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2 Brothers. 2 Weddings. 1 month apart? HELP!

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Re: 2 Brothers. 2 Weddings. 1 month apart? HELP!

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    I've never had a bride come with me to get fitted.  Granted 90% of the wedding I was in I was OOT from the bride.  I've never needed anything more than a hem either.   I was always the 'prefect' fit for BM dresses.  Even my wedding dress only needed a hem.

    One time I came into town on a Monday for a Friday wedding.  I got fitted on Tuesday and picked up the dress on Thursday.    True story.  Bride was fine with my timeline.    






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    I would appreciate some consideration on their part recognizing how close their date is to ours.  If they were to wait until everything is over and done with (i.e., September or October) then I would not have an issue with it.  When I mentioned dress fittings, I meant bridesmaid dress fittings (and shopping) because we are in each other's bridal parties. This will also be a burden on ourselves in planning our own weddings along with each other's showers and bachelorettes.
    There is a possibility she isn't planning on planning a shower/bachelorette for you. And you're under no obligation to do so for her if you don't want too. Maybe one of her/your other bridesmaids will want to do a shower/bachelorette. 

    As for shopping for bridesmaid dresses, I've been in a few weddings and this has never taken more then a few hours. Sometimes we'll call choose to go hang out together afterwards, but it's never a big thing. And like I said up-thread, let your bridesmaids (including FSIL) handle their own fittings. Do not insist on attending with them. They are grown ups and can handle getting it done.

    We're getting married in November. Not counting our wedding from August until Janurary we have a total 7 weddings to attend. I am 3 of them and FI is in 2 of them. It's not a big deal.
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    I would appreciate some consideration on their part recognizing how close their date is to ours.  If they were to wait until everything is over and done with (i.e., September or October) then I would not have an issue with it.  When I mentioned dress fittings, I meant bridesmaid dress fittings (and shopping) because we are in each other's bridal parties. This will also be a burden on ourselves in planning our own weddings along with each other's showers and bachelorettes.
    Bridemaid dress shopping isn't that involved, maybe a few hours in a store and a little time perusing things online?  I've never had a bride come with me to the bridesmaid dress fitting, and none of my BMs came to my wedding dress fitting- just my mom.

    And neither of you needs to take point on one anothers shower or bachelorette, but those don't take much planning time either.  The last shower and bachelorette I planned for a bride we did as a group over dinner one day and I spent another hour or two prepping some things for each, so it took me maybe 5 hours to be involved in the planning of both events for her.  If I'd taken on full responsibility for either it would have been more, but there's no need for either of you to be the lead on them.

    I get that this feels like a big deal to you right now, but it won't be.
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    Like I said before, the process of shopping for bridesmaid dresses because we are in eachother's bridal parties.
    Not really sure what "process" you are talking about. You are looking at two days, one for your wedding and one for theirs. It really as involved as you are making it out to be.

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    True story: after i set my wedding date, one of my BMs set her date for two weeks before mine.  She checked with me first (which was completely unnecessary) and I said "as long as you're still in my wedding i see no issues!"   She went on her honeymoon the day after her wedding and got home about 8 hours before my rehearsal (which i told her she could skip, but she came anyway).

     

    I was also in her wedding.  And we had zero issues with overlapping showers, B-parties, and BM dress selections.  The weddings were in the same town, where we both live, so it was super easy and not a big deal at all to have both of them so close together.

     

    Let it go and move on.  This is not a big deal.

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    MagicInk said:
    I just need to know what happens at dress fittings that it could be considered an event. I'm just gonna take my dress to my seamstress and do a fitting. I doubt I'll bring anyone with me. I've had clothing tailored before...it's really unexciting. Is this an event thing for more traditional dresses? 
    I mean it's very wise to take a few ppl to your final fitting so that they can learn from the seamstress how to properly bustle your dress and can practice it there, so that it doesn't take 3 hours to bustle on your actual wedding day.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    MagicInk said:
    I just need to know what happens at dress fittings that it could be considered an event. I'm just gonna take my dress to my seamstress and do a fitting. I doubt I'll bring anyone with me. I've had clothing tailored before...it's really unexciting. Is this an event thing for more traditional dresses? 
    I mean it's very wise to take a few ppl to your final fitting so that they can learn from the seamstress how to properly bustle your dress and can practice it there, so that it doesn't take 3 hours to bustle on your actual wedding day.
    I remember this being a problem for one of my friends. She hadn't paid attention and had brought no one with her. So two girls basically went up under her dress at the reception (she wanted her train for the dance I don't know why) to figure it out. One of them worked in a bridal salon before so she was able to figure it out.

