL/DW wedding thread.
    I'm more ok with this.

    Also notifications, still not working. But all those public love its make me feel popular and validated.
    PrettyGirlLostSmileDamnitashley8918CamiSelene
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    windie said:
    jneen101 said:

    Re:  "I didn't ask if you think these robes are a bad idea, I asked what color robes!"

     

    I don't understand this.  If someone says to me, "Listen, I'm thinking of vandalizing my exboyfriend's car and home.  Do you think I should use spraypaint or eggs?"  I'm not going to say, "Oh use both!!"  A normal, sane person will say, "Hey I think that's a bad idea, don't do it at all!"  The same goes for any other bad idea, like robes, shitty gifts, matching earrings, cash bars, gaps between ceremony and reception, head tables, not inviting significant others, fake weddings because you are already married, etc.  Why don't people understand this?

    wait... what's wrong with matching earrings??
    Buying them (or any jewerly) as a "gift" and then insisting they be wore in the wedding is not ok. Buying all your girls matching earrings to wear in the wedding that are not gifts, is fine.
  • **Slow Clap....** @MagicInk deserves a beer.
    VulgarGirl
  • windiewindie member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    MagicInk said:
    windie said:
    jneen101 said:

    Re:  "I didn't ask if you think these robes are a bad idea, I asked what color robes!"

     

    I don't understand this.  If someone says to me, "Listen, I'm thinking of vandalizing my exboyfriend's car and home.  Do you think I should use spraypaint or eggs?"  I'm not going to say, "Oh use both!!"  A normal, sane person will say, "Hey I think that's a bad idea, don't do it at all!"  The same goes for any other bad idea, like robes, shitty gifts, matching earrings, cash bars, gaps between ceremony and reception, head tables, not inviting significant others, fake weddings because you are already married, etc.  Why don't people understand this?

    wait... what's wrong with matching earrings??
    Buying them (or any jewerly) as a "gift" and then insisting they be wore in the wedding is not ok. Buying all your girls matching earrings to wear in the wedding that are not gifts, is fine.

    oohh! okay i gotcha. i am not having a bridal party, but made the girls who hosted my shower matching earrings and i thought i did something wrong - etiquette wise.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    you are my new girl crush.
    I'll share her with you since we are sharing the same brain in the FBIL/DW wedding thread.



    *** SITSB

    We often share the same brain!






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    I second the sticky nomination. That's how it works, right @knotporscha
    image
    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lyndausvi said:
    lyndausvi said:
    you are my new girl crush.
    I'll share her with you since we are sharing the same brain in the FBIL/DW wedding thread.



    *** SITSB

    We often share the same brain!
    Mwahahahaha!

    Only difference is that you have dogs and I have cats. . . it's the only way I can keep the voices in my head straigh!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    lyndausvi
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    **Slow Clap....** @MagicInk deserves a beer.
    I like this plan. I like this plan a lot.
  • edited May 2014
    How do sticky nominations actually even work?
    image
  • SmileDamnitSmileDamnit Mile High City member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I am assuming this is in regards to my thread earlier. I think you could all use a lesson in kindness! Sure, tell me I am rude, but do you have to do it in such a crass way?
    Wow. Not much of an ego, eh? This may come as a shock, but you are not the first person to post a question and then throw a fit about the answers.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I am assuming this is in regards to my thread earlier. I think you could all use a lesson in kindness! Sure, tell me I am rude, but do you have to do it in such a crass way?
    Darling, sweetie, lovely little you. No. This was about all the special snowflakes who like to flurry around. The fact that you were one of many does not mean a single thing.
    CamiSeleneashley8918SKPMMinnieLovesMiki
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ok...I give up. You all win. Thank you for enlightening me on the ways of the world.
    No wait. Stop everyone stop. Did you actually not realize there are other people on this site who also exist and throw hissy fits? Like have you actually thought up until this point the world (or at least this site) did in fact revolve around you? Now I'm actually concerned about you because that should not be new information.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    MagicInk said:
    I am assuming this is in regards to my thread earlier. I think you could all use a lesson in kindness! Sure, tell me I am rude, but do you have to do it in such a crass way?
    Darling, sweetie, lovely little you. No. This was about all the special snowflakes who like to flurry around. The fact that you were one of many does not mean a single thing.
    I don't know what a "special snowflake" is...
    It's ok, but honestly don't take this thread personally.  I don't think OP was trying to single you out. .. it was like a general rant, lol.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    MagicInk said:
    I am assuming this is in regards to my thread earlier. I think you could all use a lesson in kindness! Sure, tell me I am rude, but do you have to do it in such a crass way?
    Darling, sweetie, lovely little you. No. This was about all the special snowflakes who like to flurry around. The fact that you were one of many does not mean a single thing.
    I don't know what a "special snowflake" is...
    Basically someone who thinks they're special on the basis of them being special. And if you don't acknowledge how special they are and why they get to do the rude thing because they're special, and in fact if you tell them the rude thing is rude, they throw a fit because they are special and get do what they want because of their special-ness.

    And OMG I have never typed the word special so many times but now it's doing that thing where it looks/sounds really weird.
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    MagicInk said:
    I am assuming this is in regards to my thread earlier. I think you could all use a lesson in kindness! Sure, tell me I am rude, but do you have to do it in such a crass way?
    Darling, sweetie, lovely little you. No. This was about all the special snowflakes who like to flurry around. The fact that you were one of many does not mean a single thing.
    I don't know what a "special snowflake" is...
    It's ok, but honestly don't take this thread personally.  I don't think OP was trying to single you out. .. it was like a general rant, lol.
    Nah, if I want to single someone out I'd tag them in the post! Not just make it general. Confrontation does not scare me. I may or may not go looking for it sometimes. 
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