wedding party

VulgarGirl · May 2014

@Crossmyheartxoxo, pro-tip, either hit the quote button or use the @ symbol before someone's name to tag them. Otherwise, we ain't gotta clue which one of us is the nasty person. In less you're saying we're all nasty. In which case, you want to use people, not person. People=plural, person=singular.

Crossmyheartxoxo · May 2014

AddieCake said:

I think you should totally have back up bridesmaids. I don't know what these other "ladies" are giving you such a hard time for.

thank you! i feel like i was totally ganged up on. its nice to know tyhat there are actually nice people on here!

Crossmyheartxoxo · May 2014

PDKH said:

Crossmyheartxoxo said:

wow you are a nasty person

Quote box is your friend. How else will we know who wins daily mean girl points on TK?

MUD = Made Up Drama

thanks. if this is mud then it is because you all started the drama i just wanted some advice

Crossmyheartxoxo · May 2014

@MagicInk-thanks i dont know what i would have ever done without you i hope you can scense my sarcasm

jneen101 · May 2014

AddieCake said:

I think you should totally have back up bridesmaids. I don't know what these other "ladies" are giving you such a hard time for.

Make sure to give them a binder of duties and include a cute poem when you ask them!

sarawifenow · May 2014

Crossmyheartxoxo said:

AddieCake said:

I think you should totally have back up bridesmaids. I don't know what these other "ladies" are giving you such a hard time for.

thank you! i feel like i was totally ganged up on. its nice to know tyhat there are actually nice people on here!

SITB

*Snort* There is no way that this isn't MUD!

manateehugger · May 2014

jneen101 said:

AddieCake said:

I think you should totally have back up bridesmaids. I don't know what these other "ladies" are giving you such a hard time for.

Make sure to give them a binder of duties and include a cute poem when you ask them!

And a planner with the important dates she needs to know - preferably with "Bridesmaid" written in rhinestones across the front.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

jneen101 · May 2014

PDKH said:

jneen101 said:

AddieCake said:

I think you should totally have back up bridesmaids. I don't know what these other "ladies" are giving you such a hard time for.

Make sure to give them a binder of duties and include a cute poem when you ask them!

And a planner with the important dates she needs to know - preferably with "Bridesmaid" written in rhinestones across the front.

Also make sure to get matching robes even if all 10 girls aren't comfortable wearing robes. Your pictures are important so they will just have to deal with it!

KGold80 · May 2014

Crossmyheartxoxo said:

AddieCake said:

I think you should totally have back up bridesmaids. I don't know what these other "ladies" are giving you such a hard time for.

thank you! i feel like i was totally ganged up on. its nice to know tyhat there are actually nice people on here!

There are plenty of nice people on here. In fact, they are actually nice enough to not ask people to be BACK UP bridesmaids.

MairePoppy · May 2014

Crossmyheartxoxo said:

AddieCake said:

I think you should totally have back up bridesmaids. I don't know what these other "ladies" are giving you such a hard time for.

thank you! i feel like i was totally ganged up on. its nice to know tyhat there are actually nice people on here!

AddieCake drinks a lot of margaritas.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

Crossmyheartxoxo said:

i wouldnt be offended because i would know that at least iwas being considered for the honor

Alright, so lets say you ask Sally, Jane, and Sue to be your first string bridesmaids. Then Sarah, Rachel, and Jennifer are your back ups. Do Sarah, Rachel, and Jennifer still have to buy dresses? Do they have to come get their hair done morning of in case Sally, Jane, or Sue get stricken with food poising suddenly? And if nothing happens to Sally, Jane, or Sue, are Sarah, Rachel and Jennifer just stuck with this dress they are never going to wear again? Can they wear it to the wedding?

Also, how much of an honor is to be told "I'd love to have you in my wedding, but not as much as I'd love to have these other 5 girls. So you're back up! Buy a dress, shoes, have your hair done, and be ready to take their place if something goes wrong!", no one wants to be second string. No one has ever been excited to be cast at the understudy. It's being told you're just not quite good enough in less something goes wrong.

