S/O: Physical displays of affection

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

Spin-off from @doeydo's thread about saying I love you: Do you hug people or not?

I'm huggy with DH, my family (mom, dad, brother, nephew, SIL), and very close friends, but otherwise, I'm an introvert and I like my personal space and that's a three-foot bubble and don't touch me please, kaythanksbai.

AddieCake · May 2014

I hug people I know, but it depends on whether or not I know if THEY are huggers. I do not usually hug strangers.

climbingsingle · May 2014

I only like to hug FI, my best friends and my family members. I feel like people rush hugging. Like, if I just met you, we don't need to hug, OK? Let's work up to that.

mrsmorales2be · May 2014

FI and I are very physically affectionate - we're always holding hands, are next to each other, and if I'm NOT holding his hand or touching his arm in some way when we're in public, he's looking for me. This got me in trouble with FMIL, though - despite the fact that we need that closeness since we love 8 hrs apart and only see each other every 2 - 3 months, FMIL decided that I'm posessive of her baby boy. FI told her what she could do with that opinion.

WinstonsGirl · May 2014

I'm a hugger with close friends and family, and usually my teammates after a kick ass run. Hugging doesn't bother me much, though I have more issues when a lot of my students want hugs. I don't want lice.

SmileDamnit · May 2014

Totally depends on the person for me. I love hugging FI & FSS, my parents & sibling. Some of my friends (...like Addie, it's dependent on if they are huggers, though). Definitely not a fan of stranger embraces. Ew.

doeydo · May 2014

I'm touchy-feely with FI and my cats (and most animals that will let me cuddle them). I don't really like hugging other people, though. But I will hug when I say hello and goodbye to my grandparents, uncle, and sisters. Sometimes I hug my mom and FMIL, but they usually initiate it. I'm just not comfortable with it, I guess, and definitely am not into hugging men, including FFIL.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

I'm pretty introverted but I'm still a hugger. Not strangers, but I'll hug hello and goodbye to pretty much anyone else. There are probably just a couple friends' SOs that I don't hug, maybe? All of my friends, family, and FILs though.

Inkdancer · May 2014

I hug anything that will stand still long enough for me to get my arms around it. I love hugs!

ElcaB · May 2014

I'm a hugger, arm-linker, and touchy person in general with friends and family, but when it comes to work or barely-acquaintances, no touchy. Once a coworker tried to lean on me and I awkwardly dipped to avoid it and ran far, far away.

MamaAlly89 · May 2014

I like hugs. Hugs for everyone!

Except strangers.

Side note... Went out with FI and his work friends the other night. This one girl gets there and she goes around and hugs everyone at the table. When she got to one of the guys (who knows her and knows she's a hugger) he actually pushed her away. Would you consider this rude or ok when defending your personal bubble?

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

schramm2407 said:

I like hugs. Hugs for everyone!
Except strangers.

Side note... Went out with FI and his work friends the other night. This one girl gets there and she goes around and hugs everyone at the table. When she got to one of the guys (who knows her and knows she's a hugger) he actually pushed her away. Would you consider this rude or ok when defending your personal bubble?

I would not consider it rude at all. The fact SHE is a hugger doesn't mean HE wants to be hugged. I am not a hugger (obviously), and I will physically repel people who want to hug me whom I don't want to hug. Your desire to hug me does not in any way trump my desire not to be touched.

In this case, the person who DOESN'T want to be hugged will be more physically uncomfortable than the person who WANTS to hug, and personal discomfort trumps everything.

I have physically defended myself from being hugged, I have backed away from being hugged, and I have straight-up said, 'Please don't touch me, I don't like to be hugged.' Anyone who still tries it after that is either stupid or rude, and neither of those makes it OK for them to try to hug me.

sarawifenow · May 2014

I, too, am a hugger. I have always been really touchy feely, though. With that being said, I never initiate a hug with a new person. That is on them. I will gladly accept, though!

emmaaa · May 2014

I'm a hugger. I'll hug people I know well enough.

