I would just like to add that perspective from outside of the family. Even if you guys have many mutual friends, I don't think you'll see a difference in attendance. My FI and I went to 8 weddings in 6 months, most of them were for our friends. We never once thought "oh well, we went to John Smith's wedding last month so we don't think we'll go to Jane Doe's wedding this month". I think you'll be fine with friends attending as well!
@ASparklyBride We have three weddings in my FIs family during a 6 week time frame. It happens. Because of how close the family is many of the people involved are in all 3 weddings. It wasn't intentional, but because they're all close it's how it happened. Also because of the closeness it meant everyone was invited to each other's respective bridal shower, bachelor, and bachelorette parties. You know how we made it work? We worked TOGETHER!!! IE The two other brides and I looked at our calendars and decided what worked for us so that we each could enjoy our days separately and still didn't cluster up the entire summer for the family. Ya know what? IT WORKED OUT!
Instead of being upset, take the high road. Speak to your FBIL's FI and see about getting together to plan some things and dates. You're right, you get your day, but you know what? She gets her day too. So work together - trust me, it's a lot nicer and a lot smoother when you do.
I just need to know what happens at dress fittings that it could be considered an event. I'm just gonna take my dress to my seamstress and do a fitting. I doubt I'll bring anyone with me. I've had clothing tailored before...it's really unexciting. Is this an event thing for more traditional dresses?
I had the same question. I had a really traditional dress, white, a-line, silk, train, embellishments of various lacy varieties. Dress fittings- my mom came because she's friends with the seamstress. She pinned my dress, checked with me to make sure I liked it and then we chatted about life. Every bridesmaid dress I've ever had- the fitting consisted of me needing to hem it, since I'm a shorty. I never had a bride come along to that.
Same here for bridesmaids dresses. In fact I'd feel really weird if one of the brides/grooms I've stood up for said "So, I'm coming with you to get your dress fitted", why? I'm short, I've been getting shit hemmed for eons, do you all of a sudden not trust me to get my dress hemmed?
---SIB--
Mine are going with me because only one was actually there to get fitted and measured; the others were in different states. This will be their first time seeing the dresses. Besides which, I placed the order, paid the deposit, made their appointments, and know where the shop is. If there are last minute issues, we might as well all hear about it.
Wait, are you saying your OOT BM's haven't tried their dresses on yet? They don't even have them? When is your wedding and when are they having their dresses altered?
I was in a wedding where I didn't see or try on the dress until 4 days before the wedding. I flew up on a Monday, had the fitting on Tuesday. Picked up the dress on Thursday. Wedding was Friday.
Damn ><
I have always been able to order my dresses myself and pick them up, even if I was OOT from the bride. Guess I have been lucky?
I was living in the islands. The stress of shipping the dress down to me, finding someone to alter the dress then get it back up to Philly wasn't worth it. We arranged with the salon months out so they blocked time to get the alterations done one time. Plus I had tried on the sample dress (different color). It fit perfectly and only needed a hem as those dresses rarely come with hems. So we knew I would not need extensive work done.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
Unless they actually
steal your date, or you’re planning to get married on opposite sides of the
globe, then I wouldn’t worry too much. I would just make sure that your
expectations of each other are clear, and that neither of you are expecting the
other to play a super-active role in planning and preparation.
My sister (6 years older) and I are getting married 6 weeks
apart next summer. She got engaged a few weeks before me, so I let her set a
date first and then we picked a date that worked for both us and them. We agreed that we won't ask much of each
other, other than to show up in a bridesmaid dress. No drama, no stress. Our
parents aren't really able to contribute financially anyway, so it's not an
extra burden for them. As for extended family – we are each inviting the
relatives we are closest to, and for those invited to both weddings, we just
know that some of them may only be able to attend one (and we are fine with
that).
HOWEVER, my best friend from childhood got engaged the day
after me, and set her "wedding date" for one week before mine
(quotations because they are actually getting married THIS month, but doing a
PPD next June… I am keeping my mouth shut). I am not thrilled to have to travel
to a "wedding" that I am in the weekend before mine, and I doubt she
is thrilled to fly up to our wedding the weekend after hers, but we will make
it work. If we let everyone else’s plans dictate our wedding date, we would
probably have to wait more than a year to get married.
The PPs have given you great advice. I just have to add that your username reminds me of Tierra from the Bachelor. And how her parents told her she had a "sparkle". Please, someone tell me that I'm not the only loony toon addicted to horrible tv shows.
The PPs have given you great advice. I just have to add that your username reminds me of Tierra from the Bachelor. And how her parents told her she had a "sparkle". Please, someone tell me that I'm not the only loony toon addicted to horrible tv shows.
Nope - BF tells me weekly that my choice in TV shows will "make me stupid".
