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Etiquette

Guest attire at bridal shower

theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
edited June 2014 in Etiquette
I need some help convincing my friend/bridesmaid that she's being ridiculous. 

My friend is getting more into sewing lately and has started making her own clothes. She messaged me the other day saying that she bought some robin's egg blue linen to make herself a dress to wear to my shower. Her husband suggested that it was rude to wear a shade so close to the wedding color (BM dresses are Alfred Sung "Fresh"), because I might want to wear it myself, and she wanted to ask my permission. I told her "I am wearing an aqua dress (Shoshanna "Judith" dress from RTR), so we might look like a two-headed aqua blob in pictures together if the shades are really close but otherwise... why would I care?" 

She did not seem convinced. Showed me the fabric the other day, and I assured her it was totally different than the color I was wearing (hers is far more blue), but even if it was exactly the same, she can wear whatever she wants. 

Last night, she said she was still concerned about the color, and that she's also worried she won't finish her dress in time or fit it properly but is worried what else she will have as a backup because her favorite dress is white lace overlaid onto aqua. I said "oh! yes! that dress is super cute on you." She said that it's rude to wear white to someone else's wedding shower. I told her she was ridiculous, that nobody will get confused, think she's the bride, and start giving her my presents. She's still worried people will side-eye her for it, even if I don't, and says I'm being "bridechilla" about it and overly accommodating and most people aren't that nice about things like this.  

So what say you, Knotties? Is she being ridiculous, or would you judge a guest wearing the wedding color and/or white to another person's shower?

Edited because TK ate my paragraphs.

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Re: Guest attire at bridal shower

  • I wouldn't judge anyone for wearing the wedding color. And I wouldn't normally judge someone for wearing white, either, though I may think "huh, that's a little odd" if it was an entirely white dress.  I guess I just wouldn't do that. I know there is no logical reason why I wouldn't and there really is no reason why someone can't wear white any time they want, but still.... I wouldn't wear a completely white outfit to any wedding event unless I was the bride.  

    And if I was in a really judgey/ waspish/ jerky mood, maybe it would be more than a "huh, that's a little odd" and more of a "can't believe she did that!" inner monologue moment if someone else did. 

    But a white overlay on top of a color? Would not bat an eyelash. 
    theartistformerlyknownas
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
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    Second from the left is the dress, faces cropped out for privacy. It photographs a bit more white than it actually is - in person you see more of the aqua.

    We are pretty close to the same size and I told her she was welcome to borrow whatever she wanted.

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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    I think your friend is being ridiculous.

    theartistformerlyknownasMandyMost
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    oh, FFS. Who cares?!

    It is nice of her to care, but people look way too much into this!
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    theartistformerlyknownasPrettyGirlLost
  • My new favorite word..."bridechilla" :)
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I don't think it matters who wears what at a bridal shower...unless one of the guests wears a big white gown with a veil.  That would look weird.

    It sounds like your friend is concerned about something unimportant.  I'd tell her, "That's a lovely dress and as far as I'm concerned, you're good to go if you wear it to the shower."
    sarahuflPrettyGirlLost
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
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    JFC


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
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    AddieCake said:
    JFC


    Right?! I felt like I was arguing til I was blue in the face that this is NOT A THING to be worried about, but she kept saying that "other people think it's rude." Well, obviously not. Or if they do, THEY are the rude ones for judging something SO STUPID. She wouldn't just let it go and wear anything else though, so we just kept going 'round in circles. It was rather frustrating. So I will be telling her that the internet has spoken and to let it gooooooooooooo.

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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2014


    AddieCake said:

    JFC



    Right?! I felt like I was arguing til I was blue in the face that this is NOT A THING to be worried about, but she kept saying that "other people think it's rude." Well, obviously not. Or if they do, THEY are the rude ones for judging something SO STUPID. She wouldn't just let it go and wear anything else though, so we just kept going 'round in circles. It was rather frustrating. So I will be telling her that the internet has spoken and to let it gooooooooooooo.

    I have no problem with either of the dresses, but I think I would be really frustrated with my friend. If she is that concerned about it, pick something else.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    This is a thing to worry about? I think I wore one of the wedding colors to my friend's shower.

