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Re: wedding party
thank you! i feel like i was totally ganged up on. its nice to know tyhat there are actually nice people on here!
thanks. if this is mud then it is because you all started the drama i just wanted some advice
Also make sure to get matching robes even if all 10 girls aren't comfortable wearing robes. Your pictures are important so they will just have to deal with it!
There are plenty of nice people on here. In fact, they are actually nice enough to not ask people to be BACK UP bridesmaids.
Your BMs are supposed to be people that you love - people who support you. If you had ONE bridesmaid and FI had 18 groomsmen, that would still be perfectly fine. Do not pick your bridesmaids because you think you need someone to throw you parties and buy you gifts. Pick people you truly love and appreciate, whether that is 10 people or 1 person.
ETA: Just read the original thread and I'M LAUGHING SO HARD. ...But my advice still stands.
Your bridal party is already large. I promise you that the friends that you'd otherwise consider for the honor would understand if they were not asked. Perhaps they'd have a twinge of sadness for not being asked, but they'd quickly move on, especially upon realizing how large your party is and how it is mostly comprised of family. If they are your close friends, then they probably already know that you did consider them for the honor, without your having to tell them that by making them "backups."
Instead of asking these girls to be "backups" you could ask them to be readers. This is an honor! Or you could invite them to optionally get ready with you the day of. Or you could give them corsages the day of the wedding. Or at the wedding you could ask the girls if they'd like to take a special picture with you that your photographer could take. There are lots of ways of honoring these girls and letting them know they are important to you. This would make them feel like they are special guests, rather than inferior-not-quite bridesmaids. In my book, being an extra special guest > being an inferior not-bridesmaid.
The problem with asking anyone to be a "backup" bridesmaid is this:
While it may be completely well intentioned (you think you're telling this girl she's important, I get that), the way many people will interpret this sort of thing is, "The bride just told me that she likes me but I'm not good enough unless these other girls can't do it."
Even if you meant it as a good thing, it's possible it will hurt feelings. And I don't think you want to hurt these girls' feelings.
And you're also putting the burden on them of possibly having to order / alter their dresses last minute, make last minute plans to attend a rehearsal....
Also it's harder logistically for you. You might have less time to find a proper gift for the new girl than you'd want to... less time to make RD invitations... tell the printers what to put in the program...
Also, while again, this is probably not at all how you mean it, but it comes off as very little self-important. If I were asked to be a backup, I might think something like, "Who does the bride think she is, thinking her wedding is so important that I should be happy that she thinks I'm almost worthy to be a bridesmaid in it?"
It's an honor to be asked to be a bridesmaid. It's not an honor to be asked to be a not-bridesmaid.
Also, getting into the whole backups in general... a bridesmaid is not a prop meant to make the sides look even and pretty. A bridesmaid is supposed to be your nearest and dearest who is standing up with you at your wedding. By replacing a bridesmaid with a backup you are telling the first bridesmaid that she is replaceable. You are also telling the second bridesmaid that she is only good enough because someone you liked better was unavailable.
I really suggest picking the bridesmaids/men who are the people you feel closest to in the world. Don't worry about the sides being even.
And if there are any other girls who you almost picked and want them to feel special, just treat them like good friends. They will appreciate that way more than being asked to standby for an "honor" that may never come.
Trust us. We're strangers who have absolutely no reason to lie to you about this.
Good luck with the rest of your planning!