The "Catholic Gap"

NYCMercedes · May 2014

tcnoble said:

So here's a scenario involving a gap I would love input from you lovely ladies...

I'm in a wedding this summer. OOT (across the country). FI is coming along. I am tied up with the wedding starting at 9am. Ceremony is 1pm (Catholic mass) and cocktail hour isn't until 5pm, dinner at 6pm. Bridal party will be with bride/groom the entirety of the gap - so FI will be on his own from 9am - 5pm. Bride is one of my closest friends, but very much "this is MY day" about the wedding.

There's an airshow in the same town the day of the wedding that greatly interests FI. Do I force FI to attend the ceremony only to be subjected to gaps on either end of it by himself, or do I let him go play for the day and show up for the reception? Is it bad we are even considering the second option? Ha...

It's bad you'd consider the first! The airshow sounds like fun! Hopefully you both will have a good time at the reception!

melbelleup · May 2014

To avoid a gap at my wedding reception, my reception will end at 8:30pm.. just how it goes. TBH I'm glad it will all be over by 8:30

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

tcnoble said:
So here's a scenario involving a gap I would love input from you lovely ladies...

I'm in a wedding this summer. OOT (across the country). FI is coming along. I am tied up with the wedding starting at 9am. Ceremony is 1pm (Catholic mass) and cocktail hour isn't until 5pm, dinner at 6pm. Bridal party will be with bride/groom the entirety of the gap - so FI will be on his own from 9am - 5pm. Bride is one of my closest friends, but very much "this is MY day" about the wedding.

There's an airshow in the same town the day of the wedding that greatly interests FI. Do I force FI to attend the ceremony only to be subjected to gaps on either end of it by himself, or do I let him go play for the day and show up for the reception? Is it bad we are even considering the second option? Ha...

I'd do it!! Why should both of you be miserable all day?

phira · May 2014

melbelleup said:

To avoid a gap at my wedding reception, my reception will end at 8:30pm.. just how it goes. TBH I'm glad it will all be over by 8:30

Our wedding is also ending by 8:30 and I'm SO glad. I feel like even if you have a 5 or 6pm ceremony, you still have to get up early in the morning to start getting everything (and yourself) ready. So we get to be done at 8:30 and get to the hotel by 9:15 or so, instead of not getting to the hotel till midnight or 1 or something.

tcnoble · May 2014

Simply Fated said:

tcnoble said:

So here's a scenario involving a gap I would love input from you lovely ladies...

I'm in a wedding this summer. OOT (across the country). FI is coming along. I am tied up with the wedding starting at 9am. Ceremony is 1pm (Catholic mass) and cocktail hour isn't until 5pm, dinner at 6pm. Bridal party will be with bride/groom the entirety of the gap - so FI will be on his own from 9am - 5pm. Bride is one of my closest friends, but very much "this is MY day" about the wedding.

There's an airshow in the same town the day of the wedding that greatly interests FI. Do I force FI to attend the ceremony only to be subjected to gaps on either end of it by himself, or do I let him go play for the day and show up for the reception? Is it bad we are even considering the second option? Ha...

Not really. I mean, he'll be on his own for a huge chunk of time by himself in an area he is most likely unfamiliar with. So I can understand why you would want to find an alternative.
If I were by myself, I'd find the nearest Barnes and Noble or Panera and pop a squat for the duration of the gap. Or check out a museum. However, the fact that she won;t let him hang with you guys during the day speaks very poorly of her.
I'm not a fan of people purposely not going to the ceremony and then going to the reception. The reception is supposed to be a way to thank the guests for coming to the ceremony. Since he is choosing to not attend the ceremony, IMO it wouldn't be appropriate for him to attend the reception.
Having said all that... is it definite that the bride won't let him tag along the day of? What about the other SOs?

I'm trying not to make it obvious that we are considering him skipping it... but I did ask if the bridal party SOs would be tagging along and she said no, they won't be with us. The other BP members are local to the area so not such a big issue for them... but we are flying halfway across the country so I feel horrible making him sit in a hotel room for these 3 hour gaps he has by himself.

HisGirlFriday13 said:

So here's a scenario involving a gap I would love input from you lovely ladies...

I'm in a wedding this summer. OOT (across the country). FI is coming along. I am tied up with the wedding starting at 9am. Ceremony is 1pm (Catholic mass) and cocktail hour isn't until 5pm, dinner at 6pm. Bridal party will be with bride/groom the entirety of the gap - so FI will be on his own from 9am - 5pm. Bride is one of my closest friends, but very much "this is MY day" about the wedding.

There's an airshow in the same town the day of the wedding that greatly interests FI. Do I force FI to attend the ceremony only to be subjected to gaps on either end of it by himself, or do I let him go play for the day and show up for the reception? Is it bad we are even considering the second option? Ha...
I'd do it!! Why should both of you be miserable all day?

I obviously won't come right out and tell her (if he chooses not to attend), but given it's a full Catholic mass I imagine they will have a receiving line? So they would likely notice his absence... that's the only hang up we have about it.

photokitty · May 2014

I always say there are 40 other weekends in the year, Pick one of them! Football is a way of life in my family...bros played, added coaches, sports photog in college. I wouldn't minded a hosted gap with the game, assuming it is an away game. Home game, you'll get my gift and regrets

misshart00 · May 2014

photokitty said:

I always say there are 40 other weekends in the year, Pick one of them! Football is a way of life in my family...bros played, added coaches, sports photog in college. I wouldn't minded a hosted gap with the game, assuming it is an away game. Home game, you'll get my gift and regrets

Yep, we plan major life events around football season here.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

tcnoble said:

Simply Fated said:

tcnoble said:

So here's a scenario involving a gap I would love input from you lovely ladies...

I'm in a wedding this summer. OOT (across the country). FI is coming along. I am tied up with the wedding starting at 9am. Ceremony is 1pm (Catholic mass) and cocktail hour isn't until 5pm, dinner at 6pm. Bridal party will be with bride/groom the entirety of the gap - so FI will be on his own from 9am - 5pm. Bride is one of my closest friends, but very much "this is MY day" about the wedding.

There's an airshow in the same town the day of the wedding that greatly interests FI. Do I force FI to attend the ceremony only to be subjected to gaps on either end of it by himself, or do I let him go play for the day and show up for the reception? Is it bad we are even considering the second option? Ha...

Not really. I mean, he'll be on his own for a huge chunk of time by himself in an area he is most likely unfamiliar with. So I can understand why you would want to find an alternative.
If I were by myself, I'd find the nearest Barnes and Noble or Panera and pop a squat for the duration of the gap. Or check out a museum. However, the fact that she won;t let him hang with you guys during the day speaks very poorly of her.
I'm not a fan of people purposely not going to the ceremony and then going to the reception. The reception is supposed to be a way to thank the guests for coming to the ceremony. Since he is choosing to not attend the ceremony, IMO it wouldn't be appropriate for him to attend the reception.
Having said all that... is it definite that the bride won't let him tag along the day of? What about the other SOs?

I'm trying not to make it obvious that we are considering him skipping it... but I did ask if the bridal party SOs would be tagging along and she said no, they won't be with us. The other BP members are local to the area so not such a big issue for them... but we are flying halfway across the country so I feel horrible making him sit in a hotel room for these 3 hour gaps he has by himself.

HisGirlFriday13 said:

tcnoble said:
So here's a scenario involving a gap I would love input from you lovely ladies...

I'm in a wedding this summer. OOT (across the country). FI is coming along. I am tied up with the wedding starting at 9am. Ceremony is 1pm (Catholic mass) and cocktail hour isn't until 5pm, dinner at 6pm. Bridal party will be with bride/groom the entirety of the gap - so FI will be on his own from 9am - 5pm. Bride is one of my closest friends, but very much "this is MY day" about the wedding.

There's an airshow in the same town the day of the wedding that greatly interests FI. Do I force FI to attend the ceremony only to be subjected to gaps on either end of it by himself, or do I let him go play for the day and show up for the reception? Is it bad we are even considering the second option? Ha...
I'd do it!! Why should both of you be miserable all day?

I obviously won't come right out and tell her (if he chooses not to attend), but given it's a full Catholic mass I imagine they will have a receiving line? So they would likely notice his absence... that's the only hang up we have about it.

I wouldn't count on that. I have a virtally eidetic memory, so I do remember all the people from our receiving line, but DH doesn't, and we only had 99 (ish) guests come through.

