Wedding Party

Bridesmaids missing shower/bachelorette

I got an email from my future sister-in-law yesterday that she is unable to make my bridal shower and bachelorette parties (they are on the same day) because her daughter has a performance that weekend.  Her daughter is also standing up in my wedding and I am really upset about this.  I really want my future in-laws to be there and I am really upset about this.  I talked to my mom and she said that was a decision they had to make since we set the date at Christmas last year and we shouldn't change it just for them.  I think if it was one of my friends who couldn't make it, I would agree, but family is different.  I feel like we should at least try and see if there is another date we could switch to.  Am I wrong to put that pressure on my family for my future family?

What is the right thing to do?  BTW, invitation have not gone out, so there are no guests to inform if there is a change.  Thanks for the help!
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Re: Bridesmaids missing shower/bachelorette

  • pgcppgcp member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    Let it go.  Her children trump any party being thrown for you.  Just don't worry about it.  This isn't a big deal. 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2012
    Asking the hosts to move the date that they have already agreed on is a bit pushy.  If your mom doesn't want to move the date, that's her decision.  There's never going to be a date when everyone can come.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    This really is not that big of a deal.  She is missing a party not your wedding ceremony...put things more in perspective.  I know family is important but like a PP said, no matter what date you pick there will be someone not able to make it.  A persons child trumps everything (even your wedding).  If she can't make is she can't make least she told you before hand.

  • I understand *wanting* everyone to be there but sometimes it isn't possible.  It's okay.  Let it go.  Everyone will be at the wedding and that's more important than a shower or a bachelorette.
  • I get that you're disappointed, but you need to put it in perspective.  There will never be a day that will fit everyone's schedules, people are pretty busy these days!  It's a drag, but move on.
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  • They're just parties and you won't be spending them exclusively with SIL. Relax.

    If you want to spend time with her, go out to dinner with her some other time.
  • If they can't make it, they can't make it.  I know you are disappointed, but I don't think you should ask the hosts to change the dates just so they can make it.
  • In Response to <a href="">Re: Bridesmaids missing shower/bachelorette</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FSILs were my bridesmaids and live about five hours away. They didn't come in for the shower. I was fine with that. It's a long drive.  My shower was also on a Sunday so it would have been a long day for them. I agree with Joy.  Their being at the wedding is more important then the shower.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    Same here. My FSILs live about 4 hours away and won't be able to make my bachelorette party either b/c of the drive. They are by no means obligated to attend any party except the wedding itself. FMIL has suggested that they will make the drive to one of my showers thrown in my home town, and that was unexpected and exciting for me b/c I wasn't sure they'd be able to make anything.  I know its a bummer, but enjoy the people who are going to make it!
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  • Like PP's said, it's okay to be disappointed that she can't make it, but it's impossible to find a date that will work for everyone, so you need to just leave it be.  Plus, it would be really unfair to ask the people who have already gone through considerable time and expense to plan this party for you to move it just for one person.
  • The right thing to do is be a grown up and let it go.  Kids are going to trump your wedding every single time.
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  • I agree, it will be okay without her.  I'm sure she'll understand that you didn't pick that particular date just to spite her.

    FWIW, my FSIL isn't going to be able to make it to my shower or bachelorette party either.  Life goes on.
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  • I voted leave the dates the same.

    Actually I didn't even invite my FSIL's.  FI has only brothers, so my FSIL's are brother's wives who I don't know well, and one lives out of state.  I had a small shower of close friends only, less than 15 people, and FMIL was invited and attended.
  • Let it go if not move it.

  • If you really want her there, then if it's ok with the hostess, you could find a date that works with everyone. Like you said, you haven't inivted anyone yet. But if you've had this date since last December and the hostess has put a lot of planning into it already, I would leave it alone and go ahead with the date you already have planned.

    My sister and mother, who are my maid and matron of honors won't be able to come to my bridal shower either and if anyone throws me a bachelorette party they won't be able to come to that either: I am planning on having a bachelorette girls night in night before the wedding so my sis and mom can be in on at least one pre-wedding event.
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