wedding party

Crossmyheartxoxo · May 2014

hi i posted this on another board and they weerent very nice and told me that i have to pay for hair and makeup. i am copy pasting this and hopefully i can get better answers here.

hello. this is my first post and i am not sure where to put it so i hope this is an ok place to start everything. my fiance and i got engagged a couple of months ago and we are getting married 01/24/15. when should i pick my bridesmades? i am thinking that i want ot ask my sister, his two sisters, my best friend from middle school, my friend from work, my four cousins and then maybe i will ask this girl that i recently met and started hanging out with more. i guyess i am wondering who should be my made of honor and when should i pick out there dresses? is there a creative way that you have seen to ask people to be in your wedding poarty? thanks

sarawifenow · May 2014

jneen101 · May 2014

Is it really your first post if you keep posting it on different boards?

Maggie0829 · May 2014

So we were rude because we told you that if you require your bridal party to get their hair and makeup professionally done then you need to pay for it? Really? That is why we were rude?

VulgarGirl · May 2014

You realize you're still on the same site right? Like we can all go and see that. I'm reading it now.

I second all the advice you were given.

Pick the people closest to you, if you are requiring specific hair/make-up/shoes/accessories you're footing the bill for them, you don't need understudy bridemaids because this is a wedding not a theater production, 10 is a lot of people, but if you are that close to 10 people then it's fine. There's nothing rude about having a big wedding party. But it's just a lot of freaking people to deal with.

tcnoble · May 2014

I can't tell if she just has really poor grammar, spelling, etc. or if she is maybe 12 years old.

And besides that... she's currently thinking of having 10 bridesmaids. What?

You guys are just SO MEAN!!!!

VulgarGirl · May 2014

People disaggreeing with you is not the same as people being rude.

If you want people to kiss your ass and tell you every idea you have is brilliant and you fart rainbows you should probably get off the internet now. Forever.

misshart00 · May 2014

I think the backup bridesmaids are the worst part. You can ask whoever you want, but don't replace people, kick them out, or tell them that they're a "backup." Ask for dress budgets first, then pick a dress less than the lowest budget. If you're requiring anything else, you need to pay for it. However, I think you can request a regular color shoe and you can also tell them you're getting your hair done at X place, if they want to join you, it'll be $Y. As long as you aren't requiring it.

singinchick13 · May 2014

Sorry OP but you have to think about it this way. How would you feel if one of your dear friends said to you "hey, I'm getting married and will have bridesmaids. I already have a few in mind, but if one says no you can be one!! Then you have to buy a new dress, shoes, get your hair and makeup done for the day-of and anything else bridesmaid-y that you can think of! Don't worry you'll only have to set aside hundreds of dollars, but you probably should just in case one girl backs out."

How would that make you feel?

MairePoppy · May 2014

You should pick the people who are closest to you to be in your wedding party. You may designate one or more of them to be MOH or not have an MOH, at all. This is at your discretion.

It seems like you want a large wedding party, which is fine. Just keep in mind that you will have to buy gifts and flowers (or a cheaper alternative) for each. Also, you will have to invite them and their significant others to your RD, so it can get expensive. By the way, if you require professional hair and makeup - that's on your dime. If you want to save money there, allow your bms the option of doing their own hair.

I'm ignoring the remark you made about the members on the other board being rude because you are new. Most of us participate on several different boards and you just happened to pick two that crossover quite a bit. So you have been overheard by those very people you insulted. If you want honest opinions, please hang around and participate. Otherwise, you might want to check out the local boards, which tend to be tamer, but with much less traffic:

http://forums.theknot.com/categories/local-wedding-boards?#=&CategoryUrl=http://forums.theknot.com/categories/local-wedding-boards

In the meantime, lurk a bit to get a feeling for the boards.

Congratulations on your engagement.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

Who would you call if you needed to hide a body? Those are your bridal party whether they're male, female, friends, or relatives.

Ask them to be in your bridal party 6-9 months before your wedding. Please don't do it with a cutesy poem or a huge gift or a request to "be my bitches". Just ask. If you do anything too big and showy, they might feel like they can't say no even though they want to. Not everybody wants to be a Bridesmaid; I, for one, am done with it and will decline any future requests regardless of my closeness to the bride.

If you're seriously going to have 10 bridesmaids, I would seriously consider just telling them to pick a dress in a particular color, "please wear a pink dress without a pattern." With the different body types of 10 different people, anything more specific will be nearly impossible. Personally, I'd let them wear whatever shoes they want, wouldn't even offer a color palette. One friend might want to wear tan sandals, another might want to wear silver pumps. Nobody's going to notice their feet, except them to notice how uncomfortable they are in stupid assigned shoes.

You don't have to have a Maid of Honor. Everyone can just be a bridesmaid. But if you're going to choose someone, I'd probably go with your sister as the obvious choice so as to not single out one of his sisters over the other or one of your cousins over the others.

Also, you should really spell check your posts as you do "sound" very young with those errors.

