White on guests...

[Deleted User] · May 2014

I don't really have a color care either way- I admit to side eyeing white at a wedding but it passes after a few snarky thoughts.

I DO agree with cut and style...super short, super tight, clearly attention grabby is not appropriate for a wedding IMO but then it also depends on the guests. If you hang out with people who routinely dress a certain way, why would you expect any different for your wedding?

AddieCake · May 2014

I don't care what anyone wears to a wedding unless they show up in pajama bottoms or slippers. I judge anybody wearing those out of the house at any time. I personally would not wear white or jeans, but I don't side eye or judge people who do. I certainly wouldn't be judging anybody who wears a red or other brightly colored dress.

sofakingmad · May 2014

This brightly colored dress hate is funny to me.

I understand the concept of people avoiding white, which is why I started this thread, but the idea that someone would get a side eye for wearing bright colors is laughable at best.

And people don't like Sex and the City? What????

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

There's no symbolism around a bride wearing white. . .it's an old tradition rooted in social class. It has nothing to do with her being virginal.

Other than that, I'm not sure what symbolism, tradition, or meaning there is in a wedding related to what ppl are wearing. . .oh besides the BM'S dressing exactly like the bride to confuse evil spirits.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

I look bad in white. No really, I look like I'm terribly ill. So I'm not going to wear white to anyone's wedding, including my own. I'll be in red. Because I look fantastic in red. Seriously. I've worn red to weddings. And purple, green, black, blue, pretty much whatever color I don't look sick in, I wear.

That being said, if someone's outfit has some white in it, I don't even notice. If someone wears an all white dress, I might notice.

And also I keep reading the title of this post as "write on guests" and no, one should not write on their guests.

phira · May 2014

I think that "but my photos!" needs to stop. There are some ways to ruin photos--have a stink-face the whole time, making rude/inappropriate gestures (in formals), showing genitals, etc. "The color of her dress is too bright" is not a photo ruiner. It's irrelevant. Photos are meant to document your wedding day; they're not meant to be carefully staged so they can be perfect for a wedding magazine. I can't imagine how the red dress being muted was even necessary in the above photo.

lyndausvi · May 2014

phira said:

I think that "but my photos!" needs to stop. There are some ways to ruin photos--have a stink-face the whole time, making rude/inappropriate gestures (in formals), showing genitals, etc. "The color of her dress is too bright" is not a photo ruiner. It's irrelevant. Photos are meant to document your wedding day; they're not meant to be carefully staged so they can be perfect for a wedding magazine. I can't imagine how the red dress being muted was even necessary in the above photo.

seriously. Rules on what women are allowed and not allowed to wear to weddings are just ridiculous.

Sure we all know AW's. But they are AW's regardless of what color they wear.

banana468 · May 2014

Back when I was getting married I cared WAY more if guests wore white. I had previously made a flippant remark to my aunt saying something like, "I don't care what you're wearing as long as it isn't white." Then she came to me saying that the ONLY outfit she could find in the entire state of CT was white. She asked if I'd mind and I was honest and said yes. Then she got defensive and said, "Well I think it's a joke that YOU'RE wearing white!" (implying that lack of virginity meant that I was a fool for going for a white gown). It turned out that she couldn't wear that outfit because she lost weight so it was NBD. Looking back, I should have said that I didn't care and frankly, she shouldn't have said anything implying that my virginity had something to do with my gown choice.

Now, I generally don't judge unless you're wearing a white/cream dress, something so formal you're clearly trying to upstage someone or something so informal that you look like you rolled out of bed just before getting in your car to get to the ceremony.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

I have a fabulous red dress I have worn to weddings and plan to wear to a wedding this weekend.

I don't wear white and I would side-eye someone who did, but all other colours are fair game, IMHO.

PrincessOfHavoc · May 2014

I admit, if I can see your Pikachu in your dress, I'm side eyeing no matter what color.

scrunchythief · May 2014

I don't have a problem with colors, as long as it's not SUPER bridal looking. And then, it's more because I know other people will side-eye it, than that I actually care.

