Wedding Etiquette Forum

Wedding Weekend etiquette

My FI and I will be having our wedding over a weekend in the Hamptons. Would it be appropriate to ask our guests (about 50) to pay a small amount ($50 - $75) to reserve their rooms? If so, do I mention that on my save the dates or invitations...and how do I word it? My reasoning is that if we were getting married at another destination location, they'd be paying much more than that for a weekend; plus it will confirm who's coming and how many we have to plan for.
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Re: Wedding Weekend etiquette

  • Have you reserved a block of rooms? Or are you talking about a B&B or something? You can't make them give *you* money for accomodations you booked, but if it's a hotel block you just pass that information along.
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    grumbledoremelbelleuppinkshorts27PrettyGirlLost
  • My FI and I will be having our wedding over a weekend in the Hamptons. Would it be appropriate to ask our guests (about 50) to pay a small amount ($50 - $75) to reserve their rooms? If so, do I mention that on my save the dates or invitations...and how do I word it? My reasoning is that if we were getting married at another destination location, they'd be paying much more than that for a weekend; plus it will confirm who's coming and how many we have to plan for.
    If they can call up the hotel and book a room at this price, it's fine to let them know that.

    If you rented a place hoping people would chip in, then I don't think it's okay to ask them to pay.  

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  • It's a rented mansion
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    My FI and I will be having our wedding over a weekend in the Hamptons. Would it be appropriate to ask our guests (about 50) to pay a small amount ($50 - $75) to reserve their rooms? If so, do I mention that on my save the dates or invitations...and how do I word it? My reasoning is that if we were getting married at another destination location, they'd be paying much more than that for a weekend; plus it will confirm who's coming and how many we have to plan for.
    Agree with PP.  There should be no money being exchanged between you and your guests for their accommodations.  They should work directly with the hotel or the B&B.

    So are you getting married and having your reception at this location?  If so then you need to be prepared to pay for the entire location and not depend on your guests to help fund your space.  If they do decide to stay on location then they should deal with the location when booking their lodging, not you.

    Also, you should plan for 100% attendance and not rely on who does and does not stay at your location.

    PrettyGirlLostchibiyui[Deleted User]
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
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    It's a rented mansion
     
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    Yes, then this would be inappropriate to ask them to chip in. They are guests and shouldn't have to open their wallets to attend your wedding.
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  • ashleyepashleyep member
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    edited May 2014
    I would imagine that finding a hotel on the hamptons isn't the easiest thing in the world to do. You can spread via word of mouth that you have this mansion and people can stay there and pitch in if they want. But you need to make sure you're in a position to pay for whatever your guests don't.

    We went to a wedding on Cape Cod a month ago or so - lots of B&Bs, not a whole lot of hotels. The couple rented a few houses for friends and family. We ended up staying at a hotel we found, but I would have offered to pitch in if we had stayed at one of the houses.
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  • mysticlmysticl member
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    My FI and I will be having our wedding over a weekend in the Hamptons. Would it be appropriate to ask our guests (about 50) to pay a small amount ($50 - $75) to reserve their rooms? If so, do I mention that on my save the dates or invitations...and how do I word it? My reasoning is that if we were getting married at another destination location, they'd be paying much more than that for a weekend; plus it will confirm who's coming and how many we have to plan for.
    The RSVPs will confirm who's coming and how many you have to plan for.  People may not want to stay at that location for a variety of reasons.  That doesn't mean they don't plan on attending your wedding.
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  • youu can make them pitch in moost people are used to tat nowadays. besides i am sure that the hampotns atre pricy so they shouldtn expect everyying to be free
  • kgd7357kgd7357 member
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    phira said:
    If the only way you can afford this venue is to have other people chip in, then you can't afford the venue.

    If you can afford the venue without having other people help pay for it, and that means that you have X rooms available that'll otherwise be empty, then it would be entirely fine to spread the word that there are rooms available for $X per night if people would like to stay at the mansion with you. That way, people have the option of staying at the mansion (which would be a plus because it's the wedding venue AND it sounds like it'll be less expensive than an area hotel), but they're not required to in order for the wedding to go as planned. 
     
