A Little Different Honeymoon Resgistry - Thoughts?

photokitty · June 2014

chrisandcait said:

photokitty said:

chrisandcait said:

No, thank you.

Also, a bike tour at sunrise? ANYTHING at sunrise? Don't see the appeal.

ANYTHING? NOTHING?? Are you there's not something, a little somethin' sumtin', you'd like to do at sunrise??

Nothin I need other folks to pay for

Touche!

Ndelible · June 2014

Call me tacky. I have no issue with those who find honeymoon registries tacky. I myself have always found registries full of shit that folks never really use, extremely tacky. As an older bride with an established home, honeyfund was the way to go. As for the fees, in CA, sales tax skirts 9%, sooo...the fee argument really holds no water. I think that some people feel uncomfortable giving cash in small increments (under $100), and gift cards (you still pay the sales tax) and a bit impersonal as well. I did it because I liked the idea of being able to do it for someone else. I thought, "cool, five minute gift that they''ll love!" And who says memories of a great honeymoon aren't substantial? There's a saying, "spending on travel is the only purchase that makes you richer". All of this high and mighty judging is hogwash. Giving whatever the bride and groom want is gracious. Wanting to make a statement with your gift is tacky.

MNVegas · June 2014

IMO this is really no different than a honeyfund. It is still extremely rude to ask for cash from your guests. I really just can't believe that so many brides/grooms think their guests are so stupid that they don't already know that cash is a great gift. Stop insulting your guests! Stop deceiving your guests! They are not buying you an experience or a memory. They are giving you cash plain and simple.

Viczaesar · June 2014

Ndelible said:

Call me tacky. I have no issue with those who find honeymoon registries tacky. I myself have always found registries full of shit that folks never really use, extremely tacky. As an older bride with an established home, honeyfund was the way to go. As for the fees, in CA, sales tax skirts 9%, sooo...the fee argument really holds no water. I think that some people feel uncomfortable giving cash in small increments (under $100), and gift cards (you still pay the sales tax) and a bit impersonal as well. I did it because I liked the idea of being able to do it for someone else. I thought, "cool, five minute gift that they''ll love!" And who says memories of a great honeymoon aren't substantial? There's a saying, "spending on travel is the only purchase that makes you richer". All of this high and mighty judging is hogwash. Giving whatever the bride and groom want is gracious. Wanting to make a statement with your gift is tacky.

Okay, Tacky.

MGP · June 2014

Ndelible said:

Call me tacky. I have no issue with those who find honeymoon registries tacky. I myself have always found registries full of shit that folks never really use, extremely tacky. As an older bride with an established home, honeyfund was the way to go. As for the fees, in CA, sales tax skirts 9%, sooo...the fee argument really holds no water. I think that some people feel uncomfortable giving cash in small increments (under $100), and gift cards (you still pay the sales tax) and a bit impersonal as well. I did it because I liked the idea of being able to do it for someone else. I thought, "cool, five minute gift that they''ll love!" And who says memories of a great honeymoon aren't substantial? There's a saying, "spending on travel is the only purchase that makes you richer". All of this high and mighty judging is hogwash. Giving whatever the bride and groom want is gracious. Wanting to make a statement with your gift is tacky.

Um, no the fee argument does hold water. Where I live the sales tax rate is 8.25%. If someone buys me a blender there is a justified reason why this money is going to the state. A fee on a honeymoon registry is completely unnecessary. The only "convenience" that comes with it is to collect the money all at once and being able to pick out BS activities that you won't even do like a "sunrise sailboat cruise".

I have to say I agree with you about how travel is an invaluable investment and how people feel apprehensive about giving "smaller" amounts of money. It's terrible that society as a whole has put a stigma on gifts to make people feel like they haven't given "enough". You give what you want and what you can afford. That's why it's called a gift. Personally I have seen that the less amount of guidance you give someone the more generous they are with their gift.

Giving the bride and groom what they want can be gracious and I certainly aim to please to a point. When you are demanded or coerced into buying something/flat out giving money where is the grace in that? I ain't no ones bitch, especially when it comes to spending my own money.

