Is anyone else feeling this way?


Re: Is anyone else feeling this way?

  • Thanks, ladies.  I really appreciate the kind words.

  • akheuer - you can see your definitely not alone in your feelings!!! I feel the same way also! I'm having anxiety attacks recently because I go for my first fitting next wednesday and I am scared to death! All I see is the size I am, not how pretty my dress is or how beautiful I may be in it. It's so hard to feel this way!! Kinda takes the fun out of planning...IMO

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  • The more you beat yourself up and are mean to yourself about your weight the less chance you have of changing the number. Ask yourself why you need to suddenly drop this weight? Is it from looking at photo shopped skinny models that show an unrealistic picture? If that's the case then to be honest it's probably not going to happen. Wedding planning is stressful enough without making yourself grumpy and unhappy about what you "think" you should look like. 

    Pictures are digitally changed so much that no normal person could attain that! Not to mention that the models used in these ad's are the 1% and one body shape; as humans we are diverse and come in all different shapes and sizes.

    I used to do all of the above and would on a regular basis be pretty mean about me, but I changed my mind set (& this was not a quick and easy process I can tell you!) and started to see my body as mine and if I want it to change then I have to be nice to it. I work out now because I love the feeling of being strong and fit I also realised that I was hurting my fiance when I was being so mean about me partly because he didn't know how to help but also because I was saying that I didn't like the person HE loved. 

    It's a cliche but you really do have to learn to love you, sure have a goal to loose weight or get fitter but don't do it in a mean way; find positive inspiration and remember that people love you for you and if they don't well that's there stuff not yours. 
  • You are SO not alone! I LOVE my dress and it makes me feel so pretty. But I feel like people expect me to lose a few pounds before the wedding, so I feel like I should. When we got our engagement pictures back I was so grossed out by my own arms. So i feel like I should lose weight. But I also have PCOS and you are right-it is an uphill battle. I feel like my fiance deserves a skinny bride but he loves me for who I am and doesn't understand my insecurities.

    I guess at the end of the day- your man loves you just the way you are! Be confident and own it, you are going to look BEAUTIFUL.
  • Reading all of these responses brings tears to my eyes, as I am realizing that so many other women share similar feelings. As cliche as it may sound, it is so important to love yourself and focus on your positive qualities. No matter how many times we tell others this, it's often hard to take our own advice. Stay strong, ladies. We are all going to be stunning brides!

    On a side note, I've lost about 15 lbs since the start of this post. Not as much as I wanted, but I feel accomplished to have lost any weight at all. I now have less than eight weeks to go!
  • I know this thread is a bit older, but we all seem to still be watching it, so I just want to say I'm so glad I'm not alone in feeling this way. Believe me though, your fiances love you for who you are and you are going to look beautiful. It always helps me to look at other plus size brides because they always look lovely to me. I think we all just have issues with OUR OWN bodies. Check out this website I found for real plus size weddings.. Beautiful ladies on there, so I know you are all beautiful as well.

    The couple of people that started Weight Watchers, I did this as well (prior to being engaged) and have struggled so bad at losing anything. Any encouragement or tips would be appreciated. Maybe we can keep each other on track?

  • I've been trying to lose weight as well, but I'm nowhere where I want to be on my wedding day, a plus size bride! I feel your frustration, and I'm with you on that. But just remember that your fiancé loves you no matter what! I'm going to let that fear and disgust go OUT THE WINDOW on my wedding day, that's the happiest day of my life, and I refuse to be dragged down.

    Love doesn't see size, anyway. :) Good luck!

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  • I've been trying to lose weight since April, hoping to drop upwards of 100lbs by the time my October 2015 wedding comes around. I'm down 35lbs now - long way to go.

    I went dress shopping on a whim while the FMIL and FSIL were in town this weekend and the experience almost brought me to tears. Nothing, not even the 'big girl' dresses would fit me (5'6" and 215lbs). It's amazing how terrible it made me feel - I felt like I'd not lost weight, but rather gained it and that I was the biggest size known to (wo)man.

    That being said, I'm staying with my plan. I'm happy to chat weight-loss with anyone if they're trying to get started but don't know how. I've had some trouble in the last 2 weeks (only lost 1lb) but this morning the losses started up again. I have gone to the gym twice since April. I hate the gym with the fire of a thousand suns. There are non-gym ways to do it!

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  • @MegEN1 you can do it! I am down 47 lbs from late October of last year. I am doing this by low-carb lifestyle. I definitely need to get more active, though... I fear dress shopping too. I am not quite there yet, and my wedding is also in October 2015 as well.
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  • I know how you feel. I have PCOS, too, and since it really kicked into full gear when I was a teenager, I've continued to gain weight no matter what I do. I've just hit 200 pounds, which for me, with a history of being teased, bullied, and otherwise outcasted, was devastating for me.
    My fiance always says he likes the way I look and loves my body, but I very simply don't. I look at myself in the mirror and want to break it.
    My mom, with her infinite cache of platitudes, always says, "try harder, Andrea. Just try harder." But I just can't lose the weight. I eat well, I exercise, and it just doesn't budge. I want to look beautiful for my wedding, but with 90% of the people coming being thin, I can't help but be afraid that everyone is just going to tsk-tsk at the little fat kid in a dress, wishing she could be beautiful for just one day in her life.
    I haven't even gotten my dress yet. I'm getting married in October 2015 and don't have a dress to wear. Part of me is scared to order it because I'm just going to get fatter between now and then, and then what will I do?
    Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I understand how you feel. Sorry, I didn't mean to throw in my own ridiculous sob story.

  • @ferricfox - With your concerns, when dress shopping, I would look for dresses with a corset back or that could easily be replaced with a corset back (this gives some wiggle room, but I would say it's a 5-10lb wiggle room).  A fuller skirt (A-line or ballgown) will be more forgiving in the hip area.  If you're planning on ordering your dress, you should really start looking soon.  I was married Oct 2014, ordered my dress the first weekend in March; it came in Mid-August (it's 'no later than' date was the last of Sept, which I was promised a dress could be altered in a week). 

  • my wedding is less than two months away and i have yet to lose a single pound. i feel exactly the same way. most of the time i'm ok with how i look and my fiance says nothing but nice things but i too am terrified of the pictures. especially since we aren't getting professional pictures because we cant afford it so i'm gonna be stuck with all the terrible angles that my family takes pictures from. i just hope that there are a couple nice pictures where i dont look like a balloon.
  • @Kate, thanks so much for sharing your wedding video. You were gorgeous and just glowing with love and happiness. What a magical day for the two of you!

    I am an older bride (58) because same sex marriages have FINALLY become legal. I am not the young, thin, bride I had ever imagined myself to be. I am still struggling to find a dress that I feel beautiful in. But, I know when my love and say I do, we will both be beautiful and glowing. I think it's the love from within towards our partner that will make all of us, whatever our age or size, our most beautiful self ever.

  • I also suffer from PCOS. I know exactly what you're going through. Many days I feel unpretty, fat, and just bad about myself. Then there are the few other days where I say f*** it and enjoy the days with who I am and how I look. These days are few and far between, but I really like those days! I often have to tell myself that whatever way I might look, I am so very lucky to find a man who loves me for me and wants to marry me despite what I might think about myself. We had to move up our wedding by a year, so I'm now getting married in 5 months instead of next year. It bothers me that I have to get married with the way I look now, but I'm getting married!! I'm marrying the most amazing man and he's continuously saying how he can't wait to see me walk down the aisle. I'm going to enjoy the day with my husband to be and my family, and I'm going to smile for the cameras, and I'm going to look back on that day as the happiest day of my life.

    I wish you nothing but the best as you overcome your challenges, but we are given challenges the people above know we can handle!
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  • I haven't lost but 5lbs since Thanksgiving. My goal had been to lose 70lbs before I went to get my dress. We pushed my dress buying day to March 21 - there's only one boutique in town that has dresses in my size so I'll find it there one way or the other - but  I'm still about 10-15lbs away from my goal. I don't think I'll make it, and I'm very very upset by this. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever lose this weight, if I'll ever be able to be normal, just  for once in my adult life. I really wanted that time to be for my wedding.

    I'm trying to come to terms with all this, but it's hard. The only thing I'm focusing on, though, is to find a dress that is so stylish, so sassy, that no one will notice that I'm still the fat kid.

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  • When I was in grad school a few years back, I lost 30 lbs. I was exercising, eating healthy, and all around doing great.

    Then I got a crappy job that I hated, stress and depression hit, and I gained 40lbs, and I've been here for about 2 years now.

    Since getting engaged, I've really realized what happened, and done a lot of reflection on why and how. I'm working on eating better, and exercising...a bit more. Not nearly enough. 

    It's disheartening to say the least! I also have pictures of me in my dress and the super skinny (super tall) model in my dress. I love my dress, and I loved having it on, but she definitely looks better.

    I'm just hoping, at this point. I'm not sure what else to do. :(
  • YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I feel every word you said and I have sat up night after night staring at other "skinny women" and just talked down to myself. My fiancé is always telling me I am perfect the way I am. Well its now 156 more days til my wedding and I have busted my behind to get ready for it both physically and mentally and I'm no more closer to it than I was a year ago. I'm 5'3 and weighing 235 pounds and suffering from PCOS also and I keep at the same weight for now 3 years. It all only makes the wedding stress completely worse until you sit in front of yourself and just listen... You are beautiful enough (both physically and mentally) to get a man that loves YOU and a man dedicating his life to YOU! "I AM PERFECT ENOUGH FOR MYSELF AND HE'S MARRYING ME!"
  • Here is a link to my wedding video! I ended up losing about 25 lbs before the big day, but I can't say I didn't feel I secure. Despite all of that, I will remember this day for the rest of my life because it truly was. I'm so happy that I have amazing photos and videos that I can look back on and smile.

  • edited April 2015
    Diet has always been stressful for me, and I started a medication that has weight gain as a side-effect, so I recently started looking at structured diets that I DON'T have to think about. How do you feel about doing a structured diet?
  • I also have PCOS. The struggle is real! If any of my fellow "cysters" find a diet that works really well, please share! I'm so discouraged at this point.

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2015
    I want to encourage everyone on this board.  I have known both sides.  The first 30 years of my life, I was a "regular" size, and never really worried about my weight.  I am tall, and I thought having an OH,WOW! figure would last forever.
    Then I had my two beautiful children.  Woah, where did all this weight come from?  I have carried around bad feelings about my weight for 34 years.  I hated clothes shopping.  My mother was a fashion junkie, and never failed to criticize my weight.  My husband never said a word of criticism.
    I just lost 50 pounds.  I have cancer.  Stupid me!  Why was I so vain about my weight?  I should have been more concerned with my health.  What I wouldn't give to be fat and healthy again!  (OK, I am still a plus size, but just barely.)
    My  husband loves me.  My children, now grown up, love me.  I was so silly to worry about what other people would think about my weight.  I am still the same person that I was when I was young, beautiful, and thin.
    Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.  So do wedding dresses.  I am sure that you ladies will be beautiful brides, no matter what size you wear!

  • I also have PCOS and it is a daily battle for me. I know exactly how you are feeling, my emotions are like a roller coaster. One day I feel totally confident that I can lose the weight before the big day and other days I just lay around feeling sorry for myself because despite how my fiance sees me, I do not want to feel bad about myself on my big day. It is frustrating that we have to work harder to see results (and then we still don't see any big changes!) but just try to focus on these next few months and push yourself as much as you can (obviously be healthy about it) and after the wedding is over you can relax a little :) Do not hesitate to get in touch with me if you are ever feeling down, I feel it all the time too!
  • @Julie_shannon I've been dealing with PCOS for twelve years now, and the issues with my weight were making me hate every image of myself.
    For the last two years, instead of dieting, my FI and I have been making moves to be healthier. In December of 2014, we decided to try something new in our quest to be healthier: replacing animal proteins with plant proteins. It started out with 2-3 days per week, and now we abstain from meat 4-6 days per week, based on cost of foods, seasonal availability of produce, and menu ideas.
    Combined with semi-regular exercise, I've managed to lose 12 pounds in five months.
    It's not "the cure" for weight problems associated with PCOS, but I've been feeling really good after eating, and my friends and co-workers have noticed the change!
  • I've gained a ton of weight due to Cushing's disease. It's been a process to get rid of it, but the Doctors think it's gone now. So far I've lost 48 lbs and still have another (approx) 150 lb to lose. My wedding is just a bit over 15 months away and I'm hoping to make it down to a size 18/20 before then (whatever weight that happens to be. My body just "promoted" me with a 2 pant-size drop (WOOHOO!) and now I am back in size 24 jeans. I'm 5'10", so I don't look as heavy as I actually am (it's more spaced out).

    My fiance love me for who I am and has never known how I looked when I was smaller (14/16). He's actually trying to lose some weight too, so it's good we can support each other..... although I do still get a bit self conscious b/c I'm 2 in taller than him.
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 2015
    WTG, @Knottie1434983798, that's a HUGE accomplishment! 

    ETF:  I too, am around 15 months out with a goal of 60 pounds, but anything over that would be nice!  6'0 here with a fiance who is 6'4, but he slouches and at times, the 4" don't really help us that much.  

  • I'm sorry, I didn't read through the entire thread. Someone may have already said this, but I would say what matters most is WHY you want to lose weight. If it's to fit into a stereotype made for impossible people, then DON'T. If you are interested in losing weight for health or quality of life reasons, I say go for it! 

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