email thank you notes

Cookie Pusher · June 2014

Has she said she feels sorry for our spouses/FIs yet? Because I'm pretty sure that would be a bingo.

iloveotters2014 · June 2014

How about a compromise! Hand write a note, scan it in or take a pic....then email it

(sarcasm for those of you who haven't drank enough coffee today)

misshart00 · June 2014

My thought is that I would always want to err on the side of being over polite than under polite.

NYCBruin · June 2014

Hmmmm all my Russian friends write thank you notes....

Also, one of the reasons email thank you notes are considered impersonal is the ease of the "copy/paste" function. If I got an emailed thank you note, I would assume that all you did for my "thank you" was push control v and change the name in the subject line to mine. That's not very personal at all.

manateehugger · June 2014

misshart00 said:

My thought is that I would always want to err on the side of being over polite than under polite.

No kidding. When is the last time someone got a nice handwritten note and went, "Oh my gosh, how rude is this note? Thanking me in writing?! Honestly, some people."

pinkshorts27 · June 2014

LondonLisa said:

Again, why did you ask if you don't care? I'm not American and knowing that you have lived in America, I would think you were raised in a barn if I didn't receive a thank you note after I sent you a wedding gift. You can't plead ignorance- you know that people will think you are rude for not sending them. Why not do an email blast saying " in my culture I don't do thank you notes, so don't expect one". It seems like nothing we say will convince you otherwise. If anything, it is doing your friends a favour since they won't have to buy you a gift again with that attitude.

LondonLisa my mom was basically raised in a barn and knows better. She drilled into us to send thank-yous because she knows what it is like to have nothing and taught us to be grateful for everything we have!

jneen101 · June 2014

belladonna1224 said:

Since you people apparently can't read, let me say this again. For the final time. Because this is the last time I will post on this bitchy ass forum.
.

What the fuck are you even talking about? You are the biggest fucking asshole bitch here. Bye!

Marzipan13 · June 2014

jneen101 said:

belladonna1224 said:

Since you people apparently can't read, let me say this again. For the final time. Because this is the last time I will post on this bitchy ass forum.
.

What the fuck are you even talking about? You are the biggest fucking asshole bitch here. Bye!

Oooookay that took it a little too far. Straight-up name calling is not the point here.

manateehugger · June 2014

jneen101 said:

belladonna1224 said:

Since you people apparently can't read, let me say this again. For the final time. Because this is the last time I will post on this bitchy ass forum.

.
What the fuck are you even talking about? You are the biggest fucking asshole bitch here. Bye!

This doesn't make you any better than her...

misshart00 · June 2014

PDKH said:

jneen101 said:

belladonna1224 said:

Since you people apparently can't read, let me say this again. For the final time. Because this is the last time I will post on this bitchy ass forum.

.
What the fuck are you even talking about? You are the biggest fucking asshole bitch here. Bye!

This doesn't make you any better than her...

Yeah, way too far.

jdluvr06 · June 2014

STARMOON44 said:

A PHONE CALL?!? Someone took the time to buy you a gift and you're so lazy you can't be bothered writing them a note so you'll just call them? How about calling and asking for their mailing address so you can write them a note? You would never get another gift from me and we probably wouldn't be friends.

I have to respond to this. In my family if someone gives you a gift and you send a note instead of calling them then it would be considered rude. The only times it is acceptable to send a note instead of calling them in my circle are for wedding and shower gifts. Even then we tend to call and thank everyone personally in addition to the thank you note.

Now OP, unfortunately you have to send paper thank you notes. I know that a lot of people here swear by them but I'm personally not a fan just because I think it is a waste of paper. However, it is what people expect and it is something that you have to do if you don't want to look ungrateful.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

I've never been a Thank You note person. I think I sent them for my graduation gifts from high school, but in the 20 years since then, I may have sent a handful of TY notes, and probably only when prompted. I love getting them in the mail after I've sent a gift for a wedding, baby, birthday, or Christmas; but I don't send them out. It honestly weirds me out a little to get card from the future ILs after Christmas when we've all said our Thank yous while still sitting around the tree.

But... I bought a pack of TY cards the other day. I just wrote my first one last night to my aunt and uncle who hosted approximately 20 members of our family for 4 days over the weekend of my grampa's funeral. I've stayed at the house of this aunt and uncle numerous times over the years, and this will be the first time they will have received a TY note from me. It's not expected or necessary, but I thought it would be a nice gesture even if it gets lost in the mess of their house before they even open it.

ashleyep · June 2014

belladonna1224 said:

Ok, before I get any more bitchy responses in addition to the half a dozen I already got...
In my culture (I am Russian by birth), it's unheard of to write any thank you notes at all. People just call and say thank you. The reason I thought about doing the email option is that I thought it would be catering to expectations of both the Russian and American attendees. I was simply wondering whether email thank you notes are considered commonplace or etiquette-acceptable. No need to channel your inner Regina George.
I really didn't appreciate people calling me lazy for no reason. I did not give any indication that I wanted to do this because of laziness. It would have been nice to inquire before calling me names. And I didn't really care for the "if you did that, I would never be friends with you again" posts because, quite frankly, it was rude and the only thing it accomplished is it made me dismiss the people who wrote that as stuck up.
Thank you.

I got a thank you card from the Russian wedding I went to. It's not that hard, don't use that as an excuse.

And they're both Russian born and a lot of the guests flew in from Russia and 75% of the ceremony and all of the toasts were in Russian. There were about 8 Americans. And they still sent a thank you card. It wasn't very verbose or personalized, but at least they sent one (and they included a photo of us from the event, that was nice!)

Bubblegum5586 · June 2014

adk19 said:

I've never been a Thank You note person. I think I sent them for my graduation gifts from high school, but in the 20 years since then, I may have sent a handful of TY notes, and probably only when prompted. I love getting them in the mail after I've sent a gift for a wedding, baby, birthday, or Christmas; but I don't send them out. It honestly weirds me out a little to get card from the future ILs after Christmas when we've all said our Thank yous while still sitting around the tree.

But... I bought a pack of TY cards the other day. I just wrote my first one last night to my aunt and uncle who hosted approximately 20 members of our family for 4 days over the weekend of my grampa's funeral. I've stayed at the house of this aunt and uncle numerous times over the years, and this will be the first time they will have received a TY note from me. It's not expected or necessary, but I thought it would be a nice gesture even if it gets lost in the mess of their house before they even open it.

I gave a handwritten TY to a co worker yesterday for giving me a coveted 20% your entire purchase at BBB. She knew we were moving and needed a few things, and gave it to me. I thought it was so thoughtful of her that I wanted to make sure she knew it was appreciated.

sarawifenow · June 2014

1.) No one was bitchy in their responses.

2.) You have already made up your mind.

3.) Email thank you notes are a horrible idea. I know that if I got one it would be a side eye on my part.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

SaraBrideSoon said:

1.) No one was bitchy in their responses.
2.) You have already made up your mind.
3.) Email thank you notes are a horrible idea. I know that if I got one it would be a side eye on my part.

While email TY notes would definitely get a side-eye from me, I'd prefer it to nothing. My example... I sent Christmas gifts to the children of two of my cousins. One of my cousins sent me an email when the box was received (not opened by the kids until Christmas) and said, "Got a box from Amazon from you, thanks!" My other cousin never acknowledged that I sent anything. I assume it arrived, but can't really be sure. I'm pretty sure that cousin has just ruined me for giving gifts to his children. Next year I'll only give gifts to the family that thanked me, and if hearing that the other family got gifts and they didn't causes a rift between them and me, I'll just have to tell them why they're no longer on my list to receive gifts purchased from my hard-earned money.

sarawifenow · June 2014

@adk19, I agree. Email thank you's are better than none at all. I am just in the camp that it doesn't take that much time or effort to write them, so not receiving one rubs me the wrong way.

CMGragain · June 2014

My guess is that this is about the overseas postage she will have to pay to send the thank you notes.

Marzipan13 · June 2014

CMGragain said:

My guess is that this is about the overseas postage she will have to pay to send the thank you notes.

That's exactly what I assumed the real "problem" was too. How did she invite them, I wonder?

happywiggle · June 2014

*insert "That's a bingo" gif here*

offensivekitten2 · June 2014

In mother Russia, thank you notes don't go to you, you go to thank you notes.

rajahmd · June 2014

offensivekitten2 said:

In mother Russia, thank you notes don't go to you, you go to thank you notes.

WIN.

huskypuppy14 · June 2014

Guys how much you want to bet this thread will be in the newsletter?

Simply Fated · June 2014

belladonna1224 said:

LondonLisa said:

belladonna1224 said:

LondonLisa said:

I am looking at a handwritten thank you note from a colleague in St. Petersburg on my desk right now. So I find it highly doubtful that the entire Russian nation doesn't "do" thank you notes.

You received unanimous answers to your question: hand write your thank you notes. Email/phone call thank yours are not a substitute.