As I previously stated I saved thousandS (yes, plural) on not having any type of honeymoon or money registry, in addition to saving my dignity and not offending my guests. Why anyone would opt to give away money is beyond me.

ETA - you are wrong about gift cards, at least where I live. A giver pays $100 for a gift card and the receiver will end up with $92 of merchandise/$8 sales tax give or take.

ohannabelle · June 2014

Ndelible said:

Call me tacky. I have no issue with those who find honeymoon registries tacky. I myself have always found registries full of shit that folks never really use, extremely tacky. As an older bride with an established home, honeyfund was the way to go. As for the fees, in CA, sales tax skirts 9%, sooo...the fee argument really holds no water. I think that some people feel uncomfortable giving cash in small increments (under $100), and gift cards (you still pay the sales tax) and a bit impersonal as well. I did it because I liked the idea of being able to do it for someone else. I thought, "cool, five minute gift that they''ll love!" And who says memories of a great honeymoon aren't substantial? There's a saying, "spending on travel is the only purchase that makes you richer". All of this high and mighty judging is hogwash. Giving whatever the bride and groom want is gracious. Wanting to make a statement with your gift is tacky.

Why would anyone register for "shit" that they "never use?" That's a ridiculous argument. Genius solution- register for things you'll use. That's what people do. And I don't buy the "we already have everything," argument. Assuming you do have every single thing you'll ever need for the rest of your life, and you're never going to buy a wine glass or bath towel again, then fine, don't register at all.

When I buy or make a gift, the only "statement" I'm making is I love you and thought about you and made an effort to give you a gift.

If that's not good enough, it isn't me who lacks graciousness.

Asking for money is crass. Expecting people to fund your vacations is crass.

So yes, you're tacky. And rude.

Ndelible · June 2014

Tacky is in the eye of the beholder. My point on gift cards is that the giver pays $100 and the receiver does not get that full amount...the same argument against the honeymoon sites. They cancel each other out. I agree that any gift is appreciated. My BFF has a great system, that I find works wonders. She buys things that are perfect for the recipient for no reason. A gift that the recipient really loves is way more important to me than what others think of that gift. My only point. And as for things the couple doesn't need? Seen it plenty of times. And expensive things. Especially those Kitchen Aid stand mixers for upwards of $200-300. Yeah, the thing they pull out once every two years. I simply have no judgment over folks that travel. Or want cash. Or home decorations. Or charities. Or nothing at all.

lilacck28 · June 2014

Ndelible said:

Tacky is in the eye of the beholder. My point on gift cards is that the giver pays $100 and the receiver does not get that full amount...the same argument against the honeymoon sites. They cancel each other out. I agree that any gift is appreciated. My BFF has a great system, that I find works wonders. She buys things that are perfect for the recipient for no reason. A gift that the recipient really loves is way more important to me than what others think of that gift. My only point. And as for things the couple doesn't need? Seen it plenty of times. And expensive things. Especially those Kitchen Aid stand mixers for upwards of $200-300. Yeah, the thing they pull out once every two years. I simply have no judgment over folks that travel. Or want cash. Or home decorations. Or charities. Or nothing at all.

Once every two years? Seriously??

One, how would you know that? And two, if it is true, your friends must really not like to bake! A hand mixer can do the trick for most things... but once you get a kitchenaid, why wouldn't they just use that?

APDSS22 · June 2014

Ndelible said:

Tacky is in the eye of the beholder. My point on gift cards is that the giver pays $100 and the receiver does not get that full amount...the same argument against the honeymoon sites. They cancel each other out. I agree that any gift is appreciated. My BFF has a great system, that I find works wonders. She buys things that are perfect for the recipient for no reason. A gift that the recipient really loves is way more important to me than what others think of that gift. My only point. And as for things the couple doesn't need? Seen it plenty of times. And expensive things. Especially those Kitchen Aid stand mixers for upwards of $200-300. Yeah, the thing they pull out once every two years. I simply have no judgment over folks that travel. Or want cash. Or home decorations. Or charities. Or nothing at all.

