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Out of State Shower Invite Wording-Help!!

StephA83StephA83 member
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in Pre-wedding Parties
I am making the invitations for a friend's shower. She lives in California, but the shower is in Illinois where she is from. She obviously can't bring presents with her home on the plane. We would hope that people realize that, but know not everyone will think of it. If she gets real presents she will just have to return them.

We wanted to think of some way to word a little card insert that requests gifts be sent to her home instead of brought to the shower without implying gifts are a must. Any ideas on how to do this correctly and nicely???

A little poem would be cute, but I am not creative!
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Re: Out of State Shower Invite Wording-Help!!

  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011

    The real answer:  You can't.

    The point of a shower is to watch the bride open her gifts.  Ideally guests will understand that she has a long way to travel but it's quite rude to ask them to ship the gifts to the bride's home.

    What you can do:  YOU can ship the boxed gifts to her as a gift to her.  Or, you can assist her in making a list of the items received off her registry so she returns them in the shower location to buy them locally.  The second option isn't ideal but asking guests in the invitation to not bring gifts to the shower isn't an option either.

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  • quotequeenquotequeen member
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    edited December 2011
    If she doesn't want to deal with getting gifts back home she shouldn't have a shower.  Another thing you could consider is having a theme that indicates the gifts should be small in size.  Like it could be a "smaller than a breadbox" shower.
    Married 10/2/10
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_out-of-state-shower-invite-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:94a19247-3c0b-4d57-afc0-2b4fc9087e67Post:bea75260-285c-435a-8df3-a3490d8e1c9e">Out of State Shower Invite Wording-Help!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am making the invitations for a friend's shower. She lives in California, but the shower is in Illinois where she is from. She obviously can't bring presents with her home on the plane. We would hope that people realize that, but know not everyone will think of it. If she gets real presents she will just have to return them. We wanted to think of some way to word a little card insert that requests gifts be sent to her home instead of brought to the shower without implying gifts are a must. Any ideas on how to do this correctly and nicely???<u><strong> A little poem would be cute, but I am not creative!</strong></u>
    Posted by StephA83[/QUOTE]

    A little poem might be cute, but it doesn't make what you're suggesting right.  The purpose of a shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts.  I agree that it's unfortunate that they'll have to be shipped.  It that seems disagreeable,  there is always the option to decline the shower.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • robin&adamrobin&adam member
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    edited December 2011
    I have the same issue and my MOH came up with this cute little poem.  I obviously live in TX so it was pretty easy to make it flow...

    The bride-to-be will be traveling a long way to visit on this special day. Gifts are not expected, but if giving, then gift cards are requested - as they have to make it back to Texas!
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  • robin&adamrobin&adam member
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    edited December 2011

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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_out-of-state-shower-invite-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:94a19247-3c0b-4d57-afc0-2b4fc9087e67Post:1eabe3a5-bb1b-47cf-a530-1e7d07c8205b">Re: Out of State Shower Invite Wording-Help!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have the same issue and my MOH came up with this cute little poem.  I obviously live in TX so it was pretty easy to make it flow... The bride-to-be will be traveling a long way to visit on this special day. Gifts are not expected, but if giving, then gift cards are requested - as they have to make it back to Texas!
    Posted by robin&adam[/QUOTE]

    OP:  Please don't do this.  It's really rude.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • anitamaria12anitamaria12 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I don't think asking for giftcards is rude.  Loved the TX poem.  My sister did something similar for me.  My FI and I are on a tight budget as well as our families so shipping gifts would be too much for us to handle financially.  I would suggest the bride to be to bring an empty bag just in case some guests do bring gifts so that she can take them back on the plane with her. 

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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's rude to ask for specific gifts on the invitation.  What if a shower guest already bought something?

    Just because it's in poem form doesn't mean it isn't rude.
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  • robin&adamrobin&adam member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's my shower. If they think it's rude, they don't need to come. :-)
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_out-of-state-shower-invite-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:94a19247-3c0b-4d57-afc0-2b4fc9087e67Post:b64559e2-6997-4547-ba0b-efce51ed694b">Re: Out of State Shower Invite Wording-Help!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's my shower. If they think it's rude, they don't need to come. :-)
    Posted by robin&adam[/QUOTE]

    My, what a lovely sentiment.

    It's better to be rude and just hope that your guests don't find the behavior offensive?  I don't think you're "getting" the point of etiquette.
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  • robin&adamrobin&adam member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    From the knot...

    The Gifts

    It's a good idea to suggest that the bride and groom register for gifts prior to the shower. In the shower invitations, include information about where guests can purchase presents. (Yes, this is okay etiquette-wise.) If you want guests to bring gifts in keeping with a theme, include special instructions. Just make sure there are related items on the registry so the soon-to-be newlyweds don't get unwanted gear. Investigate any special discounts you can pass on to shower-gift buyers.

    I also want to say that our gifts to our guests will be gift cards. We are only doing one type of game-ish thing...and we will be giving out gift cards. It's a gift card shower...like a kitchen shower...but with instead of kicthen items...you give gift cards. :-)

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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Not sure why you posted that.

