bachelor party aftermath - smack me straight

amalama · June 2010

I agree with everyone that said you need to get more details. I know you said you don't want to know, but at this point I think it will bug you more not too.

I also agree that you two need to discuss boundaries for things like this. Honestly I can't understand how anyone would think that was okay, but you said you pretty much gave him a "free pass", so I guess I would give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he just doesn't get it. You need to make sure he does now though.

FWIW, I don't care if BF goes to strip clubs, but I don't like any touching (lap dances included). If it was his bachelor party I would still expect him to respect that, no matter what "special treatment" the GMs and strippers wanted him to have. That's nto asking too much.

LD1970 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-aftermath-smack-straight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:45ca5c11-80df-44b4-ae21-644fe5033997Post:07eb6e9c-ad42-4dba-8ff7-a498348d6bec">Re: bachelor party aftermath - smack me straight</a>:
[QUOTE]i personally wouldnt have married a man that believed in going to strip clubs while in a committed relationship. i do consider them to be a form of cheating.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]
But thievery is just fine. Interesting.

Ginabean2011 · June 2010

I am extremely chill about strip clubs but this is not acceptable.

melissamc2 · June 2010

Were they in Montreal? Montreal stripping is...hookers standing up.

jajph1974 · June 2010

I ran down this scenario for Tim to get a guy's perspective.

His opinion is that there was definitely more than just lap dancing going on.

RebeccaB88 · June 2010

I am pretty chill about strip clubs as well (and lucky that FI doesn't like them), but this would totally cross the line for me, free pass or not. If he had any brain in his head or spine in his body, he would have kept that from happening.

I often leave those kind of scratch marks on FI's back. But... he's MY FI and we're having sex at the time. I can't think of one way he would get those scratch marks from me if we weren't doing it. Just sayin'...

katiewhompus · June 2010

I really want to tell you it's nothing to worry about, I do, but I just can't.
I have issues with strip clubs to begin with, and am well aware of it, but if my husband came home at ANY point in our relationship, be it dating/engaged/married and had physical marks from another chick, we would be going to counceling. I don't know if we would both return from it however. The fact that your fi did this and then put it in your face is a huge red flag to me, and the second I saw those scratches we would have had a discussion.

It's one thing to go to a strip club and have a little fun with the guys, it's another to return home with scratches and not have the decency to shower first. In my mind he's not only disrespecting you by lying to you (don't know how he got them my ass) but by rubbing it in your face and not having the courtesy to shower before getting into bed with you.

BlameCanada · June 2010

He's cheating on you.

Calypso1977 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-aftermath-smack-straight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:45ca5c11-80df-44b4-ae21-644fe5033997Post:c13705ca-0db1-4a68-8e6e-54a131305928">Re: bachelor party aftermath - smack me straight</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bachelor party aftermath - smack me straight : But thievery is just fine. Interesting.
Posted by LD1970[/QUOTE]

id still like someone to explain how if a basket of items is put out for use by guests, that if i take stuff from it, its considered 'stealing'? greedy or rude perahps, but not stealing. i see no difference between eating the cheese and crackers that is put out for guests and taking tampons and aspirin that is also put out for the guests. a bathroom basket is like the free soap and shampoo that's given out in your hotel room. its provided for you. its not stealing.

klm03013 · June 2010

I take back my cool and calm reaction from this morning. To be honest with myself and with you, I would probably freak out on him. Not that I am recommending that you do, but I am way too jealous for that. I wish you luck with everything and that you get whatever it is you need from him to make everything ok. I also hope he is feeling pretty damn sheepish today

katiewhompus · June 2010

Also, I know you probably don't have much time before the wedding, but you really need to get this shiit straight before you go through with the ceremony.

saschaduran · June 2010

I live in Vegas and have been to strip bars countless times.

Not acceptable. Not saying I have not seen or heard of crazy things happening there....but not with anyone I would be close to marrying.

There is the possibility that his friends are such douchebags that they paid the chick to do it, but I would be livid at the lack of disrespect this shows to you...because obviously any normal girl would assume the worst in this situation, whether or not anything happened.

sphinx24 · June 2010

Thanks everyone for your advice and insight. I talked with FI and it has been sorted. He didn't want to talk to me about it the night before because he was ashamed, not because he thought he went past boundaries that we had established but because he used the scratches as a form of punishment for himself. He was going through some serious issues with not being able to help a friend of his who ended up comitting suicide for the past couple of weeks and it has been difficult for him. We had talked about that quite a few times and I had been having trouble convincing him that he had done everything that he could and that he was not to blame.

He is not the type who typically enjoys going to strip clubs, this would be the second time in 4 years and the other was for a friends bachelor party. Since it was planned for him he tried to enjoy himself and was fairly obvious that he wasn't so the stripper started lightly scratching him and he said that the pain made him feel better about what had happened. we have dealt with this tendency of him to use physical pain as an emotional release a couple of times before and have agreed that he should talk with someone about this because of the situation this has caused and because it is not healthy at all.

The bravado was a mask that caused us both pain. But the issue has been resolved and now we will be working on this together.

Calypso1977 · June 2010

no, i dont take towels from hotel rooms. those are not one-time disposable items.

ekimberl · June 2010

Totally out of line.

My fiance and I have boundaries, but I know that his friends don't really care about them. We both knew that his friends would absolutely put him in those types of situations. The solution? His bachelor party is a rafting/camping trip. No strippers there.

At this point, it isn't worth breaking up over... but I'd have a very serious conversation about the behavior. It isn't ok. Looking is one thing... but coming home with welts is unacceptable. I have an issue with naked chicks dancing on my fiance, and touching (which she obviously did) is WAY OVER the line.

bachelor party aftermath - smack me straight

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