RebeccaFlower · May 2014

I hug people I know well. I'm still in that weird place with my in-laws that I do sometimes and don't sometimes since it feels forced, but H always does. He also always does with my parents.

I have a student that always hugs me after class while her mother watches thinking that it's sweet but it drives me batty. Like everyone else says bye and leaves, I don't want to hug your kid.

CLoGreenEyes · May 2014

I am not naturally a hugger at all. There are only a few close friends I hug with any regularity, and a few more I will hug if I haven't seen them for a long time. Otherwise, let's just not.

I was actually just talking to one of my non-hugging friends about this the other day. I actually couldn't remember if we'd ever hugged before, and since it had been a long time since I'd seen him, I was like, "So, this is an awkward question, but have we ever hugged before?" He thought it was hilarious that I thought it was an awkward question, and since then it has been his mission to understand why I'm so weird about hugs (apparently he is a hugger usually).

manateehugger · May 2014

Not a hugger. I think I only initiate hugs with FI and my mom. I return hugs, but I don't really initiate them. I get hugged by FI's friend's GF/FI/Wives a lot, which I get is supposed to be a sweet gesture, but good Lord, we don't need to hug upon every greeting and parting because our male counterparts are friends and we get along well enough.

ShallowSeas · May 2014

I hug FI and family...other than that, no. I don't mind hugging and I'm not weirded out by it, but I am never the one to initiate a hug to extended family, FI's extended family, co-workers, friends, etc...unless a hug is really needed for comfort or whatever.

Inkdancer · May 2014

Oh, forgot this earlier: I am the huggiest person in the world. FI is not. It took him months to be okay with holding hands with me in public because he is so anti-PDA. This weekend we were at the Flea Market and went by a stall full of guitar stuff. I kept pointing to different pieces and asking, "what does that do?" He'd tell me. Then I pointed at his face and asked, "What does that do?" "Loves you." Then he kissed me. The guy in the back of the stall yelled "I saw that!" Fi yelled back, "It's okay, I'm marrying her!" Sometimes he is the cutest.

JCbride2015 · May 2014

I am as extroverted as you can get and I'm absolutely a toucher. I won't initiate a hug if I don't know you well or if I see you constantly (because that's just too much hugging) but if you're my friend and I haven't seen you in a few weeks? Hug! Are we related, even if I just saw you yesterday? Hug! Did you just tell me good news? Hug!

I tone it down at work though. I'll hug female work friends at my same level outside of work sometimes, but that's it. It's unprofessional otherwise. I actually had this conversation with a coworker a few months ago: it had been several weeks since we'd seen each other, and the summer associates were all back for a reception, so there was a lot of reuniting happening. But it was totes awkward because all we young people felt stupid shaking each other's hands. Friend says, "So a hug and a handshake both feel weird right now." I said, "Let's fist bump!" So everyone fist-bumped for the rest of the night.

Also, if you trip and fall near me in the subway (happens a lot, including falling on me), I will absolutely brush you off and ask if you're okay. I really need to curb this reaction because one day I'm going to touch somebody who doesn't want to be touched and they aren't going to like it.

emmyg65 · May 2014

I initiate hugs with DH and my best friend, and tolerate hugs from some others I'm close to. I'm a weirdo with personal space issues. I'm getting better though.

DH is very touchy and I've had to talk to him about touching people without their permission. A lot of people don't care, but some (like me!) bristle at unexpected touch.

