I will do an emailed thank-you when someone sends a gift card by email just to confirm I received it--but then I also do a follow-up card in the mail that elaborates a little more about how I'll use the gift. For job interviews, I'd email the same day with a brief thank-you but then send a paper note immediately as well.
The way I see it, the gift-giver could have just emailed me a "Hey, congrats on your wedding!" but instead took the time to send a gift. If someone can make that effort, I can at the very least make the effort to get a note card and some postage together. I also think because email exists now and people know you could have taken that option, getting a card in the mail is appreciated all the more.
Yeah, I'm confused why you asked the question, now, too.
Because I wanted etiquette-related opinions about sending thank you notes via email (for the benefit of the American people in attendance, if they actually do care about that sort of thing). I didn't really need or want to hear that I was lazy or that people wouldn't be friends with me if I did that.
NO! Email comes across as really impersonal, and IMO kind of lazy.
Not to mention, do all of your guests even use email? Sure, most people probably have one but do they check it regularly? I know that my older family members (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) do not.
I believe I already responded to this question earlier in the thread.
I am looking at a handwritten thank you note from a colleague in St. Petersburg on my desk right now. So I find it highly doubtful that the entire Russian nation doesn't "do" thank you notes.
You received unanimous answers to your question: hand write your thank you notes. Email/phone call thank yours are not a substitute.
That's probably because the colleague knows that in YOUR culture, thank you notes are expected. Especially if it's a business relationship, people tend to be in tune with a different culture's expectations. I wouldn't expect a written thank you note from a Russian to a Russian.
Then take a note out of her book and write thank you notes for you American wedding. She realised that it was important, why can't you? Are you getting married in Russia, to a Russian, with only Russian guests? No.
"They were so rude to send me a handwritten thank you note!" - no one, ever
Thank you note etiquette in general in this country is you write handwritten notes and mail them. Since you apparently don't care about that, I don't see the point of asking.
I am looking at a handwritten thank you note from a colleague in St. Petersburg on my desk right now. So I find it highly doubtful that the entire Russian nation doesn't "do" thank you notes.
You received unanimous answers to your question: hand write your thank you notes. Email/phone call thank yours are not a substitute.
That's probably because the colleague knows that in YOUR culture, thank you notes are expected. Especially if it's a business relationship, people tend to be in tune with a different culture's expectations. I wouldn't expect a written thank you note from a Russian to a Russian.
Then take a note out of her book and write thank you notes for you American wedding. She realised that it was important, why can't you? Are you getting married in Russia, to a Russian, with only Russian guests? No.
"They were so rude to send me a handwritten thank you note!" - no one, ever
This. A thousand times this.
No one will be mad that they received a physical thank you card. Plenty of people WILL be mad at not receiving one. (Yes, even in your circle, even if it's just 1% of the 5% American guests. They will not tell you this, because THAT would be rude, but why run the risk?)
I am looking at a handwritten thank you note from a colleague in St. Petersburg on my desk right now. So I find it highly doubtful that the entire Russian nation doesn't "do" thank you notes.
You received unanimous answers to your question: hand write your thank you notes. Email/phone call thank yours are not a substitute.
That's probably because the colleague knows that in YOUR culture, thank you notes are expected. Especially if it's a business relationship, people tend to be in tune with a different culture's expectations. I wouldn't expect a written thank you note from a Russian to a Russian.
Then take a note out of her book and write thank you notes for you American wedding. She realised that it was important, why can't you? Are you getting married in Russia, to a Russian, with only Russian guests? No.
"They were so rude to send me a handwritten thank you note!" - no one, ever
Not that I need to defend this, since my original question was answered, but your comment got me irked.
I'm getting married in America, to a Russian, with primarily Russian guests. Not an American wedding by any definition. I know some people who would think it's frivolous or pretentious of me to send a card, because it's just not done in Russia. Or at the very least would think it was weird.
Why do you people assume that just because I am getting married in America, that I should cater to American expectations, and not to the expectations of my guests??
Yeah, I'm confused why you asked the question, now, too.
Because I wanted etiquette-related opinions about sending thank you notes via email (for the benefit of the American people in attendance, if they actually do care about that sort of thing). I didn't really need or want to hear that I was lazy or that people wouldn't be friends with me if I did that.
I mean, I get being annoyed or hurt over those things. But that doesn't render the advice useless. That's just bad logic.
I am looking at a handwritten thank you note from a colleague in St. Petersburg on my desk right now. So I find it highly doubtful that the entire Russian nation doesn't "do" thank you notes.
You received unanimous answers to your question: hand write your thank you notes. Email/phone call thank yours are not a substitute.
That's probably because the colleague knows that in YOUR culture, thank you notes are expected. Especially if it's a business relationship, people tend to be in tune with a different culture's expectations. I wouldn't expect a written thank you note from a Russian to a Russian.
Then take a note out of her book and write thank you notes for you American wedding. She realised that it was important, why can't you? Are you getting married in Russia, to a Russian, with only Russian guests? No.
"They were so rude to send me a handwritten thank you note!" - no one, ever
Not that I need to defend this, since my original question was answered, but your comment got me irked.
I'm getting married in America, to a Russian, with primarily Russian guests. Not an American wedding by any definition. I know some people who would think it's frivolous or pretentious of me to send a card, because it's just not done in Russia. Or at the very least would think it was weird.
Why do you people assume that just because I am getting married in America, that I should cater to American expectations, and not to the expectations of my guests??
************ Again I ask, why did you even bother posting this question if you had no intention of actually following the great advice you got?
Again, why did you ask if you don't care? I'm not American and knowing that you have lived in America, I would think you were raised in a barn if I didn't receive a thank you note after I sent you a wedding gift. You can't plead ignorance- you know that people will think you are rude for not sending them. Why not do an email blast saying " in my culture I don't do thank you notes, so don't expect one". It seems like nothing we say will convince you otherwise. If anything, it is doing your friends a favour since they won't have to buy you a gift again with that attitude.
I have no idea why you asked if you have already made up your mind. MUD? You knew it would get us riled up?
Maybe your Russian guests would not expect a TY note (although I even question that based on this thread), but I've never heard of anybody thinking a TY note is wrong or rude. People love to get personal mail on a pretty card that is not a bill or junk. I LOVE getting TY notes in the mail because they are fun to open and look at! I put them on my fireplace mantel! You just don't get that level of personal warmth in an email.
Do not send email thank-you notes. Honestly if you are hell-bent against writing a gracious card, personally I'd much rather get a call rather than an email. However, as a guest I'd still think it was really weird you didn't send a TY note.
"I'm not a rude bitch. I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."
I apologize if my response came off as bitchy. I did not intend for it to. However, you seem to feel very strongly about the whole phone call/email thing. If that is the case, I suggest you do both to appease your cultural ties as well as American etiquette. I think it could be fine for you to make a phone call AND send a handwritten thank you note. This way both ends of the spectrum are pleased and you leave little room for anyone to feel slighted or offended.
I'm not saying that Russians are against thank you notes, it's just not done in Russia or by my American-Russian friends (quite a few, since most people I associate with are Russian). Maybe your Russian-born friends are more American than Russian. I've been to quite a few actual Russian-American weddings, and have not received a single thank you note, ever. If I write one, the Russian people who receive it will be very surprised.
So you calling BS on my cultural experience is, in itself, BS.
And I don't really care if my wedding is in America. 95% of the people I invite are NOT going to be American, please don't presume that just because I live in America, I should invite Americans. It's rude to assume that I should follow American etiquette if my guests are expecting something else. The few Americans in attendance don't care much for thank you notes anyway, so I don't think it will matter much to them whether they receive a card or an email.
Is this one of those things that people try and justify as a regional practice...like it's cool guys everyone has cash bar, it's a regional thing?? *eyeroll*
Just because people haven't historically given you a thank you note, does not mean you can't "shock" them with your good manner and gratitude. You should send hand written thank you notes for all the gifts you receive - showers, wedding or otherwise.
I am looking at a handwritten thank you note from a colleague in St. Petersburg on my desk right now. So I find it highly doubtful that the entire Russian nation doesn't "do" thank you notes.
You received unanimous answers to your question: hand write your thank you notes. Email/phone call thank yours are not a substitute.
That's probably because the colleague knows that in YOUR culture, thank you notes are expected. Especially if it's a business relationship, people tend to be in tune with a different culture's expectations. I wouldn't expect a written thank you note from a Russian to a Russian.
Then take a note out of her book and write thank you notes for you American wedding. She realised that it was important, why can't you? Are you getting married in Russia, to a Russian, with only Russian guests? No.
"They were so rude to send me a handwritten thank you note!" - no one, ever
Not that I need to defend this, since my original question was answered, but your comment got me irked.
I'm getting married in America, to a Russian, with primarily Russian guests. Not an American wedding by any definition. I know some people who would think it's frivolous or pretentious of me to send a card, because it's just not done in Russia. Or at the very least would think it was weird.
Why do you people assume that just because I am getting married in America, that I should cater to American expectations, and not to the expectations of my guests??
************
Again I ask, why did you even bother posting this question if you had no intention of actually following the great advice you got?
Since you people apparently can't read, let me say this again. For the final time. Because this is the last time I will post on this bitchy ass forum.
I asked for general opinions on email thank you notes. I got the idea that it's generally not done in the US. That was the point of my question. But some people responded in such a bitchy manner that I felt the need to comment further. That's it.
I get the sense that some of you people are so stuck on the "proper" way things are done that you fail to see that there may be a situation where it doesn't necessarily apply, such as I described above (which you still failed to understand, because I explained many times that from a Russian to a Russian, thank you notes are not the norm).
So bottom line, I will send thank you emails or make calls to my Russian friends, and to the Americans, I will either email, call, or mail, depending on what I think they will probably expect from me.
At least when I posted on Wedding Wire, all of the responses I got were constructive, without the bitchiness. Some of you might actually be helpful if you didn't scare lurkers or first-time posters with your horrendous attitudes. Take a chill pill.
I am looking at a handwritten thank you note from a colleague in St. Petersburg on my desk right now. So I find it highly doubtful that the entire Russian nation doesn't "do" thank you notes.
You received unanimous answers to your question: hand write your thank you notes. Email/phone call thank yours are not a substitute.
That's probably because the colleague knows that in YOUR culture, thank you notes are expected. Especially if it's a business relationship, people tend to be in tune with a different culture's expectations. I wouldn't expect a written thank you note from a Russian to a Russian.
Then take a note out of her book and write thank you notes for you American wedding. She realised that it was important, why can't you? Are you getting married in Russia, to a Russian, with only Russian guests? No.
"They were so rude to send me a handwritten thank you note!" - no one, ever
Not that I need to defend this, since my original question was answered, but your comment got me irked.
I'm getting married in America, to a Russian, with primarily Russian guests. Not an American wedding by any definition. I know some people who would think it's frivolous or pretentious of me to send a card, because it's just not done in Russia. Or at the very least would think it was weird.
Why do you people assume that just because I am getting married in America, that I should cater to American expectations, and not to the expectations of my guests??
************
Again I ask, why did you even bother posting this question if you had no intention of actually following the great advice you got?
Since you people apparently can't read, let me say this again. For the final time. Because this is the last time I will post on this bitchy ass forum.
I asked for general opinions on email thank you notes. I got the idea that it's generally not done in the US. That was the point of my question. But some people responded in such a bitchy manner that I felt the need to comment further. That's it.
I get the sense that some of you people are so stuck on the "proper" way things are done that you fail to see that there may be a situation where it doesn't necessarily apply, such as I described above (which you still failed to understand, because I explained many times that from a Russian to a Russian, thank you notes are not the norm).
So bottom line, I will send thank you emails or make calls to my Russian friends, and to the Americans, I will either email, call, or mail, depending on what I think they will probably expect from me.
At least when I posted on Wedding Wire, all of the responses I got were constructive, without the bitchiness. Some of you might actually be helpful if you didn't scare lurkers or first-time posters with your horrendous attitudes. Take a chill pill.
Did they tell you how different and special your circumstances are?
I am looking at a handwritten thank you note from a colleague in St. Petersburg on my desk right now. So I find it highly doubtful that the entire Russian nation doesn't "do" thank you notes.
You received unanimous answers to your question: hand write your thank you notes. Email/phone call thank yours are not a substitute.
That's probably because the colleague knows that in YOUR culture, thank you notes are expected. Especially if it's a business relationship, people tend to be in tune with a different culture's expectations. I wouldn't expect a written thank you note from a Russian to a Russian.
Then take a note out of her book and write thank you notes for you American wedding. She realised that it was important, why can't you? Are you getting married in Russia, to a Russian, with only Russian guests? No.
"They were so rude to send me a handwritten thank you note!" - no one, ever
Not that I need to defend this, since my original question was answered, but your comment got me irked.
I'm getting married in America, to a Russian, with primarily Russian guests. Not an American wedding by any definition. I know some people who would think it's frivolous or pretentious of me to send a card, because it's just not done in Russia. Or at the very least would think it was weird.
Why do you people assume that just because I am getting married in America, that I should cater to American expectations, and not to the expectations of my guests??
************
Again I ask, why did you even bother posting this question if you had no intention of actually following the great advice you got?
Since you people apparently can't read, let me say this again. For the final time. Because this is the last time I will post on this bitchy ass forum.
I asked for general opinions on email thank you notes. I got the idea that it's generally not done in the US. That was the point of my question. But some people responded in such a bitchy manner that I felt the need to comment further. That's it.
I get the sense that some of you people are so stuck on the "proper" way things are done that you fail to see that there may be a situation where it doesn't necessarily apply, such as I described above (which you still failed to understand, because I explained many times that from a Russian to a Russian, thank you notes are not the norm).
So bottom line, I will send thank you emails or make calls to my Russian friends, and to the Americans, I will either email, call, or mail, depending on what I think they will probably expect from me.
At least when I posted on Wedding Wire, all of the responses I got were constructive, without the bitchiness. Some of you might actually be helpful if you didn't scare lurkers or first-time posters with your horrendous attitudes. Take a chill pill.
I'm hoping you don't ignore this post as my others posts seemed to be ignored...
Forgive me if i misread your post, but didn't you say that in Russian culture most people got phone calls instead of thank you notes? If that's the case, I think it still might be better for you to give phone calls to your Russian guests because that is what they are used to. It kind of seems like even sending a thank you email to them might throw them off if that's not what's customary. So I still suggest sticking with the phone calls at least and then send a thank you note.
I'm hoping you don't ignore this post as my others posts seemed to be ignored...
Forgive me if i misread your post, but didn't you say that in Russian culture most people got phone calls instead of thank you notes? If that's the case, I think it still might be better for you to give phone calls to your Russian guests because that is what they are used to. It kind of seems like even sending a thank you email to them might throw them off if that's not what's customary. So I still suggest sticking with the phone calls at least and then send a thank you note.
TerriHugg, thank you, I think yours was the nicest and most constructive reply I received on this thread. I think I may call instead, thanks for the idea. I did not ignore your post...I read it, just was too angry at the other bitchy responses to respond to you properly. I didn't want to leave this forum without saying thank you for your well thought-out response and I appreciate you considering my family's background in your comments.
And for the record, the ladies on WW also mostly said that handwritten notes are preferred. No one expected the special snowflake treatment. It's just that they were actually nice about it, unlike most of you people. I will still go with TerriHugg's suggestion because I think it will better suit what my guests will expect of me.
So send an e-mail or phone call to your Russian guests and send a handwritten thank you to your American ones if you are so sure your Russian ones will be put off by a handwritten note. You asked about thank you notes in America and were given the answer that in American culture, handwritten thank you notes are what is etiquette approved. There aren't any clauses that say "except when you also have Russian guests, then E-mail or phone calls are A-okay for all your guests".
This is an etiquette board and you will get answers about what is considered good etiquette. You of course, can choose to do what you want, but you won't find people condoning things that go against etiquette on this board.
I'm not sure why you asked if you weren't going to listen. I was only going to send e-mail invites (I am sending real ones now, so we have something for our scrapbooks. ) to my wedding (only immediate family). I wasn't going to ask about it here because I KNOW what the answer would be and I didn't want to waste everyone's time by asking a question about something I already made my mine up about.
I was always going to send out handwritten thank you notes, however.
@belladonna1224 I haven't read all responses, but I'm just going to give you advice based on my personal experiences. I am American, born and raised, 4th generation. My SO of 4 years is Russian born so all his friends and family are Russian born and raised with English as their second language. It has been quite the culture shock for me.
We have been to 2 Russian weddings of 2 of his best friends. He, personally, was not offended by no thank you note and thought it was weird when I told him, no matter what, we are doing hand written notes. I, on the other hand, worked really hard to find them great personal gifts for their showers, bachs, and weddings. I completely understand that notes are not prevalent in the Russian culture. I've experienced it over and over again, but I was hurt that I didn't get a thank you for any of those gifts-- not even a text message. I hate to say it, but it really has affected my relationship with those couples. I don't exert any effort anymore to make the friendships stand. It is not due to being upset or holding a grudge or whatever, it just happened over time. I don't want to try hard for friends who don't seem to care. My SO still hangs out with his friends, I just don't go with him anymore.
So that is a perspective from a Russian and his American SO.
Re: email thank you notes
I believe I already responded to this question earlier in the thread.
Then take a note out of her book and write thank you notes for you American wedding. She realised that it was important, why can't you? Are you getting married in Russia, to a Russian, with only Russian guests? No. "They were so rude to send me a handwritten thank you note!" - no one, ever
*************************
Then why the fuck did you ask? You obviously don't give a crap what you should do.
Not that I need to defend this, since my original question was answered, but your comment got me irked.
I'm getting married in America, to a Russian, with primarily Russian guests. Not an American wedding by any definition. I know some people who would think it's frivolous or pretentious of me to send a card, because it's just not done in Russia. Or at the very least would think it was weird.
Why do you people assume that just because I am getting married in America, that I should cater to American expectations, and not to the expectations of my guests??
No, my guests are Russian who live in America and retained their Russian culture.
Then take a note out of her book and write thank you notes for you American wedding. She realised that it was important, why can't you? Are you getting married in Russia, to a Russian, with only Russian guests? No.
"They were so rude to send me a handwritten thank you note!" - no one, ever
Not that I need to defend this, since my original question was answered, but your comment got me irked.
I'm getting married in America, to a Russian, with primarily Russian guests. Not an American wedding by any definition. I know some people who would think it's frivolous or pretentious of me to send a card, because it's just not done in Russia. Or at the very least would think it was weird.
Why do you people assume that just because I am getting married in America, that I should cater to American expectations, and not to the expectations of my guests??
************Again I ask, why did you even bother posting this question if you had no intention of actually following the great advice you got?
Since you people apparently can't read, let me say this again. For the final time. Because this is the last time I will post on this bitchy ass forum.
I asked for general opinions on email thank you notes. I got the idea that it's generally not done in the US. That was the point of my question. But some people responded in such a bitchy manner that I felt the need to comment further. That's it.
I get the sense that some of you people are so stuck on the "proper" way things are done that you fail to see that there may be a situation where it doesn't necessarily apply, such as I described above (which you still failed to understand, because I explained many times that from a Russian to a Russian, thank you notes are not the norm).
So bottom line, I will send thank you emails or make calls to my Russian friends, and to the Americans, I will either email, call, or mail, depending on what I think they will probably expect from me.
At least when I posted on Wedding Wire, all of the responses I got were constructive, without the bitchiness. Some of you might actually be helpful if you didn't scare lurkers or first-time posters with your horrendous attitudes. Take a chill pill.
TerriHugg, thank you, I think yours was the nicest and most constructive reply I received on this thread. I think I may call instead, thanks for the idea. I did not ignore your post...I read it, just was too angry at the other bitchy responses to respond to you properly. I didn't want to leave this forum without saying thank you for your well thought-out response and I appreciate you considering my family's background in your comments.
And for the record, the ladies on WW also mostly said that handwritten notes are preferred. No one expected the special snowflake treatment. It's just that they were actually nice about it, unlike most of you people. I will still go with TerriHugg's suggestion because I think it will better suit what my guests will expect of me.
TerriHugg, thank you again.