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    Totally agree. You can make the rooms available at x price. I don't think it's an issue if they pay you directly as long as it's an option and not required for attending the wedding. I would put this info on a wedding website and on an insert with the invite. Write something along the lines of "Please call xxx-xxx-xxxx or email [email protected] for availability."
  • Oh, no!  Asking guests to subsidize your wedding venue is just tacky, awful,,ick!  YOU pay for your wedding venue.
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    grumbledoreashley8918ladybird29
  • youu can make them pitch in moost people are used to tat nowadays. besides i am sure that the hampotns atre pricy so they shouldtn expect everyying to be free
    It's not about guests expecting a free room. But you can't make your guests stay at a certain hotel or location and pay you to do so. 
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    pinkshorts27
  • ashleyep said:
    youu can make them pitch in moost people are used to tat nowadays. besides i am sure that the hampotns atre pricy so they shouldtn expect everyying to be free
    It's not about guests expecting a free room. But you can't make your guests stay at a certain hotel or location and pay you to do so. 

    yes you can
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
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    ashleyep said:
    youu can make them pitch in moost people are used to tat nowadays. besides i am sure that the hampotns atre pricy so they shouldtn expect everyying to be free
    It's not about guests expecting a free room. But you can't make your guests stay at a certain hotel or location and pay you to do so. 

    yes you can
     
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    How can you force people to stay at a certain hotel?
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  • ashleyep said:
    youu can make them pitch in moost people are used to tat nowadays. besides i am sure that the hampotns atre pricy so they shouldtn expect everyying to be free
    It's not about guests expecting a free room. But you can't make your guests stay at a certain hotel or location and pay you to do so. 

    yes you can
    Please tell me how you can force people to do something. I mean, obviously you can hold a gun to their head. Is that your plan?
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
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    Yeah, let's not feed trolls. They gorge themselves on our displeasure!

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  • ashleyep said:
    youu can make them pitch in moost people are used to tat nowadays. besides i am sure that the hampotns atre pricy so they shouldtn expect everyying to be free
    It's not about guests expecting a free room. But you can't make your guests stay at a certain hotel or location and pay you to do so. 

    yes you can
    No. You can't make someone else do anything they don't want to do.
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2014
    youu can make them pitch in moost people are used to tat nowadays. besides i am sure that the hampotns atre pricy so they shouldtn expect everyying to be free
    Bingo!

    (Edited for clarity.  I do not agree with this troglodyte.)

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    ashleyep said:
    youu can make them pitch in moost people are used to tat nowadays. besides i am sure that the hampotns atre pricy so they shouldtn expect everyying to be free
    It's not about guests expecting a free room. But you can't make your guests stay at a certain hotel or location and pay you to do so. 

    yes you can
    Please tell me how you can force people to do something. I mean, obviously you can hold a gun to their head. Is that your plan?
    Of course it is.  Also her guests will be decked out in duct tape on their wrists and over their mouths so that their screams of kidnapping and robbery (she of course will be stealing all of their money because she deserves compensation for "hosting" them) won't be heard.

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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    It's a rented mansion
    Our reception is also in a restored  mansion that is now a B&B and FI and I had to rent the entire place, including all of the rooms, for the night.  If guests do not book a certain number of rooms, we will be responsible for the cost of those rooms, and we have budgeted accordingly.

    All we did was list the mansion as a hotel option on our wedding website and we'll let ppl book rooms, or not, as they choose.

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  • I have a lot of feelings about this and they are not all etiquette approved.

    On one hand, you should not have booked a place for your wedding expecting guests to pay for it.  

    On the other hand, $50-75 for a weekend in the Hamptons sounds like a really good deal and I would totally take advantage of that if I was one of your guests. 

    However, you can't force anyone to stay there and what I think you need to do is either get a block of hotel rooms or recommend a hotel that is nearby and then possibly give the option for people to use a room at the mansion at the cheaper rate.

    I know that's not proper etiquette, but I do think that it's a good deal for your guests, which is in their favor.  

    For my wedding, I thought about renting a huge beach house to have our ceremony and reception at down in St. Thomas and it had like 10 bedrooms in it and this same thought crossed my mind.  In the end, I just couldn't ask my guests to pay for my wedding venue.   So we nixed that idea and held the wedding at a different location.






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  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
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    How big is this mansion that it can sleep 50 people?? Holy billionaires!! Or did you mean you have 50 guests total but not all could stay there?

    I'd rather pay the extra to have my own hotel room with a private bathroom. So unless each room has an en suite, you might just want to offer to invite your VIPs stay there. I wouldn't be as opposed to staying with my family in close quarters and would expect to pay something for the accommodations.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • youu can make them pitch in moost people are used to tat nowadays. besides i am sure that the hampotns atre pricy so they shouldtn expect everyying to be free
    You should not be on this board. You do not understand etiquette.
  • Nothing's classier than really tacky shit done in a nice place, amirite? Oh, and no worries, demanding cash from peeps toooooooootally won't make them cut down their gifts. Nuh uh, not at all.



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  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
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    tcnoble said:
    youu can make them pitch in moost people are used to tat nowadays. besides i am sure that the hampotns atre pricy so they shouldtn expect everyying to be free
    Is this one of those brain tests where if you can read the words with mixed up letters you are really smart or something?? 
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    I'm the fuck out.

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