Not to mention, you're telling your first string, you're replaceable. Good sports. Good in theater. Shitty in real life. They aren't props. You pick the people closest to you, if they have to back out, you don't replace them. Because you can't replace people. And you don't need back up bridesmaids. There's no point to them.

Marzipan13 · May 2014

You aren't required to have any bridesmaids to be married, so don't think that you need to meet a quota. Pick your BMs, and that's it - no back-ups. They either agree to do it, or they don't. Hell, even the ones that agree might A) break their leg the morning of the wedding, or

catch the flu the morning of the wedding, C) lose a close family member right before the wedding... I could keep going - you get the idea.
Your BMs are supposed to be people that you love - people who support you. If you had ONE bridesmaid and FI had 18 groomsmen, that would still be perfectly fine. Do not pick your bridesmaids because you think you need someone to throw you parties and buy you gifts. Pick people you truly love and appreciate, whether that is 10 people or 1 person.

ETA: Just read the original thread and I'M LAUGHING SO HARD. ...But my advice still stands.

AddieCake · May 2014

I think the binder is a great idea. Who wouldn't need the duties all spelled out for them in a handy place? And bling....well, YES. I agree about the poem, too. You could probably find some cute ideas on Pinterest.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

Crossmyheartxoxo said:

@MagicInk-thanks i dont know what i would have ever done without you i hope you can scense my sarcasm

Yeah, giving newbies helpful information about how things on here work because TK is incredibly glitchy is super duper mean of me. I'm a terrible person. And now I must go cry. For being terrible and giving helpful information to someone on how to tag people and use quote boxes. I'm a real bitch.

misshart00 · May 2014

I think I'm the nasty one because I said life is going to be hard.

abbyj700 · May 2014

Dear @Addiecake... You're evil my friend...

VulgarGirl · May 2014

misshart00 said:

I think I'm the nasty one because I said life is going to be hard.

Damn it I thought I was the nasty one! I told her no one was going to kiss her ass!

I'm loosing mean girl points.

Cookie Pusher · May 2014

Ok, so let's assume back-up bridesmaids are a good idea. One of the primary bridesmaids goes down. How do you decide which of the back-ups replaces her? Do you assign each back-up a specific person they would replace? And what happens if one of the back-ups goes down - do you have back-ups for them too?

MamaAlly89 · May 2014

manateehugger · May 2014

AddieCake said:

I think the binder is a great idea. Who wouldn't need the duties all spelled out for them in a handy place? And bling....well, YES. I agree about the poem, too. You could probably find some cute ideas on Pinterest.

SITB
Don't forget that they need to order the robes themselves though. 10 bridesmaids is a lot, and a bride can't be held accountable for all their photo-related accessories.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

Ok, so let's assume back-up bridesmaids are a good idea. One of the primary bridesmaids goes down. How do you decide which of the back-ups replaces her? Do you assign each back-up a specific person they would replace? And what happens if one of the back-ups goes down - do you have back-ups for them too?

She may have to start a BM draft (like a football draft) just to cover her basis. I would hate to be the BMs drafted in round 7.

manateehugger · May 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

Ok, so let's assume back-up bridesmaids are a good idea. One of the primary bridesmaids goes down. How do you decide which of the back-ups replaces her? Do you assign each back-up a specific person they would replace? And what happens if one of the back-ups goes down - do you have back-ups for them too?

She may have to start a BM draft (like a football draft) just to cover her basis. I would hate to be the BMs drafted in round 7.

I bet the backups sit in the front pews at the rehearsal saying, "Send me in, Bride! I'm ready!"

AddieCake · May 2014

I am not being sarcastic, Musickalbunni. I support this plan. You don't know her friends and family. I am sure the people who care about her will be fine with it.

aurianna · May 2014

Crossmyheartxoxo said:

i wouldnt be offended because i would know that at least iwas being considered for the honor

@Crossmyheartxoxo

Your bridal party is already large. I promise you that the friends that you'd otherwise consider for the honor would understand if they were not asked. Perhaps they'd have a twinge of sadness for not being asked, but they'd quickly move on, especially upon realizing how large your party is and how it is mostly comprised of family. If they are your close friends, then they probably already know that you did consider them for the honor, without your having to tell them that by making them "backups."