Just to clarify one thing. We had a KitchenAid stand mixer on our registry. It was our most expensive item (by quite a bit, I think the next highest was our knife set). I use it at least once a week. I love that thing SO much. I nearly passed out when I opened that box because I wasn't expecting anyone to be so generous. I had thought we would use our registry completion discount to purchase it. It was replacing a $20 handmixer from Walgreens. Just because it's expensive, doesn't mean someone won't use it often. In fact, the only thing I know of that was on our registry and gets used more often are our towels.

My husband and I have been together for a long time using only hand-me-down things or things we had from college that were the cheapest things we could find. Nothing matched. We were holding out for our registry to upgrade a lot of items, especially in the kitchen. If nobody had bought us anything off of our registry or given money gifts we would have worked toward purchasing them ourselves later because they were things we really wanted.

Some people might register for things they don't need and will never use, which I think is just as bad as a honeymoon registry because at least with the honeymoon registry you're owning up to wanting money for your vacation. Registering for expensive things to return them for store credit or whatever is deceitful and therefore worse. (Don't get me wrong, I think registering for cash in various amounts is pointless because people who give money will do that either way.) I try not to judge what people put on their registry though because I like to believe people for the most part are good and will only register for things they either need or would like to have to set up their lives together.

LondonLisa · June 2014

Ok, I have to jump in here because this sales tax defence is the most ridiculous, misguided thing I have ever read. So, by you rationale, one does a honeyfund INSTEAD of paying tax because the fees cancel out. So what do the bride and groom do once they have the money? If they want to spend it, they pay ANOTHER x percent in tax on flights, hotel, tax in a foreign country. Do honeyfunds magic away all future sales taxes on that money? Do they say "now you don't have to pay sales tax on funds given through us because we already took out 9%." So let's say your honeyfund fee is 9%, and sales tax is 9% on airplane flights. Congratulations, you just doubled the percentage taken away of the money you gave. I have said it on here and I will say it again, if you pay money to give/ ask for something (honeyfunds) that would have otherwise been free (cheque) , you are bad with money! Plus, it is begging, which is just vulgar and shameless, but I won't get into that now!

Viczaesar · June 2014

Ndelible said:

Tacky is in the eye of the beholder. My point on gift cards is that the giver pays $100 and the receiver does not get that full amount...the same argument against the honeymoon sites. They cancel each other out. I agree that any gift is appreciated. My BFF has a great system, that I find works wonders. She buys things that are perfect for the recipient for no reason. A gift that the recipient really loves is way more important to me than what others think of that gift. My only point. And as for things the couple doesn't need? Seen it plenty of times. And expensive things. Especially those Kitchen Aid stand mixers for upwards of $200-300. Yeah, the thing they pull out once every two years. I simply have no judgment over folks that travel. Or want cash. Or home decorations. Or charities. Or nothing at all.

I use my Kitchen Aid on a weekly basis if not more often. You know what they say about people who assume...

MGP · June 2014

Ndelible said:

My point on gift cards is that the giver pays $100 and the receiver does not get that full amount...the same argument against the honeymoon sites. They cancel each other out.

You are totally missing the point here. With taxable items there is a true NEED to pay that. There is never, ever a need for someone to pay a middle man website money to give someone else money for a wedding gift. I challenge you to come up with an example where this is a necessity.

If you are so concerned with someone receiving the "full amount" then give them a gift card for $109 or a honeymoon registry gift for $107. But why do that when you can just give them a check for $100 and call it a day? Cash is king people!

MGP · June 2014

LondonLisa said:

Ok, I have to jump in here because this sales tax defence is the most ridiculous, misguided thing I have ever read. So, by you rationale, one does a honeyfund INSTEAD of paying tax because the fees cancel out. So what do the bride and groom do once they have the money? If they want to spend it, they pay ANOTHER x percent in tax on flights, hotel, tax in a foreign country. Do honeyfunds magic away all future sales taxes on that money? Do they say "now you don't have to pay sales tax on funds given through us because we already took out 9%." So let's say your honeyfund fee is 9%, and sales tax is 9% on airplane flights. Congratulations, you just doubled the percentage taken away of the money you gave. I have said it on here and I will say it again, if you pay money to give/ ask for something (honeyfunds) that would have otherwise been free (cheque) , you are bad with money! Plus, it is begging, which is just vulgar and shameless, but I won't get into that now!

Bravo! Love every bit of this response.

The bolded is the best. Honestly I have never seen anyone who I believe to be "good with money" have a Honeymoon registry. Coincidence? I think not.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

Still bad, and ndelible you are still tacky for loads of reasons.

Wedding gifts are intended to set a couple up for a good life together. Stock their house with essentials and decor, replenish their savings, start a nest egg, etc. A VACATION DOES NOT DO THIS. Registering for things that do set up your home life is not tacky. It's smart. Really will never need another towel in your life? Here's a check for your nest egg. Use it toward the mortgage, or IF you're so good with money you have those things covered and planned a nice vacation for yourselves to celebrate your awesomeness, use it for dinner on the beach. But if you needed to register for a vacation where an internet middleman takes 7% of your gift, YOU ARE NOT GOOD WITH MONEY.

stepslh · June 2014

I think everyone's situation is personal. Some of you that think a honeyfund is awful probably need a lot of things for your home. The reality is that times have changed and some people have been living with their fiance for years before they get married.

In my personal situation, my mother in law is a hoarder(but with great taste) and my fiance is a chef. So I LITERALLY have every single thing possible you could want for a home. There's not one thing I can think of that I would need from a traditional registry.

Furthermore, my guests are traveling from other countries to my wedding so I told them they didn't have to bring a gift at all, but if they wanted to they could donate to my honeyfund.

Why would I want guests that are only allowed 50 lbs in their suitcase to bring me some kitchenaid that I already have 3 of??

You see....everyone's situation is different. Go Honeyfund! lol

Besides, like another poster said.....You will be giving the couple amazing memories. Let's face it, they won't be necessarily thinking of you everytime they cut vegetables with their new knife set either.

ohannabelle · June 2014

Please note that this is an etiquette board.

The rule of etiquette is that it's wrong to ask people for money.

The rule doesn't change because you have lots of things in your house, or you don't want bath towels, or there isn't one single thing in the entire world that you'll need to replace for the rest of your life, or your guests are traveling and don't want to pay baggage fees.

Asking for money is gross. No excuse in the world changes that.

APDSS22 · June 2014

stepslh said:

I think everyone's situation is personal. Some of you that think a honeyfund is awful probably need a lot of things for your home. The reality is that times have changed and some people have been living with their fiance for years before they get married.

In my personal situation, my mother in law is a hoarder(but with great taste) and my fiance is a chef. So I LITERALLY have every single thing possible you could want for a home. There's not one thing I can think of that I would need from a traditional registry.

Furthermore, my guests are traveling from other countries to my wedding so I told them they didn't have to bring a gift at all, but if they wanted to they could donate to my honeyfund.

Why would I want guests that are only allowed 50 lbs in their suitcase to bring me some kitchenaid that I already have 3 of??

You see....everyone's situation is different. Go Honeyfund! lol

Besides, like another poster said.....You will be giving the couple amazing memories. Let's face it, they won't be necessarily thinking of you everytime they cut vegetables with their new knife set either.

You didn't really read, did you? It's not about needing or not needing things for a home together. There is usually a fee associated that takes away from the gift. More than that, a honeymoon registry is asking for cash. That's all it is. Having different amounts of cash on a website so people can send you a $45 check for "dinner on the beach" vs. the $50 they would normally gift you if left to their own devices. Then Honeyfund takes their cut and it's $38.

The reality is, I was living with my now-husband for years before we got married. I understand that a couple getting married may not need all the home things because they've purchased them themselves. But registering for different amounts of check on a website that takes a cut is just silly. Don't register if you don't need anything and let people gift you with cash or checks naturally. No fees! How awesome would that be? Then their suitcase can just have that little slip of paper for your gift. Virtually no weight at all!

I don't get the hate on those of us who did register for knives or towels or whatever because we wanted them for our home. I do think of the college friend and her mother who gave me my KitchenAid stand mixer every time I use it. Their generosity gets me every time. I like the warm fuzzies I get from looking at the wonderful gifts people gave me. I also enjoyed using the money gifts to finish out our registry and help with things like our car payment since we paid for our vacation ourselves.

If people want to use money gifts from their wedding to do things on their honeymoon, that's fine. It's money, given freely and they can do what they want with it. There's a big difference between a guest choosing to give you a check and you saying you don't need new fluffy towels so they should gift you exact amounts of cash.

Cookie Pusher · June 2014

I also have everything I could possibly want/need/fit in my home (not surprising as FI and I have lived together for 10+ years). I did not create a honeymoon fund - I simply did not register. My guests are perfectly aware that cash is an appropriate gift.

LadyMillil · June 2014

stepslh said:

I think everyone's situation is personal. Some of you that think a honeyfund is awful probably need a lot of things for your home. The reality is that times have changed and some people have been living with their fiance for years before they get married.

In my personal situation, my mother in law is a hoarder(but with great taste) and my fiance is a chef. So I LITERALLY have every single thing possible you could want for a home. There's not one thing I can think of that I would need from a traditional registry.

Furthermore, my guests are traveling from other countries to my wedding so I told them they didn't have to bring a gift at all, but if they wanted to they could donate to my honeyfund.

Why would I want guests that are only allowed 50 lbs in their suitcase to bring me some kitchenaid that I already have 3 of??

You see....everyone's situation is different. Go Honeyfund! lol

Besides, like another poster said.....You will be giving the couple amazing memories. Let's face it, they won't be necessarily thinking of you everytime they cut vegetables with their new knife set either.

I've been living on my own for 10 years, 5 of those with my now husband. We have everything we could need right now. We also live in a tiny condo and don't have space for more "stuff". In addition to this, we got married in my hometown, which is a 6 hour plane ride from where we currently live, so any physical gifts would either needed to be shipped back or packed into our checked luggage. Guess what? We still didn't have a honeymoon registry. We created a very small registry that included items like towels and measuring cups because we knew that some of our older relatives would give boxed gifts. We were able to set up the registry with an option that the item could be purchased in store in my hometown but delivered free of charge to the local store where we currently live. The majority of our guests didn't eve look for a registry because they knew we would have to lug gifts across the country, and just wrote a cheque or gave cash. We used most of the money to pay for our honeymoon. We now have $350 in spending money for our honeymoon that we wouldn't have had if we used honey fund, because that $350 would have been deducted to cover the fees.

Jen4948 · June 2014

stepslh said:

I think everyone's situation is personal. Some of you that think a honeyfund is awful probably need a lot of things for your home. The reality is that times have changed and some people have been living with their fiance for years before they get married.

You see....everyone's situation is different. Go Honeyfund! lol

Nope. There is no "personal situation" that exempts you from the etiquette rule that it is inappropriate to do a honeyfund registry because it's inappropriate to register for cash gifts, regardless of what the couple plans to do with the money. It doesn't matter who needs what for their home or how "amazing" the memories are. Times have not changed to the extent that this passes etiquette muster.

MNVegas · June 2014

stepslh said:

I think everyone's situation is personal. Some of you that think a honeyfund is awful probably need a lot of things for your home. The reality is that times have changed and some people have been living with their fiance for years before they get married.

In my personal situation, my mother in law is a hoarder(but with great taste) and my fiance is a chef. So I LITERALLY have every single thing possible you could want for a home. There's not one thing I can think of that I would need from a traditional registry.

Furthermore, my guests are traveling from other countries to my wedding so I told them they didn't have to bring a gift at all, but if they wanted to they could donate to my honeyfund.

Why would I want guests that are only allowed 50 lbs in their suitcase to bring me some kitchenaid that I already have 3 of??

You see....everyone's situation is different. Go Honeyfund! lol

Besides, like another poster said.....You will be giving the couple amazing memories. Let's face it, they won't be necessarily thinking of you everytime they cut vegetables with their new knife set either.

