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Wedding Etiquette Forum
ASparklyBride
member
Is rational thinking and OK on their part?
This is definitely something that I feel should not be left alone and needs to be addressed and I would like to say something, but am unsure the best way to go about it.
2 Brothers. 2 Weddings. 1 month apart? HELP!
Hi ladies, I (desperately) need some advice!
My fiance is one of three boys, all in their mid-late 20s. His eldest brother became engaged in 2012, and set the wedding for September 2014. My fiance proposed in June 2013, and we decided to wait and set our wedding for June 2015, in order to respect his eldest brother and give him and his fiance their own time (and the family a break!)
My fiance is one of three boys, all in their mid-late 20s. His eldest brother became engaged in 2012, and set the wedding for September 2014. My fiance proposed in June 2013, and we decided to wait and set our wedding for June 2015, in order to respect his eldest brother and give him and his fiance their own time (and the family a break!)
His other brother
proposed to his girlfriend last weekend. They are planning for their
wedding to take place one month after ours, with absolutely no intention of changing their date (she has been "secretly" planning months before
the proposal was even a thought).
This would mean overlapping showers, bachelorette parties, dress fittings, and, not to mention, a HUGE burden on the family.
I
feel extremely disrespected and hurt with their apparent disregard for our
wedding. They fail to recognize the fact the we took the eldest
brother's wedding into consideration and opted for a TWO YEAR
engagement to avoid stepping on their toes and stealing the spotlight.Is rational thinking and OK on their part?
This is definitely something that I feel should not be left alone and needs to be addressed and I would like to say something, but am unsure the best way to go about it.
Thanks so much in advance for your advice!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 2 Brothers. 2 Weddings. 1 month apart? HELP!
What you did for your FI's eldest brother was considerate, but unnecessary. You get one day and both of FI's brothers get one day. You aren't having your spotlight stolen.
You were not required to give your cousin so much time.
Is it possibly a burden for some people? Yes, maybe. But they're adults and they'll figure it out.
I am one of seven cousins all between 19 and 24 - marrying age. If we all gave each other a year around weddings, some of us wouldn't get married for three or four years.
ETF: mobile spelling
This is just what happens when there are three siblings of roughly similar ages. Sometimes they all get married around the same time. Nothing to be done about it. The only solution is for someone to put their life on hold - and that's not reasonable.
Out of curiosity, how long would you think they ought to put off their wedding? A year? Because delaying getting married for an entire year just to please someone else is an awful lot to ask.
You get one wedding day. That is all. As long as the other wedding isn't the same day as yours, you can't really complain.
You also don't know their circumstances. Maybe they are feeling pressure to get married sooner rather than later, and decided to wait until a month after you to avoid stepping on your toes. Maybe they need insurance, or he's moving overseas for a job, or one of a million other reasons to speed up a wedding. Try to be gracious and don't assume they're trying to steal your spotlight.
You're not having your spotlight stolen, but I can understand why you feel like they're being inconsiderate.
Do not worry about overlapping showers or parties or dress fittings (????). You will each get your one day. Because of their planning, people may decline to attend their wedding because they knew about yours first. Or they may attend both.
There is nothing for you to say. You have to leave it alone. The best you can do is hurry up and get your STDates out early so people know to save the date.
ETA: Okay I lied, I'll add more. I come from a family with 2 brothers and one girl (me). My parents are graciously paying for my reception food/ alcohol, but for the boys only paid rehearsal dinner for my oldest brother who was married in 2008. My other brother who is getting married 3 weeks after me, my parents are only paying for his rehearsal dinner and a limo. So each to their own. That being said, my oldest brother's wife's dad is loaded and offered to pay for the whole thing. My other brother who is getting married after us is also loaded. My FI and I basically have nothing but I managed to save 10k for our wedding for everything else other than reception food/alcohol.
My parents are in no way in a big burden money wise. and all of my family and family friends are excited for both weddings. I originally wanted a 2015 wedding, but my parents convinced me into a 2014... We picked our date first, then my brother and his fiance. No biggy.
Ditto bachelorette parties. No reason why this needs to be a burden on the grooms' families.
You were very considerate to give Bro1 such a wide berth. But they didn't pick the date after yours, in a location across the country. The picked a month later. If it was a problem for your FI's family, they would have indicated that to Bro2 already.
You are making a mountain out a mole hill. In the grand scheme of things, it is really not that much of a hassle.
And this is why we often caution couples to check with their VIPs before making deposits for venues and setting their wedding date.
However, your wedding precedes the other brother, right? So they are the ones that might be SOL in regards to family members declining to participate in or attend their wedding.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Then I dropped her trifling primadonna ass, and left her to wallow in her own awfulness.
I hope she enjoys having lost a lifelong relationship over one stupid day.