Also - OMG Tierra!!! She was quite a spectacle . . . and I'm enjoying this season the Bachelorette thus far
The PPs have given you great advice. I just have to add that your username reminds me of Tierra from the Bachelor. And how her parents told her she had a "sparkle". Please, someone tell me that I'm not the only loony toon addicted to horrible tv shows.
Nope - BF tells me weekly that my choice in TV shows will "make me stupid".
Also - OMG Tierra!!! She was quite a spectacle . . . and I'm enjoying this season the Bachelorette thus far
*Stuck in the damn box*
MEE TOOOO! I think it's going to be a good season!!
Congratulations! That is wonderful news! How lucky you are! Now put your poutty-face entitlement away, and go make friends with your FI's FSIL! You are both going to be family, and there will be times when you will enjoy having someone who is not bored with wedding talk. The two of you can talk wedding plans for hours on end, and co-ordinate so that there is no overlap. She will be just as excited about her wedding plans as you will be about yours! Weddings can be elaborate, or they can be simple. Personally, I prefer the simple ones, but to each her own. When I was a bride I had NOBODY to talk wedding with. My soon-to-be-divorced sister was my MOH, and she wasn't exactly enthusiastic about weddings. My mother didn't want to discuss it. You are so fortunate! I envy you.
OP - it's going to be a busy time of year for you regardless. Just take a back burner on the planning for her stuff. One of the big recurring themes you will see here is that being a bridesmaid - you just need to buy the dress and show up sober for the wedding. Your involvement in everything else is not a requirement. Keep your head to the ground and enjoy planning the wedding where at the end of the day you will be married to your best friend!!!!
You are way overreacting. My cousin (and we are the only female cousins on my dad's side) got engaged after me and is now getting married 3 weeks before me. Big deal! There's no thunder or spotlight to be stolen. Looking for BM dresses will take one day. Is it possible parties will overlap? Yes, I guess. SO WHAT? My cousin's shower is the weekend before my bach party. If they ended up being on the same weekend, I'd obviously have to skip her shower and she wouldn't be at my bach party. It's not the end of the world.
When I was a bridesmaid for my SIL, we lived 1600 miles apart so I didn't go dress shopping with her. I had to have my dress made (as did all the other bridesmaids)-whole other crazy story. But even if we'd scheduled weddings close together in the calendar, I wouldn't have gotten pissed about it. She and my brother had their wedding, I'll have mine.
Re: 2 Brothers. 2 Weddings. 1 month apart? HELP!
Instead of being upset, take the high road. Speak to your FBIL's FI and see about getting together to plan some things and dates. You're right, you get your day, but you know what? She gets her day too. So work together - trust me, it's a lot nicer and a lot smoother when you do.
I was living in the islands. The stress of shipping the dress down to me, finding someone to alter the dress then get it back up to Philly wasn't worth it. We arranged with the salon months out so they blocked time to get the alterations done one time. Plus I had tried on the sample dress (different color). It fit perfectly and only needed a hem as those dresses rarely come with hems. So we knew I would not need extensive work done.
Unless they actually steal your date, or you’re planning to get married on opposite sides of the globe, then I wouldn’t worry too much. I would just make sure that your expectations of each other are clear, and that neither of you are expecting the other to play a super-active role in planning and preparation.
My sister (6 years older) and I are getting married 6 weeks apart next summer. She got engaged a few weeks before me, so I let her set a date first and then we picked a date that worked for both us and them. We agreed that we won't ask much of each other, other than to show up in a bridesmaid dress. No drama, no stress. Our parents aren't really able to contribute financially anyway, so it's not an extra burden for them. As for extended family – we are each inviting the relatives we are closest to, and for those invited to both weddings, we just know that some of them may only be able to attend one (and we are fine with that).
HOWEVER, my best friend from childhood got engaged the day after me, and set her "wedding date" for one week before mine (quotations because they are actually getting married THIS month, but doing a PPD next June… I am keeping my mouth shut). I am not thrilled to have to travel to a "wedding" that I am in the weekend before mine, and I doubt she is thrilled to fly up to our wedding the weekend after hers, but we will make it work. If we let everyone else’s plans dictate our wedding date, we would probably have to wait more than a year to get married.
Now put your poutty-face entitlement away, and go make friends with your FI's FSIL! You are both going to be family, and there will be times when you will enjoy having someone who is not bored with wedding talk. The two of you can talk wedding plans for hours on end, and co-ordinate so that there is no overlap. She will be just as excited about her wedding plans as you will be about yours!
Weddings can be elaborate, or they can be simple. Personally, I prefer the simple ones, but to each her own.
When I was a bride I had NOBODY to talk wedding with. My soon-to-be-divorced sister was my MOH, and she wasn't exactly enthusiastic about weddings. My mother didn't want to discuss it. You are so fortunate! I envy you.