    Hold on, looking for photos on FB to confirm. Yep, sure as shit, I wore a green and black dress, her colors were red and green. I'm gonna text her and ask if she gave a shit, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't remember what she wore to her shower, let alone what I wore to my shower.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
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    MagicInk said:
    This is a thing to worry about? I think I wore one of the wedding colors to my friend's shower.

    Hold on, looking for photos on FB to confirm. Yep, sure as shit, I wore a green and black dress, her colors were red and green. I'm gonna text her and ask if she gave a shit, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't remember what she wore to her shower, let alone what I wore to my shower.
    Seriously. I said I'd appreciate if she didn't wear her own wedding dress, and wouldn't recommend wearing the bridesmaid dress before the wedding. Besides that... just put some freakin' clothes on! That's it! Just clothes! I require clothes!

    This BM has also insisted I be more specific with a shoe choice (nude) and when I didn't, coordinated with the others to all wear closed-toe, patent leather pumps. Wants me to tell her whether to grow out or trim her bangs before the wedding. How long to grow her hair. Whether I want it up or down. Light or dark. She said I've given her surprisingly and unnervingly little direction. 

    Damn bridezillas have turned women into sheep who are incapable of dressing themselves anymore.

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    [Deleted User]
  • I think your friend is worrying a bit too much about all of this. I can see where she is coming from - as in, didn't want to wear the exact color as you, wanted to reserve white for you - which is kind of sweet. But after she mentioned it and you said you didn't care - she should just let it go.

    So, she's trying to please you, but just being really annoying about it.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I need some help convincing my friend/bridesmaid that she's being ridiculous. 

    My friend is getting more into sewing lately and has started making her own clothes. She messaged me the other day saying that she bought some robin's egg blue linen to make herself a dress to wear to my shower. Her husband suggested that it was rude to wear a shade so close to the wedding color (BM dresses are Alfred Sung "Fresh"), because I might want to wear it myself, and she wanted to ask my permission. I told her "I am wearing an aqua dress (Shoshanna "Judith" dress from RTR), so we might look like a two-headed aqua blob in pictures together if the shades are really close but otherwise... why would I care?" 

    She did not seem convinced. Showed me the fabric the other day, and I assured her it was totally different than the color I was wearing (hers is far more blue), but even if it was exactly the same, she can wear whatever she wants. 

    Last night, she said she was still concerned about the color, and that she's also worried she won't finish her dress in time or fit it properly but is worried what else she will have as a backup because her favorite dress is white lace overlaid onto aqua. I said "oh! yes! that dress is super cute on you." She said that it's rude to wear white to someone else's wedding shower. I told her she was ridiculous, that nobody will get confused, think she's the bride, and start giving her my presents. She's still worried people will side-eye her for it, even if I don't, and says I'm being "bridechilla" about it and overly accommodating and most people aren't that nice about things like this.  

    So what say you, Knotties? Is she being ridiculous, or would you judge a guest wearing the wedding color and/or white to another person's shower?

    Edited because TK ate my paragraphs.
    Oh FFS, she is being ridiculous.  No one is going to mistake her for you, the bride and guest of honor, just because you are wearing the same or similar colored dress, and start giving her your gifts. . . no matter what color she is wearing!  This wouldn't happen even if everyone wore white.

    If ppl have issues distinguishing between you both, then perhaps they have a neurological condition that causes them issues with facial recognition ;-)

    These judey "fashion rules" are really getting out of hand.  Yeesh.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    sarahufl said:
    oh, FFS. Who cares?!

    It is nice of her to care, but people women look way too much into this!
    FIFY.  And I don't get why, either.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited June 2014
    Would anyone seriously even notice if a guest at a shower was in a wedding color? Will everyone even KNOW the wedding colors? This is a new level of ridiculous. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    manillabarperdonami
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    I side eye a lot... a lot and I don't think there's anything wrong with her dress. Plus, I think white at showers on the bride is obnoxious. 
    Lol, why?  No one else can wear white to a wedding except the bride, else they get side- eyed, but yet the bride can't wear white to a shower. . . and I presume the RD either?

    I'm not picking on you @RebeccaFlower, I'm just curious as to what your thought process is.  Do you think it's too in your face, I'm the Bride, rawr?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
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    I'm with RebeccaFlower on the brides in white at their parties thing. And I shouldn't be b/c I realize it does make me a hypocrite considering my staunch stance on guests wearing whatever the hell they want. Fuck. Damn you and your logic, PGL.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
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    Bridechilla?

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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    AddieCake said:
    I'm with RebeccaFlower on the brides in white at their parties thing. And I shouldn't be b/c I realize it does make me a hypocrite considering my staunch stance on guests wearing whatever the hell they want. Fuck. Damn you and your logic, PGL.
    No, no, I'm just trying to understand why you guys feel the way you do!  Maybe you have a very logical reason, I don't know.  I'm not trying to give you guys shit and side eye you, lol.

    I'm trying to think, but I don't think most of the brides at the showers I have been to have actually worn white. . .maybe one or two?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    AddieCake said:
    Would anyone seriously even notice if a guest at a shower was in a wedding color? Will everyone even KNOW the wedding colors? This is a new level of ridiculous. 
    Shit as a shower guest I don't think I ever knew the wedding colors of anyone unless I was in the bridal party.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • @PrettyLost Girl It's okay, sometimes logic isn't always on my side, it's just how I feel. I just think this weird need to wear white is AW. I think it's another shitty Pinterest idea. 

    Exhibit A: Bride buys a dress online for her March shower since she really wants to wear white. White is out of season and she looked weird in a summer-y dress when it was basically snowing. She made a big deal about it, so I thought it was stupid. This bride also wore white to her rehearsal. 

    I think if you're having a shower in July and you happen to have a white dress, whatever. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
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    @PrettyLost Girl It's okay, sometimes logic isn't always on my side, it's just how I feel. I just think this weird need to wear white is AW. I think it's another shitty Pinterest idea. 

    Exhibit A: Bride buys a dress online for her March shower since she really wants to wear white. White is out of season and she looked weird in a summer-y dress when it was basically snowing. She made a big deal about it, so I thought it was stupid. This bride also wore white to her rehearsal. 

    I think if you're having a shower in July and you happen to have a white dress, whatever. 
    I agree with the whole wearing white to pre-wedding parties is just weird.  I mean I get wearing a big white gown at your wedding because some women have dreamed of that since they were little (count me as one of them) but I have never heard a woman say that she has dreamed of wearing white to every pre-wedding party. Yes, we know you are the bride so why the need for white?

    I really didn't know that women worried about what they wore as a guest to a shower?  I know that I sure didn't and I really didn't give a shit what people wore to mine.

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @PrettyLost Girl It's okay, sometimes logic isn't always on my side, it's just how I feel. I just think this weird need to wear white is AW. I think it's another shitty Pinterest idea. 

    Exhibit A: Bride buys a dress online for her March shower since she really wants to wear white. White is out of season and she looked weird in a summer-y dress when it was basically snowing. She made a big deal about it, so I thought it was stupid. This bride also wore white to her rehearsal. 

    I think if you're having a shower in July and you happen to have a white dress, whatever. 
    Actually white in the winter is a pretty hot trend. . . at least it was last year, lol.

    I'd think that a summer-style dress would look out of place at a winter event though.

    I dunno, I don't tend to read too much into what ppl are wearing nor think particular colors are necessarily AWish, except for wearing fire engine red at a funeral!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
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    edited July 2014
    sarahufl said:
    oh, FFS. Who cares?!

    It is nice of her to care, but people women look way too much into this!
    FIFY.  And I don't get why, either.
    The thing is though, it's not women in this case. Her husband was the first one who told her she shouldn't wear the wedding color or something close to it, because I might want to wear it. (ETA - I'm only wearing it because it's my favorite color, not because I think I "should" wear a wedding color to my shower. I just also happened to have chosen my favorite color as a wedding color.)

    This is all just truly baffling. I never gave a single thought to what people might wear to my shower.

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    PrettyGirlLost
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I think some people have too much time on their hands to over-think things.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    theartistformerlyknownasPrettyGirlLostMaggie0829perdonami
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
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    So I got a response from my friend, apparently she did notice and did remember I wore green. Because the other MOH wore a red and black dress, so the my friend thought we had done it on purpose and that it was cute we were both wearing the wedding colors.
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    theartistformerlyknownasPrettyGirlLostrajahmd[Deleted User]
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