This is a person I just want to slap!

thisismynickname2 · May 2014

MagicInk said:

First, ladies, if you'd like to get married to the man you are with, you are in fact allowed to ask him. It's cool, his penis won't fall off and you won't grow one. So, you wanna get hitched to the guy you're with, ask him. Step-mom asked my dad to marry her. It all worked out pretty well.

Theoretically I agree! I know a low-key couple that had been together at least five years, and the woman proposed to the man with a cute t-shirt when she picked him up at the airport. Very sweet!

Unfortunately I suspect that women can be "ready" earlier than men, and an official proposal still won't work if the man isn't truly ready. It takes two to tango. If a couple agrees there are both ready, then a proposal by either person can happen.

FI asked me about planning to get married after 10 months of dating. We talked about things, went ring shopping, and I received a lovely proposal while on vacation about four months later. If we had flipped that around and I'd proposed to him during those four months, the outcome would be the same.

This poor girl seems desperate and the FI seems not ready. Oh well.

LadyMillil · May 2014

DH planned the perfect fairytale proposal for me, on our 4 year anniversary at the Eiffel Tower. He got food poisoning and spent all of our romantic dinner in the bathroom. Shit happens (pun intended) and stuff doesn't go as planned. The big, fancy proposal didn't matter to me. What mattered was that the man I loved was asking me to spend the rest of my life with him. That made it perfect.

FiancB · May 2014

thisismynickname said:

MagicInk said:

First, ladies, if you'd like to get married to the man you are with, you are in fact allowed to ask him. It's cool, his penis won't fall off and you won't grow one. So, you wanna get hitched to the guy you're with, ask him. Step-mom asked my dad to marry her. It all worked out pretty well.

Theoretically I agree! I know a low-key couple that had been together at least five years, and the woman proposed to the man with a cute t-shirt when she picked him up at the airport. Very sweet!
Unfortunately I suspect that women can be "ready" earlier than men, and an official proposal still won't work if the man isn't truly ready. It takes two to tango. If a couple agrees there are both ready, then a proposal by either person can happen.

FI asked me about planning to get married after 10 months of dating. We talked about things, went ring shopping, and I received a lovely proposal while on vacation about four months later. If we had flipped that around and I'd proposed to him during those four months, the outcome would be the same.

This poor girl seems desperate and the FI seems not ready. Oh well.

SITB

I agree there. I proposed to my ex and it turned out he wasn't as ready as I thought, so it didn't work out. That said, I learned from that experience that proposing can be a lot harder and scarier than you would think! So this girl needs to give this guy a lot more credit.

This girl doesn't like that she isn't with a guy that isn't ott with romantic gestures and somehow thinks a crazy proposal will change that.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

aspoonfulofsugar · May 2014

That was a miserable read to get through. I went on to read a few more of the comments (because I had to torture myself some more) and she said the only video was blurry, with the TV on in the background and now she doesn't even want to show people. While pictures are nice, I prefer to hear people tell their own stories of how the proposal happened (especially when they can reenact reactions, etc..)

At least some people are being honest with her:

I’m going to admit upfront that I don’t have a lot of patience and sympathy for grown women who feel entitled to be disappointed that they didn’t get some You Tube, choreographed, over-the-top proposal.

I think you were pretty much guaranteed to be disappointed regardless of what he did because it wouldn’t have ever lived up to the vision in your head. You wanted him to read your mind and follow the script you had written and that wasn’t ever going to happen.

You acknowledge he isnt a romantic guy but demanded an over the top romantic gesture from him. He felt a ton of pressure, tried to put a plan together, saw you getting upset, panicked and choked. Have pity on him – he did try he just didn’t know how to produce your fantasy proposal because he doesn’t think like you.

I imagine that there are a ton of women out there who get the You Tube proposal and end up with a crappy marriage. If you have a good man and he loves you and truly wants to marry and commit to you – there is simply nothing more romantic than that.

Romance isn’t fulfilling little girl fantasies on demand and manufacturing good stories to brag to your friends about. Put this behind you.

SapphireCounselor · May 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

SapphireCounselor said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

FI proposed to me on the top of the rock of Gibraltar. I was sweaty and in yoga pants and a tank top. The rock of Gibraltar is covered with gorilla poop. It's not a fancy place. But it was very "us" and FI asked me to be his forever and I said yes and we cried. I don't have a video. I have a picture taken of us a few minutes later. And I wouldn't change any of it at all.
This is actually very similar to our proposal story!

That's awesome! Tell me about it!

