Would you do your wedding all over again, or would you ditch the big affair?

Nymeru · June 2014

Two weeks out from my wedding, I'm looking at how very different I feel about it than I did a year ago. Last June I was excited, elated and just flat-out happy to be getting married. This June, while still happy to be getting married to my FI, I'm looking at the wreckage that our wedding seems to be leaving in its wake and I'm wondering why the hell we put ourselves through everything. The drama, the cost, the crazy mothers on both sides of the families, the self-inviting, the criticism--everything has made it very hard to keep things positive. I'm seriously afraid that I'm going to be so stressed out and just a wee bit bitter to the point that I won't enjoy my wedding day at all. I'm looking back at our original plan of a simple bbq in the park with some fun music, friends and family, and am wondering why on earth we didn't stick with that to start with.

How about you guys? In the end, was all the trouble worth it, or would you have a re-do? What specifically would you have done to make everything better?

brideofginger · June 2014

I wanted to elope and am having a wedding mostly for my fiance's benefit, because he's close with his family (and mine drives me batshit insane and I want to keep them far, far away.) I think, realizing so many politics that are involved, he would have reconsidered if he had the foresight to realize what a pain in the ass it all is.

PrincessOfHavoc · June 2014

We're out a good way yet, but honestly, I really like everything. We aren't having a huge wedding, dinner only reception, and it's small/medium sized (60 guests) so it's pretty relaxed.

But, to me, having the very important people witness our commitment is valuable. So, it's worth the headaches.

In return, we are staying pretty simple. We don't need some 1000 page list of things. Have church, have clothing, have reception, printing invites, finishing brooch bouquets and such. I'm happy if we don't do anything further.

brideofginger · June 2014

Honestly, I'd be happy if:
- my in-laws would stop panicking about our officiant (they want us to use someone from our church. I am not actually religious - we're planning to use a friend and haven't confessed that info yet.)
- my mother-in-law would stop asking me if my maid of honor will have a date. (I didn't realize being single was a disease.)
- my mother and grandmother would stop asking me if my dad is walking me down the aisle as if this is somehow a vital part of the experience. (I am 27. I've been independent for a little while.)

My in-laws are also from out of town, which has made the rehearsal dinner a horror to the point that I think we're just going to pay for it ourselves instead, because every suggestion requires that we go to the restaurant and document it carefully to ensure that it's not too cheap looking, but not too expensive, and that alcohol is not too prominent of a fixture, because we can't possibly be capable of judging any of these things for ourselves.

RebeccaFlower · June 2014

I really wouldn't change much. I was a BM and lurked here while I was engaged, so I felt very informed when I went into planning. I chose family over a gorgeous venue, I chose to think about marriage instead of a wedding and I chose to not let the small things carry me away and I really have to thank these boards for it.

Ven&Radio · June 2014

I was fortunate to have a relatively low-stress wedding planning experience (taking close to 2 years and hiring a fabulous DOC really helped). We had a wedding because it was important to H, I would have preferred to go to the courthouse/city hall. I enjoyed my wedding and I don't regret having a big party ("big" being relative, we had less than 50 guests). I don't know that I'd have a big wedding again, if for any reason I'm in the position to get married again.

Favouritecake · June 2014

I had a small DW and was pretty much the last of my friends to get married. They all had big weddings and every single one said they wished they'd done what we did. And I had moments wishing we had done the big wedding. Its funny what a little hindsight can do. But, when all is said and done you will be married to the love of your life, and all the stress and drama will melt away.

I hope you're able to enjoy the rest of the run up and I'm sure you'll have a beautiful day. X

AddieCake · June 2014

We wanted to elope, but my dad insisted on something bigger, so we compromised and had a small wedding. I ended up being very glad we didn't elope.