KatieinBkln · May 2014

I'm not a hugger at all, but I can play ball if I'm with huggers, if that makes sense. Like, I don't have any particular aversion. I think being both WASP-y and midwestern accounts for this: I keep MY feelings inside, but if you feel like hugging I will be "polite" and submit (note: I do not think that it is an actual tenet of politeness to allow yourself to be hugged if you don't want to). I rarely initiate hugs unless it's with someone close or a family member. I think I used to be less likely to "go with it" before I lived in Spain for a while and had to get over the double-kiss. Once you've spent a year with people's halitosis up in your cheekspace, hugging suddenly seems much more palateable. I even found myself wishing for a bit more physical contact with friends (not strangers) right after coming home. It was odd, and I got over it eventually and reverted to my previous chilly self.

daria24 · May 2014

The only person I like to hug is H. Even my parents/family (whom I all like...don't get me wrong) I reluctantly hug. I am very affectionate with H and then I don't want to touch anyone else. My parents always forced us to give kisses/hugs to family members as kids so I think that's where my aversion comes from.

smalfrie19 · May 2014

I am a total extrovert, hugger, sitter uponer, touch people all the time person. If that person allows it. My sister comes over, and we are sprawled out over each other on the couch. Show up at g-rents for xmas or easter or whatever, hugs all around...standing around in the kitchen, my head is on my aunt's shoulder. My personal space means NOTHING to me..unless you are a fricken creepy ass person I don't know. But if you are my friend or family. You can pretty much SIT on me. Don't care. I try to be really respectful of other peoples' space because I know not everyone is like me.

lyndausvi · May 2014

I'm all over the place. Some people I naturally hug, others I will receive the hug but not really initiate if that makes sense. We have some European friends who are big huggers and cheek kissers. It's their culture so I just participate. It's funny because I'm closer to other friends I do not think about hugging or cheek kissing them. I hug and cheek kiss all my family (immediate or extended). It's how I grew up. You walked into the house and started kissing and hugging everyone. You hugged and kissed them as you leave also. Mind you I'm one if 24 grandkids and have 10 aunts/uncles. Then add in grandparents and great aunt/uncles. Well that process can take a really long time.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

I'm an affection person. Very affection. I try to be good around people who are not, but it's my institct to hug or touch. I kiss 98% of my friends hello and goodbye (usually on the cheek, but lips if I know you pretty well), hug basically all of them, and I'm always holding FI hand when we go out, in less it's too hot and our hands are sweaty. I'll grab her and kiss her randomly too.

I remember being a junior in high school and for whatever reason my mom dropped me off one day (I think she was borrowing my car cause her's was in the shop or something) and I gave her a hug and a kiss goodbye. One of my friends was super surprised, she never hugged/kissed her parents unless they initiated it.

I've been this way since I was a kid, no idea why. I just like to touch and be touched.

wandajune6 · May 2014

I'm ok with hugs if I know you. FI's family skips the hugs and goes straight for kisses. I'm trying very hard to get more comfortable with that!

Cookie Pusher · May 2014

I'm a hugger, and not ashamed of it. The only time I won't hug you is if you're creepy/gross/dirty or we're in a professional setting.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

OK, for those of you who ARE huggers, would you deliberately try to hug someone you know doesn't like to be hugged, or would you respect their personal space?

smalfrie19 · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

OK, for those of you who ARE huggers, would you deliberately try to hug someone you know doesn't like to be hugged, or would you respect their personal space?

No. I try to be respectful of people who I know aren't huggers or touchers. That being said, if you don't warn me ahead of time, you may get a hug. It really just kind of depends on how well I know someone.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

OK, for those of you who ARE huggers, would you deliberately try to hug someone you know doesn't like to be hugged, or would you respect their personal space?

I try very hard to respect personal space. Though I need you to actually tell me "I'm not a hugger", and you might have to remind me because I will forget that information. I will try to remember, but there is a good chance I will forget. And also I'll come up with some cute way for us to greet each other that isn't hugging. Fist bump, crazy handshake, silly nicknames, there will be something. Doing something like that actually helps me remember the no hugging rule because I associate you with the special gretting instead. Like "Oh it's HisGirl, we have a funny handshake" and then I do the funny handshake and forget all about the hugging.

S/O: Physical displays of affection

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