It's about 3 weeks to my wedding. About a month and a bit ago one of my bridesmaids suffered a herniated disc that is pinching her sciatic nerve, basically meaning that she can sort of walk and sort of stand, but not for long.
I have asked her many times if she thinks she can participate, which she continually insists that she can. However, while she insists she can do it, what I am seeing is far different. On a recent 45 minute outing, she had to sit down every 5 minutes to rest. All the while insisting constantly to my other bridesmaid that 'she can do the wedding'.
I've tried different approaches, assuring her that if she can't physically participate due to pain, that it is totally fine, that I am more concerned about her health and well being than her standing up there for the ceremony. I've stated time and again that we would acknowledge her as a bridesmaid, just without the pesky standing bit. I've expressed concern that if she participates in our outdoor wedding and photos that she will be setting her recovery back, as she has already done once with a small 45 minute outing. As a result, she had to leave my wedding shower very early on, basically after I arrived, due to the pain in her back from a small outing the day before.
It's gotten to the point where we have asked the groom's younger sister to find a complimentary dress in case she needs to be tagged in.
I have even offered to pay for her dress if she can't wear it. All the while I get the same response 'Don't worry, I can do this'
I guess what is bothering me is that she is making comments about this being 'her only chance to be a bridesmaid', and that I take that as she is not taking my feelings into consideration at this point, and more importantly, that she is not being realistic about her limitations.
The long and short of it is that it is mine and my fiancee's wedding and we would prefer that the focus be on us, not a downed bridesmaid who can't walk but is trying to soldier on like a hero. I'm concerned that mid-ceremony she will have to exit stage left and sit down, or she will be cringing in pain throughout. Writing this out now makes me see that it sounds silly, but am I being a dick, or am I right to be concerned. I'm at the point where I feel that if she can't stand up for more than 10 minutes, let alone walk for more than 5 minutes, that I will have to TELL her she will have to sit in the audience and we will have to use our back up plan. This is not ideal.
Basically, is it my place as a bride to tell a super super stubborn bridesmaid that she can't be in the wedding due to her injury? Or should I let it happen? I don't want this to cause resentment in a friendship, but I already feel halfway there, which is terrible. Advice would be appreciated as I am really torn as to what to do. I've been told by my mother that I need to just let it happen, but deep down within the bowels of my common sense I don't feel that is right. Plus it sounds dirty... 'shhhh just let it happen'