Having people write their addresses for their own thank you cards at the wedding

taragal · May 2014

So I'm going back and forth on this idea. I've seen it used a lot at baby showers. I have addresses from sending out the invites but I know people move around and I want to make sure I have the most updated addresses of everyone who is attending our wedding and sending a gift.I'm leaning towards setting up a station at the wedding where people write their address on the envelope or postcard for the thank you that the we will be sending.

I'm wondering what the etiquette on this is? I'm leaning toward rather setting up the station than attempting to bug everyone post wedding once again for addresses...

Thoughts...

AprilH81 · May 2014

Nope... It is rude at showers but I would be even more upset if I was asked to do it at a wedding.

smalfrie19 · May 2014

Please don't..its rude. Take the time and write them yourself. You already have their addresses from wedding invites. Its lazy and sloppy.

climbingsingle · May 2014

Please don't do this! It's rude.

Any time I've been asked to do this, I've been very irritated by it. If I come to your shower and bring you a gift, you can address an envelope to me. I shouldn't have to do it myself.

Lizzieyounce · May 2014

It's rude. These people took the time to share their day with you both and brought y'all a present. The last you can do is write and address the thank you cards yourself. It doesn't take that long.

taragal · May 2014

Fair enough! Thanks!

buddysmom80 · May 2014

taragal said:

So I'm going back and forth on this idea. I've seen it used a lot at baby showers. I have addresses from sending out the invites but I know people move around and I want to make sure I have the most updated addresses of everyone who is attending our wedding and sending a gift.I'm leaning towards setting up a station at the wedding where people write their address on the envelope or postcard for the thank you that the we will be sending.

I'm wondering what the etiquette on this is? I'm leaning toward rather setting up the station than attempting to bug everyone post wedding once again for addresses...

Thoughts...

Don't do it, it's rude.

climbingsingle · May 2014

Just saw that you want to do this at your wedding. Again, please don't do this!

KGold80 · May 2014

Well, invites go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding. I find it highly unlikely that the majority of your guests have moved within that short timeframe and even then most will have their mail forwarded to the new address, so I wouldn't worry about that at all. I definitely wouldn't ask people to address their own envelopes. It might give them the impression that you want to put in the least amount of effort possible to properly thank them for their gifts.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

If your invitations went out 2 months before your wedding, how many people do you think are moving. Most people forward their mail if they move, which forwards up to a year to their new address. Don't do this.

lyndausvi · May 2014

TACKY !

manateehugger · May 2014

Musikalbunni said:

Question, how did you invite these people to your wedding? Telepathically?
On a serious note, you had their address to invite them right? So why do you need them to re-write something you already have?

This is the dumbest part of the whole "write your address thing." Umm you just managed to invite via mail these people 8 weeks prior. You can manage to write their address one more time.

It's tacky. I once moved shortly after a wedding this summer, and the bride simply texted me to ask how she should get a thank you note to me. It's not that hard to be appropriate here.

taragal · May 2014

taragal said:

Fair enough! Thanks!

I've never been married. I don't know ANYTHING about weddings (obviously) and I asked this question to get feedback coming from a place of no experience of wedding etiquette. - not to be scrutinized. I saw a picture or two of a cute set up where they had people do this and thought I would ask the question.Thank you for making it clear that I can probably never post on this blog again.

I get it. Thanks.

misshart00 · May 2014

What the heck? You went from "thanks!" To "y'all are so mean."

misshart00 · May 2014

taragal said:

taragal said:

Fair enough! Thanks!

I've never been married. I don't know ANYTHING about weddings (obviously) and I asked this question to get feedback coming from a place of no experience of wedding etiquette. - not to be scrutinized. I saw a picture or two of a cute set up where they had people do this and thought I would ask the question.Thank you for making it clear that I can probably never post on this blog again.

I get it. Thanks.

beethery · May 2014

taragal said:

taragal said:

Fair enough! Thanks!

I've never been married. I don't know ANYTHING about weddings (obviously) and I asked this question to get feedback coming from a place of no experience of wedding etiquette. - not to be scrutinized. I saw a picture or two of a cute set up where they had people do this and thought I would ask the question.Thank you for making it clear that I can probably never post on this blog again.