    I'm wearing a knee length dress, no bustling required. And just a side zipper so hopefully everyone remembers how zippers work.
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    Like I said before, the process of shopping for bridesmaid dresses because we are in eachother's bridal parties.
    What process?  The Bride picks the dress style she wants you to buy- and it should be within the budget you gave her prior to her picking a dress, and then you as the BM go to the store, get fitted, and order the correct sized dress.

    I have been a BM in about 10 weddings and the bride was never with me when I went to get my dress. . . neither were the other BMs.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    MagicInk said:
    I just need to know what happens at dress fittings that it could be considered an event. I'm just gonna take my dress to my seamstress and do a fitting. I doubt I'll bring anyone with me. I've had clothing tailored before...it's really unexciting. Is this an event thing for more traditional dresses? 
    I mean it's very wise to take a few ppl to your final fitting so that they can learn from the seamstress how to properly bustle your dress and can practice it there, so that it doesn't take 3 hours to bustle on your actual wedding day.
    If you're even wearing a dress that'll need to be bustled.
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    Like I said before, the process of shopping for bridesmaid dresses because we are in eachother's bridal parties.
    What process?  The Bride picks the dress style she wants you to buy- and it should be within the budget you gave her prior to her picking a dress, and then you as the BM go to the store, get fitted, and order the correct sized dress.

    I have been a BM in about 10 weddings and the bride was never with me when I went to get my dress. . . neither were the other BMs.
    I have done the whole, everyone goes shopping together, thing. Or as much of everyone that can make it. Usually it's when the bride can't figure out which style she likes the best and wants to see how each style and each color work on each girl. It's tiring but my friends are nice and we go drink afterwards.
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    delujm said:

    True story: after i set my wedding date, one of my BMs set her date for two weeks before mine.  She checked with me first (which was completely unnecessary) and I said "as long as you're still in my wedding i see no issues!"   She went on her honeymoon the day after her wedding and got home about 8 hours before my rehearsal (which i told her she could skip, but she came anyway).

     

    I was also in her wedding.  And we had zero issues with overlapping showers, B-parties, and BM dress selections.  The weddings were in the same town, where we both live, so it was super easy and not a big deal at all to have both of them so close together.

     

    Let it go and move on.  This is not a big deal.

    Thank you for being a sane and decent human being. I feel like not enough people get thanked for that.

    For real, if someone is worrying over their spotlight, they need to be smacked out of hysteria. That is some crazy prioritizing.




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    @offensivekitten2‌ I just want to Report this kitten gif for being so cute.
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    @offensivekitten2‌ I just want to Report this kitten gif for being so cute.

    Haha you should! I have to work on my record of 50+ flags. :p



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    Like I said before, the process of shopping for bridesmaid dresses because we are in eachother's bridal parties.

    I would be more concerned with the cost of paying for a wedding and a bridesmaid dress so close together than I would the time it takes. It doesn't take that long to get fitted.
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    kitty8403kitty8403 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited June 2014
    MagicInk said:


    saacjw said:


    MagicInk said:

    I just need to know what happens at dress fittings that it could be considered an event. I'm just gonna take my dress to my seamstress and do a fitting. I doubt I'll bring anyone with me. I've had clothing tailored before...it's really unexciting. Is this an event thing for more traditional dresses? 

    I had the same question. I had a really traditional dress, white, a-line, silk, train, embellishments of various lacy varieties. Dress fittings- my mom came because she's friends with the seamstress. She pinned my dress, checked with me to make sure I liked it and then we chatted about life. Every bridesmaid dress I've ever had- the fitting consisted of me needing to hem it, since I'm a shorty. I never had a bride come along to that. 

    Same here for bridesmaids dresses. In fact I'd feel really weird if one of the brides/grooms I've stood up for said "So, I'm coming with you to get your dress fitted", why? I'm short, I've been getting shit hemmed for eons, do you all of a sudden not trust me to get my dress hemmed? 
    ---SIB--
    Mine are going with me because only one was actually there to get fitted and measured; the others were in different states. This will be their first time seeing the dresses. Besides which, I placed the order, paid the deposit, made their appointments, and know where the shop is. If there are last minute issues, we might as well all hear about it.
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    OP, I've got four close friends getting married this year (I'm in the bridal party for three of them, they all know each other, and their friend groups overlap bigtime).  I know for a fact the fourth one to get engaged was like "Oh shit, they are going to be so mad that I'm adding my wedding to the mix," but guess what? NO ONE WAS MAD. Each time someone new got engaged, the first (and then second and third) girl would be like "HOORAY SO MANY HAPPY COUPLES." They had so much positivity and support for each other, even though it obviously meant that they had to do a bit of coordinating on their shower and bachelorette party dates. Try to have a little more of that attitude and a little less anxiety about your own stuff because guess what? Your stuff is still going to be great. 