Blue_Bird · May 2014

MUD

Are you an A.E., or did you hop over The Wire?

loveislouder · May 2014

Hi there,

Because you're new, I'm going to give you a few tips:

1) If you're posting the same thing on multiple boards, but XP at the front because it's a cross post.

2) Lurk. Lurk lurk lurk lurk lurk. If you lurk, you'll get to know everyone a little better, and you'd know people aren't being rude, they're being honest. There's a huge difference.

3) You aren't the first person to call us rude, nor will you be the last. A lot of us on this site look at all the boards, so making a new discussion in a different board won't likely vary the results you got the first time.

Good luck!

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

No one was rude to you.

Our failure to validate your rude, tacky ideas doesn't make us rude.

Our telling you that if you want to be a Bridictator and demand specific hair/make-up/shoes/etc., you have to pay for it, doesn't make us rude.

Our telling you not to B-list your BMs because that's tacky isn't rude.

BTW, none of us commented on your atrocious grammar and spelling that made your initial post all-but-impossible to read, but had we done so, that wouldn't have been rude, either.

RebeccaB88 · May 2014

You got the correct advice on the other board. No one here is going to tell you anything different.

You require hair, shoes, makeup, nails...it's on you to pay for it. Otherwise trust them to handle it themselves.

You ask those whom you'd call at 3am to help you bury a body. If you don't have any friends like that, then you don't have to have a bridal party. Or just have one person.

Treat them with kindness, respect, and consider that these are people that you love.

JCbride2015 · May 2014

I just read the responses on the WP board. Nobody was rude, and in fact you got some congratulations, and "happy planning!" comments. The Knotties told you, correctly, that it is rude to have backup BMs because it's like telling your friend, "You're almost one of my best friends, but not quite. But hey, if somebody I like more than you gets sick, you can step in!" That would be rude.

Same goes for the advice about shoes, hair, and makeup. You can have general guidelines but if you require a specific shoe or pro hair/makeup, that's something you should pay for.

Crossmyheartxoxo · May 2014

it is rude to cut someones idea down. i dont see how asking someone to be a backup bridesmade is rude at all.

manateehugger · May 2014

You don't see how it's rude to tell someone who is a good friend to you that she's only good enough to be your bridesmaid if someone else turns you down? Honestly?

If nothing else, that's a logistical mess. Is she still supposed to go buy a dress on the off-chance another bridesmaid's car breaks down an hour before the ceremony?

VulgarGirl · May 2014

Oh no, no it's not rude to tell someone their rude idea is in fact rude. You have been horribly misinformed. I'm an artist. Do you know how many time in my life I have had people tell my idea for an art project is shitty and exactly why it is shitty? I listen to those people because they know more then I do and I make appropriate changes. Learning to accept criticism is part of being a grown up. If you are getting married, you are saying "I'm a grow up" because children aren't allowed to get married.

There's no need for a back up bridesmaid. This is isn't a football game, or a theater production, or a shift at Quiznos. You don't need coverage. If Jane gets sick, you don't call up Mary who wasn't quite good enough to be a bridesmaid to stand there and pretend to be Jane. You just have one less bridesmaid.

melbelleup · May 2014

I 100% agree with what everyone else has already said on the other board.

Asking someone to be your bridesmaid if something happens to another is incredibly rude. Think of it in your own shoes... Your brother is getting married, his FI wants to have you in her bridal party, but wants you to be a back up bridesmaid... how would that make you feel? Would you still want to be a bridesmaid 3-4 months before the wedding when called upon and rush order a dress etc?

syoun1nj · May 2014

Then you're learning a very important lesson here today.

abbyj700 · May 2014

No one is cutting your ideas down. This is specifically an etiquette forum - it is not proper etiquette to require certain shoes, getting nails done, getting hair done, etc for a bridal party UNLESS you pay for it. The ladies of the etiquette board did not make that up - they are just respectful enough to follow this very easy proper etiquette rule.

Along the same lines - it is terribly rude and bad etiquette to have "back-up brides maids." If someone is not close enough to be a first choice - they shouldn't be a choice at all. Invite them to the wedding, thank them for being there and don't label them something terrible like a "back up." As someone else pointed out - this isn't a theater production - you don't have under studies. If someone declines being in your wedding - you don't replace them.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

Would you like to be someone's back-up? Would you really feel like that is an honorable role?

misshart00 · May 2014

If you think people disagreeing with you is rude, you're in for some hard life lessons.

vsgal · May 2014

I call MUD

laurenstlouis · May 2014

Crossmyheartxoxo · May 2014

wtf is mud

Crossmyheartxoxo · May 2014

i wouldnt be offended because i would know that at least iwas being considered for the honor

Crossmyheartxoxo · May 2014

wow you are a nasty person

manateehugger · May 2014

Quote box is your friend. How else will we know who wins daily mean girl points on TK?

MUD = Made Up Drama

AddieCake · May 2014

I think you should totally have back up bridesmaids. I don't know what these other "ladies" are giving you such a hard time for.

wedding party

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