Jells2dot0 · June 2014

I had a large, traditional, six figure wedding back in 2004. It was obviously expensive, full of drama because of the families, and very time consuming. It was an awesome wedding, but the marriage ended up being a bust. When I got engaged again, I swore I'd never have another large, traditional wedding again. So, my DH and I eloped (for real eloped- didn't tell anyone) and had a very private ceremony on a remote beach in Australia. We spent a lot of money on the travel portion of the trip, but the actual wedding costs (attire, package, photographer) was around $8k. It was stress free, drama free, personal, intimate, and even with the amount we spent on travel, it was less than half of my first wedding. I do not regret eloping and keeping things simple for a second. I'm not just saying that because I've divorced either!

mrs4everhart · June 2014

I think it goes without saying, most people don't go in to a marriage thinking they'll end up divorced. When I planned my first wedding I really had it in my head (and heart) that it would be my only wedding so with the pluck and vigor of a 23 year old went about planning a big "blowout." The huge dress, big cake, dj, horse drawn carriage, diy's out the wazoo, you name it. Cake tastings and florist appointments and fittings and bridesmaids. All of it. And by the time it rolled around (we were engaged 9 months) it turned out to be lovely but EXHAUSTING!

Fast forward 13 years when Mr. E and I decided to get married I thought back on how much work my first wedding was and said no thanks! Even though it's his first he had the same opinion I did: DW - easy peasy - show up, lounge on the beach and get hitched. I have no regrets about my first wedding or marriage and only fond memories of it but truly, that experience of a big, traditional wedding as a whole, really will remain a "once in a lifetime" experience for me.

chibiyui · June 2014

If, god forbid, something happens and I marry a second time, I'm going to go the courthouse route. I have no regrets about the wedding we had, and am extremely grateful we did it.

But no fucking way would I do it again. Fuck that noise.

kerbohl · June 2014

I had a more simplistic wedding myself, but despite that there was a lot of stress, and I was second-guessing the whole wedding part. But the day itself was awesome, so I would say worth the trouble, but if I had a re-do, definitely different church.

dcaviston · June 2014

We're having a small, super casual wedding and my fiance and I have discussed eloping at least twice. It just the stress of budgeting and trying to plan a wedding and work full time while going to school as well. I guess time will tell what we actually do.

CMGragain · June 2014

I would never do that again! Eloping has its charms!

emmaaa · June 2014

Fi and I wanted a traditional wedding with our family and friends. honestly, our friends would be so disappointed if we didn't. Planning has been really easy for me for the most part...surprisingly. I'm just trying to take everything with stride and remember why we are having the wedding...to be MARRIED. We are so excited and ready for our wedding (granted, we still have 6 months to go) but there are days we look at each other and say, "Let's go get married now." We have considered eloping because we just are so excited to become husband and wife. However, we know we want a big ceremony...the waiting just sucks.

tammym1001 · June 2014

DH and I planned the exact wedding that we wanted. Other than some people who were upset that they weren't invited, we didn't have any drama. I would do it exactly the same all over again because it was perfect for us. We didn't let anyone influence any of our decisions though so there was no compromising what we wanted to make anybody else happy.

daria24 · June 2014

We had the wedding we wanted (a "traditional" reception, with about 100 people) and it was pretty stress-free. We are very fortunate to have very normal families who kept out of it. Our ceremony was perfect. I would not change a thing about it.

But having had that experience, if I did get married a second time, I would vote for the courthouse, or something simple like a ceremony in a park and dinner at a restaurant afterwards. I don't feel the need to go through the whole shindig again.

gmcr78 · June 2014

8 months later, and I'd do it all over again. We loved planning and had a lot of fun doing it. The wedding was by far the most fun wedding I've ever been to.

We keep getting compliments even now from people telling us it was the best wedding they've ever been to, and the most fun.
I loved it!

Nymeru · July 2014

Well, fingers crossed that everything will be wonderful the way I'd like. Even if everything comes out perfectly, if I had a re-do, I can't imagine going through all of this again. My mantra will be: simple and happy.