That's probably because the colleague knows that in YOUR culture, thank you notes are expected. Especially if it's a business relationship, people tend to be in tune with a different culture's expectations. I wouldn't expect a written thank you note from a Russian to a Russian.

Then take a note out of her book and write thank you notes for you American wedding. She realised that it was important, why can't you? Are you getting married in Russia, to a Russian, with only Russian guests? No.

"They were so rude to send me a handwritten thank you note!" - no one, ever

Not that I need to defend this, since my original question was answered, but your comment got me irked.

I'm getting married in America, to a Russian, with primarily Russian guests. Not an American wedding by any definition. I know some people who would think it's frivolous or pretentious of me to send a card, because it's just not done in Russia. Or at the very least would think it was weird.

Why do you people assume that just because I am getting married in America, that I should cater to American expectations, and not to the expectations of my guests??

Out of curiosity, does this mean you aren't participating in any American wedding traditions at all? Only Russian?

Rebl90 · June 2014

Sooooo... according to you (and no one else, so far), handwritten thank you notes are not a tradition in Russian culture. However, they are without a doubt a tradition in American culture. You are an American marrying a Russian and are hosting Russian guests.

Let me say it slower, You. Are. An. American.

Thank you notes - an American tradition.

Edit: My American flag won't show! Boo.

RebeccaB88 · June 2014

Fairyjen1 said:

So send an e-mail or phone call to your Russian guests and send a handwritten thank you to your American ones if you are so sure your Russian ones will be put off by a handwritten note. You asked about thank you notes in America and were given the answer that in American culture, handwritten thank you notes are what is etiquette approved. There aren't any clauses that say "except when you also have Russian guests, then E-mail or phone calls are A-okay for all your guests".

This was my suggestion. Call your Russian friends or family who would expect a call, so they're happy. Then write cards to your American friends or family, because they WILL expect that and yes they DO care about that, and you're still following American etiquette perfectly.

I just mailed a gift card to a friend for her wedding last weekend (I couldn't attend) and received a Facebook message thank you. ("Thanks for the gift card.") I'm waiting to see if I get a written note. The invitation was an e-vite and she hasn't asked for my snail mail address. I'm guessing that's all the thanks I'll get. My mom and I have a rule that no baby gifts are given until a thank you note from the wedding is received (or, vice versa if they do it in reverse).

Strawberry211chicago · June 2014

murica! ....I was going to give more advice about email correspondence, but I think the OP has gone back to wedding wire....

perdonami · June 2014

belladonna1224 said: No one expected the special snowflake treatment.
STIB:
I'm calling MUD for sure with that snowflake comment.

cambryn · June 2014

Emails are far too easy to copy and paste- without any time or effort spent on the person to thank them.

When you send a hand-written note- even if it's really just a form letter- that took time and effort to write- and is a way of showing your graciousness for people.

When you write an email it is several things:

1) Informal

2) shows lack of time/effort

3) shows lack of investment in that person- as email is easy- letter writing is harder.

The only time email should be used for something this important:

1) their country is having an embargo on mail from the U.S.

2) they are seeing impaired, and need the computer to read their mail out loud to them.

There is no reason to be seen as lazy and write emails.

Phone calls as well, after sending the thank you note, do not hurt- especially is that seems to be culturally preferred.

Emails are not culturally preferred, though.

crunchymamaof2 · June 2014

adk19 said:

SaraBrideSoon said:

1.) No one was bitchy in their responses.
2.) You have already made up your mind.
3.) Email thank you notes are a horrible idea. I know that if I got one it would be a side eye on my part.

While email TY notes would definitely get a side-eye from me, I'd prefer it to nothing. My example... I sent Christmas gifts to the children of two of my cousins. One of my cousins sent me an email when the box was received (not opened by the kids until Christmas) and said, "Got a box from Amazon from you, thanks!" My other cousin never acknowledged that I sent anything. I assume it arrived, but can't really be sure. I'm pretty sure that cousin has just ruined me for giving gifts to his children. Next year I'll only give gifts to the family that thanked me, and if hearing that the other family got gifts and they didn't causes a rift between them and me, I'll just have to tell them why they're no longer on my list to receive gifts purchased from my hard-earned money.

So you expect thank you notes from others, enjoy getting them even, yet you don't feel the need or desire to send them yourself? I think it's great (and expected) that you sent that thank you to your family. That good feeling you got? You'd get it a whole lot more if you'd do that for every gift you receive.

email thank you notes

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