We were in Santa Cruz with BIL and SIL that day and decided to hike down to this beautiful beach that is out of the way. It was way steep and far to hike so we were all sweaty and panting by the time we got to this massive sea weed covered rock that overlooks this amazing cliff. That was where he proposed. The beach was his grandmother's favorite place and he proposed with her ring.

Tell me more about yours! And your wedding.

KPBM89 · May 2014

buttercup1958 said:

my dad proposed to my mom at a gas station, saying hey you want to get married? So it could always be worse haha. they have been happily married for 23 years, proposals don't make marriages.

This reminds me of The Office with Jim and Pam, which I love.

As far as this girl's pity post: wow. She is definitely not ready for marriage. And by the sounds of it, he doesn't want it either and just felt pressured by her. If they were honestly in love and ready to be married, it wouldn't matter one little bit where or when he proposed to her. A proposal lasts seconds, a marriage lasts forever.

My FI proposed at the GA Aquarium in the walk through tunnel tank of whale sharks. I was on my phone taking pictures while he kept trying to get my attention to tell me sweet things. I finally turned to him and he was down on one knee. It was so typical of us and I loved it so much. He only says he wishes someone was there to take a photo and that he's surprised I didn't immediately cry (I waited until we were around the corner, sitting together looking at the huge tank wall).

selenathegreat · May 2014

Meh...I feel for the poor girl. I was ready for marriage about three years before my FI, and I felt like I couldn't talk about it EVER or I would be nagging, and he could give me absolutely no reason why he wasn't ready. I was pretty depressed for awhile. I tried to keep from pre-planning but Pinterest and the like can sure suck you in. And reading about or watching perfect OTT proposals doesn't help anybody.

That being said, I would never imagine dictating my own proposal. Sheesh. Propose yourself if you want to control it. And I don't think there's anything wrong with a little disappointment, but this girl really just wants to live inside a movie.

And can you imagine visiting venues, dress shopping etc. with no proposal? Now THAT would really be depressing.

My proposal when it finally came wouldn't be in any movie, but I wouldn't change it for the world!

Just a park bench followed by some sushi.

cupcait927 · May 2014

FI and I were walking up a path to the bench where he proposed to me and all I could keep talking about was how awful it would be if one of us fell down the hill (side of a mountain) and that you would probably die of your injuries. Not the most romantic mood to be getting in right before your SO proposes to you. But it was perfect becasue it was just the two of us and he proposed exactly the way he wanted to.

The girl in the post needs to get over herself and stay off pinterest/the internet for awhile. I feel awful for her SO. Mine was so nervous about proposing the "right" way to me, thinking that it wouldn't be good enough. This girl's poor FI probably feels like shit knowing she's disappointed and she's just dragging it out for months.

ShadeofGreen816 · May 2014

Ugh. That kind of made me want to throw my laptop on the ground! I vote definitely that she is not ready for marriage.

I have to say my proposal wasn't horribly romantic, but it was my fault. I was supposed to work on a Saturday. We had planned to exchange Christmas presents that night after I got home. However, my girlfriends got wind of FI's plan and talked me into calling in sick on Saturday and took me out (obviously didn't tell me, but talked me into going to a bar) and I WAAAAYY overdid it. So I come home late, call into work, and laid around hungover all day. FI was weird and cranky and then later in the evening we did presents and I got proposed to in my underwear and T-shirt. And it was perfect.

Turns out his plan was to clean the house and make me dinner and have everything perfect when I got home from work and was pretty thrown off by my change of plans!

SapphireCounselor · May 2014

Musikalbunni said:

I didn't have a ring when my FI (now husband) proposed - does that make my marriage null?

Obviously! I mean what kind of person is content with a profession of love from the person they love? That's not the point! The rock is the point!

PrincessOfHavoc · May 2014

No ring means we get a do over!

I still don't want a ring. Plus, ha. I'm just party shopping, not wedding.

buttercup1958 · May 2014

flantasticKPBM89 ha yeah it wasn't no dream proposal but my mom was so happy she said yes! and a seagull pooped on her head too, that was her first time in Florida. A few years ago when we were visiting colleges and it was my parents anniversary. We stopped at a gas station and I said hey look its where it all began! My parents laughed and my dad bought my mom a snickers saying happy anniversary, don't say I didn't get you anything! Oh my parents they have some special kind of love haha

Kristen625 · May 2014

I don't think that girl will ever be happy in anything. All I kept thinking was that "she wants something that this guy will never be." I think what pissed me off the most is where she says "instead of him putting up with me being sad for another week..." Are you freaking kidding me?? Ugh.

I too ruined FI proposal plan. I had worked all week, and it was Friday, and I was just done. By the time he came home, I was in my PJs face down on the couch. He had told me that morning he was going to take care of dinner for the evening. I didn't realize his plan was for us to go out to our favorite restaurant where he planned to propose. That evening he asked if I wanted to go out for dinner. I responded with an "ugh. God no. Can we just order pizza?" So we did. I started digging into it right away while sitting on the couch watching Wipout. He went to go get the ring downstairs and by the time he came back, I had dribbled pizza sauce on my shirt and inhaled about a quarter of the pizza. He kept talking about my left hand and where I normally wear cheap ring on my left ring finger (one of the 3 he had purchased for me, the latest one was a whole $10) and I told him I forgot about it that day. So he said "oh well why don't you wear this one." The first thing I said was "that is really pretty!" He then told me it was real and I didn't believe him at first, and then asked me to marry him and then that was it. We were engaged. No photos, no video, pizza sauce on my shirt, and Wipeout was on tv. It could not have suited us more perfect.

aspoonfulofsugar · May 2014

Personally, I could never do with an OTT proposal. FI proposed after setting up our Christmas tree (for real, I start December 1st, I love it, so shoot me!). I was in jeans and a shirt, covered in tree sap from re-stringing the lights eighty times and slightly annoyed because every time I stepped back to check, FI would come up next to/behind me to try and be romantic but I was too focused elsewhere. When he did it, he got down on one knee and was definitely a little flustered. It was so sweet and so perfect for us. I didn't cry like I always thought I would, I think I was just so excited to begin another step in our lives.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

DH basically proposed over breakfast in a diner, and I about choked on my toast.

It was very much a proposal that reflected who we are as a couple. I didn't have a ring for several months, because DH is...ahem...picky, and it took him ages to find the ring HE thought was perfect.

lyndausvi · May 2014

DH and I worked at the same resort. One February I was near the smelly loading dock about to clock in when DH yells at me

"Lyn, I ask [his boss] for the first week of JULY off to ask you dad to marry you". I gave him a side-eye and said "ooookkkkaaayyy????".

Next thing I knew I was designing my own e-ring. First week of July came around, we went up to states to see my parents. It was the first time he met them. He asked for their "blessing". Funny thing though, they found out DH wanted to "propose" via a random person we met at a bar who happens to work for my dad. She emailled him that he had met me and my FI.

So basically we engaged long before DH thought was "official" because DH insisted we could not be engaged until he met my parents first.

Whatever, dude. For the record, I signed up for the knot that April. So yeah.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

Ugh I got more ragey with every sentence. I get the angst of wishing it would just HAPPENALREADY, especially when you've been talking about it, but for me it was mostly feeling guilty for feeling disappointed when it didn't happen. And not wanting to tell him when I'd get moody about it, because I didn't want to pressure him. But the second he actually proposed (with not a soul around to photograph it, in the middle of a snowstorm) all of those old feelings evaporated. It was perfect because the right person asked and I got to say (shout!) yes.

Dignity100 · May 2014

WOW - my FI is not the most romantic guy out there; I don't expect him to change. It's just the way he is.

My proposal story: FI and I agreed to get married, we had been talking about it. We went and picked out a ring together, when it came in he handed me the ring and said 'Here ya go' and I put the ring on my finger. We went from that to talking about what kind of wedding we wanted.

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

People that are more concerned about the proposal and not the marriage, are people that will probably get divorced.

Rebl90 · May 2014

Welp, I must not be engaged because I have no photos or videos of him down on one knee and there was no flash-mob or fireworks....

hikebikebemerry · May 2014

FI proposed to me when we were walking in the woods with our dog. He told me to walk ahead so that he could get a picture of me with the dog (which I thought was super weird). When he told me to come back he was down on one knee. Nobody there to take a picture or video. But it was so perfect for us.

I will confess- I totally wish someone took a video because as soon as I realized what was going on, I got so freaking excited and started crying that I can't remember what he said, I remember that it was incredibly sweet, but that's it.

I feel sorry for the girl because she may have been brought up with unrealistic expectations. I feel sorry for her FI because she set him up for failure for expecting him to be someone he isn't. I feel sorry for both of them because I get the feeling that they might not be the right match, and they don't seem to have the skills to figure out how to make each other happy.

LadyMillil · May 2014

I'm not sure why she is so obsessed with having a video. BIL taped our proposal. We watched it a total of one time and you can't hear anything. He was pretty close to us, and it's actually kinda creepy cause we are kissing a lot and he's standing there filming it.

CamiSelene · May 2014

LadyMillil said:

DH planned the perfect fairytale proposal for me, on our 4 year anniversary at the Eiffel Tower. He got food poisoning and spent all of our romantic dinner in the bathroom. Shit happens (pun intended) and stuff doesn't go as planned. The big, fancy proposal didn't matter to me. What mattered was that the man I loved was asking me to spend the rest of my life with him. That made it perfect.

Bahaha, this reminds me of what my FI told me the night we got engaged. The proposal was a total surprise, very sweet, well thought out, romantic, private. We had no pictures, no getting down on one knee, hell he didn't even say anything other than "so, is that a yes?" (because he wrote the question in flower petals.... which I didn't see because I noticed the ring first. Lol) and had it's bumps too which made it funny but the best part was when FI told me that he had decided to propose a few months prior when he got ecoli on our hiking/camping trip and got sick on me and I took care of him instead of running for the hills. Shit does happen.... you just gotta roll with the punches.

jdluvr06 · May 2014

Wow... This girl would have hated my proposal. My FI decided to piss me off first. Lol. He used to be really weird about family functions. Like we knew each other's families already but he had this whole "no holidays until engaged or married thing". So I was really surprised when he invited me to his family Thanksgiving. We get there, we have a pie and some other things we brought and we are heading to my FIL's door. FI stops me and says "never mind. This is too soon. We're not even engaged yet". So I immediately get furious, I am ready to go off, when he said "I think I can fix this" and that is when he pulled out the ring and proposed. I think I told him I hated him a few times before I said yes.

JCbride2015 · May 2014

SapphireCounselor said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

FI proposed to me on the top of the rock of Gibraltar. I was sweaty and in yoga pants and a tank top. The rock of Gibraltar is covered with gorilla poop. It's not a fancy place. But it was very "us" and FI asked me to be his forever and I said yes and we cried. I don't have a video. I have a picture taken of us a few minutes later. And I wouldn't change any of it at all.
This is actually very similar to our proposal story!

Hey, I got proposed to on top of a big 'ole rock, too! Washington Rock in NJ. I had just gotten into my dream law school and was about to move back in with Fi after a year apart. We just really casually went out to dinner at one of our fav local places, no biggie. On the way home, Fi suggested we stop at Washington Rock, which is a favorite picnic spot of ours and has a great scenic lookout. Sure, why not? So we park and he starts getting all nervous and fumbling around looking for something in the car and I realized he was about to propose.

We walked out to the lookout area and he was practically dragging me across the park and mumbling under his breath, "Why are there so many people here? I thought we would be alone!! What's with all these people?" It was adorably awkward.

He stumbled over his words a bit, and said, "I love you so much. Will you be my wife?" and I said, "For reals???" (We'd been dating like 9 years) Then he gathered his thoughts and said what he meant to say all along, which was: "Life with you is a wonderful adventure, and I want to go on a thousand more adventures with you." It was sweet and awkward and of course I said yes.

PrincessOfHavoc · May 2014

I don't think I'm physically that much older than OP. But, I try reading that "I no want that, I want this" tantrum and I'm ready to bitch slap her. Grow the fuck up. If you can't accept him as he is, provided he's decent otherwise, you are just heading for a divorce. Move on and find someone who meets your standards.

But, hey, I had a lazy ask and got tacos. So what do I know.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

PrincessOfHavoc said:

I don't think I'm physically that much older than OP. But, I try reading that "I no want that, I want this" tantrum and I'm ready to bitch slap her. Grow the fuck up. If you can't accept him as he is, provided he's decent otherwise, you are just heading for a divorce. Move on and find someone who meets your standards. But, hey, I had a lazy ask and got tacos. So what do I know.

I REALLY want tacos now.

PrincessOfHavoc · May 2014

Get them....

Hey, tacos is our because cookies.

lyndausvi · May 2014

Sort-of OT, but I was thinking about this thread and romance. The most romantic times in my life (not just with DH) were NOT planned. Like at all.

They were random days that turned into something special. I've never had a romantic V-day or anniversary. Mostly because I think they are 'forced' events of romance. Your expectations end up being so high so they end up being meh, anti-climatic in a way.

It seems her dreams and hollywood expectations have her in fantasy land and she is missing out on real live events.

This is a person I just want to slap!

Re: This is a person I just want to slap!

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