    Besides, it doesn't sound like your guest lists will even overlap that much except for the actual weddings, since you're related on the grooms' side and it sounds like you are doing the typical gender-segregated stuff.

    Also, you don't sound like you like her very much (if you do, you're doing a pretty bad job showing it on this thread, I hate to say), so here's a secret upside to this whole thing: You can be totally lazy about helping plan her shower and bachelorette party because you can claim to be busy with your own wedding planning. It's a win win. :)
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    kitty8403 said:

    MagicInk said:


    saacjw said:


    MagicInk said:

    I just need to know what happens at dress fittings that it could be considered an event. I'm just gonna take my dress to my seamstress and do a fitting. I doubt I'll bring anyone with me. I've had clothing tailored before...it's really unexciting. Is this an event thing for more traditional dresses? 

    I had the same question. I had a really traditional dress, white, a-line, silk, train, embellishments of various lacy varieties. Dress fittings- my mom came because she's friends with the seamstress. She pinned my dress, checked with me to make sure I liked it and then we chatted about life. Every bridesmaid dress I've ever had- the fitting consisted of me needing to hem it, since I'm a shorty. I never had a bride come along to that. 

    Same here for bridesmaids dresses. In fact I'd feel really weird if one of the brides/grooms I've stood up for said "So, I'm coming with you to get your dress fitted", why? I'm short, I've been getting shit hemmed for eons, do you all of a sudden not trust me to get my dress hemmed? 
    ---SIB--
    Mine are going with me because only one was actually there to get fitted and measured; the others were in different states. This will be their first time seeing the dresses. Besides which, I placed the order, paid the deposit, made their appointments, and know where the shop is. If there are last minute issues, we might as well all hear about it.

    Wait, are you saying your OOT BM's haven't tried their dresses on yet? They don't even have them? When is your wedding and when are they having their dresses altered?


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    BIL's wedding was 3 weeks after ours. If it were 2 weeks after it would have been a problem because we would have still been on our honeymoon. I'm not going to lie - some of H's family were not happy at 2 weddings close together. It meant 2 gifts and 2 trips for the OOT people. But honestly, it's just something you need to get over. 

    For the BM dresses, I just sent links to my BMs and they said whether they liked them or not. Then we ordered them from online. They fit everyone and looked nice, but if not we would have just returned them. 
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    saacjw said:
    MagicInk said:
    I just need to know what happens at dress fittings that it could be considered an event. I'm just gonna take my dress to my seamstress and do a fitting. I doubt I'll bring anyone with me. I've had clothing tailored before...it's really unexciting. Is this an event thing for more traditional dresses? 
    I had the same question. I had a really traditional dress, white, a-line, silk, train, embellishments of various lacy varieties. Dress fittings- my mom came because she's friends with the seamstress. She pinned my dress, checked with me to make sure I liked it and then we chatted about life. Every bridesmaid dress I've ever had- the fitting consisted of me needing to hem it, since I'm a shorty. I never had a bride come along to that. 
    Same here for bridesmaids dresses. In fact I'd feel really weird if one of the brides/grooms I've stood up for said "So, I'm coming with you to get your dress fitted", why? I'm short, I've been getting shit hemmed for eons, do you all of a sudden not trust me to get my dress hemmed? 
    ---SIB-- Mine are going with me because only one was actually there to get fitted and measured; the others were in different states. This will be their first time seeing the dresses. Besides which, I placed the order, paid the deposit, made their appointments, and know where the shop is. If there are last minute issues, we might as well all hear about it.
    Wait, are you saying your OOT BM's haven't tried their dresses on yet? They don't even have them? When is your wedding and when are they having their dresses altered?
    I was in a wedding where I didn't see or try on the dress until 4 days before the wedding.  I flew up on a Monday, had the fitting on Tuesday.  Picked up the dress on Thursday.  Wedding was Friday.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    I think brides make the bridesmaid dress shopping "process" too difficult.

    I have only been a bridesmaid once, but my sister picked a designer and a dress, and I went to a store alone that carried those dresses. I tried on a couple sizes, picked the one that fit best. Ordered it, and then got it altered once it came in.  All of the bridesmaids in that wedding ordered their dresses independently of the other bridesmaids.

