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I'm Getting Divorced

lc07lc07 member
Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
in Chit Chat
Hi Guys. I've been MIA pretty much all month. I've missed you guys! I'm not comfortable going into specific details, but my H and I filed for divorce and he moved out of the country earlier this month. It's been a whirlwind emotionally.

I know some of you have been through this before and any support/hugs/advice/words of wisdom you can give me would be much appreciated.

I'm sticking around because this forum is rad.
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Re: I'm Getting Divorced

  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    MANY HUGS. MANY.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm sorry. internet hugs.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I'm so sorry. HUGS!
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  • SmileDamnitSmileDamnit member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Aw man, that stinks. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I've got nothing but hugs for you. And wine. Lots of hugs AND wine.

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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Oh wow that is a lot of change! I'm happy that you are sticking around, and if there's anything that we can do then let us know because of course we'll support you 100%!
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  • lc07lc07 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    SmileDamnit said:
    Aw man, that stinks. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I've got nothing but hugs for you. And wine. Lots of hugs AND wine.

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    *stuck in the damn box*

    Thank you, @beethery and @lyndausvi.

    @smiledamnit - We are on the same page. I just started day drinking (1 pm PST). Not healthy. But I don't care!
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  • jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    (((Hugs))))
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  • lc07lc07 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Thank you, @JennyColada I REALLY appreciate it.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I am so sorry you must go through this.  You will be a stronger person when it is over.  Growth hurts, dammit!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I so want to day drink today. Unfortunately, I have to pick up DH later.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Report Reply
  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 

    ALLLLLL the hugs, ALLLLLL the wine.

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    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm glad that you're sticking around, and we are here for you when you need us. I'm sending you lots of positive vibes and thoughts. 
                                 Anniversary
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  • lc07lc07 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Thank you, @wandajune6 and @jdluvr06. @CMGragain, I already feel stronger. I actually felt a lot worse during the turmoil of figuring out if we could make our marriage work or not. I've grown so much through this process and I know I'm nowhere even near the end of growing/processing/healing. I know it will be okay. @Lyndausvi - I have an open invitation for you to come over and day drink. Any time. We'll call your H a cab.
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  • jenna8984jenna8984 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Aw I'm so sorry to hear that. I haven't personally been through it but my brother and 2 close friends have. And they are all now happily married with spouses who are 800 times better fit for them. It sucks now, it sucks for a while, but it's making way for better and the future is bright!

                                                                     

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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    *hugs* Please stick around!!

    My brother is getting divorced right now, and my parents got divorced 10 years ago. I also have a best friend who broke up with her fiance (they hadn't started planning the wedding, at least) and my sister just ended a 5 year relationship. Hopefully, there's some wisdom and advice in all those situations that might help you.

    My brother was with his ex-wife for 7 years (married for 2) when they decided to get a divorce. It was always clear why they were together; there were a lot of things that made them compatible, and hanging out with them, sometimes you'd feel like, "Wow, they are made for each other." But all that did was make it hard to recognize how unhappy they both were. There was a lot of cognitive dissonance involved on all our parts. Like, I would simultaneously think, "Danny and Julie are so perfect for each other," and, "Why does Julie seem so angry whenever she comes to family stuff? Why is Danny so grouchy that he won't even talk to my boyfriend and get to know him? It's weird that Julie went on yet another international trip without Danny."

    I haven't spoken much with my ex-sister-in-law, although it's mostly out of respect for their decision to divorce and reluctance to cause any sort of conflict than out of any particular anger or dislike I have towards her. But my brother is noticeably happier. I hadn't noticed just how unbelievably miserable he was, and so it's a shock and a relief to have him kind of back to normal.

    Divorce is painful and dramatic and there's a lot of grief involved--for you, for him, for your families. But the person you are when you're unhappy in your relationship is not the person you normally are. I think that often, the drama and sadness of divorce overshadows the positive results.

    But as someone who's been through break-ups ... right now, just focus on what you need. Yes, things will eventually be WONDERFUL AND HAPPY, but fuck, right now, maybe ice cream and Netflix forever.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • lc07lc07 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Okay, you guys are all really wonderful and I'm so happy that I posted this. I held off for a while because I've felt BSC. And now I'm crying (in an I'm-overwhelmed-by-all-your-love-and-support-kind-of-way). I'm gonna run for a little bit.. will be back to respond to each of you in detail. You deserve it. Thank you so much for the thoughtful responses.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lc07 said:
    Thank you, @wandajune6 and @jdluvr06. @CMGragain, I already feel stronger. I actually felt a lot worse during the turmoil of figuring out if we could make our marriage work or not. I've grown so much through this process and I know I'm nowhere even near the end of growing/processing/healing. I know it will be okay. @Lyndausvi - I have an open invitation for you to come over and day drink. Any time. We'll call your H a cab.

    **** SIB

    Next time for sure.  

    I'm glad the you are heading in the right direction.   You know we will always be here for you.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    @lc07, I'm so sorry to hear that. I've been through it if you need an ear to bend.

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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Many hugs. You're in my thoughts.
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  • loveislouderloveislouder member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Many hugs for you!! 
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Sometimes just accepting the route that our lives have taken and having the courage to let it be known (i.e. posting about it and acknowledging it as our new reality) is really all it takes to start on the right path.

    I'm happy that this topic has made you feel a little bit better. Breakups, whether marriage or not, are always hard: your life as you know it changes. It's scary. But it can be exciting and it's a time for a lot of great growth.
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  • cupcait927cupcait927 member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    So, so many hugs for you!
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  • SapphireCounselorSapphireCounselor member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    No advice, but I am so sorry this is happening!
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  • smgold6smgold6 member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper

    Many, many hugs. I'm so sorry you're going through this!

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  • arrippaarrippa member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    <<hugs>>

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I'm really sorry to hear this. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • FiancBFiancB member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'm really sorry to hear this. I hope posting helps you feel at least a little better. Getting divorced when you're in a bad situation is pretty much never the wrong decision. Lots of hugs and wine for you.
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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    *hugs*
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    Anniversary
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  • mrsmorales2bemrsmorales2be mod
    500 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Take care of yourself! Lots of love and prayers.

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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
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    Stay strong!
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