Politely Requesting to PUT YOUR DAMN PHONE AWAY

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

THEY CAN'T STOOOOOOP AND THEY WON'T STOOOOOOOOOOP

http://www.theamas.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/tumblr_monerh54u31qlkggco4_500.gif

Srsly, OP... get over it.

pinkshorts27 · May 2014

scribe95 said:

I have always taken photos at weddings - whether it be a camera or now a phone. I don't understand how it is rude for me to want to record your special moment for posterity? Let it go.

I always do too. I just have a point and shoot and still get some great photos. Honestly, photos are the only way I can focus for an entire ceremony. I also pay attention to pro photogs and stay out of their way. FI's close friend got married. She had two photographers, but they were horrible. She sent an email out asking for photos and I send her a flashdrive with photos from high school, college and the wedding. Her DH called me and told me that she was soooo greatful, because their photographer was a bust.

FiancB · May 2014

Guys I just don't know what to dooooo. People being excited enough for me to take a moment to take pictures of us???

SO ANNOYING.

Seriously, have the officiant make a quick announcement if you must and leave it at that. Short of hiring a linebacker to take down anyone that whips their phone out, you aren't going to be able to get rid of it completely, and like many said, that can actually be a great thing.

I'm pretty into photography and I would seriously side-eye any photographer that made this demand. To me it tells me that they can't roll with the punches and probably don't actually enjoy shooting weddings but sucks it up anyway just to pay the bills.

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

CELL PHONE CAMERAS... CELL PHONE CAMERAS EVERYWHERE!

THEY ARE EXCITED, SO THEIR CAMERAS MUST COME OUT

Jen4948 · May 2014

Unfortunately, there is no polite way to keep people from whipping out their smartphones or little cameras and snapping photos of you during your wedding. You can tell them you'd prefer not to be photographed by anyone but your paid vendor until your tongue falls out, and they will ignore you if they feel like taking photos of you all the same.

PrincessOfHavoc · May 2014

Honestly, that floral wreath on the one bridesmaid is what distracted me. And I was looking for phones/cameras!

I have to think the running linebacker might be a little more distracting and probably would ruin way more pictures. But I am gonna laugh my ass off when a speshul snowfwake thinks it's The. Best. Idea. Ever. Then demand video.

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

PrincessOfHavoc said:

Honestly, that faux boho floral mess on the one bridesmaid is what distracted me. And I was looking for phones/cameras!

Wait did you just diss my junior bridesmaid? She's only 13 and she really wanted a little flower wreath. A rose and baby's breath wreath is hardly a mess, and faux boho is not even a thing. I thought she looked sweet and she was so delighted. She wore it all day and now has it hanging in her room.

PrincessOfHavoc · May 2014

I fixed! I just really, really, REALLY get weird on those. I'm a bitch. It looks better in the second picture. Please have my brownies as my apologies!

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

PrincessOfHavoc said:

I fixed! I just really, really, REALLY get weird on those. I'm a bitch. It looks better in the second picture. Please have my brownies as my apologies!

lolololololol

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

I didn't realise until I looked at one of the photos our photog shot from the balcony of our church that people had their cameras out during our first kiss. Didn't even realise it.

And, FWIW, other than my mother, NO ONE posted photos of our wedding on FB, IG, Twitter, or anywhere else.

(Our photog eventually put them on his professional FB page, and his website, which was fine.)

No one got in his way, no one is in the photos taking photos, no one distracted us, nothing.

And we didn't even have to tell people to 'be in the moment' or anything.

Full disclosure: Our priest requested that we put a note in the programme asking people not to take photos during the vows, but that was HIS request, not ours. And everyone honoured it.

To this day, I have no idea if people took photos of me walking down the aisle or not. I didn't see any cameras, but I was so focused on DH that I doubt I would have noticed a dancing-naked-Jeff-Goldblum, either.

countrygirl061513 · May 2014

I will post these again just like I did in the other thread about this. My professional pictures were not ruined because people were taking cell phone pictures. Plus it took almost a month to get the pro pictures back but I got to enjoy the other pictures the next day that my friends and family took.

Professional Picture

Cell Phone Picture

emmaaa · May 2014

This shows laziness and incompetency on your photographer's part. They should be enough of a professional to troubleshoot any issues of having other people take pictures.

I think it would be fine to have the officiant say, "Please refrain from taking photos during the ceremony" before anything begins, but I would leave it at that. Anything further would really rub me the wrong way.

FWIW, I am an adult and do not like being treated like a child. Being told to put my phone, camera, etc. away would really irk me.

beethery · May 2014

PrincessOfHavoc said:

tortoisebride said:

I am also hoping that a polite request to not take photos during the ceremony will be useful. I think it's really weird to need to witness all events through the "lens" and it feels impersonal. It's also doubly distracting and obnoxious when it's a flipping iPad. Maybe I'm a curmudgeon, but fuck that. It's rude to the people behind you. I don't care if it's a phone or a real camera. I DO NOT WANT THIS:

Lmao when people take pictures with an iPad, it looks like they're trying to signal aliens with a cookie sheet. I will never be able to find that anything but hilarious
Hey! Did you stalk my instagram during 2012 DNC? I had so many iPad signal devices going on. Gave up and said "The extraterrestrial aliens already know they're welcome given as we're all Democrats and we accept anyone. Stop calling them."

lmaooooo

Also this:

iloveotters2014 · May 2014

You wont notice and no one will care. Make an announcement if you must then get married and be quiet.

QueerFemme · May 2014

Just to add, one of my favorite pictures from the wedding was taken by a guest. It was right after we were "announced" as married...

blabla89 · May 2014

@mrshutzler I think she looks super cute

Jells2dot0 · May 2014

Everyone who has "unique situations" or special demands just needs to do what I did - splurge on what is important to you, don't invite anyone, and then none of the "important" people in your life will "ruin" YOUR big day.

NYCBruin · May 2014

PrincessOfHavoc said:

Our photographer only has one camera rule - during the formal portraits, let her get a picture first, then she'll help get everyone else in a good place for family photographer fun. But there might have been a donkey in a certain engagement picture. He is stuffed and looks like he's laughing. He wore a bowtie, my Figment stuffy wore a veil. The live donkey at my barn however is a bit of a diva and has kicked people who annoy him. He's not invited to the wedding.

This makes perfect sense to me. Formal shots actually can get ruined when there are multiple cameras because you end up with people not looking at the same camera.

For the ceremony pictures, I don't understand how a good photographer would have ALL of their photographs ruined by guests also taking photos. I always find it amusing when people post pictures of guests taking photos and are like "OMG this would be the worst thing ever" as though that ONE photo was the only photograph the couple had of their wedding ceremony.

I don't take photos at weddings and am somewhat annoyed when other guests do mostly because it usually involves them leaning one way or the other and then I have to lean, too, so that I can still see. That said, I just don't get the outrage of someone taking a photo during the ceremony.

kitty8403 · May 2014

I've shot weddings. I worked around the amateurs.
A good photographer will. that doesn't mean you need to be rude and block shots on purpose. if you aren't the pro, please respect that these people are there to work, not playing. It matters if their images turn out.

I get mega social discomfort when ninety gazillion people, most of whom are lousy togs, are waving cameras in my face. It's the kind of thing that will bring out my inner psycho bitch. I HATE being photographed at the best of times, and being obnoxious and waving your damn phone in my face (it's NOT a frigging quality camera, so knock it off) isn't helpful. I think it's rude to play with your phone during the ceremony. People will do it, sure, but I find it extremely distracting and disrespectful. Just wait 10 minutes and get your snaps in after the announcement.

kitty8403 · May 2014

And yes, that probably sounds angrier than it should. I am DREADING having to deal with this. I had people doing this a few weeks ago (cameras every time I turned around) and they laughed when I repeatedly asked to be left alone and told me I'd better get used to it.
Fuck. Off. If they were not very special, very close individuals, that would warrant a disinvite.

kitty8403 · May 2014

PrincessOfHavoc said:
Our photographer only has one camera rule - during the formal portraits, let her get a picture first, then she'll help get everyone else in a good place for family photographer fun.

That's a reasonable and fairly typical rule. I am OK with this. Knowing where to look/pose helps.

Wegl13 · May 2014

Thank you kitty8403. I was beginning to think that we and ours were alone in feeling like this. Luckily as I said, the important people in our life- the ones important enough to invite to our wedding- are great, respectful people. Without a reminder they might get overexcited in the moment and try and whip our their phone at an inappropriate time, but with an officiant saying "yeah folks, we'd appreciate no pictures during the ceremony".... They are all respectful enough to comply. Also thanks to our location, they've probably figured out by the time the ceremony starts that they won't be updating Facebook anytime soon- there's no reception within about 3 miles of our venue!

crunchymamaof2 · May 2014

What is the worst thing that will happen if people take photos? Maybe one or two professional shots get ruined (which will happen with or without others taking pictures). If anymore pictures than that are "ruined" your photographer is to blame. I don't like my picture being taken but I know it will sometimes happen. If people are going to take pictures wouldn't you prefer it on a day when you look beautiful and glowing?

I don't think a quick "please refrain from photos" by the officiant is a big deal. Go for it. But leave it at that and accept that some people are going to do it anyway.

And, FTR, were allowed to have an opinion on your photographers. We can only go off what you've told us, and well, what you've told us does make your photographers sound a bit incompetent and greedy. Very few professional photographers (that are worth their weight) would make such an asinine request and make you responsible for it.

msdidonato · May 2014

I got married last weekend, and we put it on our website that we request people to not take any photographer during the ceremony only. That we hired a wonderful photographer who will capture the moment for us.

Sadly, our venue found out about our simple request and made a HUGE announcement several times before the ceremony and then during the reception that we didn't want photos taken or posted on social media. Really irritated the crap out of me.

kitty8403 · May 2014

Wegl13 said:
Thank you kitty8403. I was beginning to think that we and ours were alone in feeling like this. Luckily as I said, the important people in our life- the ones important enough to invite to our wedding- are great, respectful people. Without a reminder they might get overexcited in the moment and try and whip our their phone at an inappropriate time, but with an officiant saying "yeah folks, we'd appreciate no pictures during the ceremony".... They are all respectful enough to comply. Also thanks to our location, they've probably figured out by the time the ceremony starts that they won't be updating Facebook anytime soon- there's no reception within about 3 miles of our venue!

---just to be clear, I think the general issue you're running into here in the forum is that what you are asking sounds a little controlling. TK regs are not fans of anything that comes off like trying to control or micromanage guests.

I'm not looking to control anybody or obsessing over perfect pictures. I'm just extremely uncomfortable when people literally start stalking me and shoving lenses in my face. Who needs that kind of stress? I'm relatively resigned that this will happen during the reception, but is it really too much to ask for 10-15 minutes of camera and phone downtime while we're trying to concentrate on getting through our vows? I don't see why that's unreasonable.

And slightly different point, but I really would like to know what makes random people (who haven't been asked or hired to do so) think they have the right to follow and photograph the bride doing EVERYTHING on her wedding day--and laugh about it if she objects? The frick. Can't you annoy the parents? Or the groom? Or the wedding party? Or just hold off for a few minutes? Why is that such a bridezilla move, to ask for a little airspace?

[Deleted User] · May 2014

Who the hell do you have stalking you? Damn! Yes, you deserve airspace, but personally I'd just kick that crazy wannabe paparazzi out of my space, not ban all cameras.

One of my favorite pictures from my sister's wedding is one that the pro photog took of my cousin taking a picture of my parents watching my sister get married. My cousin's camera screen was in focus and my actual parents were all fuzzy in the background. It was super cool.

kitsunegari89 · May 2014

kitty8403 said:

Thank you kitty8403. I was beginning to think that we and ours were alone in feeling like this. Luckily as I said, the important people in our life- the ones important enough to invite to our wedding- are great, respectful people. Without a reminder they might get overexcited in the moment and try and whip our their phone at an inappropriate time, but with an officiant saying "yeah folks, we'd appreciate no pictures during the ceremony".... They are all respectful enough to comply. Also thanks to our location, they've probably figured out by the time the ceremony starts that they won't be updating Facebook anytime soon- there's no reception within about 3 miles of our venue!
---just to be clear, I think the general issue you're running into here in the forum is that what you are asking sounds a little controlling. TK regs are not fans of anything that comes off like trying to control or micromanage guests. I'm not looking to control anybody or obsessing over perfect pictures. I'm just extremely uncomfortable when people literally start stalking me and shoving lenses in my face. Who needs that kind of stress? I'm relatively resigned that this will happen during the reception, but is it really too much to ask for 10-15 minutes of camera and phone downtime while we're trying to concentrate on getting through our vows? I don't see why that's unreasonable. And slightly different point, but I really would like to know what makes random people (who haven't been asked or hired to do so) think they have the right to follow and photograph the bride doing EVERYTHING on her wedding day--and laugh about it if she objects? The frick. Can't you annoy the parents? Or the groom? Or the wedding party? Or just hold off for a few minutes? Why is that such a bridezilla move, to ask for a little airspace?

My aunt had just gotten a DSLR before the wedding without the foggiest as to how to use it, and she followed me around much of the day and made a general nuisance of herself. I eventually told her in the nicest way possible to GTFO because I was hyperventilating and didn't want it to be documented. I doubt that most brides have to deal with aspiring paparazzi, though... I figured this was just about not liking the aesthetic of everyone and their (literal) grandma having their cellphones out and ruining the ambiance, which I could care less about. I just didn't want a macro lens in my face. I'm giving myself a pass, since I think I'm in the clear. Aunt has no hard feelings.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

kitty8403 said:

I've shot weddings. I worked around the amateurs. A good photographer will. that doesn't mean you need to be rude and block shots on purpose. if you aren't the pro, please respect that these people are there to work, not playing. It matters if their images turn out. I get mega social discomfort when ninety gazillion people, most of whom are lousy togs, are waving cameras in my face. It's the kind of thing that will bring out my inner psycho bitch. I HATE being photographed at the best of times, and being obnoxious and waving your damn phone in my face (it's NOT a frigging quality camera, so knock it off) isn't helpful. I think it's rude to play with your phone during the ceremony. People will do it, sure, but I find it extremely distracting and disrespectful. Just wait 10 minutes and get your snaps in after the announcement.

Pro photographers with expensive DSLRs should be able to take 8+ frames a second, so the chance that every single shot will be ruined by someone else trying to take a pic at the same time is pretty slim.

Most people do not intentionally try to block the professional photographers while they are working- if it happens, it is usually an accident.

Smartphones have 13+ MP cameras- a number of new smartphones have 20+MP cameras it seems- and a decent flash, and are very much capable of taking very good, high quality photos. It is also entirely possible to take really shitty pictures using a fancy DSLR as well. It all has to do with how good the photographer is.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

kitty8403 said:

And yes, that probably sounds angrier than it should. I am DREADING having to deal with this. I had people doing this a few weeks ago (cameras every time I turned around) and they laughed when I repeatedly asked to be left alone and told me I'd better get used to it. Fuck. Off. If they were not very special, very close individuals, that would warrant a disinvite.

kitty8403 said:

Thank you kitty8403. I was beginning to think that we and ours were alone in feeling like this. Luckily as I said, the important people in our life- the ones important enough to invite to our wedding- are great, respectful people. Without a reminder they might get overexcited in the moment and try and whip our their phone at an inappropriate time, but with an officiant saying "yeah folks, we'd appreciate no pictures during the ceremony".... They are all respectful enough to comply. Also thanks to our location, they've probably figured out by the time the ceremony starts that they won't be updating Facebook anytime soon- there's no reception within about 3 miles of our venue!
---just to be clear, I think the general issue you're running into here in the forum is that what you are asking sounds a little controlling. TK regs are not fans of anything that comes off like trying to control or micromanage guests.

I'm not looking to control anybody or obsessing over perfect pictures. I'm just extremely uncomfortable when people literally start stalking me and shoving lenses in my face. Who needs that kind of stress? I'm relatively resigned that this will happen during the reception, but is it really too much to ask for 10-15 minutes of camera and phone downtime while we're trying to concentrate on getting through our vows? Sorry to say, but yes. Your guests are not taking photos of you bc they are trying to annoy you. They are taking photos of you because they love you, they are excited for you, excited to be at your wedding, and they want to have a record (picture) of this event for themselves. They are not going to buy prints from your photographer.

Instead of focusing on how uncomfortable this makes you, try to focus on how cool it is that you are important enough to these ppl that they want to take a picture. I don't take pictures of shit I don't like or care about.

Not only that, but for the most part you will not be looking directly out at your guests during the ceremony- your back will be to them or they will be off to your right. If you start to get nervous and anxious, focus on looking directly at your FI and only him, and block everyone else out. I don't see why that's unreasonable.

And slightly different point, but I really would like to know what makes random people (who haven't been asked or hired to do so) think they have the right to follow and photograph the bride doing EVERYTHING on her wedding day--and laugh about it if she objects? No one has the right to laugh at you, but your wedding guests are not random people- they are your closest family and friends, right? So they want to take a picture of you on your wedding day or with you because they love you. That's why they are photographing you, not because they think they have a right. It's bc they care about you and they are excited. Again, people don't typically waste time taking photos of random shit they don't care about. The frick. Can't you annoy the parents? Or the groom? Or the wedding party? Or just hold off for a few minutes? Why is that such a bridezilla move, to ask for a little airspace? They can and will take photos of/with those people, but honestly, aside from the groom, no one is as important to guests at a wedding than the bride and groom.

It sounds to me more like your issue is that you don't like being photographed and are already feeling anxious about being photographed on your wedding day by your pro's and your wedding guests.

Is that correct?

Look, it's shitty if ppl laugh at you and ignore you if you kindly ask them to stop doing something- such as please don't take my picture atm. I'm sorry your friends/relatives did this to you.

However, you are going to be the center of attention on your wedding day, and people are going to be taking pictures of you. There is no way around this other than actually eloping.

If you think having multiple people take your picture all day is really going to make you anxious and miserable, perhaps see your PCP about getting a prescription for something mild, just to take the edge off?

adverb1129 · May 2014

I completely understand where you're coming from because I was stressed out by the idea of people taking lots of cell phone pics during the ceremony and either being distracting or jumping in the way of the photographer or whatever. I even wrote out a very obnoxious, self-righteous thing for the officiant to read out to the guests like, "we want you to be fully present with us so please put away your electronics, blah, blah, blah." I came to my senses, though, and decided that this would be a really negative way to start the ceremony.

My officiant simply requested that people turn their cell phones off or down. He said this right before the processional started. Everything went perfectly fine- some people took pictures during the ceremony but I never noticed and it was nice to have such lovely photos before my photographer got me her photos a month later. One person even forgot to turn down their ringtone and it rang during the ceremony but, you know what? I didn't even notice! Later they came to apologize to me for "ruining" the ceremony and I had no idea what they were talking about.

I think you'll be surprised by how little this will end up being a problem- your loved ones aren't trying to ruin anything and they aren't that likely to get in front of your photographer. If they do then your photographer should know how to handle it. I have well over 1200+ beautiful photos from my wedding and none of them have friends or family jumping in the way.

Politely Requesting to PUT YOUR DAMN PHONE AWAY

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