    For my wedding, I did the same thing.  I went with my MOH to look at dresses- because she lived the closest. She tried on a bunch, she picked one that looked best, and I told the other bridesmaids what designer and color and they picked their own dress on their own time. Sometimes salons will say, "oh all the dresses should be ordered at the same time because of dye lots". I personally don't find this necessary.
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    phira said:
    MagicInk said:
    I just need to know what happens at dress fittings that it could be considered an event. I'm just gonna take my dress to my seamstress and do a fitting. I doubt I'll bring anyone with me. I've had clothing tailored before...it's really unexciting. Is this an event thing for more traditional dresses? 
    I mean it's very wise to take a few ppl to your final fitting so that they can learn from the seamstress how to properly bustle your dress and can practice it there, so that it doesn't take 3 hours to bustle on your actual wedding day.
    If you're even wearing a dress that'll need to be bustled.
    And if you are, you only would need people if you have an insanely complicated bustle. 

    No one knew what my bustle was before hand. My mom asked me about bustling when I was getting dressed and I pointed out the hooks under the waist band and the thread loops on the skirt. They managed to bustle my dress in about a minute.

    At my sister's wedding, no one went to her fittings. When it came time to bustle it, she said, "tie the matching ribbons."  It was one of those where the train is tied underneath with about 10 or 12 pieces of ribbon. The seamstress had used different types of ribbon for each pair. So me and another BM found the matching ones, tied them up, and had it done in under a minute. 
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    MagicInk said:

    I just need to know what happens at dress fittings that it could be considered an event. I'm just gonna take my dress to my seamstress and do a fitting. I doubt I'll bring anyone with me. I've had clothing tailored before...it's really unexciting. Is this an event thing for more traditional dresses? 

    Lol I agree. I had a completely traditional puffy dress and it was still unexciting...and annoying because I was on my feet for what felt like forever getting stuck with pins if I moved at all. I kind of got cranky about it actually and came to hate those appointments.
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    Hi ladies, I (desperately) need some advice!

    My
    fiance is one of three boys, all in their mid-late 20s. His eldest
    brother became engaged in 2012, and set the wedding for September 2014.
    My fiance proposed in June 2013, and we decided to wait and set our
    wedding for June 2015, in order to respect his eldest brother and give
    him and his fiance their own time (and the family a break!)


    His other brother
    proposed to his girlfriend last weekend. They are planning for their
    wedding to take place one month after ours, with absolutely no intention of changing their date (she has been "secretly" planning months before
    the proposal was even a thought).


    This would mean overlapping showers, bachelorette parties, dress fittings, and, not to mention, a HUGE burden on the family.

    I
    feel extremely disrespected and hurt with their apparent disregard for our
    wedding. They fail to recognize the fact the we took the eldest
    brother's wedding into consideration and opted for a TWO YEAR
    engagement to avoid stepping on their toes and stealing the spotlight.


    Is
    rational thinking and OK on their part? 
    This is
    definitely something that I feel should not be left alone and needs to be addressed and I would like to say something, but am unsure the best way to go about it.
     
    Thanks so much in advance for your advice!
     

    OP, I agree with the others that you ultimately do get just one day...however, I do really understand where you are coming from and would be annoyed at the situation too if I were you. As another poster put it, just be annoyed in private for a few days, maybe vent to your FI, and then let it go...don't mention it to anyone else. Then go back to being excited for your wedding and happy for your FBIL and his FI. The silver lining is that now you have someone in the family to talk weddings with. :)
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    It happens with families. I know of a family with 3 siblings (2 brothers and a sister) who all got married in the same summer.
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    I'd probably be irritated at first. Actually, I'd probably be really excited because I haven't gotten to attend many weddings and it's still a fun experience for me lol. But I understand why you're frustrated. You can't help how or what you feel and you shouldn't apologize for it. However, you do have to be rational about your actions. Your brothers did nothing wrong. Not a single thing. You were beyond considerate when selecting your date, but that wasn't mandatory so you shouldn't assume your brother should have done the same.

    If being in their bridal party will be too much for you then you should have politely declined. Neither of you is responsible for throwing the others' shower or bachelorette, and shopping for dresses isn't that big of a deal. Sure, money may be tighter than normal due to the dates being so close but that's not a crisis. Simply practice saying "I'm sorry, I just can't swing that right now."

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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    Do people really ask their fiance's brother's fiance to be in their wedding party?  I mean I'm sure some do, but it seems a little too far removed.
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    saacjwsaacjw member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    Do people really ask their fiance's brother's fiance to be in their wedding party?  I mean I'm sure some do, but it seems a little too far removed.
    They might just know each other from elsewhere. I grew up in a smallish town, it was not uncommon for one sibling to be involved with the friend of another sibling. A good friend of mine had a really awkward incident where he was a groomsman at the wedding of his recently ex-girlfriend's sister because he and the groom were good friends. 
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    I can understand being initially upset by it, but it's not really the big disaster you are making it to be.  Give it a few days and let yourself calm down. Most likely it won't be as big of a conflict as you think. 