What an incredibly rude thing to say to your guests! First there should be no expectation of gifts. Second asking for cash even when disguised as a tacky HM registry is inappropriate. BTW you are not getting any memories as a gift. You are getting cash minus the fees. Stop lying to your guests.

chibiyui · June 2014

I don't get why people are so insistent on honeymoon registries. Registering for money isn't going to get you more money. I still had a bunch of items on our registry at the time of our wedding, and we received mostly cash gifts.

Ndelible · June 2014

Not sure why some people are so concerned with what other people want. A gift is about the recipient, not the giver. Seems to me that some here are more concerned with how they look than with the spirit of the gift. Times have changed.

chibiyui · June 2014

Ndelible said:

Not sure why some people are so concerned with what other people want. A gift is about the recipient, not the giver. Seems to me that some here are more concerned with how they look than with the spirit of the gift. Times have changed.

A gift is about what the giver wants to give the recipient. Often the giver asks or inquires about what the recipient would like. I don't want to give a gift the recipient doesn't want. But if the recipient acts like I'm a fucking ATM, Imma metal chicken their ass, because fuck that.

APDSS22 · June 2014

Ndelible said:

Not sure why some people are so concerned with what other people want. A gift is about the recipient, not the giver. Seems to me that some here are more concerned with how they look than with the spirit of the gift. Times have changed.

I'm not terribly concerned about what they want, but how they choose to go about getting it. If people want money, all they have to do is not register or have only a small registry and their guests will get the hint with no rudeness and no fees. There is a solution that doesn't involve pan handling. I still don't understand why wedding couples don't see that as a great solution.

lilacck28 · June 2014

Ndelible said:

Not sure why some people are so concerned with what other people want. A gift is about the recipient, not the giver. Seems to me that some here are more concerned with how they look than with the spirit of the gift. Times have changed.

You seemed awfully judgmental when it came to couples requesting Kitchen Aid stand mixers...

Marzipan13 · June 2014

Ndelible said: Not sure why some people are so concerned with what other people want. A gift is about the recipient, not the giver. Seems to me that some here are more concerned with how they look than with the spirit of the gift. Times have changed. -----------------------------------------sitb--------------------------------------------------------- The "spirit of the gift" is a little more meaningful when the gift is something the giver WANTS to give. And I'd rather not look like a selfish asshole - the gift can be as small or large as the giver intends without me asking for it.

ETF: boxes

Ndelible · June 2014

Not really... I wouldn't buy the KA mixer anyway... I just laugh. Especially folk registered at Tiffany's. I just fail to see the harm. I tend to think cash is best, but understand that people are sometimes uncomfortable giving smaller amounts and end up getting a physical gift because they think it "looks" better giving a gift of modest cost than the cash equivalent. If the couple doesn't need another towel or frying pan, a HR may be a possible answer. Of course, every gift is important and appreciated, but it's complicated rather than simple and more choices can make a lot of people happy and relieved.

lilacck28 · June 2014

Ndelible said:

Not really... I wouldn't buy the KA mixer anyway... I just laugh. Especially folk registered at Tiffany's. I just fail to see the harm. I tend to think cash is best, but understand that people are sometimes uncomfortable giving smaller amounts and end up getting a physical gift because they think it "looks" better giving a gift of modest cost than the cash equivalent. If the couple doesn't need another towel or frying pan, a HR may be a possible answer. Of course, every gift is important and appreciated, but it's complicated rather than simple and more choices can make a lot of people happy and relieved.

I agree. I think all gifts are "best" but I'd personally prefer checks and money... which is why I wouldn't want a honeyfund! I want that 3-9% that they would be taking away as fees, especially as I will most likely have to pay sales tax again (another 6-8%) on whatever I use the money for. I can't wrap my head around the idea of using a registry that would cause a loss of money!

lilacck28 · June 2014

scribe95 said:

Last time I checked there is no sales tax on giving cash.

Also, when I buy someone a $25 gift card it is actually $25. How is it less? I don't understand that comment.

Was this directed at me?

A Little Different Honeymoon Resgistry - Thoughts?

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