Some things change...

kel1087 · June 2014

A few months ago, I posted on here about may wedding date being roughly 2-3 years from now. Weeeeeelllll... DF and I went camping with some friends over the weekend. They didn't know about it so we were discussing things. Long story short, DF and I have decided June 15, 2015 will be our date. We know it's a Monday and have no problem with it.

My issue is this: my dad has been diagnosed with Alzhiemer's and he can't walk even with a walker. He doesn't even know who I am so I'm not sure he would be comfortable "walking" me down the aisle. I know of ways to do it if he agrees so that part isn't the issue. If he doesn't agree, or can't, I have a stepfather. He's legally blind and we really don't get along besides. I'm not comfortable having him to do it but I know my mom will be upset if I don't ask. So with all this dilemma, would it be out of the question to ask my dad's best friend of 60+ years to do me the honor?

Another thing is DF has 3 brothers. Two of which have agreed to be groomsmen, the third hasn't been asked yet. Both that have been asked are in different branches of the military so they want to/will be wearing their dress uniform. DF wants to incorporate those colors but I feel that would seem like a military themed wedding. Neither of us are or will be in the military so I don't want that. HELP!

Swazzle · June 2014

You can ask whomever you want to walk you down the aisle. You could also walk by yourself. I don't think it'd be a great idea to ask your stepfather if you don't get along with him, regardless of what your mom thinks. I have a biological father and a stepfather but my mom walked me down the aisle and that was perfect for me.

Does your SO want to incorporate the military uniform colors ONLY because his GM will be wearing their uniforms?

Swazzle · June 2014

I don't know why I didn't go back and look at the OPs post history first.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1017455/the-wait-is-killing-me

kel1087 · June 2014

@Swazzle: That post is basically what has changed. I no longer have the three year stretch that I did in that one.

And to answer your question, yes I think so.

ShallowSeas · June 2014

I think those of us reading this post are a little confused because in your post from April you said you're technically not engaged but kind of are at the same time which makes absolutely no sense. You're either engaged or you aren't. So are you engaged? I'm assuming so since you are planning a wedding now...

[Deleted User] · June 2014

I'm confused...are you engaged?

If so, I'm going to second what @swazzle said in that you don't have to walk down the aisle with anyone if you're uncomfortable asking your stepfather or whomever you were thinking of. I saw pictures of @swazzle walking with her mother and it was beautiful!

As for the military uniforms, my Dad wore his dress blues to my wedding last November and we didn't match our colors to his uniform and the wedding looked great IMO lol. No need to do that unless you want to.

And if you're not engaged then just stop planning and enjoy the relationship.

Swazzle · June 2014

kel1087 said:

@Swazzle: That post is basically what has changed. I no longer have the three year stretch that I did in that one. And to answer your question, yes I think so.

So in April, you were not dating. You were friends. But you sat down and discussed your relationship (friendship?) and found out that you both had feelings for each other. And so you decided to begin dating. In April. Of this year. Which was less than 3 months ago. Because it's now only June.

I'm pretty sure coming back here and saying YAY WE'RE GETTING MARRIED EVEN SOONER doesn't change much for us.

Swazzle · June 2014

D'awww thank you, @southernpeach89!

Blackbird230 · June 2014

I am so confused...

No matter the OP's situation, you don't HAVE to have anyone walk you down the aisle. You could ask your mother even. Also, if you don't have a great relationship with stepfather and you do with dad's best friend, your mother should hopefully understand that.

beanbot2002 · June 2014

Swazzle said:

kel1087 said:

@Swazzle: That post is basically what has changed. I no longer have the three year stretch that I did in that one. And to answer your question, yes I think so.

So in April, you were not dating. You were friends. But you sat down and discussed your relationship (friendship?) and found out that you both had feelings for each other. And so you decided to begin dating. In April. Of this year. Which was less than 3 months ago. Because it's now only June.

I'm pretty sure coming back here and saying YAY WE'RE GETTING MARRIED EVEN SOONER doesn't change much for us.

LizzyTish88 · June 2014

ShallowSeas · June 2014

kel1087 said:

A few months ago, I posted on here about may wedding date being roughly 2-3 years from now. Weeeeeelllll... DF and I went camping with some friends over the weekend. They didn't know about it so we were discussing things. Long story short, DF and I have decided June 15, 2015 will be our date. We know it's a Monday and have no problem with it. My issue is this: my dad has been diagnosed with Alzhiemer's and he can't walk even with a walker. He doesn't even know who I am so I'm not sure he would be comfortable "walking" me down the aisle. I know of ways to do it if he agrees so that part isn't the issue. If he doesn't agree, or can't, I have a stepfather. He's legally blind and we really don't get along besides. I'm not comfortable having him to do it but I know my mom will be upset if I don't ask. So with all this dilemma, would it be out of the question to ask my dad's best friend of 60+ years to do me the honor? Another thing is DF has 3 brothers. Two of which have agreed to be groomsmen, the third hasn't been asked yet. Both that have been asked are in different branches of the military so they want to/will be wearing their dress uniform. DF wants to incorporate those colors but I feel that would seem like a military themed wedding. Neither of us are or will be in the military so I don't want that. HELP!

JIC

cu97tiger · June 2014

You're an adult. If you don't have a good relationship with your stepfather, why the hell would you ask him to walk you down the aisle. Also, what is a DF? Also, you're engaged after three months? Also, how old are you? Also, WTF.

evadorrough · June 2014

cu97tiger said:

You're an adult. If you don't have a good relationship with your stepfather, why the hell would you ask him to walk you down the aisle. Also, what is a DF? Also, you're engaged after three months? Also, how old are you? Also, WTF.

At this point, this is my main question. Do whatever you want about having someone walk you down the aisle, but I'm so curious. Dear friend? Dear fiance?

Also, everything that everyone else has said.

eilis1228 · June 2014

Regardless of your strange situation, you can choose whoever you want to walk you down the aisle, or no one at all. Were you close to your dad's best friend? Is he like another father to you? Are you close to your mom? She could walk you down the aisle as well. Or you could be a strong, independent woman who don't need no man and walk yourself down the aisle. Whatever you want to do.

bethsmiles · June 2014

Oh come on you guys, you can guess that DF is "dear fiance" it's not normally used but considering we do use DD, DS, DH, etc it's pretty easy to assume that's what she meant.

OP - Don't have you step-father walk you down the aisle if you don't want to, you can ask anyone you want (male or female, friend or family) or you can walk yourself down the aisle.

I am wondering though, the last thing you posted here was that you realized you were moving too fast in your relationship and you and your SO were going to slow down and enjoy your time together. What happened to that? Also, did he propose? Do you consider yourselves engaged now?

Ollie08 · June 2014

bethsmiles said:

Oh come on you guys, you can guess that DF is "dear fiance" it's not normally used but considering we do use DD, DS, DH, etc it's pretty easy to assume that's what she meant.

OP - Don't have you step-father walk you down the aisle if you don't want to, you can ask anyone you want (male or female, friend or family) or you can walk yourself down the aisle.

I am wondering though, the last thing you posted here was that you realized you were moving too fast in your relationship and you and your SO were going to slow down and enjoy your time together. What happened to that? Also, did he propose? Do you consider yourselves engaged now?

What @bethsmiles said.

Also, I agree with the PP who said definitely don't ask your step father if you do not have a good relationship with him. I have a dad and a pseudo-step-dad (they're not married yet), but I would NEVER ask him. I'd be more likely to walk alone or with my mom if I really wanted someone. Or, if your dad's best friend was a second father to you, then that's fine too.

As for the military uniforms, what does it matter? Which branches of the military anyway? Like what color are their dress uniforms? And if you wanted to, you could just pick neutral colors.

cu97tiger · June 2014

bethsmiles said:

Oh come on you guys, you can guess that DF is "dear fiance" it's not normally used but considering we do use DD, DS, DH, etc it's pretty easy to assume that's what she meant.

OP - Don't have you step-father walk you down the aisle if you don't want to, you can ask anyone you want (male or female, friend or family) or you can walk yourself down the aisle.

I am wondering though, the last thing you posted here was that you realized you were moving too fast in your relationship and you and your SO were going to slow down and enjoy your time together. What happened to that? Also, did he propose? Do you consider yourselves engaged now?