I get it. Thanks.

You can still post here! It's all good, people were just remarking on stuff they've seen.

The snark doesn't apply to you, you haven't made an etiquette blunder just by asking.

taragal · May 2014

Yes I did bc after I said thanks there were 8 more freaking posts

phira · May 2014

It's rude. You can take the time to write out their addresses.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

taragal said:

Yes I did bc after I said thanks there were 8 more freaking posts

People may have been in the middle of typing their post when you responded. Sometimes pages don't load as quickly for some people as for others. Take a deep breath. Do the right thing. You're fine.

beethery · May 2014

taragal said:

Yes I did bc after I said thanks there were 8 more freaking posts

All ya did was ask, PLUS, you did awesome by not saying ITS MY DAY IM GONNA DO WHAT I WANT.

You did good. Plusplus, all posters don't necessarily read through and see that answers have been given and politely accepted. Don't take off, we don't hate you!

misshart00 · May 2014

All of what PP said. That was just weird. It's not a problem asking. But people keep answering both because stuff doesn't update and for lurkers.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

taragal said:

Yes I did bc after I said thanks there were 8 more freaking posts

You do know that there isn't a limit to how many people can respond to your post.

Also, some posters respond to your question without reading what else has already been posted.

You need to chill.

RebeccaFlower · May 2014

You know what might be a good alternative since it sounds like you really just want updated addresses, is having a roladex or address book instead of a guest book?

But it doesn't really make sense to be because won't you have already sent them invites to your wedding?

VulgarGirl · May 2014

Ok deep breath, we just went from chill to crazy pants in like 60 seconds and I cannot handle crazy pants today.

When you ask a question on an internet forum, you are going to get a lot of different people answering. Some people will respond without reading all the other responses, sometimes everyone is typing and posting at once so they don't see the previous answers.

No one was mean or rude to you, they were just restating that no, this is not a good idea. When you cast a wide net you get a lot of responses and some of those are going to be repeats. Just ignore them if you're like "Yeah, I've already decided not to do this". Plusalso, lurkers. If they actually lurk and read (as we suggest) and see a bunch of people saying no to an idea they are also considering it might shake them up enough to say "oh, not a good idea apparently".

You can post again. Actually do, because your post was good. You saw a thing, you saw how it could be a good idea, but weren't sure, so you asked. That's good. That's how learning works.

Now onto my story I wanted to post as the guest who got asked to fill out her own thank you note envelope. I felt like I was being told "Looking up your address isn't worth my time", it wasn't a good feeling. I have never once felt annoyed by someone calling/texting/emailing me to ask what my address was. I get excited actually cause it means I'm gonna get something in the mail!

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

Also, no one wants their thank you note addressed to them in their own handwriting. This isn't a dental appointment reminder.

thisismynickname2 · May 2014

@taragal all weddings I've been to have a Guest Book and that book always has a space for address. If you're really concerned, just make sure your GB includes that. It'll be fine, no worries!

VulgarGirl · May 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

Also, no one wants their thank you note addressed to them in their own handwriting. This isn't a dental appointment reminder.

Your dentist makes you address your own appointment reminders? Mine addresses it for me. Well, it's printed on there. I'm assuming there some kind of mail merge that happens.

thisismynickname2 · May 2014

MagicInk said:

huskypuppy14 said:

Also, no one wants their thank you note addressed to them in their own handwriting. This isn't a dental appointment reminder.

Your dentist makes you address your own appointment reminders? Mine addresses it for me. Well, it's printed on there. I'm assuming there some kind of mail merge that happens.

Actually, there's a psychology at work there when you address your own dental reminder. You're actively making a commitment to show up on x date and offices that do this have seen reduced cancellations. Neato!

KatieinBkln · May 2014

My dentist emails me. Like, constantly.

blabla89 · May 2014

Yet another bad idea perpetuated by Pinterest.

phira · May 2014

Okay now y'all are just inadvertently reminding me that I need to make an eye exam appointment.

Having people write their addresses for their own thank you cards at the wedding

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