KPBM89 · May 2014

Our Catholic ceremony is going to be at 2pm. The cocktail hour will be right afterward until 4:15/ 4:30 (the drive from church to reception is about 10 minutes tops, ceremony will likely end at around 2:50, then a receiving line) and then dinner at 5. Photobooth will be ready by 5:30 for everyone to enjoy after dinner/ while dancing and after a few drinks. And there will be snacks available later in case people get hungry from having dinner at 5.

indianaalum · May 2014

I am used to the catholic gap so it really doesn't bother me to be honest because I have attended so many that way. I do think it's a little cultural thing. It never dawned on me to be annoyed until I got to the Knot. We used to just go back to our house and relax (or just skip the ceremony---which seems to be very common in catholic weddings). So far, I never really had it where I was "stuck" somewhere. When that happens, most people just skip the ceremony. Not saying it's right, but that is usually what happens in my circle.

With that said, I got married in a catholic church on a FRIDAY, so there was no gap due to the time of my ceremony. (they can be later on fridays). Our church gave us ZERO choice in times for our wedding so we opted for Friday (which some people on the knot ALSO says is rude---can't seem to win).

Because of that, I usually do cut some people slack on this because I appreciate when people DO value getting married in a catholic church and I understand some venues are picky on start times. To me, it's not the worse thing in the world when it happens.

gg&ld14 · May 2014

I'm Catholic, and the smartest thing to do to avoid gaps is booking the Ceremony first and planning everything else around it to avoid gaps. It's tricky sometimes, we had to move the date because we anted a Saturday night reception because we thought it was easier for the OOT family and friends.

The 7pm slot at my Church was already booked for that day. So we had 2 options, move the date and have no gaps or stick with original date and have a 2 hour gap. We went with the first option. I've never been to a Catholic wedding with a gap, so I think making it a "thing" is just an excuse to condone poor planning.

wrigleyville · May 2014

indianaalum said:

With that said, I got married in a catholic church on a FRIDAY, so there was no gap due to the time of my ceremony. (they can be later on fridays). Our church gave us ZERO choice in times for our wedding so we opted for Friday (which some people on the knot ALSO says is rude---can't seem to win).

Friday weddings aren't rude. We usually just advise people to prepare for a lot of declines since it's not an optimal day (most people either have to take the day off to travel or dash there straight after work if they're local). So, while they're sort of frowned upon, they aren't rude.

ashleyep · May 2014

JessicaB387 said:

I got married in a Catholic church on a Saturday AFTER the Saturday mass - so our ceremony started at 5:30pm. Our cocktail hour started at 7pm. No gap. In fact, my sister did the same exact thing when she got married at a different Catholic church. It is possible, you just have to ask. I'm sure some churches allow it and some don't. There was no way I was having a gap though, so a 2pm ceremony was out of the question for me. I am going to a Catholic wedding in a few weeks though that has a 3 hour gap.

My ceremony is starting at 5:30 too! After the Saturday Mass as well.

They're not uncommon, but like everyone else said, they're avoidable. One of my cousins had one, one of my other cousins got married on a Friday to avoid it. Fortunately, I was able to get married in a church that will allow for weddings after 5:30 (and it's not my church, but they'll marry us anyway). But I would have made other arrangements if we had to do an afternoon ceremony.

I found a venue I wanted the reception at, asked the coordinator if she knew of Catholic churches that would marry you if you weren't a member, and she mentioned a few. I didn't book the reception venue until I had confirmed with the church.

jneen101 · May 2014

KPBM89 said:
Our Catholic ceremony is going to be at 2pm. The cocktail hour will be right afterward until 4:15/ 4:30 (the drive from church to reception is about 10 minutes tops, ceremony will likely end at around 2:50, then a receiving line) and then dinner at 5. Photobooth will be ready by 5:30 for everyone to enjoy after dinner/ while dancing and after a few drinks. And there will be snacks available later in case people get hungry from having dinner at 5.

Maybe I'm an idiot but I don't see how that 4:15 cocktail hour is right after a 2:00 wedding with a 10 minute drive in between. What am I missing?

jneen101 · May 2014

Sorry double post!

ashleyep · May 2014

jneen101 said:

Our Catholic ceremony is going to be at 2pm. The cocktail hour will be right afterward until 4:15/ 4:30 (the drive from church to reception is about 10 minutes tops, ceremony will likely end at around 2:50, then a receiving line) and then dinner at 5. Photobooth will be ready by 5:30 for everyone to enjoy after dinner/ while dancing and after a few drinks. And there will be snacks available later in case people get hungry from having dinner at 5.

