Wedding Woes

Any one ever feel like saying F**k it to this whole wedding thing?

edited June 2014 in Wedding Woes
FI and I are just in the  beginning of the whole wedding planning and I already feel like saying f**k it. My dad is giving us a little bit of money to help (which is our wedding gift) and the rest will be me and FI paying. We are on a very low, tight budget and I just feel guilty spending this money. Both of us have small families and neither of us are super close to them. Same with our friends. We have about 15 close friends coming to the wedding (half of those are SO's), but we see these people like 3-4 times a year.

I'm not sure if these are my real feelings or if it's the stress or a combo of the two. Any feel this way when first starting off?

chevelleE

Re: Any one ever feel like saying F**k it to this whole wedding thing?

  • I'm not exactly sure where the guilt is coming from...whether it's a dad thing (either taking money he needs more, or dealing with strings), or it's the 'shite, this is a lot of money for a party that we could use for something practical' thing. Or just the small party syndrome.

    But you really don't even need a wedding to be married. You could just JOP it, reserve a room in a fave restaurant for the friends that come in, scrap the wedding industry trappings entirely.

    What does your FI think?
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  • yeah, more that it's a lot of money for a "party" and for a bunch of people I don't feel so close to at the moment It's probably just me and my hormones.

    We are keeping it pretty simple. Only inviting family and close friends. Ceremony and than a dinner at a restaurant.

    FI loves the idea and I do, but then part of me doesn't at the same time. I guess it just felt good to vent about it!
  • This is why Fiance and I are having a destination wedding just the two of us, and a small reception when we return. So much easier, and more affordable.
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    soontobemrshamilton
  • kla728kla728 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I honestly didn't feel this way in the beginning but am feeling it 10-11 months into planning.  Planning a wedding isn't easy and can definitely test you.  The best thing you can do is sit down with your FI and really figure out what you want, and what you don't want.  Then stick to it, regardless of other people's concerns about the size or style -- if a JOP wedding is what you two decide you want, then that is what you should do (although you may want to check with dad since he did give you some $).
    soontobemrshamiltontheycallmelinz
  • I felt like that in the beginning of my wedding planning stage. I went to a local Wedding Expo a month after we got engaged and HOLY WOW it was so overwhelming. Now that I am three months out I am still a little stressed but I find it way more fun. I love the sense of accomplishment when I get a big part of the planning completed. My Fiance and I are also paying for a majority of our wedding so we are also on a very tight budget. It will all come together in the end but you really have to do what is best for you and you SO.
    soontobemrshamilton
  • I totally get it @julybride2015. I don't want to regret not having this wedding with everyone either, than again, I don't want to regret the money. It's hard!!
  • Ditto about the money, planning, and stress.

    However, I'm the type of person that has always loved, loved, loved weddings (and is probably considered a victim of the industry). Plus, my FI wants to do a lot of traditional things and if it makes him happy, then I'm happy too (as long as it fits in our budget).

    The biggest thing here is that you have to do you (and your FI too) - your wedding day, however simple or elaborate, is a total reflection of you as a couple. It may sound corny/cliche, but follow your heart on this one (at least within budget, of course) and you can't go wrong.

    Good luck! 
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    chevelleE
  • I felt that a few times during, and I actually felt it afterwards. There was some stuff that I was sure the guests would love and I went to a lot of trouble to get, and it was barely noticed. I had a simple wedding as it was, but if I could do it over, I would go even simpler. Dinner at a restaurant for the reception sounds like a good idea - a friend of mine did that, and if I had a smaller family, I would have gone that route myself.

    chevelleE
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I'm not exactly sure where the guilt is coming from...whether it's a dad thing (either taking money he needs more, or dealing with strings), or it's the 'shite, this is a lot of money for a party that we could use for something practical' thing. Or just the small party syndrome. But you really don't even need a wedding to be married. You could just JOP it, reserve a room in a fave restaurant for the friends that come in, scrap the wedding industry trappings entirely. What does your FI think?
    Um, a JOP ceremony IS a wedding.
  • dalm0mdalm0m member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker

    I hated almost everything about wedding planning.  When I thought about the prices it made me even more nuts. 


    Looking back, I'm glad we did it because my parents loved it so much & I lost both of them shortly after we were married. 

    You have to do what feels right to you.  Forget about what everybody else says / wants.  What is going to make you the happiest?

  • I feel totally guilty about saying it, but I can't wait for everything to be over.  There's nothing exciting to me right now about planning all of this.  I'll be glad to have my family there, but I just want to marry FI, get this move done, and start our life together. 

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    chevelleEladybird29
  • I will admit this on here and to my best friend, but never to my fiance or his family: I HATE planning our wedding. It's not fun to me. It's expensive and stressful and even with our small and "informal" wedding (about 40 guests by a lake), I feel like spending $3000-$4000 is just ridiculous. I would rather put that into student loans I'm paying off or toward a down payment on a house. So, part of it is the practical side of things, but it's also just that I don't feel the need to have friends and family there for a big celebration- even people I am close to.

    If it were up to me, we would elope in the mountains and spend a weekend in a honeymoon suite, drinking champagne and having sex. I really don't think I'd look back on our wedding and regret that. But people say that if you don't have a wedding you'll regret it. I don't think that is true for everyone. It might not be right for you. 

    We are having this wedding because it's important to my fiance and his family. My mom told me to elope and send her some pictures. She's amazing. 

    It's about compromising. And in my case, I settled for a wedding I didn't want, but I knew my fiance really wanted. Now I'm doing all the work and we are stressing out paying for the wedding. Be honest with your fiance up front or you may regret it the whole time you're planning, like me. Like mrsmorales2be said... I just can't wait for it to be over and done with. I just want to be married and start my life with my new husband, minus the drama and stress that come with the months leading up the wedding. 

    It does feel good to rant... *phew*
    chevelleE
  • From the day I started telling everyone we were engaged I just wanted to say f*ck it and as time goes on it comes and goes in waves. Currently I am in a lull and approached the subject of pushing the wedding back a year to my FI yesterday, he just tells he doesn't care as long as we end up married. My mom is really excited for the ceremony even though its just going to be a bbq on a close friend's property, nothing has been paid for yet or sent out with an exact date on it, so you never know lol. But I complete agree with you, the idea of spending all this money on a few hours is crazy when it can be put to better use i.e. student loans.
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