However, getting a group together, independent of the bridal party, to all wear the same color on purpose, does strike me as a little odd. Not necessarily bad etiquette, but odd. It reminds me of when I traveled with my family and we all wore bright red t-shirts so we wouldn't lose each other in a crowd.

phira · May 2014

scrunchythief said:

I don't have a problem with colors, as long as it's not SUPER bridal looking. And then, it's more because I know other people will side-eye it, than that I actually care.

However, getting a group together, independent of the bridal party, to all wear the same color on purpose, does strike me as a little odd. Not necessarily bad etiquette, but odd. It reminds me of when I traveled with my family and we all wore bright red t-shirts so we wouldn't lose each other in a crowd.

YES. It's definitely something really weird.

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

phira said:

scrunchythief said:

I don't have a problem with colors, as long as it's not SUPER bridal looking. And then, it's more because I know other people will side-eye it, than that I actually care.

However, getting a group together, independent of the bridal party, to all wear the same color on purpose, does strike me as a little odd. Not necessarily bad etiquette, but odd. It reminds me of when I traveled with my family and we all wore bright red t-shirts so we wouldn't lose each other in a crowd.

YES. It's definitely something really weird.

Yeah, like I didn't really care that much. I had a great time. I just thought it was weird and vaguely irritating, but then I moved on immediately because I had to make the rounds. I had a receiving line, but everyone still made me pose for pictures with them the whole night. I didn't even have time to eat, much less agonize over someone's dress color. I felt like one of the Disney princess actors.

annathy03 · May 2014

PrincessOfHavoc said:

I admit, if I can see your Pikachu in your dress, I'm side eyeing no matter what color.

And I just DIED.

The red thing doesn't bug me by itself, but I find it offputting that @mrshutzler's guests coordinated to do so. It's almost as if they wanted to look like a bridal party, and the photo of the three of them looks super AWish.

phira · May 2014

mrshutzler said:

phira said:

scrunchythief said:

I don't have a problem with colors, as long as it's not SUPER bridal looking. And then, it's more because I know other people will side-eye it, than that I actually care.

However, getting a group together, independent of the bridal party, to all wear the same color on purpose, does strike me as a little odd. Not necessarily bad etiquette, but odd. It reminds me of when I traveled with my family and we all wore bright red t-shirts so we wouldn't lose each other in a crowd.

YES. It's definitely something really weird.

Yeah, like I didn't really care that much. I had a great time. I just thought it was weird and vaguely irritating, but then I moved on immediately because I had to make the rounds. I had a receiving line, but everyone still made me pose for pictures with them the whole night. I didn't even have time to eat, much less agonize over someone's dress color. I felt like one of the Disney princess actors.

I appreciate you so hard right now because you just articulated something I've been expecting and kind of dreading.

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

annathy03 said:

PrincessOfHavoc said:

I admit, if I can see your Pikachu in your dress, I'm side eyeing no matter what color.

And I just DIED.

The red thing doesn't bug me by itself, but I find it offputting that @mrshutzler's guests coordinated to do so. It's almost as if they wanted to look like a bridal party, and the photo of the three of them looks super AWish.

Yeah, I didn't care that much... it was just weird/creepy that they coordinated.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

PrincessOfHavoc said:

I admit, if I can see your Pikachu in your dress, I'm side eyeing no matter what color.

Absolutely this. If I can see any parts of your lady bits, or if I'm pretty sure I saw your dress on a hooker, I'm side-eyeing you.

sofakingmad · May 2014

My friends all wore Turquise dresses because they wanted to be my honorary BMs (I just had my sister as my MOH and she wore Coral).

I loved it so hard that they planned that.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

lilybet13 said:

I don't see how wearing white or black or red is treating someone else poorly. Is this really an etiquette issue?

No. These are fashion "rules" that are propagated largely by other women at weddings, not necessarily by the actual brides.

SewInLoveWithDMB · May 2014

I just read through this thread and, from my reading of it, no matter what you wear it will be judged.

I find black offensive. I don't think anyone looks good in black and I guess it is viewed as 'slimming' or 'always appropriate' - but it isn't. Offensive is definitely a strong word, but when attending a happy, floral-y, bridesmaids-in-pink event, a black dress is just...harsh? Out of place? Cocktail length or not - it's just dark (duh). So, to me, black is out. (An ultra-formal evening event could warrant a black dress by a guest, but I personally would still wear another color other than black.)

White - White to me is "wrong" if it is competing with the bride's dress in nature. An informal/cocktail style white dress with any type of decoration should be 100% fine (but some responses to this thread state otherwise.) The white strapless eyelet dress posted earlier? Ok by me. Worn with a statement necklace and pink cardigan should be fine.

Red/hot pink - according to this thread - out. I've worn bright pink, red and other bright colors to weddings (since I don't own black dresses, for reasons mentioned above) all the time.

You could then also expand it to not wearing the same color as the bridesmaids. Sometimes, you don't know the color ahead of time and this isn't possible. I had a friend wear a new dress only to find that the 7 other bridesmaids wore the exact same dress. What are the chances? Was she wrong as a guest? What should she have done to prevent this (Nothing.)

As someone else stated - what is left? Grey? Tan? Light pink? As mentioned multiple times, it shouldn't be the color that is bothersome, but the cut and taste level of the dress.

And by the way - why are any of else judging others at events (myself included)? Maybe we should just stop that. Maybe someone only owns one black cocktail dress and can't afford to buy something new. Maybe they lost weight and the bright red dress fits perfectly.

And the red group - sure, it's weird they planned it, but I'm sure they were doing it in good fun. Like, "Oh, I have a red dress too! Maybe we could all wear red!" and that's it. I dunno.

So, I will continue to wear whatever I have/want to weddings, as long as the cut/style/formality is appropriate to the event - even if it is off-white, white-ish with decorations, brightly colored, red, hot pink or the same as the bridesmaids (as long as I didn't know ahead of time.) (But you won't find me in black!

)

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

SewInLoveWithDMB said:

I just read through this thread and, from my reading of it, no matter what you wear it will be judged.

I find black offensive. I don't think anyone looks good in black and I guess it is viewed as 'slimming' or 'always appropriate' - but it isn't. Offensive is definitely a strong word, but when attending a happy, floral-y, bridesmaids-in-pink event, a black dress is just...harsh? Out of place? Cocktail length or not - it's just dark (duh). So, to me, black is out. (An ultra-formal evening event could warrant a black dress by a guest, but I personally would still wear another color other than black.)

White - White to me is "wrong" if it is competing with the bride's dress in nature. An informal/cocktail style white dress with any type of decoration should be 100% fine (but some responses to this thread state otherwise.) The white strapless eyelet dress posted earlier? Ok by me. Worn with a statement necklace and pink cardigan should be fine.

Red/hot pink - according to this thread - out. I've worn bright pink, red and other bright colors to weddings (since I don't own black dresses, for reasons mentioned above) all the time.

You could then also expand it to not wearing the same color as the bridesmaids. Sometimes, you don't know the color ahead of time and this isn't possible. I had a friend wear a new dress only to find that the 7 other bridesmaids wore the exact same dress. What are the chances? Was she wrong as a guest? What should she have done to prevent this (Nothing.)

As someone else stated - what is left? Grey? Tan? Light pink? As mentioned multiple times, it shouldn't be the color that is bothersome, but the cut and taste level of the dress.

And by the way - why are any of else judging others at events (myself included)? Maybe we should just stop that. Maybe someone only owns one black cocktail dress and can't afford to buy something new. Maybe they lost weight and the bright red dress fits perfectly.

And the red group - sure, it's weird they planned it, but I'm sure they were doing it in good fun. Like, "Oh, I have a red dress too! Maybe we could all wear red!" and that's it. I dunno.

So, I will continue to wear whatever I have/want to weddings, as long as the cut/style/formality is appropriate to the event - even if it is off-white, white-ish with decorations, brightly colored, red, hot pink or the same as the bridesmaids (as long as I didn't know ahead of time.) (But you won't find me in black! )

Here, here.

sofakingmad · May 2014

I really never thought about about any other color, besides white, to be inappropriate to wear to a wedding.

My mind is blown.

jdluvr06 · May 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

I really never thought about about any other color, besides white, to be inappropriate to wear to a wedding.

My mind is blown.

I didn't either. Sorry people. I always wear black to weddings... The only dress I own that isn't black is my wedding dress. I don't wear bright colors very often. My whole wardrobe is full of neutrals.

Cookie Pusher · May 2014

I really don't care what people wear unless I can see any parts that get censored on network TV. It's not because I think they're gross or anything, I just find that a wedding is not an appropriate time to show those things off (plus, why are you doing it for free?!). Culturally speaking, it's a no-no to wear red to a Chinese wedding because that is the bride's color. Will I care if people wear red to my wedding? Nope. I mean, I might be confused if my mother wore red since she's the one who brought me up and knows our culture, but I wouldn't expect anyone else to know. People keep asking what they can/cannot wear to my wedding, and I keep saying that I have no fucks to give about guest attire!

cupcait927 · May 2014

jdluvr06 said:

DragonBlood13 said:

I really never thought about about any other color, besides white, to be inappropriate to wear to a wedding.

My mind is blown.

I didn't either. Sorry people. I always wear black to weddings... The only dress I own that isn't black is my wedding dress. I don't wear bright colors very often. My whole wardrobe is full of neutrals.

Ditto. I own a lot of neutrals a) because I'm boring b) because I'm poor and need to make the most use of my wardrobe as possible. I almost always go black when I need to dress up because it's easy and it means I don't have to buy anything new (usually).

sofakingmad · May 2014

mrshutzler said:

I disagree that a wedding is just like any other event. Your average sioreé is not so loaded with symbolism, meaning and tradition.

I also want to touch on this. A wedding CEREMONY isn't just any other event. I can agree with that. That is why in my circle, most people wear a pantsuit or a dress with a jacket to the ceremony and then change in between to cocktail attire.

The RECEPTION is just a party. It's a party for your guests. There is no more meaning behind that. It's just a party.

lyndausvi · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I have a fabulous red dress I have worn to weddings and plan to wear to a wedding this weekend. I don't wear white and I would side-eye someone who did, but all other colours are fair game, IMHO.

I pretty much assume you always show up in the dress in your siggy. Because you know, you are always Scarlet in my mind.

ashleyep · May 2014

flantastic said:

I would not wear white to a wedding. Not because I judge people who do, or because I think people would mistake me for the bride, but because even if it wasn't a particularly judge-able ensemble, some people would still do the judging. I've got plenty of other colors in my closet - it's not like it's that difficult not to wear white.

I really think that's what a lot of it comes down to. When we say on here "I would avoid that just be safe" it doesn't necessarily mean that we would judge, just that we know others would.

I don't have a problem with cash bars, but I'll still tell people they should avoid them because I knot other people will be offended by them.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

lyndausvi said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I have a fabulous red dress I have worn to weddings and plan to wear to a wedding this weekend. I don't wear white and I would side-eye someone who did, but all other colours are fair game, IMHO.

I pretty much assume you always show up in the dress in your siggy. Because you know, you are always Scarlet in my mind.

HAHAHA! I

that so much. She has bitchiness down to an art form I'll never get to.

But I would totally rock the red dress in my siggy to a wedding if I could find one like it!

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

mrshutzler said:

I disagree that a wedding is just like any other event. Your average sioreé is not so loaded with symbolism, meaning and tradition.

I also want to touch on this. A wedding CEREMONY isn't just any other event. I can agree with that. That is why in my circle, most people wear a pantsuit or a dress with a jacket to the ceremony and then change in between to cocktail attire.

The RECEPTION is just a party. It's a party for your guests. There is no more meaning behind that. It's just a party.

In my circle, no one changes in between the ceremony and the reception. If we are going to a formal, evening reception then we dress accordingly and head to the ceremony. No one shows up in clubwear or black tie attire, but we just don't change. We don't typically have gaps between the ceremony and the reception either.

So in that respect, I see no difference between how I would dress to attend a wedding and how I would dress to attend the opera- although depending on the opera venue I might dress up much more than a wedding. But at the opera I'm not going around judging other women because they chose to wear a particular color. That was the point of my comment.

Is there religious/spiritual/sentimental meaning behind a weding ceremony that isn't present at an opera performance? Sure. But are there vastly different sartorial rules and taboo colors? Nope, not to my mind. No legitimate reason for them, other than women choosing to propagate those rules at one event (the wedding) and not the other (the opera).

White on guests...

Re: White on guests...

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