Maybe I'm an idiot but I don't see how that 4:15 cocktail hour is right after a 2:00 wedding with a 10 minute drive in between. What am I missing?

She said *until* 4:15. So probably 3:15.

tcnoble · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Simply Fated said:

tcnoble said:

So here's a scenario involving a gap I would love input from you lovely ladies...

I'm in a wedding this summer. OOT (across the country). FI is coming along. I am tied up with the wedding starting at 9am. Ceremony is 1pm (Catholic mass) and cocktail hour isn't until 5pm, dinner at 6pm. Bridal party will be with bride/groom the entirety of the gap - so FI will be on his own from 9am - 5pm. Bride is one of my closest friends, but very much "this is MY day" about the wedding.

There's an airshow in the same town the day of the wedding that greatly interests FI. Do I force FI to attend the ceremony only to be subjected to gaps on either end of it by himself, or do I let him go play for the day and show up for the reception? Is it bad we are even considering the second option? Ha...

Not really. I mean, he'll be on his own for a huge chunk of time by himself in an area he is most likely unfamiliar with. So I can understand why you would want to find an alternative.
If I were by myself, I'd find the nearest Barnes and Noble or Panera and pop a squat for the duration of the gap. Or check out a museum. However, the fact that she won;t let him hang with you guys during the day speaks very poorly of her.
I'm not a fan of people purposely not going to the ceremony and then going to the reception. The reception is supposed to be a way to thank the guests for coming to the ceremony. Since he is choosing to not attend the ceremony, IMO it wouldn't be appropriate for him to attend the reception.
Having said all that... is it definite that the bride won't let him tag along the day of? What about the other SOs?

I'm trying not to make it obvious that we are considering him skipping it... but I did ask if the bridal party SOs would be tagging along and she said no, they won't be with us. The other BP members are local to the area so not such a big issue for them... but we are flying halfway across the country so I feel horrible making him sit in a hotel room for these 3 hour gaps he has by himself.

HisGirlFriday13 said:

So here's a scenario involving a gap I would love input from you lovely ladies...

I'm in a wedding this summer. OOT (across the country). FI is coming along. I am tied up with the wedding starting at 9am. Ceremony is 1pm (Catholic mass) and cocktail hour isn't until 5pm, dinner at 6pm. Bridal party will be with bride/groom the entirety of the gap - so FI will be on his own from 9am - 5pm. Bride is one of my closest friends, but very much "this is MY day" about the wedding.

There's an airshow in the same town the day of the wedding that greatly interests FI. Do I force FI to attend the ceremony only to be subjected to gaps on either end of it by himself, or do I let him go play for the day and show up for the reception? Is it bad we are even considering the second option? Ha...
I'd do it!! Why should both of you be miserable all day?

I obviously won't come right out and tell her (if he chooses not to attend), but given it's a full Catholic mass I imagine they will have a receiving line? So they would likely notice his absence... that's the only hang up we have about it.
I wouldn't count on that. I have a virtally eidetic memory, so I do remember all the people from our receiving line, but DH doesn't, and we only had 99 (ish) guests come through.

My mom's suggestion for the possible receiving line issue is to say the line was long and he had to use the restroom but will see you later! haha

Inkdancer · May 2014

jneen101 said:

Our Catholic ceremony is going to be at 2pm. The cocktail hour will be right afterward until 4:15/ 4:30 (the drive from church to reception is about 10 minutes tops, ceremony will likely end at around 2:50, then a receiving line) and then dinner at 5. Photobooth will be ready by 5:30 for everyone to enjoy after dinner/ while dancing and after a few drinks. And there will be snacks available later in case people get hungry from having dinner at 5.

Maybe I'm an idiot but I don't see how that 4:15 cocktail hour is right after a 2:00 wedding with a 10 minute drive in between. What am I missing?

Cocktail hour ends at 4:15. Which suggests that it begins at 3:15. She's in the clear.

beethery · May 2014

@jneen101

Ceremony Ends] 2:50pm-ish ~could be later, depends on how chatty everyone gets with the Lord during the ceremony.

Receiving line anywhere from 15-35 min, or more, depending on number of guests, at latest ends] 3:35pm-ish

10min drive to reception venue after B&G leave church] 3:45pm-ish for the last guests to get there

Cocktail hour starts] 4:15pm

There is still a 30 minute-ISH gap, but people will also have to get to their parking spaces, walk inside, probably use the restroom, and talk amongst themselves, stuff like that. This is all very wiggly because I have no idea how long the receiving line is going to take, how slow or fast everyone will drive to reception venue, etc. I'm also not the bride in this situation, but I'm just guessing.

I gotta stop reading shit before caffiene. Lawd.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

beethery said:
@jneen101

Ceremony Ends] 2:50pm-ish ~could be later, depends on how chatty everyone gets with the Lord during the ceremony.
Receiving line anywhere from 15-35 min, or more, depending on number of guests, at latest ends] 3:35pm-ish
10min drive to reception venue after B&G leave church] 3:45pm-ish for the last guests to get there
Cocktail hour starts] 4:15pm

There is still a 30 minute-ISH gap, but people will also have to get to their parking spaces, walk inside, probably use the restroom, and talk amongst themselves, stuff like that. This is all very wiggly because I have no idea how long the receiving line is going to take, how slow or fast everyone will drive to reception venue, etc. I'm also not the bride in this situation, but I'm just guessing.

I gotta stop reading shit before caffiene. Lawd.

I snorted my iced latte out my nose when I read the 'how chatty everyone gets with the Lord' line. Hahaha!

jneen101 · May 2014

Ah thanks for clearing that up. Reading comprehension fail on my part.

delujm0 · May 2014

BOXFAIL - sorry - @MagicInk You know what I hate? Driving to a place, driving home, and then having to drive back to the same damn place (or nearby place)! My car runs on gas, not hopes and dreams and your perfect fucking wedding. So even for in town weddings, gaps are fucking annoying to me. I don't care if you're Catholic, Baptist, Jewish, or belong to the Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. Figure your shit out so that I don't have to drive home and turn around and drive back. I ain't got time for that. MagicInk you are the best. i agree with this. i grew up Catholic and have been to dozens of Catholic weddings some with gaps, some without. you know what happens during the ones where there are gaps? we all go to whatever guest's house is the closest with a bunch of booze and then show up in cabs for the cocktail hour already hammered. if you're into having a bunch of fall-down drunk people at your reception (possibly vomiting on the post-event shuttle, because i have seen that), a gap is a great idea! otherwise, plan around your guests for god's sake. if you want it to be all about you, elope. the second you invite people to your wedding, it's also about them.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

@delujm0 that's my kind of party! Though I'd probably end up napping at the reception then.

Also...NOTFICATIONS ARE BACK!!!!!

hyechica81 · May 2014

had similar issues, fi church is 1pm cut off for saturday weddings, my church we have no cut off times as i am orthodox fi said he was fine getting married in my church so we meet with his deacon to square away any issues on his end.

his church said we can get married in my church with no problems on his end we would have to go at a later time to his church and get our marriage blessed by the catholic priest.

my church had no restrictions at all my priest was very informative to my fi about our church and how our mass is almost identical

[Deleted User] · May 2014

hyechica81 said:

had similar issues, fi church is 1pm cut off for saturday weddings, my church we have no cut off times as i am orthodox fi said he was fine getting married in my church so we meet with his deacon to square away any issues on his end.

his church said we can get married in my church with no problems on his end we would have to go at a later time to his church and get our marriage blessed by the catholic priest.

my church had no restrictions at all my priest was very informative to my fi about our church and how our mass is almost identical

@hyechica81 My dear, punctuation is your friend.

kgd7357 · May 2014

Happy to say that I just got an invite for a 2:30 Catholic wedding with reception to follow! None of this 3 hour later junk.

KPBM89 · May 2014

Yeah I should have noted the start time in there, but the PP are right. Our ceremony will be about 50 minutes according to our priest, but it could take a little longer depending on actual start time, how many people take communion, or any other factors. We're figuring that if the ceremony ends at 2:50/ 3, guests can be at our reception venue by 3:30 at the latest so we're timing the cocktail hour as 3:30-4:30 for drinks, light foods, and lawn games. Then the party will be announced in, we'll do the first dances and toasts, and then eat dinner at 5.

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