    It's still inapproriate to ask for certain types of gifts (as gift cards are) in the shower invitation.

    Furthermore it's even worse to tell a guest that she shouldn't bring her gift with her to the shower and that she should ship it to the couple instead.  That's up to the giver to do - she shouldn't be told to do so as doing so defeats the point of a shower.

    A gift card shower is rude.
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  • anitamaria12anitamaria12 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    A few guests have already responded to the "giftcard shower" and they think it is GREAT!!! I wouldn't even worry about it ladies!!! :0)

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  • kellybean78kellybean78 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Okay, I'm in the same boat. My sister moved to NV & many of our family & friends can't make it to the wedding.  The couple will be flying 3000 miles to our home town this summer & as the MOH, I'm hosting a couples shower which will be the only opportunity for many people to wish the couple well & meet the groom. Obviously with all the luggage restrictions, taking packages home on the plane is not an option, so we're faced with the same problem.

    I'm kind of disappointed to read so much negativity about the gift card suggestion. I think including some kind of reminder that the couple will be flying is a reasonable idea.  Personally, I can't afford to ship all of my sister's gifts home for her on top of paying for the shower & other cross-country wedding expenses. Additionally, where it's a couples shower, the event is going to be more about mingling & less about oohing & ahhing over towels & cookware anyhow.  I don't think I need to go so far as calling it a "gift card shower", but (while some may think it's uncouth) I'll still be adding a note with the registry information to remind our guests that a Kitchen Aid mixer will not fit in the overhead compartment. 


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  • StephA83StephA83 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow. Good thing I somehow missed most of these replies last summer while this was going on because I would have been very upset by the negativity. Yes, there is an important need for being polite and keep ettiqutte. However, it is 2010/2011 and I think people are pretty understanding. 

    We ended up putting this in the invite:

    Your presence is the only gift ----- desires.  

    If you do want to give a gift,

    please do so in the form of a gift card or

    package sent to -----'s home in California. 


    It was close family and friends who wanted to see them and have a shower here in IL though the couple lives in CA. No one was offended and most people were happy for the reminder. They said they wouldn't have thought about it and just bought a gift. I certainly couldn't afford all it would cost to ship big shower gifts across the country. Most people ordered a gift and had it delivered to their house and wrapped up a picture. Or they printed a picture of what they wanted her to get with their gift card. She still had items to open and it was a blast. 

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  • Redbecks006Redbecks006 member
    First Comment
    I live in Texas and I'm from WV. I'm not even really having a shower but more of a party. My mom is throwing my shower/party for me at my hometown in WV. It's a chance for me to get to be with my family and friends and for many of them to meet my fiance. I'm trying to figure out a way to remind guests that it will be too expensive for me to ship all gifts back to Texas in a non rude manner. We will not be doing any games and mostly be eating, boating, and hanging out a lake resort. I like that one girl put this on the invites:

    The bride-to-be will be traveling a long way to visit on this special day. Gifts are not expected, but if giving, then gift cards are requested - as they have to make it back to Texas!
    Or something like that. I really care more about my friends and family coming that having gifts anyway. Goodluck to all the brides out there. 
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  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Redbecks006 said:

    I live in Texas and I'm from WV. I'm not even really having a shower but more of a party. My mom is throwing my shower/party for me at my hometown in WV. It's a chance for me to get to be with my family and friends and for many of them to meet my fiance. I'm trying to figure out a way to remind guests that it will be too expensive for me to ship all gifts back to Texas in a non rude manner. We will not be doing any games and mostly be eating, boating, and hanging out a lake resort. I like that one girl put this on the invites:


    The bride-to-be will be traveling a long way to visit on
    this special day. Gifts are not expected, but if giving, then gift cards are
    requested - as they have to make it back to Texas!
    Or something like that. I really care more about my friends and family coming that having gifts anyway. Goodluck to all the brides out there. 
    SITB

    You shouldn't be involved in planning your shower.

    What you want to do isn't polite.

    You've resurrected a zombie thread.
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  • speakeasy14speakeasy14 member
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    edited June 2014


    image
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
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    Redbecks006 said:
    I live in Texas and I'm from WV. I'm not even really having a shower but more of a party. My mom is throwing my shower/party for me at my hometown in WV. It's a chance for me to get to be with my family and friends and for many of them to meet my fiance. I'm trying to figure out a way to remind guests that it will be too expensive for me to ship all gifts back to Texas in a non rude manner. We will not be doing any games and mostly be eating, boating, and hanging out a lake resort. I like that one girl put this on the invites:

    The bride-to-be will be traveling a long way to visit on this special day. Gifts are not expected, but if giving, then gift cards are requested - as they have to make it back to Texas!
    Or something like that. I really care more about my friends and family coming that having gifts anyway. Goodluck to all the brides out there. 
    If you are tying not to be rude you should definitely not write that. It is tacky and rude to ask for gift cards. If you get a gift ship it back or donated it the poor if you don't want to be bothered. It's a gift not something you are entitled to receive. If you care more about seeing your friends have a tea or luncheon and drop the word shower. Then no one will feel obligate to get you a gift nd you don't have to rudely beg for gift cards.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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