    I was engaged 2 years ago and had my wedding plans set and booked a year ago, for a destination wedding that has all my guests going on a cruise. In January my sister got engaged and is planning her wedding for 6 weeks after me this summer. At first I was less than thrilled. My main concern was financially since I have all my spare money budgeted for my wedding, so any cost for hers would take away from my wedding budget.  And I live in different state, so that means I need to cover costs for travel & hotel, plus bridesmaid dress, etc. which all adds up.  After a few days, I started to get over it and realize that it's not the worst thing in the world.  And that we both can have awesome weddings. And she did intentionally wait until after my wedding, so she wasn't jumping in a stealing my big day. And she has done everything she can to avoid conflicts with my plans and to be as considerate as possible. Yes, it probably creates some additional work for family, but it's minimal and most of them are thrilled for both weddings and don't mind.  We really haven't had any issues with conflicting dates for events.  And even the added cost it turning out to be okay (especially once I realized I had enough frequent flier miles saved up to pay for my flight).  And as far as conflicting dates for shopping trips or whatever, you probably won't be attending all of each others events anyway.  And even if you do, those don't take long so there's no reason that they should really conflict.

    And you could even join some of the less critical events together, without it taking away from "your moment".  We both did separate showers and parties. Even with 4 weeks apart, there's no reason you can't have showers 2-3 months apart from each other.  But, she actually picked out her wedding gown and bridesmaid dress for my wedding during the same shopping trip. And I bought my bridesmaid dress for her wedding while shopping for my wedding accessories.

    And if you get along with her, why not join up and bounce ideas off each other or share in each others excitement?  My sister and I have VERY different styles, but we have both helped each other out a lot with ideas. Generally, people will never be as excited about your wedding as you, and you usually have to drag them to wedding related stuff, so it can be nice to have someone close to you that is also in wedding planning mode. She's probably the only person that would get really excited about shopping for wedding stuff or going with you to bridal shows.  And some items that I bought for my wedding, are things that my sister can also utilize for hers, which is great.  Maybe you can even split the cost on some items that can be used for both (flower girl baskets, centerpiece vases, linens, etc.).  You may even be able to negotiate some deals with vendors to get discounted rates if you both sign contracts with them.  

    So, give yourself a few days and try to tell yourself that it probably won't be that bad. It's okay, and understandable, to be initially in shock, and even upset, by it.  But, yes, you get one day and she gets one day. And try to look at the advantages that may come from this. I'm sure once you calm down from the initial shock that it won't look as bad. After I got past the initial shock, I actually started to enjoy having a wedding buddy.

    image 

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    lyndausvi said:
    saacjw said:
    MagicInk said:
    I just need to know what happens at dress fittings that it could be considered an event. I'm just gonna take my dress to my seamstress and do a fitting. I doubt I'll bring anyone with me. I've had clothing tailored before...it's really unexciting. Is this an event thing for more traditional dresses? 
    I had the same question. I had a really traditional dress, white, a-line, silk, train, embellishments of various lacy varieties. Dress fittings- my mom came because she's friends with the seamstress. She pinned my dress, checked with me to make sure I liked it and then we chatted about life. Every bridesmaid dress I've ever had- the fitting consisted of me needing to hem it, since I'm a shorty. I never had a bride come along to that. 
    Same here for bridesmaids dresses. In fact I'd feel really weird if one of the brides/grooms I've stood up for said "So, I'm coming with you to get your dress fitted", why? I'm short, I've been getting shit hemmed for eons, do you all of a sudden not trust me to get my dress hemmed? 
    ---SIB-- Mine are going with me because only one was actually there to get fitted and measured; the others were in different states. This will be their first time seeing the dresses. Besides which, I placed the order, paid the deposit, made their appointments, and know where the shop is. If there are last minute issues, we might as well all hear about it.
    Wait, are you saying your OOT BM's haven't tried their dresses on yet? They don't even have them? When is your wedding and when are they having their dresses altered?
    I was in a wedding where I didn't see or try on the dress until 4 days before the wedding.  I flew up on a Monday, had the fitting on Tuesday.  Picked up the dress on Thursday.  Wedding was Friday.
    Damn ><

    I have always been able to order my dresses myself and pick them up, even if I was OOT from the bride.  Guess I have been lucky?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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