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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Salgado745
member
Groom doesn't like me having a silly father-daughter dance
Both of my fiancé's parents are deceased but he likes the idea of dancing the Mother-Son dance with his sisters. We saw it at another wedding and it was really touching. Both of my parents are alive and I will be dancing the Father-Daughter dance with my dad. The thing is that after some thought, I asked my dad randomly if he'd be interested in turning the traditional Father-Daughter dance into a surprise, silly dance and he agreed! I shouldn't have been surprised because my dad can be goofy at times. Anyway, I mentioned it to my fiancé what I was thinking and he was less than enthused. He didn't say he didn't want me to do it but made a few comments about how me dancing with my dad in a funny dance will only remind him that he doesn't have his own mom to do that with. He also added that our wedding day will be very emotional for him without his parents and our silly dance will not help. I'm totally bummed because my dad and I were very excited about this AND I actually felt that by doing this, it might make him laugh and add some silliness to our party. Am I being inconsiderate for wanting this???
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Re: Groom doesn't like me having a silly father-daughter dance
I'm not really understanding at all why the "silly" dance will bother him more than a more traditional dance. I'm almost wondering if he just doesn't like the funny/silly dance trend and is using this as an excuse. I mean, he could do a silly dance with his sister. I'm just not understanding the difference.
My father is passed away also and I VERY specifically did not want any of those parent dances at my wedding because of it. I literally go to the restroom to "powder my nose" during those dances at other people's weddings because I find them upsetting (not saying they are bad to do). So, I could understand if he didn't want them at all. But that apparently is not the issue, since he likes the idea of having a dance with his sister.
In fact, it seems like the "funny" dances are much more commonly done with fathers/daughters anyway than mother/sons. At the same time, even if we don't understand it, if for whatever reason he does think it will be more upsetting for him, than I would forego the silly dance. Is it possible he would be okay with a compromise...like the majority of the dance is traditional and then there is a silly/funny routine at the end for the last few bars?
Thanks ladies, you're all awesome.
That's what I was thinking - that the silly dances are usually with the Father and Daughter so I didn't think it would be an issue. In addition, he's not much of dancer and if his mother were alive, I doubt he'd be into doing a surprise dance with her but that's just my opinion. I'll probably talk to him again about it. Good thing I asked him because I almost decided on not telling him and making it a surprise for him!
No, you're right - I really do want to do it to share something special with my dad and in my circles, we haven't seen these silly dances done. One reason is to make my fiancé smile but other reasons include to make everybody smile and laugh too and bring a little silliness to the party. I also think my dad would enjoy it as much as I do and even my mom got excited when I told her.
But I don't want to be inconsiderate and I didn't think I was...but like many have said here, I don't understand what the issue is. So I'm looking for opinions especially from people who may relate a bit. I am sorry to hear your parents have passed.
Maybe you can come to a compromise? Like do the traditional dance when he does his with his sister and then do a silly dance after? Or maybe get your fiance involved with the silly dance? Hey, would your mom be into it? I don't know, I just think you should explore all options. While you don't know why it will upset him, he's flat out told you it will. Surely there is some middle ground out there that will make you both smile.
I was recently at a wedding where the groom did a traditional slow dance with his mother figure, and the bride did a silly dance with her stepfather. It was great. It wasn't like one was better than the other, they were just different because their families are different.
While it is very sad and tragic that neither of his parents are alive to be there with him on his wedding day, that doesn't change the fact that your parents are in fact alive, and I don't think your FI's anticipated emotional state should trump you doing a spotlight dance with your father.
It may sound harsh, but as an adult I think he should work on coming to terms with the loss of his parents and perhaps seek out a counselor to help him prepare himself for the sadness and grief he is likely going to experience on what should otherwise be a happy milestone for him. He is going to have a lot of mixed emotions on your wedding day and I think a bit of professional help could help him work through those mixed feelings before the big day and help him figure out how to manage them so that he can enjoy himself.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Sorry, but I don't agree that she should completely forgo the father-daughter dance. I think she should talk to her FI and let him know that this dance is important to she and her father, and if the issue is that they are going to have a goofy, jovial dance, then maybe she and her FI can compromise and she can have the usual, serious dance with her father.
If the issue is that her FI thinks he will be so upset if the OP dances with her father at all, then I think he needs to figure out how he can cope with the situation for the duration of the dance.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
It might be her spotlight dance, but he said it would upset him. While, yeah, this might be something he should be discussing in therapy sessions, his wedding probably isn't the best place to test the waters.
Keep the idea in the back of your head, but if you get really close to the wedding and it's something that's still bothering him, I wouldn't do it.