FiancB · July 2014

I asked myself the same thing. I just got married on Saturday though and I think it turned out perfectly. With that said, ours was not ginormous nor formal. We didn't get our panties in a twist over decorations or matchy WP or anything like that. We were talking to people that described our wedding as laid back and mellow, and that's what we were going for.

I learned that the venue and decorations and stuff like that didn't matter. The personal touches and hosting our guests did. I wanted the "cool" venue like a library or zoo and couldn't afford it, so we went with the cheapest country club we could find. I thought we would feel like we settled but it turned out great and beautiful and I'm glad we didn't pay the premium for the cool factor.

Eloping was very tempting at times but I am glad we had our friends and family there. My family was pretty awful to deal with and at times I wanted to disinvite them, but in the end I feel like I was the better person for inviting them and that was worth it to me.

In the end, either way you are married!

KeptInStitches · July 2014

I didn't want the formal affair in the first place, so having one has been a big compromise with my FI for me. I'm just trying to stay focused on marrying him and trying to not let everything else stress me out.

Bubblegum5586 · July 2014

I always knew I wanted a big wedding with lots of dancing! In the 8 years leading up to our wedding H and I have been to about 30 weddings, we always had so much fun at the big parties and danced the whole night away! I knew that is what I wanted for ours! We had a blast, we danced together (with friends and family) 90% of the night! The wedding planning had it's stressful times and drama, but overall we are so blessed with great friends and family it was a fun experience! I wouldn't have done it any other way (well except maybe spend less time/money on decor as no one really cares about that!)

Peaseblossom55 · July 2014

The whole planning process was pretty drama free for us, there were times it was overwhelming and stressful too. I wouldn't change what we did or how did it for the world!!! No regrets.

jenna8984 · July 2014

I actually ditched the big affair right before having it LOL. Neither FI or myself ever liked big, traditional weddings. The ones we attended we sat bored saying we hated the tradition and the large guest count. Once we got engaged, we kind of fell into pressures from parents and wedding industry. The whole "it's your only chance, so do this right and do it big". We booked the traditional wedding and had planned everything down to a T. Well we decided just under 3 months to the day that it was not true to who we were. It wasn't something we ever wanted, it wasn't something we'd regret not having, so why spend the money? We canceled it and now we are just doing the ceremony and fancy dinner in a restaurant private room with our immediate family and 2 friends each. I was not excited about it before at all, I was actually dreading it even though all the tough planning was done. Now I feel totally relaxed and excited and I can't wait for it! So I guess I did get my second chance/ redo lol.

ladybird29 · July 2014

We're about 8 weeks out and honestly, my FI and I have a countdown to the day after our wedding...that's how sick of it we are. It's expensive, stressful, and it takes away from what we're actually there to do which is get married. His side couldn't have cared less about us having any kind of wedding, but my side has turned it into an excuse for a giant family reunion out of state which is super annoying. We're also older (I'm 30, he's almost 35) so we're really ready to get on with our lives rather than flush thousands of dollars down the toilet for a day no one is going to think about when it's over. Why are we even doing it, you ask? Originally, we were told we wouldn't have to pay for anything, but once the real numbers started coming in that changed super fast. Lots of family pressure too from my side, etc. I'm with you though - sometimes I wonder if all the stress I feel constantly is going to get in the way of me even being able to enjoy the wedding itself.

...at least we've got our Honeymoon! That's another thing that keeps us going...

