This is a person I just want to slap!

AzAnnie · May 2014

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/3-months-later-and-still-sad-about-my-proposal/#axzz31nl1LGsv

manateehugger · May 2014

I wish more people would realize that proposals, weddings, random moments can be incredibly romantic because they are about you and the person you love, not about some wedding industry, made-for-TV manufactured idea.

Someone you love wanting to marry you is incredibly sentimental and romantic itself.

She's not mature enough to be married.

grumbledore · May 2014

For those too lazy to click (like I almost was lol):

"I know, I know. I should be happy that the love if my life asked me to marry him( which I am!) And had he been completely clueless about my expectations in a proposal, I’m sure I wouldnt feel so sad. But he knew everything I hoped for, and still fail short.

We’d been dating for a while, and marriage was definately on the table. He didn’t have the best job, so saving was taking longer than he hoped, however we knew we wanted to get married summer 2014, and he gave me the ok to start making arrangements Towards the end if 2013, so I started. I figured that meant he would be asking soon. Months went by, and he would just keep telling me soon. We went to look at rings, and every week he would tell me how he had something I was really going to like in mind for a proposal, building my exoectations, so I was excited and told him to please make sure he had someone to get good video and photos, and for him to show me what he is capable of romantically, because he hadn’t been the most romantic guy while we were dating. Very nice and caring, and he did things for me, but not romantic. Another month, no proposal. Not to mention 3 of our acquaintances who started dating after us, got engaged. So I began getting sad. I knew he had ways of making it happen sooner for me, but he was being stubborn. Our whole relationship he could t do the things he wanted for me because of a lack of funds, but I stood by him. This one time i wanted to see him do whatever it took to make me happy. I stopped having joy, which he felt, and the next month together wasn’t fun. Yo add to it, I had to start making plans for the summer wedding since it was 5 months away, without my ring (dress shopping, seeing the venue, all the places you want to flash your ring). He could see the change in me, I became resentful and sour acting at times. He felt like he was losing me and decided I couldn’t wait any longer, so instead of enduring the extra week of me being sad to show me what he had planned, and so I could have my ring when I looked for a dress, he asked me a week earlier at my home In front of my family. It wasnt a bad proposal, but I was more so dissapointed in the lack of effort to make it special for me (especially since he had been pumping me up about it for months) even if it was rushed, he had a year to have a plan, and back up plans. The tv was on while he asked me, kids were running around making noise, and afterwards everyone went to do their own thing or watched basketball. I didn’t feel like the moment was for us, it felt more like something that happened that day, that was secondary to everything else, which made me sad. It also felt like a way to shut me up from being sad. And to top it off, of all the people there, not one person got a good video or photos, which I told him was very important to me. I was sad that on that day, despite being happy he asked me to marry him (and he didn’t say sweet words like he said he would) I felt dissapointed in him for not rising to the occasion. Again, if he wouldn’t have known, I could understand. But he knew. Not to mention, his friend proposed the same way 3 months earlier, but even though it was in her house he went out of his his way to make it special, and it was lovely. So I felt like he gave me a bootleg version, which made me feel like I wasnt worthy of his effort. Even if he couldn’t do his original plan, he knew I wouldn’t like giving him giving me the same proposal, but he says my mom swore I would love it, so he agreed to it. So none of it was even his plan, which was what I wanted to see from him so badly. it’s bigger than the proposal, I needed him to show me romance, because I’m a very romantic person, and i hadn’t seen the lengths he would go romantically for me yet, which he kept swearing he would do. I put a lot of hope into this gesture of his, and it really broke my heart that he didn’t try harder. It’s like I lost faith in his ability to be romantic. He could tell in by my body language that some joy was lacking when he asked me, and was sad to know of my dissapointment. He wants to make it up, but I really don’t think any gesture from him will be as important to me as this one was. its hard for me to get excited at his ideas now because I don’t want to set myself up to be dissapointed again. It makes him sad that I feel that way.

I know I sound bratty, but this was something important to me, and he knew it. I think I was justified in my feelings when it first happened, but three months later I know I need to get over it and I really don’t know how. It’s like a dark cloud over me. It was a bad way to start our engagement. I cried about it for weeks, which didn’t make wedding dress shopping fun, whichdefeated the whole purpose of him rushing to ask me. Plus, I really don’t believe he can do something to make me forget this. I dont want to feel this way forever. I can be fine for days, then something will trigger my feelings and I get sad.

He is a good man and I love him dearly, but I can’t shake this feeling of “why wasnt I worth your effort”. How can I get over it?

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/3-months-later-and-still-sad-about-my-proposal/#ixzz31nqMt3Az"

grumbledore · May 2014

TLDR/partial snark translation: "I needled my boyfriend/FI for months about how I wanted the perfect proposal, he grudgingly agreed, and then when he asked, after months and months of pressure and passive-aggressive behavior from me, it just wasn't good enough."

TK translation: "I am in no way ready to get married."

[Deleted User] · May 2014

PDKH said:

I wish more people would realize that proposals, weddings, random moments can be incredibly romantic because they are about you and the person you love, not about some wedding industry, made-for-TV manufactured idea.

Someone you love wanting to marry you is incredibly sentimental and romantic itself.

She's not mature enough to be married.

That last line was what I was thinking the whole time. Mine was not a production but it was adorable and awkward and very US and I get to marry the love of my life as a result.She has a lot of growing up to do.

grumbledore · May 2014

She wants this guy to be a different person than he is - huge red flag.

"it’s bigger than the proposal, I needed him to show me romance, because I’m a very romantic person, and i hadn’t seen the lengths he would go romantically for me yet, which he kept swearing he would do."

manateehugger · May 2014

grumbledore said:

She wants this guy to be a different person than he is - huge red flag.

"it’s bigger than the proposal, I needed him to show me romance, because I’m a very romantic person, and i hadn’t seen the lengths he would go romantically for me yet, which he kept swearing he would do."

Oh Lord. Run, man, run for your life!!!

grumbledore · May 2014

There are some pretty level-headed posters responding to her, I'm impressed.

gladyscf · May 2014

I can't believe I was too lazy to click the link!!!!

grumbledore for making it so much easier for me!

KGold80 · May 2014

I feel sorry for her FI.

smalfrie19 · May 2014

seriously ridiculous! I was in his t shirt and my underwear when my FI proposed. We were at home with our fur babies and I was buffing my nails! shit..

pinkcow13 · May 2014

Seriously, how old are these fucking people? She sounds like a fucking teenager, are you kidding me?

sarawifenow · May 2014

Maybe she should have taken it as a sign that he didn't want to actually propose to her and that she was just making his life hell until he did.

buttercup1958 · May 2014

my dad proposed to my mom at a gas station, saying hey you want to get married? So it could always be worse haha. they have been happily married for 23 years, proposals don't make marriages.

PrincessOfHavoc · May 2014

Here's mine...

"Since we're buying a house and all, you want to get married?"
"Um, sure?"
"Cool. You want a ring?"
"Ewwwwwwwwww, no. I'd fuck it or my hand up in a day."
"Oh yeah. Now, let's go get tacos to celebrate. Why are looking at me like that?"
"It's 1:30am. We're ready for bed. I'm in bed. And you want to get tacos?"
"To celebrate!"
"Hell. Yeah, let's go. Ok, stop. I'm getting dressed first. I can't go out without a bra on."

So not only was it not filmed, it wasn't exactly romantic and I got no jewelry out of it. But, it was just like him, it made me happy, and hey, tacos.

tcnoble · May 2014

She sounds like a girl who didn't asked to her Junior Prom the way she wanted... sorry dude, RUN!!

SapphireCounselor · May 2014

She is definately not mature enough to get married. Nor do they as a couple seem solid enough. Clearly they are on too very different wavelengths about romance and a whole lot of other issues. That's fine...but they haven't figured out how to sit down together and come together in these areas yet. Until they do that their marriage would never work. Oy.

beethery · May 2014

I have never wished snooping on anyone so bad. I wish the OP's FI would see this in her internet history and see what kind of shit she's talking on his proposal.

Also, this:

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

No matter what that man does, he's never going to live up to her fairy-tale expectations of love and romance.

thisismynickname2 · May 2014

Honestly, I feel for this girl. I see her reflected in at least two of my friends during the entire course of their 20's. Everyone else is getting married, they're with the love of their life, they want to be married too.

There's a lot to be said when a woman tries to pressure her man into getting married because "that's what is expected" and "everyone else is doing it" and "we're in love". What is to be said is "HE IS NOT READY" and "WAIT".

Poor thing. If she doesn't realize the marriage is important, not the proposal or the wedding, they'll be divorced within a year or two of whenever this thing happens.

climbingsingle · May 2014

I haven't even finished reading it yet. Omg. She is awful.

Cookie Pusher · May 2014

My proposal wasn't exactly fairytale romantic, but it totally fit us. FI was adorable and nervous, I made him sweat for a few minutes before giving him an answer... definitely no Cinderella story there!

SapphireCounselor · May 2014

thisismynickname said:

Honestly, I feel for this girl. I see her reflected in at least two of my friends during the entire course of their 20's. Everyone else is getting married, they're with the love of their life, they want to be married too.

There's a lot to be said when a woman tries to pressure her man into getting married because "that's what is expected" and "everyone else is doing it" and "we're in love". What is to be said is "HE IS NOT READY" and "WAIT".

Poor thing. If she doesn't realize the marriage is important, not the proposal or the wedding, they'll be divorced within a year or two of whenever this thing happens.

I can't help but feel for her a little bit too - despite her immaturity and how unfair she is being to her FI. I think she has her priorities screwed up, and she comes off as very desperate. but there's something here that suggests she is really just trying to find out if this is forever or not. She isn't realizing that you don't marry someone in the hopes that they will change. You marry someone because you love them for exactly who they are and believe you can build a life together that fulfills both of you.

climbingsingle · May 2014

FI proposed to me on the top of the rock of Gibraltar. I was sweaty and in yoga pants and a tank top. The rock of Gibraltar is covered with gorilla poop. It's not a fancy place. But it was very "us" and FI asked me to be his forever and I said yes and we cried. I don't have a video. I have a picture taken of us a few minutes later. And I wouldn't change any of it at all.

HaileyDancingbear · May 2014

My proposal was absolutely perfect in every single way, because my soulmate asked me to marry him.

Didn't read the whole thing (Terrible writing. Not even commenting on the content, just the way she puts her thoughts into words makes it difficult to muscle through.) but that poster is absolutely not in love. Hopefully she calls it off or they get a divorce soon, otherwise she's got a long, loveless life ahead of her. When you truly love someone, none of that shit matters, and even if you do have this dream of some magic proposal with photos and an audience, that dream should pale in comparison to the reality of the one you love asking you to spend the rest of your life with them.

She clearly values the AW portion of weddings and proposals and is giving no thought to an actual marriage.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

First, ladies, if you'd like to get married to the man you are with, you are in fact allowed to ask him. It's cool, his penis won't fall off and you won't grow one. So, you wanna get hitched to the guy you're with, ask him. Step-mom asked my dad to marry her. It all worked out pretty well.

Second, when I proposed to FI we were sitting on a old couch in a tiny coffee shop that used to be a gas station watching some no-name indie band play. I just said "So hey, wanna get married?" and held out the ring. When she re-proposed to me she just said "Will you fucking marry me already" in the middle of my tattoo shop.

Third, one of the most romantic moments I think that has happened to us, was really disgusting. My mom was sick and we were in the hospital with her. The meds she was on made her really nauseous and as FI was helping her with something she vomited on her shoes. She apologized and was clearly embarrassed and FI smiled and said "They're just shoes" then got a tissue and some water and helped clean her up. That was one the moments I remembered why I loved her. Because that's life. Dealing with your partner's parent being ill, and dealing with being vomited on, in a cool and loving manner, that's love. Perfectly planned moments are nice, but not real. I prefer real.

SapphireCounselor · May 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

FI proposed to me on the top of the rock of Gibraltar. I was sweaty and in yoga pants and a tank top. The rock of Gibraltar is covered with gorilla poop. It's not a fancy place. But it was very "us" and FI asked me to be his forever and I said yes and we cried. I don't have a video. I have a picture taken of us a few minutes later. And I wouldn't change any of it at all.

This is actually very similar to our proposal story!

Sugargirl1019 · May 2014

I think the best thing for them to do is to wait. He needs to take the ring back and they need to date longer. Then, if all is right, he can propose again, and she could have the proposal she's always wanted.

But it sounds like they are not meant for each other.

Girl, do NOT pressure your man into buying you an engagement ring!

climbingsingle · May 2014

SapphireCounselor said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

FI proposed to me on the top of the rock of Gibraltar. I was sweaty and in yoga pants and a tank top. The rock of Gibraltar is covered with gorilla poop. It's not a fancy place. But it was very "us" and FI asked me to be his forever and I said yes and we cried. I don't have a video. I have a picture taken of us a few minutes later. And I wouldn't change any of it at all.
This is actually very similar to our proposal story!

That's awesome! Tell me about it!

APDSS22 · May 2014

The fact that she can't stop crying (not in a good way) about how her FI proposed to her should probably indicate something is wrong.

Peaseblossom55 · May 2014

Wow there is so much wrong about this, definitely not mature enough to be married.. she is missing what it's really all about.

I tear up just thinking about the proposal from FI. It was perfect in every way, but besides that it was the love of my life, asking me to spend the rest of his life with him. I am still forever grateful to the random girl who captured pictures of FI's proposal.

This is a person I just want to slap!

Re: This is a person I just want to slap!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards