So, after reading on these forums non-stop for the last 18 months - I sent out my invitations with "_ out of _ attending" (Basically because we are not inviting kids and wanted to avoid random add-ons.)
My 30-something brother texted me yesterday.
Brother - "Hey, did you get my RSVP?"
Me - "Yeah, I did."
Brother - "Yeah, I'm bringing my friend. Do you have any hot single friends?"
Me - "Wait.. I thought you were bringing your girlfriend, what happened?"
Brother - "No, she's coming. I RSVPd for 3."
(At this point I had received verbal RSVPs from him since he was late returning his, I didn't look at it much once it arrived.)
So he responded "3 out of 2 attending".
Me - "Oh.. the invitation was for you and girlfriend. I can't accommodate any extra guests."
Brother - "Seriously? Oh okay, I will tell him.. he was excited though. He would've been the life of the party. The girls would've loved him."
Me - "Yeah, sorry."
Later that night..
Brother - "Can he at least come to the reception? He doesn't need to go to the wedding."
Then my MOM texts me and tells him his girlfriend had been texting her asking if this same friend can come. My mom isn't even hosting, but good thing I already told her how dumb he was being. His girlfriend basically asked the same thing my brother asked and my mom told her I already said no. His girlfriend said "Oh, she said no to the wedding not the reception"
What in the actual fuck? Am I only completely blown away by this because I have been planning and paying and basically studying etiquette for this wedding? Or is this really that hard to understand for some people? It's a wedding. It's not a backyard BBQ.. even then I wouldn't invite random people with me to a friend's BBQ.
Okay, now I'm even more angry. I'm sure no one really cares but I have to vent since no one gets it, except my FI.
After I was blunt, said no, I thought it was done. He texted me late last night and says "I don't have any money right now, it would really help if my friend came so we could split the cost. He has a date who lives in *City two 1/2 hours out of the way from the venue/where he would be traveling from*. Dad said you had cancels so I didn't think it would matter anymore." (I'm going to kill my dad, by the way.)
I am extra angry because my brother has no real job, is a grown man who lives with his mom, and the only reason he was even talking to my dad in the first place is because he was asking to "borrow" money. My dad is too nice to say no, even though he's loaned thousands and never been given a cent back. Then they are picking up his friend's date, which makes the trip 7 hours instead of 3 1/2, so spending more money anyway.
I'm confused because in our last conversation, it was clear his friend was not invited and my brother understood. So how, from that conversation to the message he sent me last night, does his friend have a DATE? He's not invited!
At this point, I do actually have extra seats. My custom drawn seating chart is done, and can't be changed. I COULD allow these two random people to come and indulge in free food and alcohol. (They love alcohol. That's all they spend their lives doing.)
But I feel like, I've said no three times, he's being an asshole, and it's the principle. I don't know how I feel about these random party animals at my wedding with my closest family and friends.
Am I totally wrong? What would you do at this point? Die on the hill?