Cookie Pusher · July 2014

Having just had my wedding, I can honestly say that if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't. I never wanted the traditional wedding, but I agreed to it because DH really wanted it. My wedding was lovely, we had perfect weather, great food, tons of alcohol, a seat for every butt, people kept saying it was one of the best weddings they'd ever been to, and we had a great time bar-hopping afterwards with nearly a quarter of our guests... but it wasn't and won't ever be what I wanted. In the end, though, DH and I are married, and he was very happy with how things turned out.

chelcya · July 2014

I Got Married Last Summer. We Had A Lovely Wedding, But There Was So Many Politics With InviteS, Family Issues, Etc That Really Drag You Down. My 2 Best Friends We're My Bridesmaids And They Both Got Trashed Way Before The CeremonY And Caused A Scene, We Haven't Been Friends Since. I Also Got Disappointed With The Amount Of People Who Didn't Give Us A Card. I Know You Aren't Supposed To Expect Gifts, But I Think A $3 Card With A Handwritten Sentiment Is Deserved. Some People Exploit Large Weddings. Weddings Are Always What Ifs, The People Who Had One One Way,Think About What Would It Have Been To Have It Another Way. I Say, Stay True To You And Your Fiances Wishes And Means, That Is What And Who It Is Supposed To Be About.

ohannabelle · July 2014

Hmm.

melbenso · July 2014

I would totally do mine over again. In fact, if I made any change, I would invite more people (just a few). We had a decent sized wedding - not huge - but there were about 100 guests there who weren't a part of the wedding party. I had scaled down my invite list of old friends because there were so many of them (I probably cut about 30 people, if you include significant others), and in retrospect, I wish I had invited a few more. I was trying to keep within a strict budget, but I could have increased that budget just a bit. Having so many people we loved there with us is what really made it special.

This being said, I also had an amazing DOC - part of the venue's package - who made everything a million times easier on me. She handled all of the logistics and set up. Our biggest DIY was making a playlist because an awesome friend set up his professional quality speaker system for us as a wedding gift so that we didn't have to hire a DJ. (Thus we had the budget for a better open bar for everyone!) All in all, it was pretty low stress - with the exception of a few crazy hours right before the ceremony, thanks to MIL and DH's lack of inclination towards timeliness and my insistence that the wedding start on time. (It was an outdoor wedding and it was hot that day. I wasn't about to make my guests sit around in that heat for a moment longer than necessary.) But our photographer shifted around the order of pre-ceremony pictures on the fly and it all worked out.

We did a "big, traditional" wedding because DH wanted one - I was leaning towards a small, intimate ceremony with immediate family and a few close friends, a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant, and then a big honeymoon in Europe. I'm really glad he convinced me otherwise.

lovesclimbing · July 2014

I wish I could do mine over and just enjoy the process more. My mom did most of the planning for me and had to really push us to get stuff done. I also kind of wish I'd had the experience of trying on dresses, because I just ordered mine online.

But I was busy doing school, and I was stressed. I had pretty bad wedding anxiety, I was spacing out during the RD and I cried afterward from the stress and nervousness. Honestly, I was sort of having second-thoughts from time to time and occasionally worried I was getting married too soon during our engagement.

We're really happy and have been mostly since we got married (normal ups and downs), now, but I had a few second thoughts the first year of marriage regarding some differences that I wondered if they should have been deal-breakers for me and had a few downs when I felt I should have been happier.

Oh well.

Marzipan13 · July 2014

chelcya said:

I Got Married Last Summer. We Had A Lovely Wedding, But There Was So Many Politics With InviteS, Family Issues, Etc That Really Drag You Down. My 2 Best Friends We're My Bridesmaids And They Both Got Trashed Way Before The CeremonY And Caused A Scene, We Haven't Been Friends Since. I Also Got Disappointed With The Amount Of People Who Didn't Give Us A Card. I Know You Aren't Supposed To Expect Gifts, But I Think A $3 Card With A Handwritten Sentiment Is Deserved. Some People Exploit Large Weddings. Weddings Are Always What Ifs, The People Who Had One One Way,Think About What Would It Have Been To Have It Another Way. I Say, Stay True To You And Your Fiances Wishes And Means, That Is What And Who It Is Supposed To Be About.

...This paragraph intimidates me

Would you do your wedding all over again, or would you ditch the big affair?

Re: Would you do your wedding all over again, or would you ditch the big affair?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards