Vow Renewal - Etiquette question

tmoh · June 2014

JCbride2015 said:

tmoh said:

CMGragain said:

OP, you either didn't read the etiquette site I posted for you, or you don't like it because it tells you what you do not want to hear. You really didn't want etiquette advice, did you? You just wanted puppies and rainbows about your plans.
Most of the people on TK will tell you no wedding dress, no bridal party, and no father walking you down the aisle. The circumstances of your first marriage has absolutely NOTHING to do with your vow renewal plans. You say that you aren't having a PPD, but that does seem to be what you are doing.

The circumstances DO have something to do with it, actually. It is not the main reason we are doing it, but we are doing certain things DURING it, because of those.
I'm sorry that it doesn't matter to you all that my dad nearly died and was in a hospital bed unable to be at the wedding last minute.

And I also am sorry that I do not care that you do not approve. But my father will be able to take a place by my side. Because it would mean the world to him. It is one of his biggest regrets, but was out of his control.
While strangers may give me stank eye over this, I can assure you it will be a very touching moment for everyone at the vow renewal.

Again, we are not having a tiered cake, the bridal party will not be in big bridesmaid dresses, no tuxedos, no first dances or anything, etc.
This is not about me having a pretty princess day. This is about our vow renewals, our close family and friends, and letting my dad fulfill something he was almost never able to do. I'm sorry if that ruffles your feathers and yes I did read your link.

WOW passive aggressive much?

I would side-eye, HARD, at your dad walking you down the aisle at a vow renewal. The technicality that he isn't "giving you away" at the end doesn't change that for me. Same goes for the bridal party. There is no bride or groom, so how can you have a bridal party?

The dress doesn't bother me, though. What we wear is very personal and it doesn't really affect the guests. Knock yourself out on the dress. But it does seem like you are trying to get a second bite at the apple with the wedding you originally wanted and couldn't have.

I was fine with our first wedding. It was rushed, not very well planned, but I liked it. The meaning was there all the same.

LDay2014 · June 2014

tmoh said:

JCbride2015 said:

tmoh said:

CMGragain said:

OP, you either didn't read the etiquette site I posted for you, or you don't like it because it tells you what you do not want to hear. You really didn't want etiquette advice, did you? You just wanted puppies and rainbows about your plans.
Most of the people on TK will tell you no wedding dress, no bridal party, and no father walking you down the aisle. The circumstances of your first marriage has absolutely NOTHING to do with your vow renewal plans. You say that you aren't having a PPD, but that does seem to be what you are doing.

The circumstances DO have something to do with it, actually. It is not the main reason we are doing it, but we are doing certain things DURING it, because of those.
I'm sorry that it doesn't matter to you all that my dad nearly died and was in a hospital bed unable to be at the wedding last minute.

And I also am sorry that I do not care that you do not approve. But my father will be able to take a place by my side. Because it would mean the world to him. It is one of his biggest regrets, but was out of his control.
While strangers may give me stank eye over this, I can assure you it will be a very touching moment for everyone at the vow renewal.

Again, we are not having a tiered cake, the bridal party will not be in big bridesmaid dresses, no tuxedos, no first dances or anything, etc.
This is not about me having a pretty princess day. This is about our vow renewals, our close family and friends, and letting my dad fulfill something he was almost never able to do. I'm sorry if that ruffles your feathers and yes I did read your link.

WOW passive aggressive much?

I would side-eye, HARD, at your dad walking you down the aisle at a vow renewal. The technicality that he isn't "giving you away" at the end doesn't change that for me. Same goes for the bridal party. There is no bride or groom, so how can you have a bridal party?

The dress doesn't bother me, though. What we wear is very personal and it doesn't really affect the guests. Knock yourself out on the dress. But it does seem like you are trying to get a second bite at the apple with the wedding you originally wanted and couldn't have.

I was fine with our first wedding. It was rushed, not very well planned, but I liked it. The meaning was there all the same.

So, if you were fine with the first one then why are you trying so hard to recreate a second one? Thus far the only thing (besides you already being married) that makes this not a really delayed PPD is...um...nothing?

tmoh · June 2014

LDay2014 said:

tmoh said:

JCbride2015 said:

tmoh said:

CMGragain said:

OP, you either didn't read the etiquette site I posted for you, or you don't like it because it tells you what you do not want to hear. You really didn't want etiquette advice, did you? You just wanted puppies and rainbows about your plans.
Most of the people on TK will tell you no wedding dress, no bridal party, and no father walking you down the aisle. The circumstances of your first marriage has absolutely NOTHING to do with your vow renewal plans. You say that you aren't having a PPD, but that does seem to be what you are doing.

The circumstances DO have something to do with it, actually. It is not the main reason we are doing it, but we are doing certain things DURING it, because of those.
I'm sorry that it doesn't matter to you all that my dad nearly died and was in a hospital bed unable to be at the wedding last minute.

And I also am sorry that I do not care that you do not approve. But my father will be able to take a place by my side. Because it would mean the world to him. It is one of his biggest regrets, but was out of his control.
While strangers may give me stank eye over this, I can assure you it will be a very touching moment for everyone at the vow renewal.

Again, we are not having a tiered cake, the bridal party will not be in big bridesmaid dresses, no tuxedos, no first dances or anything, etc.
This is not about me having a pretty princess day. This is about our vow renewals, our close family and friends, and letting my dad fulfill something he was almost never able to do. I'm sorry if that ruffles your feathers and yes I did read your link.

WOW passive aggressive much?

I would side-eye, HARD, at your dad walking you down the aisle at a vow renewal. The technicality that he isn't "giving you away" at the end doesn't change that for me. Same goes for the bridal party. There is no bride or groom, so how can you have a bridal party?

The dress doesn't bother me, though. What we wear is very personal and it doesn't really affect the guests. Knock yourself out on the dress. But it does seem like you are trying to get a second bite at the apple with the wedding you originally wanted and couldn't have.

I was fine with our first wedding. It was rushed, not very well planned, but I liked it. The meaning was there all the same.

So, if you were fine with the first one then why are you trying so hard to recreate a second one? Thus far the only thing (besides you already being married) that makes this not a really delayed PPD is...um...nothing?

Really... Nothing?

CMGragain · June 2014

tmoh said:

CMGragain said:

OP, you either didn't read the etiquette site I posted for you, or you don't like it because it tells you what you do not want to hear. You really didn't want etiquette advice, did you? You just wanted puppies and rainbows about your plans.
Most of the people on TK will tell you no wedding dress, no bridal party, and no father walking you down the aisle. The circumstances of your first marriage has absolutely NOTHING to do with your vow renewal plans. You say that you aren't having a PPD, but that does seem to be what you are doing.

The circumstances DO have something to do with it, actually. It is not the main reason we are doing it, but we are doing certain things DURING it, because of those.
I'm sorry that it doesn't matter to you all that my dad nearly died and was in a hospital bed unable to be at the wedding last minute.

And I also am sorry that I do not care that you do not approve. But my father will be able to take a place by my side. Because it would mean the world to him. It is one of his biggest regrets, but was out of his control.
While strangers may give me stank eye over this, I can assure you it will be a very touching moment for everyone at the vow renewal.

Again, we are not having a tiered cake, the bridal party will not be in big bridesmaid dresses, no tuxedos, no first dances or anything, etc.
This is not about me having a pretty princess day. This is about our vow renewals, our close family and friends, and letting my dad fulfill something he was almost never able to do. I'm sorry if that ruffles your feathers and yes I did read your link.

My Dad died. I don't feel one bit sorry for you. You offend me.

tmoh · June 2014

CMGragain said:

tmoh said:

CMGragain said:

OP, you either didn't read the etiquette site I posted for you, or you don't like it because it tells you what you do not want to hear. You really didn't want etiquette advice, did you? You just wanted puppies and rainbows about your plans.
Most of the people on TK will tell you no wedding dress, no bridal party, and no father walking you down the aisle. The circumstances of your first marriage has absolutely NOTHING to do with your vow renewal plans. You say that you aren't having a PPD, but that does seem to be what you are doing.

The circumstances DO have something to do with it, actually. It is not the main reason we are doing it, but we are doing certain things DURING it, because of those.
I'm sorry that it doesn't matter to you all that my dad nearly died and was in a hospital bed unable to be at the wedding last minute.

And I also am sorry that I do not care that you do not approve. But my father will be able to take a place by my side. Because it would mean the world to him. It is one of his biggest regrets, but was out of his control.
While strangers may give me stank eye over this, I can assure you it will be a very touching moment for everyone at the vow renewal.

Again, we are not having a tiered cake, the bridal party will not be in big bridesmaid dresses, no tuxedos, no first dances or anything, etc.
This is not about me having a pretty princess day. This is about our vow renewals, our close family and friends, and letting my dad fulfill something he was almost never able to do. I'm sorry if that ruffles your feathers and yes I did read your link.

My Dad died. I don't feel one bit sorry for you. You offend me.

How on earth did I offend you?

monkeysip · June 2014

I'm sorry that your dad couldn't be at your wedding, but he's going to be at your renewal.

You can dance with him, take pictures with him, and enjoy that special day together. But walking down the aisle together just doesn't have any meaning since your HUSBAND should be always by your side... that's the whole symbolism and point of marriage. You're not a bride anymore, so it just doesn't make sense to walk down with him.

But that doesn't mean it wouldn't be just as special and important to share this day with him now that he is in better health and can attend.

tmoh · June 2014

monkeysip said:

I'm sorry that your dad couldn't be at your wedding, but he's going to be at your renewal.

You can dance with him, take pictures with him, and enjoy that special day together. But walking down the aisle together just doesn't have any meaning since your HUSBAND should be always by your side... that's the whole symbolism and point of marriage. You're not a bride anymore, so it just doesn't make sense to walk down with him.

But that doesn't mean it wouldn't be just as special and important to share this day with him now that he is in better health and can attend.

Thank you for your gentle words. I will keep this all in mind.

MN2UK · June 2014

Please be careful throwing around phrases like "I'm sorry you don't care that my dad nearly died" on a board where you don't know how many of us have actually lost one or both parents.

I am sorry that your father, like mine, couldn't walk you down the aisle. I do not think it is appropriate for him to walk you down the aisle at a renewal because, as PP have said, you are not a bride and have in fact been a married woman for seven years. That ship has sailed. (FYI my father is dead, and if he came back to life tomorrow it would still not be appropriate for him to escort be down the aisle should I have a vow renewal.) Just embrace that your dad IS alive and present on the day.

The cake and dancing sound lovely. I hope it is a happy and special day for all - but you are not a bride and need to remember that.

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