Instead of asking these girls to be "backups" you could ask them to be readers. This is an honor! Or you could invite them to optionally get ready with you the day of. Or you could give them corsages the day of the wedding. Or at the wedding you could ask the girls if they'd like to take a special picture with you that your photographer could take. There are lots of ways of honoring these girls and letting them know they are important to you. This would make them feel like they are special guests, rather than inferior-not-quite bridesmaids. In my book, being an extra special guest > being an inferior not-bridesmaid.

The problem with asking anyone to be a "backup" bridesmaid is this:
While it may be completely well intentioned (you think you're telling this girl she's important, I get that), the way many people will interpret this sort of thing is, "The bride just told me that she likes me but I'm not good enough unless these other girls can't do it."
Even if you meant it as a good thing, it's possible it will hurt feelings. And I don't think you want to hurt these girls' feelings.
And you're also putting the burden on them of possibly having to order / alter their dresses last minute, make last minute plans to attend a rehearsal....
Also it's harder logistically for you. You might have less time to find a proper gift for the new girl than you'd want to... less time to make RD invitations... tell the printers what to put in the program...

Also, while again, this is probably not at all how you mean it, but it comes off as very little self-important. If I were asked to be a backup, I might think something like, "Who does the bride think she is, thinking her wedding is so important that I should be happy that she thinks I'm almost worthy to be a bridesmaid in it?"

It's an honor to be asked to be a bridesmaid. It's not an honor to be asked to be a not-bridesmaid.

Also, getting into the whole backups in general... a bridesmaid is not a prop meant to make the sides look even and pretty. A bridesmaid is supposed to be your nearest and dearest who is standing up with you at your wedding. By replacing a bridesmaid with a backup you are telling the first bridesmaid that she is replaceable. You are also telling the second bridesmaid that she is only good enough because someone you liked better was unavailable.

I really suggest picking the bridesmaids/men who are the people you feel closest to in the world. Don't worry about the sides being even.
And if there are any other girls who you almost picked and want them to feel special, just treat them like good friends. They will appreciate that way more than being asked to standby for an "honor" that may never come.

Trust us. We're strangers who have absolutely no reason to lie to you about this.

Good luck with the rest of your planning!

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

ETF: I found the full sequence in GIFs!!

Jen4948 · May 2014

Crossmyheartxoxo said:

AddieCake said:

I think you should totally have back up bridesmaids. I don't know what these other "ladies" are giving you such a hard time for.

thank you! i feel like i was totally ganged up on. its nice to know tyhat there are actually nice people on here!

Addie was being sarcastic. She's a regular in this forum and has advocated strongly against "back up bridesmaids" in other threads.

climbingsingle · May 2014

I think you should have bridesmaid auditions. You could even make them run an obsticle course, like a Tough Mudder! Think of how fun that will be! Then the girls that finish with the best scores can be your bridesmaids.

syoun1nj · May 2014

Are you designating a back up groom? And a back up bride?

delujm0 · May 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

Ok, so let's assume back-up bridesmaids are a good idea. One of the primary bridesmaids goes down. How do you decide which of the back-ups replaces her? Do you assign each back-up a specific person they would replace? And what happens if one of the back-ups goes down - do you have back-ups for them too?
She may have to start a BM draft (like a football draft) just to cover her basis. I would hate to be the BMs drafted in round 7.

**STUCK IN BOX**

No joke, a guy i am FB friends with just "asked" his groomsmen via FB as if it was a draft. One each day last week. He did a whole thing listing their talents and why they were chosen, etc. I am lead to believe that none of these guys were asked privately before the fact. I barely know the guy and i was embarrassed for him. And wondering how he picked the order in which to "draft" them. Way to show your friends the order in which they are important to you. Sigh.

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