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Pre-wedding Parties

Bride doesn't want to open gifts....

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Re: Bride doesn't want to open gifts....

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    scribe95 said:
    Yeah, I'm pretty much over OAH's insistence that none of the rudeness was her fault. You know what? You went to the shower so it's on you. At least own it and stop acting like a child who had no choice or say in anything. You are an adult for crying out loud. 
    Yeah, I agree. And the moment you realised it was a shower, you should have sucked it up and opened presents. I mean seriously, how hard is it to be polite and open gifts?! Being an adult is about realising you sometimes have to do things you don't want to do. I have NO sympathy for people who accept shower gifts and then don't want to open them. What is next- "I want gifts but I don't want to have to write thank you notes?"
    Maggie0829JoanE2012
  • Wow, I didn't realize issues like these still occurred and reading the responses from this thread has 100% sealed the deal for me to definitely decline having anyone throw one these things for me. Yuck. I didn't realize so many people were still hung up over a tradition that only started in the 1890s as a way to make up for patriarchal disapproval of the union. I have to say, I'm glad I got to read this though and realize that I have to make sure my guests know I will not get stuck having one of these farcical parties and have people think so negatively about me on my big day. In response to the OP, with all due respect, I think you you shouldn't host a party for someone who is your friend if you can't respect their opinions. Tradition or not, it's her wedding and you didn't have to offer to host it if you aren't happy with what ideas make her who she is.
  • MoonCat91 said:
    Wow, I didn't realize issues like these still occurred and reading the responses from this thread has 100% sealed the deal for me to definitely decline having anyone throw one these things for me. Yuck. I didn't realize so many people were still hung up over a tradition that only started in the 1890s as a way to make up for patriarchal disapproval of the union. I have to say, I'm glad I got to read this though and realize that I have to make sure my guests know I will not get stuck having one of these farcical parties and have people think so negatively about me on my big day. In response to the OP, with all due respect, I think you you shouldn't host a party for someone who is your friend if you can't respect their opinions. Tradition or not, it's her wedding and you didn't have to offer to host it if you aren't happy with what ideas make her who she is.
    See that's the thing, I offered to host the party and had the invitations printed before I knew she didn't want to open gifts. When she told me this, I told her I thought it was a bad idea, but she said she didn't think people would care. I'm having the party against my better judgement because I've already put down a non-refundable room fee and have had the invitations printed. I'm not going to stop being her friend obviously or judge her forever, I just think it's rude behavior and think she's being a bit selfish. With that said, I politely offered my opinion and can only hope people don't think I'm rude for hosting a shower in which gifts are displayed, but not opened, on a table for three hours.
    chibiyui
  • My cousin had a "Show" Shower, were guest's were asked no to wrap any gifts brought. If a guest did bring a wrapped gift then she let her 5 year old daughter and step daughter open them. She said this allowed her to enjoy her guests more than spending the majority of the time unwrapping items.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    dcaviston said:
    My cousin had a "Show" Shower, were guest's were asked no to wrap any gifts brought. If a guest did bring a wrapped gift then she let her 5 year old daughter and step daughter open them. She said this allowed her to enjoy her guests more than spending the majority of the time unwrapping items.
    I would never let a 5 year old handle a gift that isn't for her.  They could damage it.  And at a shower, this truly doesn't make sense.
  • The slippery-slope argument that not opening gifts at a shower in any way leads to, or even is analogous to, not opening thank-you notes is a logical fallacy, IMO. There are many people who would do the first thing, but never consider doing the other, and no amount of hyperbole is going to change that fact. 

    The analogy fails partly because thank-you notes are an outright expression of gratefulness, whereas opening presents while everyone watches is a coded social signal of gratefulness that many people (such as myself four weeks ago, in a more innocent time) do not even realize exists, and many people (such as myself in the present) fucking HATE.

    Of course, the OP's friend is outright saying she wants a shower, specifically, because she wants all the gifts and doesn't seem to realize that people who do accept showers hosted for them are supposed to at least PRETEND that it's about togetherness and friendship and family and joy, not about presents. So I get why people are judging her. shrug.
  • @Jen4948 obviously any of the gifts that were opened by the children there was either the mother or one of the bridemaids right by them supervising. It's not like the girls were told to rip through gifts with no supervision. It made sense for my cousin, maybe not for you, but it helped keep 2 five year old daughters/ flower girls entertained and stopped them from causing any mischief.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    dcaviston said:
    @Jen4948 obviously any of the gifts that were opened by the children there was either the mother or one of the bridemaids right by them supervising. It's not like the girls were told to rip through gifts with no supervision. It made sense for my cousin, maybe not for you, but it helped keep 2 five year old daughters/ flower girls entertained and stopped them from causing any mischief.
    It may have made sense for your cousin, but I still would not allow 5 year olds to open someone else's gifts.  They need to learn that not all gifts are theirs to open-and that they need to find other entertainment sometimes.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    dcaviston said:
    @Jen4948 obviously any of the gifts that were opened by the children there was either the mother or one of the bridemaids right by them supervising. It's not like the girls were told to rip through gifts with no supervision. It made sense for my cousin, maybe not for you, but it helped keep 2 five year old daughters/ flower girls entertained and stopped them from causing any mischief.
    It may have made sense for your cousin, but I still would not allow 5 year olds to open someone else's gifts.  They need to learn that not all gifts are theirs to open-and that they need to find other entertainment sometimes.
    This.  I have been to a few showers where the kids completely took over.  I thought it was incredibly rude of the parents to allow this behavior and felt bad for the bride because they are her gifts not the kids and you could see on her face that she was uncomfortable but didn't want to say anything that could be seen as her being rude to the kids.  I get kids like to open gifts but like Jen said, they need to learn that not everything is about them and that they don't always get to participate.

    ladybird29chibiyui
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