email thank you notes

zitiqueen · June 2014

Marzipan13 said:

CMGragain said:

My guess is that this is about the overseas postage she will have to pay to send the thank you notes.

That's exactly what I assumed the real "problem" was too. How did she invite them, I wonder?

Facebook. Duh.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · June 2014

belladonna1224 said:

Just wanted to get opinions on sending thank you emails to guests, instead of mailed notes.

MollyandD · June 2014

I saw earlier that someone said an e-mail is ok for an office shower thank you. I don't know the rule on this, but when my coworkers threw me a shower where I teach, I wrote a thank you card to each individual person, even if several teachers went in on a gift together. It took me a while, but it seemed like a good thing to do anyway. They gave me so much, and all I had to do was spend one evening writing cards.

I doubt that @belladonna1224 is coming back, but if so, please be aware that many guests will expect an actual note or card. People notice that stuff. Even if they don't expect it, due to a cultural difference, it's still very appreciated.

Several other teachers personally thanked me for the cards, because I'm the only one who has giving them notes after a shower. I was stunned. In this setting, thank you cards were not expected, apparently. Still, it clearly made them happy and feel appreciated. That's why I recommend sending cards or notes no matter what.

crunchymamaof2 · June 2014

I still don't understand how anyone could be upset over or side eye a thank you note. How on earth does sending a thank you note make one look more holier than thou? I just don't get what the big deal is. If you're worried about what your guests will think if you send proper thank you notes I can only imagine the rest of this situation....

offensivekitten2 · June 2014

Can I just say that it's freakin hilarious that OP hasn't figured out that she can just write a handful of notes to the American attendees, and then email the Russian ones? It really does amuse the crap out of me.

tigersgirlgv · June 2014

Molly&Domenic said:

I saw earlier that someone said an e-mail is ok for an office shower thank you. I don't know the rule on this, but when my coworkers threw me a shower where I teach, I wrote a thank you card to each individual person, even if several teachers went in on a gift together. It took me a while, but it seemed like a good thing to do anyway. They gave me so much, and all I had to do was spend one evening writing cards.

I doubt that @belladonna1224 is coming back, but if so, please be aware that many guests will expect an actual note or card. People notice that stuff. Even if they don't expect it, due to a cultural difference, it's still very appreciated.

Several other teachers personally thanked me for the cards, because I'm the only one who has giving them notes after a shower. I was stunned. In this setting, thank you cards were not expected, apparently. Still, it clearly made them happy and feel appreciated. That's why I recommend sending cards or notes no matter what.

I think doing an e-mail for an office shower is acceptable when the whole group goes in on one big gift. You may not be sure who in the office/school went in on the gift, so a posted handwritten note in a group space or an e-mail to the whole office would be OK.

MollyandD · June 2014

tigersgirlgv said:

Molly&Domenic said:

I saw earlier that someone said an e-mail is ok for an office shower thank you. I don't know the rule on this, but when my coworkers threw me a shower where I teach, I wrote a thank you card to each individual person, even if several teachers went in on a gift together. It took me a while, but it seemed like a good thing to do anyway. They gave me so much, and all I had to do was spend one evening writing cards.

I doubt that @belladonna1224 is coming back, but if so, please be aware that many guests will expect an actual note or card. People notice that stuff. Even if they don't expect it, due to a cultural difference, it's still very appreciated.

Several other teachers personally thanked me for the cards, because I'm the only one who has giving them notes after a shower. I was stunned. In this setting, thank you cards were not expected, apparently. Still, it clearly made them happy and feel appreciated. That's why I recommend sending cards or notes no matter what.

I think doing an e-mail for an office shower is acceptable when the whole group goes in on one big gift. You may not be sure who in the office/school went in on the gift, so a posted handwritten note in a group space or an e-mail to the whole office would be OK.

In my case, it was usually grade levels that went in together. Everyone who contributed signed a card, and those who were unable to or didn't want to didn't sign it. I wrote thank you notes based on who had given me the different gifts. It wasn't the entire school staff. I know an e-mail would have been ok, but it don't regret spending one evening writing cards when I received a couple hundred dollars in gifts and gift cards. It took me a few hours, sure, but I really am, so grateful. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2014

cambryn said:
Emails are far too easy to copy and paste- without any time or effort spent on the person to thank them.

When you send a hand-written note- even if it's really just a form letter- that took time and effort to write- and is a way of showing your graciousness for people.

When you write an email it is several things:
1) Informal
2) shows lack of time/effort
3) shows lack of investment in that person- as email is easy- letter writing is harder.

The only time email should be used for something this important:
1) their country is having an embargo on mail from the U.S.
2) they are seeing impaired, and need the computer to read their mail out loud to them.

There is no reason to be seen as lazy and write emails.
Phone calls as well, after sending the thank you note, do not hurt- especially is that seems to be culturally preferred.

Emails are not culturally preferred, though.

I'd hate to receive an emailed thank you note as well

BUT

You can just as easily copy and paste a handwritten note, and I think most are like that: "Dear so and so it was so wonderful to share our wedding day with you, we were so excited you could join us. Thank you for the *insert gift here* I'm so excited to *reference use age of gift here* Looking forward to seeing you at *insert next upcoming holiday or family gathering here. *

They are pretty much the same stock format with a little personalization here and there.

LadyBelle11 · June 2014

I don't know the etiquette of sending notes is a cultural or generational thing, or maybe a combination of both. I have had a number of friends my age who haven't sent me thank you notes for shower/wedding gifts, and I haven't been offended (although, ironically, my Russian friend DID send me a thank you for the baby shower gift I sent her while my American friend did not). For me, my mother used to make us sit at the table after all holidays, birthday parties, etc and write our thank you notes for gifts before we could do anything else. Torturous to an eight year old? Yes. I am I glad she instilled a neuroticism in me to just get them done now as an adult? Absolutely.

Anyways, I vote for you sending the thank you notes. I didn't realize how important they were to people until I sent the thank you notes for my bridal shower. My mother had a few messages on the answering machine saying how they loved my thank you; in fact, one guest told my mother that she loved it so much she put it in her memory box. Everyone coming to our wedding has had an incredibly special part in my or my fiancé's life, so I like doing something that they can keep. Email has a way of finding itself at the bottom of your inbox or unintentionally sent to spam. I have never, unfortunately, taken the time to print out any of the thank you notes my students have sent me via email; however, all the cards they have sent me, I keep in a special box (filled with cards from as far back as high school) that I take out at times to read through when I am homesick or down. They just have this impact that email doesn't quite leave people with.

Finally, since you were looking for etiquette, here is a link to Emily Post: http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/167-wedding-thank-yous

Happy wedding!

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