@blue - I'm not going to make assumptions. Two months ago they were just friends who were talking about getting married in a few years. She hasn't mentioned an engagement other than talking about setting a date. So I don't think asking what she means by DF is THAT silly of a question.

lennonkdc · June 2014

lennonkdc · June 2014

OP, please refer to this handy flowchart before doing any more planning:

Blue & White · June 2014

@cu97tiger I think you meant @bethsmiles

OP, you can totally walk down the aisle with your mom or by yourself. Or with a brother or sister or friend. There really aren't too many rules there nowadays.

And colors matching the dress unis won't be a military themed wedding. My sister had marines in her wedding party with colors of navy and silver and it looked just like any other wedding with marines in it.

While it is somewhat crazy to plan a wedding with someone you haven't been dating for very long, I think the most important thing to consider is whether yore planning a wedding or a marriage. Those legally binding forms at a wedding are kinda a big deal and should not be taken lightly. If you do proceed in planning said wedding, I would make sure you take a close look at your relationship either with premarital counseling or working through one of those pre-marriage books. You definitely need to make sure you're on the same page regarding kids, parenting, finances, priorities, religion/politics, male/female role expectations, sex expectations, etc.

bethsmiles · June 2014

cu97tiger said:

bethsmiles said:

Oh come on you guys, you can guess that DF is "dear fiance" it's not normally used but considering we do use DD, DS, DH, etc it's pretty easy to assume that's what she meant.

OP - Don't have you step-father walk you down the aisle if you don't want to, you can ask anyone you want (male or female, friend or family) or you can walk yourself down the aisle.

I am wondering though, the last thing you posted here was that you realized you were moving too fast in your relationship and you and your SO were going to slow down and enjoy your time together. What happened to that? Also, did he propose? Do you consider yourselves engaged now?

@blue - I'm not going to make assumptions. Two months ago they were just friends who were talking about getting married in a few years. She hasn't mentioned an engagement other than talking about setting a date. So I don't think asking what she means by DF is THAT silly of a question.

Meh, it just sounded snarky/judgy to me. Lots of people move really fast in relationships, it's not unheard of. But whatever, it doesn't really matter so much.

loves2shop4shoes · June 2014

I'm unclear about whether you actually consider yourselves engaged. Explain.

Personally, I think it's unwise to get engaged to someone you haven't been dating for at least a year, regardless of how long you've known them.

Being someone's friend successfully doesn't mean you'll be someone's significant other successfully. And honestly, I'd be really leery about someone who started talking marriage so soon.

In fact, when I was very young, my BF of two months gave me a "promise ring" on my 19th birthday. I was like, "Um, what is the promise?" And he said it was a promise to be together forever. I excused myself to the restaurant bathroom, called BFF and told her she needed to call and have an "emergency" in 10 minutes. So she did, I bailed on dinner, and subsequently bailed on the relationship. Then I pawned the ring. God, I'm heartless.

bethsmiles · June 2014

loves2shop4shoes said:

I'm unclear about whether you actually consider yourselves engaged. Explain.

Personally, I think it's unwise to get engaged to someone you haven't been dating for at least a year, regardless of how long you've known them.

Being someone's friend successfully doesn't mean you'll be someone's significant other successfully. And honestly, I'd be really leery about someone who started talking marriage so soon.

In fact, when I was very young, my BF of two months gave me a "promise ring" on my 19th birthday. I was like, "Um, what is the promise?" And he said it was a promise to be together forever. I excused myself to the restaurant bathroom, called BFF and told her she needed to call and have an "emergency" in 10 minutes. So she did, I bailed on dinner, and subsequently bailed on the relationship. Then I pawned the ring. God, I'm heartless.

I agree with everything Shoes said but especially the bolded. I have many friends that I am great friends with but could never date. Friendship =/= Romantic Relationship

Blue & White · June 2014

loves2shop4shoes said:

I'm unclear about whether you actually consider yourselves engaged. Explain.

Personally, I think it's unwise to get engaged to someone you haven't been dating for at least a year, regardless of how long you've known them.

Being someone's friend successfully doesn't mean you'll be someone's significant other successfully. And honestly, I'd be really leery about someone who started talking marriage so soon.

In fact, when I was very young, my BF of two months gave me a "promise ring" on my 19th birthday. I was like, "Um, what is the promise?" And he said it was a promise to be together forever. I excused myself to the restaurant bathroom, called BFF and told her she needed to call and have an "emergency" in 10 minutes. So she did, I bailed on dinner, and subsequently bailed on the relationship. Then I pawned the ring. God, I'm heartless.

I basically broke up with my ex because his parents got married at 19, had him at 21...and kinda expected us to do the same. I wanted a PhD. The fact I ended up with an MS instead of a PhD is details shmetails. OMG I COULD HAVE AN EIGHT YEAR OLD RIGHT NOW.

It should be noted my ex is still a great guy and happily married (he actually didn't get married till 26 or so) and doing well at work. We just weren't headed on the same paths at the time

Anyway, he wore my HS class ring on a necklace thing (we were lame, what can I say) and he didn't give it back when we broke up cause he didn't know where it was lol - he FINALLY gave it back like...2 years ago. He found it while moving, lol. Awesome.

GoldenPenguin · June 2014

Not only were they only friends who started dating three months ago, in her previous thread, she also stated that they hadn't even hung out that much. He was a friend of her sister's. So it's not like they were BFFs for years & decided that they loved each other.

Sister wants a wedding. NOW. So that she can meet her self-imposed deadline. End of story.

Reaction GIF: eye roll, are you kidding me?, Anne Hathaway

cu97tiger · June 2014

bethsmiles said:

cu97tiger said:

bethsmiles said:

Oh come on you guys, you can guess that DF is "dear fiance" it's not normally used but considering we do use DD, DS, DH, etc it's pretty easy to assume that's what she meant.

OP - Don't have you step-father walk you down the aisle if you don't want to, you can ask anyone you want (male or female, friend or family) or you can walk yourself down the aisle.

I am wondering though, the last thing you posted here was that you realized you were moving too fast in your relationship and you and your SO were going to slow down and enjoy your time together. What happened to that? Also, did he propose? Do you consider yourselves engaged now?

@blue - I'm not going to make assumptions. Two months ago they were just friends who were talking about getting married in a few years. She hasn't mentioned an engagement other than talking about setting a date. So I don't think asking what she means by DF is THAT silly of a question.

Meh, it just sounded snarky/judgy to me. Lots of people move really fast in relationships, it's not unheard of. But whatever, it doesn't really matter so much.

@blue - yep, sorry about that!

@bethsmiles - it was meant to be snarky. A woman who is considering marriage is honestly asking a group of internet strangers whether she thinks she should ask her stepfather, whom she does NOT have a good relationship with, to walk her down the aisle. That, along with several other red flags, leads me to not be able to take her very seriously.

evadorrough · June 2014

@bethsmiles - yeah, maybe it did come across as snarky, but I was honestly curious. Because it could go either way. Anyhow, like you said, doesn't really matter. OP - Why do you want to marry this person? I'm not asking to be snarky, but am really wondering if you feel ready to make that sort of commitment to someone who was a casual friend not that long ago. Is there a particular reason you two decided to get married so soon?

luckya23 · June 2014

I'm sorry about your dad, first of all. If the friend is someone you were close to, that would be a fine choice. I wouldn't go with your step father just because your mom wants it.

In regards to colors, I do think you should consider your fiance's opinion on the matter, but I agree that it's silly to choose based on his brothers' uniforms. More like if he can't stand pink, don't use it!

kel1087 · June 2014

To everyone bringing up my past post: please read the title of this one again. Not every relationship follows the same path.

We ARE engaged, even after such a short time, and happy. I was asking about asking my dad's friend instead of my stepfather since I'm not comfortable with it. I know I could walk by myself or with my mom but it's hard knowing my dad most likely can't do it.

The one brother is Army, the other is Air Force. DF (dear fiance) likes Army green so I can work with that but can't for the life of me figure out a scheme with the green and blue like he wants.

cu97tiger · June 2014

kel1087 said:

To everyone bringing up my past post: please read the title of this one again. Not every relationship follows the same path. We ARE engaged, even after such a short time, and happy. I was asking about asking my dad's friend instead of my stepfather since I'm not comfortable with it. I know I could walk by myself or with my mom but it's hard knowing my dad most likely can't do it. The one brother is Army, the other is Air Force. DF (dear fiance) likes Army green so I can work with that but can't for the life of me figure out a scheme with the green and blue like he wants.

The title is 'Some things change' and you talked about how your proposed wedding date changed. You didn't say anything about your actual relationship status changing, nor whether you are engaged, or just planning a wedding without being engaged (which technically shouldn't happen, but many people come on this board confused).

Some things change...

Re: Some things change...

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